Reluctant Desire

by Leah Brooke

  “Sounds like.”

  When the wind kicked up, she dug her scarf out of her pocket, uncomfortably aware of the lengthening silence. Warmed by the hand he kept at her back, she looked up at him, her breath catching at the surge of love she felt for him.

  Sometimes it threatened to choke her.

  She wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with him, and kept hoping he would change. “Beau, we’re too different. We’re total opposites. You never take anything seriously.” What scared her the most was that he wouldn’t take their marriage seriously.

  “Of course I do, but you take things far too seriously. Life is to be enjoyed. You don’t take enough time to enjoy yourself.”

  “We don’t all have inheritances to live off of.”

  Beau gripped her arm, bringing her to a stop, his expression hard. “Is that what this is all about? You think that I’ll blow all my money and won’t be able to support you?”

  Charity tried to shake off his hold, but couldn’t. Looking around to make sure no one could see them, she lowered her voice to a whisper. “Don’t be ridiculous. I just want a man who’s steady.”

  The incredulous look in Beau’s eyes made her feel like an idiot. “And you think I’m not?”

  Charity fisted her hands in her pockets, looking straight ahead. “You like to play. You wouldn’t want the responsibility of a wife.”

  Beau continued down the sidewalk, his arm flat against her lower back. “Don’t presume to tell me what I want.”

  Chilled by his cold flat tone, Charity shivered. “It would never work between us.”

  “It has so far.”

  “That’s because I’m always in your world. You’d never make it in mine.”

  “I wouldn’t want to live in a world of all work and no play. Dull. And you don’t know my world. You’ve never tried to. All you want from me is to be in my bed.”

  Charity shivered again, more from nerves than from the cold. “I thought that’s what you wanted. You’ve always been anxious to get me there.”

  Beau’s smile seemed full of self-recrimination, but it could have been the trick of the light. “Touché.”

  Since the subject had come up, she couldn’t stop herself from asking a question that had plagued her for months. “Do you think I’m dull?”

  Beau grinned, a flash of white in the near darkness, but she had a feeling he wasn’t amused. “That question proves to me that you don’t know me at all.”

  Charity shook her head, glancing around for any sign of the town sheriff, Ace, who also happened to be her overprotective brother-in-law. “See, always jokes with you. You can never be serious.”

  Pulling her to his side, he hugged her. “I’m very serious about marrying you, chéri. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. I can take care of you, Charity. I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Beau. But I want more. I want children. Not yet, but one day.” Terrified that the differences between them would become more apparent, and cause more tension every day, she fought to resist him.

  “And you don’t think I’ll be a good father?”

  Charity blew out a breath, frustrated and too tired and shaky to deal with this subject. “I think you’d be a fun father. Don’t forget. Hope and I have three fathers and they’ve always worked their fingers to the bone. They’ve always been there for us, but it hasn’t been easy. I can only imagine what it would be like for one man.”

  She paused as they reached the diner her parents owned, and where her mother and three fathers worked every day. The diner was closed now, but they’d be there about four thirty to get started on breakfast the next day.

  She started walking again, trying not to imagine what it would be like to be married to a man like Beau. There would be lots of laughter and loving.

  But she couldn’t help but wonder if he would really love her once the initial excitement was gone. The honeymoon couldn’t last forever, and when real life trickled in again, he’d ignore problems and she’d worry them to death. They’d fight, and he’d quickly become bored with her.

  She could almost see it play out.

  She started up the steps to her apartment, feeling much older than twenty-three.

  Beau’s voice came from directly behind her. “I understand that you were raised with three fathers, Charity, but I’m perfectly capable of taking care of you, and our children.”

  She unlocked the door to the apartment and opened it. As always, she’d left a low light on. Turning, she placed a hand on his chest.

  “Beau—”

  Shaking his head, Beau ran a hand down her arm. “Never mind. It’s late, and you’re exhausted.”

  Bending, he kissed her, brushing her hair back from her face. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.”

  He pushed her inside and closed the door. “Lock it, Charity.”

  Charity locked the door and leaned back again it, so worn out that even the thought of getting ready for bed seemed insurmountable. She was exhausted, but she doubted sleep would come easy tonight.

  She didn’t know what to do.

  She was too scared to marry him—too afraid that he wouldn’t be there when she needed him. Too scared that he’d quickly become bored with the idea of marriage.

  But, she loved him far too much to walk away.

  Fisting a hand over her stomach, she dropped her head back against the door and blinked back tears.

  She needed more time to think it through. She’d never been the type to rush into things the way Beau did.

  She couldn’t make such an important decision about her future without knowing if they could deal with the huge differences between them.

  She wanted things to stay the same until they could figure it out.

  She needed time, and she had a feeling that time had run out.

  What could she do?

  If she walked away, she’d always wonder.

  If she married him, she’d always be waiting for him to walk away.

  Either way, she faced a hurt that would change her forever.

  And there wasn’t a damned thing she could do about it.

  Chapter Two

  Frustrated with himself, and with Charity, Beau emerged from the alley next to the diner, unsurprised to find Ace Tyler parked at the curb, apparently waiting for him.

  Opening the door to the SUV emblazoned with the sheriff’s logo, Beau got in, closing the door behind him, wincing when he realized he’d slammed it.

  “Cold out tonight.” Beau glanced at Ace as he put his hands in front of the vents to warm them, ignoring his friend’s searching look.

  After a pause long enough to indicate that he knew something was wrong, Ace put the SUV in gear. “Yep. I got a report that the blizzard’s supposed to get here earlier than expected. Everybody who has a plow has already hooked it up to the front of their trucks and is on standby.”

  Ace grinned. “I’m glad that fundraiser we had made enough money to buy one of the big plows.”

  Beau chuckled. “Do you think anyone ever figured out that the money for that went into the town coffers, and you, your brothers, the Ericksons, and I bought it?”

  Ace shrugged. “They can suspect all they want, but they can’t prove a thing. Jesse and Hope don’t even know about it.” Turning his head, he lifted a brow. “You didn’t tell Charity, did you?”

  Beau’s stomach knotted. “A series of one-night stands doesn’t make us a couple.”

  Ace stopped at a stop sign before turning the corner. “If I thought you were having one-night stands with my sister-in-law, I would have kicked your ass by now.”

  Looking out the windows, Beau avoided Ace’s scrutiny and scanned the deserted street, his attention sharpening when they slowed as they passed the bar. “I’m just damned glad that someone knows how to drive the damned snowplow. Boone and Chase’s new partners, the Madisons, sound like they know what they’re doing. They’re gonna have to teach us so we can take turns.”

  Ace le
aned forward, checking out the parking lot next to the bar. “Yep.”

  Beau sat back as they pulled away. “I didn’t hear the weather tonight. I’ll get my plow hooked up in the morning.”

  Ace glanced at him, and looked away, probably seeing more in one short glance than most people did by staring. “Suppose you were busy tonight.”

  Beau clenched his fists, frustrated at how the evening had ended. “Yeah. She was late. Stayed and worked on some stuff for the Grand Reopening.” He should have been home in bed with a naked Charity in his arms. Instead, he was out on a cold night and restless. Glancing at Ace, he waved his hand. “Don’t take me home. I’ll ride with you a bit if you don’t mind.”

  Ace shrugged, his expression never changing. The sheriff had always been hard to read, but Beau knew his friend well.

  Ace could be like a dog with a bone while interrogating a suspect, but with friends, he waited them out.

  The end result always seemed to be the same. Desire’s sheriff always found out what he wanted to know.

  Amused, despite his bad temper, Beau leaned back and sighed. “You’re a fucking workaholic like Charity. Hope works, but makes time to play. She makes you play. How the hell do you work that out?”

  Glancing at him, Ace shrugged again. “It’s never really been an issue. Charity turn you down again?”

  “Yes. Came right out and flat out asked her this time instead of working around it so I didn’t scare her off.” Beau blew out a breath, but the knots in his stomach didn’t seem to be easing. “Says I like to play too much, and would just be bored with being a husband and father.”

  Ace frowned. “You still haven’t told her the whole story, have you?”

  Beau bristled. “She doesn’t ask about things, and I sure as hell don’t think I have to prove myself to her. Is it so wrong to want her to believe me? Christ, it pisses me off when she lectures me as if I was ten years old and not getting my chores done.”

  Ace glanced at him as they turned the corner. “Despite all the crap these women spew about taking care of themselves, a woman needs to know her man will be there for her when she needs him.”

  Once he turned the corner, he glanced at Beau again. “Tell her everything, Beau.”

  Beau shrugged again. “We’ll see. We’re going to talk this weekend. I’m going to see how it goes.” Meeting Ace’s look, he frowned. “Don’t give me that look. She’ll know everything before I marry her, but I’m not about to dump my issues on her. She’s got enough on her plate.”

  Ace laughed softly. “Your accent is more pronounced when you get pissed off.”

  “Kiss my ass, Sheriff.” Blowing out a breath, he grinned at Ace’s laughter, and shook his head. “Does Hope know what an ass you are?”

  Ace chuckled. “She must. She calls me one often enough, usually when she’s not getting her way.”

  “Smart girl.”

  Ace raised a brow. “I think so. She married me. She’s stubborn, though, and spoiled. She knows how I am, and still tries to get around me.”

  Beau laughed, some of his tension easing. “She can’t help it. Both of them have always been headstrong.”

  “Their daddies should have turned them over their knees once in a while. If they had, I wouldn’t have to spank Hope so often now.” The laughter and possessiveness in Ace’s tone told Beau his friend didn’t mind disciplining his wife a bit.

  Beau couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing. “Yeah, it’s their daddies’ fault. That has nothing to do with it. You spank Hope because she goads you into it, and you enjoy every minute of it.”

  Ace smiled, saying nothing.

  Wishing he had the same closeness with Charity, Beau made himself more comfortable, enjoying the quiet as they drove down the streets of Desire. As they passed his store, he reminded himself that he’d have to check on some things earlier than he had planned. “I’m going to go check out the warehouse tomorrow morning, but I’ll be back. You need help with anything in getting ready for the storm?”

  “And to check on Anna?”

  Beau’s stomach knotted. “Yeah. Jeffrey probably hasn’t given a thought to the blizzard. Fucking asshole.” He took a deep breath and blew it out, hoping to loosen some of the tension inside him. “So what do you need help with?”

  Ace’s smile fell, and in a blink of an eye, he was all business. “I’m probably going to need some help if we get cars stuck in this. Dillon and Ryder aren’t going to be able to do it all alone.”

  Beau nodded, thinking of his friends who owned the town’s only garage and gas station, and how busy they’d be out towing once the storm started. “Hopefully, everyone will be smart enough to stay off the road.”

  Ace grimaced. “You never know. With all the new stores, traffic’s been increasing, especially on the weekend. It seems like we’re seeing new people in town every day. Our small town’s growing.” His face hardened. “It just better stay peaceful. Troublemakers piss me off.”

  Beau couldn’t help but smile. The men in Desire were very protective of their women, and didn’t want them bothered by ridicule. Ménage relationships were prevalent in town. Many men who lived here also liked to dominate their women, and it infuriated them when assholes from out of town came to Desire thinking that the women were fair game.

  Troublemakers in Desire got thrown out of town, by word, and if that didn’t work, by deed. Beau had even done it himself a few times, but no one outshone Ace when it came to getting rid of trouble.

  “I heard you’d got the funding for some new men. Any candidates?”

  “Yeah. Met with them a couple of weeks ago. Good men. Best friends since they met in the service. They’ll be here in another month or so.”

  Beau stiffened, something in Ace’s tone alerting him. “Problem? If they have issues with the way we live around here—”

  Glancing at him, Ace shook his head. “No, it’s not that at all. It’ll be hard for them, but not in the way you think.” Blowing out a breath, he waited until he turned another corner before glancing at Beau again. “Look, Beau, we’re close enough to being brothers-in-law for me to know that I can confide in you. Their business is their business, but they’re hard. Cold. I don’t want people here to think they disapprove. In fact, the opposite is true. They shared a woman.”

  Beau blinked. “That’s good. Are they bringing her with them?”

  “No.” Ace’s jaw clenched in anger, his eyes going hard. “They sound like they really loved her. They apparently liked the arrangement they had, at least for a while. She couldn’t live with the disapproval. The names. The looks. They tried to keep it a secret for her sake, and they were all miserable. She went out one night and got drunk and drove off a bridge.”

  Beau’s stomach did a nosedive. “Jesus.”

  “Yeah.” Ace stopped at a stop sign and turned to him. “They mentioned it, but didn’t go into details. I found it when I did a background check. I read the police report. It appears they don’t know if it was an accident or suicide. Finally settled on accident, but if I was in their shoes, I would always wonder.”

  Shaking his head, Beau cursed. He couldn’t even imagine the pain they must have gone through. “I don’t know how they got through it.”

  Ace hit the gas again. “Like I said. They’re hard. Cold. Said they wish they’d known about Desire a long time ago. They seem like the type of men who’d do anything to keep that kind of thing from happening here. Just the kind of men I was looking for, don’t you think? They’re sure as hell not going to pass judgment here, and I don’t think they’d have any patience for anyone causing trouble for the women here.”

  Pleased that Ace seemed to have the perfect candidates for more deputies, Beau smiled. “I didn’t doubt you for a minute.” They drove for a few minutes in silence, going past the bar again. “I’m sure you’ll be glad to have more nights off. I doubt that Hope likes sleeping alone.”

  Ace grinned. “I make it up to her. She suspects, you know.”

  Be
au shrugged, knowing that Ace was talking about his relationship with Charity. “Does she? I don’t care. I’m getting sick and tired of sneaking around. It’s starting to piss me off.”

  Ace inclined his head. “I can imagine. I’m a little surprised you’ve put up with it this long. I figured we would have been related by now.”

  Beau laughed humorlessly. “Your wife has a very different temperament than her sister. Charity’s too serious and doesn’t appreciate my efforts to get her to relax and have some fun.”

  A few minutes later, Ace pulled into Beau’s driveway. Shifting into park, he turned to Beau. “Charity loves you.”

  “I know.” Beau sighed and rubbed his stomach where the knot began to form again. “That’s not the problem. She fights my efforts to get her to relax, and thinks that life is nothing but a series of fun and games to me, but as soon as I bring up anything serious or start talking about a future, it scares her off. I want to take care of her. She looks so damned tired.”

  “Yeah. Both of them have been busting their asses to get the club open again, but Charity wasn’t ready to go when Hope left today. My wife called her sister a damned machine.” Ace smiled, his affection for his wife’s sister apparent. “Said she was on the phone arguing with some poor unsuspecting salesman earlier.”

  Beau chuckled, imagining her pacing back and forth in front of her desk as she chewed someone a new asshole. “I’ve been on the receiving end of that enough times to feel sorry for him.”

  Reaching for his door handle, Beau paused. “I’ve gotta do something. We can’t go on like this anymore. I’m sick of the charade. I’ll tell her everything tomorrow when she leaves that damned club. You’re going to be best man at the wedding, aren’t you?”

  “Wouldn’t miss it. Good luck.”

  Beau watched Ace drive away, knowing luck wouldn’t have anything to do with it.

  He’d explain about his childhood, and his family, and hope it would make a difference.

  No matter what it took, Beau wanted Charity in his life, and he wanted the world to know it.