Safe with Her Bears

by Madeline Hill

  Jules stood still. The screen door clanked shut and moments later the engine of their pickup rumbled to life. She shivered. Max’s coldness hit her like a ton of bricks. She knew was he was doing: distancing himself from her to make it easier when they did inevitably part. Perhaps it was the right thing to do. Perhaps she should do it, too. Push them away. Reject their advances.

  She needed to ready herself for the inevitable and steel herself from the pain that awaited. It was the only way. But for now, all she could think about were her bears. Her heart thumped in her chest and her mind thrummed with worry and dread. She prayed they would return safely. Inside herself, a flame of self-hatred ignited and burned bigger and faster like a forest fire out of control.

  Max’s knuckles whitened as he gripped the steering wheel. They’d been out for five hours searching for Nick’s men. They went first to the hospital to question Larry. He said the men called for Carter and Max by name and demanded that Larry tell them where they lived. Larry couldn’t have done it even if he wanted to: he didn’t have a clue of the whereabouts of the bears’ cabin. As a result, Larry was beat savagely.

  From the hospital, they went to the grocery store, where they picked up on the unmistakable scent of the cougars and followed the scent trail through town and into the woods. They drove an hour through winding logging roads following the scent, but it gradually dissipated and then disappeared entirely. Two more hours were spent driving those roads and searching the woods, trying to pick up on any clues that might lead them to where they needed to go. But there was nothing.

  So they grudgingly turned and drove back into town. They stopped at the local bars and cafes to question a few shady looking people but found nothing. So now they were headed back to the cabin, empty-handed, feeling like they’d wasted the day.

  “We’ll go out tomorrow and search again,” Carter said, tapping his fingers on his jeans anxiously. “Damn, I really wanted to find them. It would’ve been so satisfying tearing the flesh off their bones.”

  “I wonder if that would even help,” Max said cynically. “Nick loses men... he’ll just send more. He’ll turn this whole town into a war zone trying to get back at us and trying to find Jules.”

  Carter shook his head. “I don’t know. He’s an international drug smuggler... one of the top dogs. Why does he care so much about finding Jules? He should just let her go.”

  “I’m sure he has good reasons,” Max answered. “In his head, anyway. It might be more jealousy than anything else.”

  Carter glanced at Max. “You think he knows about us and Jules?”

  “I wouldn’t doubt it.”

  Carter growled. “We should go find him and kill him ourselves. Put this whole mess to bed. A man like him is a blight on society, anyway.”

  “We can’t just go around killing people, Carter,” Max said flatly. “Self-defense is one thing, murder is another.”

  “It’s not murder. It’s vengeance. He ordered Ansell to kill Jules!”

  Max huffed, clenching his fingers around the steering wheel in annoyance. “Relax, Carter. Let’s not invite any more trouble than we already have. Let’s just deal with it as it comes.”

  “Ugh, and Zariah,” Carter hissed. “I can’t believe the nerve of her. Why can’t she just mind her own business? She’s so bossy and self-righteous. Always has been. As if you can compare Jules with some lowlife thug she dated back in high school.”

  Max swallowed. He wanted to yell and scream at Carter and tell him what a fool he was for wanting to hide Jules forever, but he knew he had to think about his words carefully. Zariah had laid out her argument very succinctly, but if that wasn’t enough to convince Carter, Max wasn’t sure what, if anything, would do it.

  “Carter,” Max ventured cautiously. “Maybe Zariah has a point. This situation is so complicated. But it can all be fixed if we just—”

  Carter shot daggers with his eyes. “If we just what? Turn Jules in? Come the hell on, Max, I thought we were over this. She’s ours. Forever. We’re not sending her anywhere.”

  Something snapped inside Max. “When will it end, Carter? When will it stop? This whole thing with Nick’s people—”

  “Nick’s people will come after us even harder if we turn Jules into the police,” he said. “Plus Nick has a lot of money and resources. What if he has people working for him on the inside? Jules could be more in danger in prison than out here with us.”

  Max rubbed his chin. He hadn’t thought about that. Could it be true? Could Jules really be in danger in prison? The possibilities ran through his mind as he heaved a heavy sigh.

  “Believe me, Max, turning her in is not the rational decision. What’s rational is keeping her with us and protecting her ourselves. There’s no other way to ensure her safety.”

  Max nodded, unsettled by Carter’s convincing argument. The ball of tension in his belly unraveled and he allowed a small measure of relief to wash over him. If keeping Jules really was the best decision for everyone, he could finally let go of all this guilt and angst. But not yet. They still had to deal with the imminent threat of the cat shifters. Only after that would he be able to fully relax.

  Jules spent most of the day pacing back and forth, feeling the most unsettled and anxious she had in a long time. She couldn’t stop worrying for their safety. They were taking a very long time and she grew more concerned with every second that ticked by on the old clock on the wall. Fighting for custody in the forefronts of her mind was the other dismal realization of her impending prison sentence.

  She tried to pass the time, but nothing worked. She tried to read, but she couldn’t focus on the words. She tried to cook a big dinner as Carter asked her to, but her mind was somewhere else. She burned the steaks and turned them into rubber, and overcooked their garden grown carrots until they congealed into orange mush. For once, she wasn’t hungry. She’d completely lost her appetite.

  At last the shifters arrived at quarter past seven. Her heart fluttered with relief as they trotted into the cabin, looking no worse for wear.

  Jules bounded into Carter’s arms. He squeezed her tightly, kissing her hair. He smelled like dirt and wind.

  “Did you find them?” she asked, looking up into his deep blue eyes.

  His expression faltered. “No, we didn’t. We looked everywhere.”

  Jules glanced at Max. She was almost afraid to look at him, worried that his coldness would be too much for her to bear. But to her surprise, he smiled warmly, and she released from Carter and wrapped herself in Max’s embrace. He squeezed her hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. His heart thumped against her chest rhythmically, comforting her. She felt like she was being enveloped in a warm, familiar cocoon. God, it felt good to touch him again, to be close to him. She didn’t think she could handle him being cold and distant towards her.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She was sorry for everything, and she knew that Max would understand. Max flinched, then pulled away to look down at her.

  Lids half closed, he shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

  He kissed her, igniting her hope and passion all over again. They lingered, lips touching softly, not demanding more, but just enjoying each other’s presence.

  Max parted and she peered into his charcoal eyes.

  “What are you going to do now?” she asked.

  He hesitated and she realized there may be a double meaning to her question. He cleared his throat. “We’ll look for them again tomorrow.”

  Her abdomen coiled with tightness at the thought of them going out to face danger again. He took her hand and tugged her towards the kitchen. “Come on,” he said. “Dinner smells amazing.”

  Jules smiled weakly. “It’s not. I burnt the steak and overcooked the carrots.”

  “Nonsense,” Carter grinned as he stomped his way into the kitchen. “It’ll be great.”

  They ate quietly, mouths occupied with trying to chew the rubbery steak.

  “See?” Jule
s said in between bites. “I told you it was horrible.”

  Carter and Max exchanged an amused glance.

  “We’re bears, Jules,” Max said. “If it’s edible, we’ll eat it, happily.”

  She warmed at his reassurance. The quality of the food didn’t encourage her appetite to come back, but at least she felt better than she did before. She glanced back and forth between her two bears, Carter happily stuffing his face, Max eating more slowly and reserved. She studied him, looking for clues that might indicate how he was feeling. Tension drummed in her chest, reaching a breaking point.

  “I heard everything Zariah said,” Jules ventured slowly. Carter and Max looked up at her, pausing their meal. “Do you think she’s right?”

  Carter’s eyes widened with incredulity. “Hell no, she’s—” His mouth was stuffed with food, so he brought his beer to his lips and chugged, swallowing his bite down so he could speak. “Hell no. We’re keeping you with us. It’s the safest place for you to be.”

  “But it’s not safe,” Jules said sadly. “Anywhere I go won’t be safe. I have too many people looking for me. The cops and Nick’s people.”

  Carter wagged his finger. “You’ll be safe as long as you’re with us. We’ll make sure of that.”

  Max nodded, with an expression on his face she couldn’t read.

  “I don’t want to do this to you guys,” she said. “It’s not fair. I don’t want you to break the law. I don’t want you to turn into criminals just for my sake.”

  “It doesn’t matter, Jules,” Carter said, reaching his hand across the table and placing it on top of hers. “We’re with you. We’ll be criminals. We’ll be saints. We’ll be whatever we need to be to keep you safe.”

  Jules smiled.

  “Carter’s right,” Max added. “You’re with us. Period.”

  The clarity and decisiveness of his statement both shocked her and warmed her heart. If Max wasn’t conflicted anymore, if he was solid in his decision, then maybe she could learn to be, too.

  They finished their dinner and spent the evening watching an old movie on their grainy TV set. They only made it halfway through before hands began wandering. They made love to her softly and tenderly on the couch, and her worries dissolved as she floated away on cloud nine once again.

  31

  Jules woke to the sound of a loud hammering knock on the front door. Max sprang from the bed urgently, pulling on his jeans and running his fingers through his tussled hair. Carter followed more slowly, wiping the grogginess from his eyes as he hobbled from the bed. Her heart pounded in her chest.

  The front door opened and she heard voices. She craned her head up to look out the window. There was a police car in the driveway.

  She ducked down, her heart twisting. Pangs of fear rattled her bones, her throat closing. She clenched her eyes shut and talked herself down from her panic attack. She tore the covers off and quietly rolled off the mattress, crouching down and hiding underneath the bed.

  Her breathing heavy, she couldn’t seem to fill her lungs. She closed her eyes and focused on the men’s’ voices, trying hard to make out the words.

  An unfamiliar man’s voice: “...had a run-in with the fugitive in the woods. We’ve been trying to follow all leads ... from what I understand ... “

  Max’s voice. “No, we haven’t seen her since then.”

  Carter’s voice was clearer, echoing off the walls. “It’s been two weeks. She’s probably dead by now. These woods are unforgiving... I really can’t imagine her making it longer than a few days.”

  The officer’s voice was garbled and Jules strained to hear. “...suspicious considering you two were the last ...”

  Max: “If you want us to come down to the station, we’d be happy to comply.”

  The officer: “Well ... I’m not sure what ...” the rest was unclear until she heard Carter again. “You have a good day, sir! We’ll keep on the lookout.”

  “Thanks, you too,” Max said. The door closed and the air felt thick with tension. At least a minute passed before Jules heard the engine rumble and the tires peel out of the driveway. She didn’t dare move. Not until the cop was far out of sight.

  Carter and Max started bickering in the living room, but their voices were hushed, which made Jules feel even more nervous.

  Finally, footsteps approached as they re-entered the room. “Jules?” Carter called out. Jules rolled from underneath the bed and he helped her stand to her feet.

  She assessed their faces. They were worried, even though Carter tried to hide it behind a smile.

  “Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” he said.

  “Are you sure about that? Are you guys gonna be questioned?” she asked.

  “We know that cop. He’s just following every lead. He doesn’t think anything’s amiss.”

  “But we still might want to pack up and leave,” Max said. “Just for a while. Take a road trip somewhere.”

  “Leave? So we are in trouble, then,” Jules said, shoulders slumping.

  Carter rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s just the smartest thing to do. With Nick’s people looking to cause trouble and the cops getting curious. We should go just to be safe.”

  Carter tried to make it sound like no big deal, but Jules could sense that the situation was more serious then they let on.

  “Where will we go?” she asked.

  “My uncle’s got a cabin out in Oregon,” Carter said. “We can drive up there and make it our home for the winter.”

  “The winter?” Jules’s eyes widened. The realization struck her with bitter clarity: her fugitive status wouldn’t be a temporary setback. Running from the cops would have to become a lifestyle. She imagined herself under the covers in a tiny, secluded cabin, out in dark woods, caged in on all corners by a suffocating blanket of snow, unable to leave or even go outside. It would be a prison of a different kind, and even though she’d have her bears with her, none of them would be able to truly relax and enjoy their lives to the fullest.

  They’d always have to be on edge, looking over their shoulder, peering out the window suspiciously in case of unwanted guests barging in. She’d have to cut her long hair, dye it blonde or red, and even with those precautions, she still may not be able to go out in public. She’d never get to go grocery shopping. Try on clothes at the mall. Go out to eat at a restaurant. She wouldn’t be able to go to law school or drive on her own. She would have no real agency or free will... for the rest of her life. Sure, she could try to do those things if she really wanted to, but it would heighten the risk, and if anything happened, their plans would be ruined, and Carter and Max would end up going to prison along with her.

  Carter and Max stepped close, each taking a hand and squeezing it reassuringly. Max assessed the anguish on her face.

  “Don’t let this worry you,” he said softly. “We’ll get through this. Just think of it like an adventure.”

  Jules swallowed hard. It would be an adventure, all right. Just not a fun one. All she wanted was to settle in to a comfortable domestic life with her shifters. Live free and happily. Not shielded from the outside world, hidden away, always living with fear, paranoia, and dread. Even if they never got caught. Even if Nick’s men gave up and disappeared forever. Their quality of life would still be severely diminished.

  She tried to force a smile just to ease her bears’ nerves. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

  Carter and Max nodded, exchanging a side-glance that conveyed veiled worry. None of them were confident, she realized. They were walking on thin ice. And that feeling of being right on the brink of disaster would likely never leave them, for the whole of their lives.

  Carter and Max debated the merit of leaving Jules for the day to go look for the shifters again. But they eventually decided that she would be safest with them. It was unlikely the cats could find their way to the cabin, but there was the off chance the cops might return, or Zariah would come stomping up to the cabin to take the law into her own hands. They co
uldn’t risk it.

  They packed their meager belongings in an old suitcase and ran outside to the truck. Jules climbed into the tiny awkward nook behind the front seat, keeping her head down. There wasn’t much room for her, and her legs twisted and cramped. This was going to be a long journey. The engine rumbled to life, sending vibrations through her body, and seconds later it began bobbing over the uneven road. She jiggled and shook as they made their way down to the highway, her eyes fixed on the endless passing green of the pines from the tiny backseat window. Another rumble sounded, a deeper, teeth-rattling growl, and seconds later, drops of water smeared the little window.

  The brilliant sunlight of the morning gave way to dark storm clouds.

  Carter reached over from the passenger side and squeezed her leg reassuringly, casting her a silly grin. But she knew Carter well enough by now. She could read his face like a book. His slightly upturned brows and the watery gloss over his eyes conveyed worry.

  Twenty minutes later, the roughness of the dirt road disappeared as the tires gripped smooth pavement. Jules sighed with relief as the truck hummed along the highway. A twangy country song played at low volume through the radio, combined with the occasional swish of a car passing on the wet road. The thunder rumbled again, followed by a white flash of lightning. Jules realized it hadn’t rained in weeks. What an odd coincidence that there’d be a thunderstorm on such an integral day, when danger lurked in the shadows all around. Thunderstorms normally relaxed her, but today the weather put her even more on edge.

  She closed her eyes and tried to relax. She opened them again when she heard Max speaking. He mumbled and she couldn’t hear what he said over the sounds of the rain pummeling down on them. Carter was looking at Max with concern. His eyes flicked up to the rear-view mirror. He watched intently and glanced at Max again. “You sure?” he asked.

  “What is it?” Jules asked, pushing her head up slightly.