Never Did Say

by C. M. Stunich

  Except for Ty.

  Or maybe he didn't do this much before either – I never asked, and I don't want to know. It's nice to think that he does this just for me, only for me. At least I know now that whatever happened before, it doesn't matter. All that matters now is us.

  “Fuck,” he groans, sliding his fingers out and making me groan in disappointment. “You're clamping down so hard, I can barely move, babe.”

  “Screw you,” I murmur as Ty climbs up between my legs and leans over, our bodies just barely touching.

  “That's the idea.”

  Ty locks eyes with me, and my entire body goes white hot with the anticipation. Sex never meant much of anything to me before; it means a whole hell of a lot now. I can see that same realization mirrored back at me as Ty brushes my hair away from my face with ringed fingers.

  “I love you, Never.”

  “I love you, too,” I whisper, voice hardly audible above the thumping beat of my own heart.

  Ty kisses me again, short and sweet, before guiding himself into me with a slow, careful motion, like he's afraid I'll break. I see the tender desperation in his eyes, the reflection of fear from that day I bled out across the driveway. He almost lost me, almost said goodbye to the one thing in this world worth living for. I feel tears prick my eyes and wrap my arms around his neck.

  Ty gets the wrong idea.

  The comforting pressure of his body filling mine recedes as he pulls back just a bit, just enough to make me so crazy I can't fucking stand it.

  “Shit, am I hurting you, baby?” He looks down the length of my body, past the hastily shoved up fabric of my dress and right at my stomach, at the place that's both one baby's temple and the other's tomb. I suck in a harsh breath and he tries to leave. Only my arms around his neck stop him from going.

  “No, no, you're not. It's not that. I … I don't want you to hurt, make you sad. Ever. For me. Or about me.” My words mimic Ty's from so long ago and he smiles.

  Promise me you'll never be sad for me or about me.

  A ringed hand brushes my hair back as Ty settles his weight slowly, oh so slowly, against me.

  “We could move to a different position?” he suggests, but I shake my head. I wrap my legs around him and he grunts.

  “I want you here, on me, over me, in me.”

  I lean up for a kiss and find Ty's mouth hot and hungry and desperate for it. As soon as we make contact with our tongues, he's moving again, filling me up so deep that more tears steal out from the edges of my eyes. I've never felt as good or as free as I do in that moment. I'm starting to learn that just because bad things happen, that doesn't mean the good things are null and void. There might be a death, but there's also going to be a life to balance that out. Light for the dark, love for heartache, pleasure for pain.

  Ty thrusts into me, melding our hips together, blending our spirits at the same time. His mouth doesn't leave mine as he tastes me, finds that perfect rhythm, and keeps me enthralled in the beauty of his love until we both crest that edge together, voices crying out in a symphony of dark desire.

  31

  Ty and I appear in the living room a few moments later looking equally disheveled, hair a mess, faces probably locked into some sort of loopy grins.

  Zella raises an eyebrow – also dyed blonde – and pats little Noah's back. Big Noah is sitting on the opposite couch, one knee tucked up against his body, looking for all the world like he's just been punched in the gut. Guilt. That's the look he has right now. Without even asking, I know why. He kicked my mother out of the cabin. He blames himself for her death, maybe even for Darla's abduction. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Noah is too good, too kindhearted, to let something like that go as a coincidence of fate.

  “You okay?” I ask him and it takes a moment for his blue eyes to lift up, slide over to mine. He looks between Ty and me and wrinkles his brow a bit. I don't miss the longing gaze he slides over to Zella.

  “Fine.”

  His voice is off, so unlike Noah, like he's absorbed some darkness of his own.

  “Could you watch the babies for a bit?” I ask, feeling guilty for even bringing it up. Zella shouldn't be here watching my kids, Beth's kids, mom's kids. She should be at school. Hell, she should be in the barn rutting with Noah fucking Scott. But Ty has 'news' that he wants to tell me, and damn it, but I want to hear about it. He says he won't tell me though until he can show me. “Just for now. We'll be back pretty quick.”

  Chuck Norris the cat appears on the edge of the couch and sits down, wrapping his tail around his body and licking his shoulder like he thinks I'm full of shit. Whatever. I give him a pat anyway.

  “No problem,” Zella says as I move over and take my baby for a moment, hold him against my chest and breathe him in. He smells good, like milk and sugar or something. It's a stupid thought, but I cling to it anyway. Mini McCabe and me, we're still a work in progress, but we're getting better. I'm not about to go shopping at the babyGap (shudder), but I can hold him now, smile at him, feed him without those strange feelings of fear and disappointment and guilt.

  That's a damn good start for me.

  I turn to Ty and he wraps his arms around me, around us, me and his baby. He holds us there for a full, perfect minute before planting a kiss on his son's head and handing him back to Zella for me. Today, Mini McCabe is sporting a fairy costume, with tiny gossamer wings on his back and everything. Of course, he's more of a 'dark fairy' or some shit, dressed in black and red the color of blood. Ty dressed him, can you tell?

  “Thanks, Zella,” I say as I move away and watch her smile blandly at me. As soon as we get outside, I lean over and whisper to Ty. “We have to do something about those two idiots.” He nods and reaches into his pocket for a smoke … only he doesn't have one. His mouth twitches and he scrunches up his brow as we make our way over to Zella's car. We're going to have to remedy that soon, get a car of our own somehow.

  I swipe some orange and black hair behind my ear. It's about time to change the color. Now all I have to do is decide on a new one.

  “An intervention may be required,” Ty says, stepping up to the car and opening the door for me. I smile at his dark chivalry and plant a kiss on his cheek, pausing when he reaches down and wraps a hand around my wrist. “Something that'll induce a situation between them like the one we had upstairs.” I shiver, but Ty isn't about to let go. He'll never let go, not really. And that's okay, fine, perfect even, but I'll never let go of him either. “I can still taste you on my lips.”

  I roll my eyes and climb into the car, pulling him down into a crouch beside me.

  “You're trying too hard. You don't need pickup lines anymore. You had me at six pack abs and beautiful eyes.” I stick my tongue out at him and he laughs, stretching his arms above his head, so I can get a tantalizing peek at those said ab muscles.

  “You think I have beautiful eyes?” he asks, pausing the conversation as he moves over to climb into the driver's seat.

  “The most,” I admit, and Ty grins. “I'd like them even better if you'd smoke a post coital cig for me?” I bat my eyelashes in a way that just feels wrong. Ugh. I might be head over heels in love, but I still can't do the cutesy stuff all that well. I'm just too much of an ornery bitch, I guess.

  Ty chuckles and pats his pockets down.

  “But I ain't got none, babe,” he says and then salutes me. “Scout's honor. I dumped my whole stash.” Ty covers his face with both hands. “Even my kreteks,” Ty says with a groan, referring to those delicious smelling clove cigs we're so obsessed with. I think they have, like, glass in them or something. So bad for the lungs. So good for the soul. “It feels so weird to fuck and not smoke.”

  “I know.”

  He drops his hands and looks over at me, reaching over to curl our fingers together.

  “We'll just have to nurture some sins in our quest to snuff out others.” He lifts my hand to his lips and presses a smoldering kiss to my knuckles, all the while holding eye contact with me in
the most intimate way possible.

  I find myself licking my lips, trying to wet my suddenly dry mouth. Holy fuck. No wonder I got pregnant again. When Ty looks like this, smirks like this, touches me like this, I can't think clearly. Must be some biological fuck up, right? Some secret plan by nature to make sure I breed – a lot. Ugh. Lacey has no idea how lucky she is.

  “Still trying to withhold this news from me?” I ask as Ty releases my hand with agonizing slowness, scraping the whorls of his fingertips against my skin. He has a wicked look that makes my insides feel like they're being scrambled up. I get dizzy for a second and realize I've forgotten to breathe. “I thought we had an honesty policy?”

  “We do,” he says, starting the car with a smile quirking the corner of his lips. “And I'm going to be honest, just as soon as I show you. I have to show you, Nev, because then it means more than words.”

  What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

  I cross my arms over my chest and watch Ty's face as he pulls out of the driveway, just because I want to, just because I like looking at him. That's how much I care. Even if we could never touch again, I would want to be by his side anyway, to hear his laugh, his voice, see his smiles. It'd be worth it.

  We only go maybe a mile or two before Ty turns on his blinker and takes us down another gravel road, towards an empty house with a wraparound porch and a for sale sign. My heart starts to pound in my throat.

  “Ty.”

  He chuckles softly and takes us all the way down the private gravel drive, lined in trees and hedges, like this place is completely cut off from the rest of the world. It's within walking distance from the Regali stronghold and yet I had no idea it was even here.

  “You didn't.” Ty has a tendency to do things behind my back – good things, necessary things – but things. You know, like making appointments for us to get tested, signing us up for SOG, re-enrolling us both in school … buying a house?

  He chuckles softly as we pause in front of the red brick steps of the porch. The yard here is nothing like the one at my mother's, like that flat, grass covered neglected nothingness. This one is filled with plants who look suspiciously as if they're sleeping, waiting for winter to end. I recognize the leaves of a limelight hydrangea, a cluster of frost-proof gardenias, and a Chinese snowball. Even in the fall, I bet this yard is absolutely stunning, like something from a fairytale.

  “No, I didn't. Not yet. But guess what I did get?” Ty pulls some keys from his pocket and jingles them around. “Did you know the realtors 'round here kind of like me? I made some friends when I was passing out flyers for Darla.” I lean back and raise an eyebrow at Ty.

  “You mean you flirted and charmed your way into some friends, right?” He just smiles again and turns off the ignition.

  “Anyway, one of the realtors gave me these keys and told me to take a look at my leisure. I wanted to show you the house before I made a move. Nev, I want to be your partner. I want to make every decision with you, no matter how big or small. I've been alone for so long that I'm not all that great at it, but it's all I really give a flying fuck about right now.” Ty twirls the keys around on one of his ringed fingers, making me unconsciously reach up to rub my own. He's wearing all silver and white today, the jewels on his fingers shining like diamonds. I mean, they might be. I still don't know every detail of his story, but that's okay because we have forever together for me to learn it. And besides, I'm finally starting to figure out how much more important the present is than the past. I'm not saying we should just fuck off and forget about it or anything, just that living in the moment isn't simply a clichéd phrase – it's the ultimate truth.

  “You don't want to go all alpha male and tie me up in the basement instead?” I joke because I'm suddenly choking on all of the feelings rising up inside of me. I lost my baby, then I found one, lost my mother, lost my sister, found her. But that's life, I suppose, all over the place. Never neat, always messy. I guess this is just what a Never ever after looks like.

  “Hmm,” Ty purrs for a moment, leaning close to me. I lean into him and we press our cheeks together. “Nah. I don't see the fucking point in all that. It's easy to ask, to try, to even make someone yours, but it's a hell of a lot more difficult to ask them to take you as theirs. And that's what I fucking want, Never. I want to be yours.”

  “You are mine,” I promise, tilting my head for a perfect kiss. “And I am yours. So you got your wish. Now, you better fucking spill and explain this to me.” I point at the house because I'm getting excited, even though I shouldn't be. We can't afford this place. Right?

  “That offer we got on the house?” Ty teases and I feel my eyes widen. A part of me is afraid to hear his answer, afraid to let go of that place where we really, truly became a family, but the rest of me is excited, anxious to start a new life here, in this place where I once thought my life had ended for good. “The sellers got all their shit together. It's a go, babe, a green light. And they have a baby on the way.” He leans over again and gives me a look. “You know, kind of like us.” Ty splays his ringed fingers over my belly and my breath catches. “So they want to close quick, in like thirty days.” He looks out my window at the house, sitting all quiet and pretty in the icy sunshine of this most perfect winter day. “And for whatever reason, it seems like houses in New York sell for a hell of a lot more than ones in Mississippi. Come on. Get out. Let's be adults and tour a house.”

  I feel my heart start to pound as Ty pulls away, and open my door as quick as I can, practically stumbling up the steps as we race for the doorknob. Ty grabs me at the last moment and swings me around, tucking me close to him and holding me so tight all the breath leaves my body.

  Breathless. Broken. But not destroyed.

  I pull back and notice that Ty has a small bag hanging from his arm. Whatever's in that, I have no clue.

  “What the fuck are you up to now?” I ask as he bites his lip seductively and opens the door, letting it swing inward and holding out a hand.

  “Enter at your own risk,” he growls, and even though he's being stupid and silly as hell, I get goose bumps on the back of my neck. My body is sweetly sore down below, reminding me that I'm not safe from Ty anymore. Oh no, I'm in reckless, beautiful danger, and it feels so good. Yet another reason why I donned the same dress from earlier. I wouldn't mind getting lucky again today.

  I step inside the cool darkness of the house, my feet moving across old wood floors, a little rough around the edges but bursting with charm and character. To my left is a living room cloaked in shadow from the previous owner's drapes. Without hesitating, I move over and swing them wide, feeling a small thrill inside of me.

  I'm like, a grown up and shit. A chill travels down my spine. I'm only twenty-two, but I have a baby and a half, a husband … we sold our house. I wrinkle my nose.

  “This could be ours,” Ty says, sliding his arms around my waist and leaning into me. I close my eyes and listen to the quiet echo of silence all around us. It's punctuated with the beautiful beating rhythm of our hearts. I slide my fingers along Ty's butterfly tattoos and sigh, not a sigh of discontent, but a sigh of strength. “Close enough to your sisters, far enough away.” I smile. “A room for each baby, a kitchen that needs work but,” Ty laughs against my ear and I shiver, “has all working appliances. Oh, and the roof doesn't leak.” He nibbles my ear and then steps back, leaving me cold and aching for him.

  I spin around and lean back against the bay window, looking up at the ceiling, at the dusty fan waiting to spin on a hot, lazy summer day.

  “Can we really afford this?” I ask and Ty nods, setting his bag down on the floor and pulling out my laptop. He fiddles with it for a moment and then stands up to set it on the mantle above the brick fireplace. I raise an eyebrow because I'm not sure what he's up to. Whatever it is, I know it's going to be ridiculous – and probably fucking precious as hell.

  Do I really deserve all of this?

  I kick my little monster square in the teeth and tell her
to shut the hell up. I am worth it.

  “I told you, I have strangely beautiful credit.” Ty pauses and taps his ringed fingers against the mantle in a steady rhythm before glancing over his shoulder to look at me. “And this house really does cost, like, half of the one in New York. And it has acres, babe. Acres. Space. Just mine and yours. No memories, no ghosts, just a new start for all of us.”

  Ty presses a button and music blares out of the speakers, filling the empty room with a colorful sea of notes and rhythms.

  It's Black Velvet by Alannah Myles.

  Wow.

  Ty really does listen to me.

  “Be spontaneous with you?” I joke as tears fill my eyes. Ty knows I miss my mom, even if it's just a little bit, even if I'm too afraid to admit that to myself.

  When he holds out his hand, I take it and let him wrap me up in his warmth, his strength, his confidence. I don't even need to see the rest of the house to know I'm in love. If Ty likes it, I like it. I like this.

  He spins us in slow, lazy circles, in time with the music and doesn't even care that I'm getting his shirt wet with my tears. When I drop my head into the crook of his neck, he starts to hum the song under his breath, sending warm vibrations through his chest and into me.

  I sob harder.

  It's a cleansing cry only, not a sad one. How could I be sad with Ty McCabe holding me in his strong, beautiful arms? The same arms that hold our son and rock him to sleep, that punched my father's murderer out, that caress me in all the right places. I owe a lot to these hands, these arms, truly, I do. I owe them my life.

  “Let the tears flow, Mrs. McCabe, just let 'em all out.”

  “It's Ross-McCabe,” I correct with a sniffle and Ty laughs. We continue to spin in slow, slow circles, traveling the length of the room and back. To anyone else, our dance probably looks stupid as hell. To me, it's a grand waltz, danced in the ballroom of hard fought battles and against all odds love.

  “I miss the baby I never had,” I say again and Ty nods, squeezing me even tighter, until I'm not even a hundred percent certain my feet are touching the ground. “I miss my mom.”