Trials 04 Shadow's Trial

by Terri Zavaleta

  Without waiting for a response, he went on. "Our primary goal is to

  develop a plan of action that will enable us to facilitate Malista's

  integration into the gestalt of---"

  "What?" Tom asked. "Doc, do you think we can skip the lecture? We all

  know what the problem is." He kept his eyes focused on the EMH.

  "I think Paris---Tom---is right, Doctor. Let's just get right to the

  point," Chakotay said. His eyes were also fixed on the holodoctor.

  "What do we need to do to help Malista? Have you defined the problem

  and come up with a course of treatment?"

  The doctor frowned. This was not going as he'd planned. He'd made

  copious notes to prepare for this conference and these two had already

  derailed his presentation. "The problem should be defined---"

  Tom cleared his throat. "We already know the problem. Malista was

  raped by the Cardassians five years ago and abandoned by her family as

  a result. Now she's stuck in the Delta Quadrant. Doesn't that sum it

  up pretty well?"

  "That is an oversimplification," the doctor protested.

  "I'd like to keep it as simple as possible, Doctor," Chakotay

  suggested firmly. "Neither Tom nor I are professional counselors or

  psychologists. We'd like to hear your recommendations in layman's

  terms. If you can handle that?"

  The doctor was miffed. "Of course I can handle that," he sniffed. He

  fiddled with his padd, trying to condense a meticulously prepared four

  hour lecture into succinct layman's terms that would be comprehensible

  to these---amateurs.

  For the first time since Paris had entered, the lieutenant and the

  commander looked directly at each other. The blue eyes glinted with a

  hint of unholy glee at the first officer's cooperation in flustering

  the EMH---something Tom alone had not been able to do with any great

  success in three years. The brown eyes met his with a deadpan

  expression that gave nothing away, but Paris somehow knew nevertheless

  that Chakotay shared his amusement. Just for that moment, it put the

  two of them on the same side.

  Paris felt the tautness at the base of his skull ease somewhat. Maybe

  this wouldn't be so bad after all? He snapped back to attention as the

  doctor finally began to speak once more.

  "In my opinion, the physical and psychological effects of the initial

  trauma have been dealt with," the doctor announced. "Malista has moved

  past the fear of intimacy on a physical level---at least with certain

  individuals."

  "Can you give us an example, Doctor?" the first officer inquired

  ingratiatingly. "We don't have your expertise and training."

  Paris almost choked on a laugh at the smooth line of snake oil the

  commander was laying on to soothe the EMH's hurt feelings. It seemed

  that Tom was not the only officer to have an occasional memory lapse

  concerning the true nature of the doctor. If he was only a computer

  program, then there were no feelings involved. If he was more than a

  program, and Tom was beginning to agree with Malista's theory that he

  was, then the balm Chakotay was expending would improve the medico's

  morale and ensure his cooperation.

  The first officer shot a quelling, but not hostile, glance at the

  pilot. Tom subsided and went into listening mode, his arms folded

  loosely across his chest as he lounged back in his chair.

  The doctor's eyes lifted from his datapadd. "She has evidenced---" He

  seemed to make a further effort and slipped into more informal

  language. "She no longer has a general fear of being touched. I have

  made a point of observing her interactions with other crewmembers,

  particularly Mr. Paris and Mr. Kim. And in addition to allowing them

  to touch her and occasionally initiating physical contact with them,

  she kissed me," he added.

  "She kissed you?" Chakotay seemed mildly surprised, eyebrows rising.

  "On the cheek," the EMH clarified and hastened to add, "There was

  nothing improper---"

  "Of course not, Doctor," Tom interrupted hastily, doing his best to

  suppress a snort of laughter. "That would be unethical between a

  doctor and patient."

  The doctor flung a poisonous look at the pilot and returned to the

  topic of conversation. "Malista's problem is no longer physical. It is

  social and emotional. Her background and life experiences have not

  prepared her for life in a closed society such as we have developed

  here on Voyager. As a coping mechanism, she has compartmentalized her

  life to a certain degree and functions very well within the parameters

  of her duty assignments. It is when she is outside the chain of

  command that she fails to understand her role."

  "I've noticed that," Chakotay commented. "When we discovered she was

  working double shifts, the captain and I ordered her to socialize more

  with the crew. We thought that would help her feel that she fit in

  here. Unfortunately---"

  "She didn't know how," Tom finished. "I don't understand how she got

  to this point, Doc. I mean she's twenty-four years old. How can she

  not know the simplest things about how to get along with other

  people?"

  The doctor was pleased the two men were ready to listen to him and it

  showed in his smug expression. "Malista was the only daughter of a

  large family. She had five brothers and evidently her father was a

  very authoritarian, controlling person. Malista never attended public

  schools. She and her brothers were home schooled on the family farm by

  correspondence course which also accounts for a lack of social

  development. From what she told me in the interviews I conducted with

  her after her suicide attempt, she was never allowed to make an

  important decision for herself. They were all made for her. Any

  attempt to make her own decisions was dismissed and her opinions

  belittled. The outcome was that she learned to rely on others for

  guidance and fails to trust her own judgment. Her family seems to have

  smothered every attempt at achieving independence under the guise of

  keeping her safe from harm. I suspect there was another trauma that

  occurred in her childhood that might account for the zealous

  over-protectiveness she ascribed to her family, but she has been

  unwilling to discuss her background any further."

  "So you're saying her family controlled her until she joined the

  Maquis? And then her friends and the leadership in the Maquis

  controlled her?" Chakotay summarized. "And after she was raped and her

  family made it clear she couldn't come home, Niko Dishon took

  over---until he was killed. And now she has no one in control? And she

  doesn't know how to deal with the unaccustomed freedom?"

  The doctor nodded. "Basically, everyone Malista has ever been close to

  has either been a Protector or a User---her terms, not mine. The

  Protector tells her what to do and nurtures her, setting limits on her

  behavior that make her feel secure and protecting her from others

  outside the relationship. The User makes demands on her to fulfill a

  certain role, which is also another way of setting limits, but gives

  her va
lue. She is needed and valued for what she can do well. Mr.

  Dishon acted as a facilitator for the chain of command on Voyager and

  evidently combined the two roles. She knows how to deal only with

  those roles on an interpersonal level. There has never been any middle

  ground. Malista refuses to interact with anyone who doesn't fit those

  roles. She withdraws or tries to ignore their existence."

  "Whoa, Doc!" Paris growled. "Are you saying she's never had friends?

  Never had anyone who *didn't* tell her what to do? I'm sorry, but I

  don't think so. She's not---"

  "Mr. Paris," the EMH interjected, "you didn't let me finish. As I

  said, Malista has compartmentalized her life in an effort to allow

  herself to feel in control. This pattern was established long ago. All

  her life, her role in her environment has been defined by her

  usefulness. She *expects* to be used and manipulated---for her own

  good. In return, she hopes to be protected. To achieve this, she tries

  her best to ingratiate herself with her protector or protectors. You

  may have noticed that she is compulsively conscientious in her work.

  The fact that she was working double shifts and overtime is perfectly

  consistent with her mind set and her deep seated need to be needed. If

  you don't need her, in her thinking, then she becomes expendable. Or

  disposable."

  Confident that both men were giving him their full attention now, the

  doctor continued, "To please others, she tries to win favor by using

  her domestic skills such as crocheting and cooking, or in performing

  as she did in the family circus. But there are evidently limits to

  what she will do. Her willingness to please her protectors does not

  extend to the exchange of sexual favors. This may stem from a fear of

  intimacy, or it may be because she was well indoctrinated in cultural

  mores which do not allow for premarital sex. It could be a combination

  of these factors. She did tell me that at one point, Niko Dishon

  sought a relationship of an intimate nature, but she refused. She says

  she liked him, but didn't find him attractive in that sense. Mr.

  Dishon evidently accepted her rejection of his advances, but it may

  have been a contributing factor in his allowing her to isolate herself

  in her quarters on Voyager when she was not on duty."

  Paris' words held a bitter edge as he asked, "So where do I fit into

  this equation, Doc? Does she see me as a User----or a Protector? Or

  both?"

  Chakotay noted the subtle body language clues that told him that the

  pilot had braced himself as if for a blow. His eyes darted from the

  young man to the EMH. He wanted an answer to that question himself.

  Tom Paris had been the one person on Voyager to reach out to Malista

  Shadow, something that the first officer was grateful for---even as he

  despised himself for not being there for her as well.

  The doctor shook his head. "No, Mr. Paris. Tom. I'm not making myself

  clear. *You* are the exception that provides us with an opportunity to

  reach Malista and help her. I asked her about your relationship with

  her and she has talked about you quite often when she has spent time

  in Sickbay. You are the first person in her life to ever simply be her

  friend. The fact that you wanted nothing from her, surprised and

  delighted her."

  The EMH practiced his 'sympathetic smile' once more. It was improving

  with practice. "In addition, you have many interests in common, such

  as music and literature and you encourage her to indulge herself and

  to talk about her hobbies. It seems her family did not share her

  interests and demeaned their importance. Her natural inquisitiveness

  and desire to learn was ridiculed. They made her feel as if she were

  strange or unnatural for not being more like them. She has told me

  that you have always treated her with respect, as an equal. You

  discussed matters with her but let her make her own decisions, and

  supported her without trying to impose your will on her. You make

  suggestions rather than giving orders. She trusts you. You opened a

  door in the walls that she had constructed around herself as a

  defense. "

  The pilot appeared to be having trouble taking in what was being said.

  The doctor noted clinically the young man's heart rate was up, as was

  his temperature. His face was distinctly flushed and his eyes were

  also showing signs of the presence of unusual levels of moisture.

  Paris dropped his eyes to study his hands as he cleared his throat. He

  sniffed and tried to pretend Chakotay wasn't present. "So, Doc, what

  about Harry?" He was proud of himself. His voice didn't quaver or

  break.

  "Mr. Kim also represents a disruption in the pattern, in a most

  positive way. To speak metaphorically, you opened the door in the

  walls of her defense mechanisms. He has invited her to come outside

  the walls and join him. Currently, I would say she is hovering in the

  doorway, in a manner of speaking. Of course, your relationship with

  Mr. Kim has smoothed his path considerably. Malista trusts you, so by

  extension, she was prepared to trust him. It is unfortunate that their

  relationship suffered a setback. Malista's improvement was also

  hindered."

  "Yeah," Tom sighed tiredly. "I told him that."

  Chakotay sat forward and regained the EMH's attention. "So what do you

  recommend, Doctor?"

  "As I mentioned previously, Malista has two major

  difficulties---social and emotional. Mr. Paris and Mr. Kim have been

  instrumental in assisting her in dealing with her socialization and

  have done an admirable job of it. Emotionally, however..." the

  doctor's voice trailed off as he studied the datapadd he held once

  more. "Whether Malista is dealing with her emotions in a healthy

  manner is something I've been unable to ascertain. I have tried to

  question her about the source of her stressed behavior but she has not

  been forthcoming."

  "I thought you said she'd overcome her fear," Tom protested.

  The doctor threw an exasperated glance at the pilot. "Fear of any kind

  is not overcome in one step. It is a process. In addition, fear of

  intimacy is not the only emotion she is dealing with. She has a great

  deal of repressed rage as well."

  Tom eyed him dubiously. "She doesn't seem all that angry to me. I

  thought her main problems were being frightened of people and afraid

  of abandonment."

  The first officer was impressed, not for the first time, with the

  lieutenant's insightful understanding and compassion for Malista

  Shadow. "Just because she doesn't show the rage, doesn't mean it

  doesn't exist."

  The doctor nodded. "Yes. Exactly. She is in denial. She doesn't wish

  to deal with her feelings so she has repressed them. Tried to pretend

  they don't exist. And blamed herself for the reactions of others. By

  taking on their guilt, she can maintain the fiction that *they* have

  done nothing wrong. Unconsciously, she sees herself as the guilty

  party and seeks to punish herself. Many trauma victims tend to

  withdraw from those around them---and
then feel abandoned because they

  have isolated themselves. Unless she can recognize her anger, direct

  it properly, and let it go, she cannot heal herself emotionally. By

  hanging onto the hurt and anger, she has, so to speak, allowed a

  festering wound to go unhealed."

  "She seemed to be doing all right for awhile," Paris commented.

  "Something happened after she and Harry made up and it has nothing to

  do with Harry as far as I can tell. Some other factor has come into

  play. Do you have any idea what or who set her off?"

  "No," the doctor sounded extremely frustrated. "She is under some kind

  of pressure, but she refuses to discuss it. Her defense mechanisms

  were functioning adequately even with the ongoing difficulties of

  Voyager's situation. She reached a limit of sorts when Crewman Dishon

  was killed, which is why she attempted suicide. She is no longer

  suicidal, and has developed some sense of being connected to the crew

  thanks to Mr. Paris' very deftly helping her past that crisis. She's

  has enlarged her circle of acquaintances to include several other

  crewmembers, both male and female. She even managed to maintain her

  equilibrium under the duress of the break in her budding relationship

  with Ensign Kim. Something else is at work here. Something that hits

  close to home. Something very personal that her battered self-esteem

  has trouble dealing with. Or that endangers her sense of well-being."

  "The last straw?" Chakotay quoted. Tom nodded, recognizing the

  reference.

  The EMH blinked as he searched the database mentally. He nodded

  abruptly. "Very good, Commander. The cumulative effect of many levels

  and types of stressors are bringing Malista Shadow to a crisis point."

  "Great," Tom snapped. "So she's coming to a crisis. What do we *do*