Wandering In Love

by Andi Jaxon

  I love this town. I always have. It’s in my blood. It’s where I want to raise my own family.

  But what if that’s not what she wants?

  If she wants to leave, will I go with her?

  I park my truck next to the barn and set out. The wind is whipping through the fields today. Looking up at the sky, the clouds are heavy and there’s a bite in the air. We probably won’t get snow today, but it’s coming soon. Maybe tomorrow.

  My boots crunch on the dirt and straw as I head inside the barn. Eva is stepping back from Will with a smile on her face, but a wet spot on his shirt, telling me she was crying not long ago. My jaw clenches, gritting my teeth. She ran from me straight to him. Again.

  When she turns around, she stops when she sees me. My gaze takes her in, the hastily put on clothes, rumpled hair from my hands, the hickey and bite marks on her neck.

  Mine.

  I smirk at the marks on her skin, clear signs that she belongs to me. Anyone who messes with her now will have to deal with me.

  Without a word, Eva turns away from me and walks to Bandit’s stall. She grabs his bridle and slips it over his head before tying him to a high hook in the aisle. I duck inside the tack room to grab her a saddle and set it on his back.

  “Thanks,” she mumbles, tightening the straps.

  “You’re welcome, Wildflower.” I drop a kiss on her neck, and she gasps at the sudden touch.

  She shakes her head at me, but doesn’t say anything.

  Will hasn’t moved from his spot in the middle of the aisle, his arms crossed over his chest as he smirks at me. I’m sure he knows she was with me not long ago. Hell, she still smells like me.

  “What do you need help with?” I ask him.

  “Got some fence posts that need to be replaced before the next storm rolls in.”

  I shrug. Perfect. “Alright. I’ll get them loaded into the truck. Which pasture?”

  Will and I discuss where I’ll find the damaged ones. Looks like there’s a few here and there, all over the place. Changing fence posts is exhausting work but I’m looking forward to it. Will and I watch Eva climb up on Bandit and exit the barn. She’s muttering to him the entire way, something about stubborn-ass men.

  Chapter Ten

  EVA

  The wind is bitter cold, biting at my cheeks. The gloves on my hands are better than nothing, but not by much. Bandit and I meander our way around the property, just needing to be out of the barn.

  I wasn’t scheduled to work today, but after the clusterfuck that is my relationship with Ian, I needed to get lost. These fields have always calmed me. When I was hurting, I would come out here and the wind would help soothe the sting.

  Over the hills, through the valleys, we wander until my stomach starts to growl. We’ve been out here for hours, the sun not strong enough to warm me, though I’ve been in the direct light most of the time.

  By the time we get back to the barn, Bandit has steam raising off his body and needs a bit of a cool-down. I swing my leg over the saddle and hop down, glad there’s no one else around for the moment. These damn boys are going to be the death of me. Will is quickly starting to mean a lot to me. He’s becoming my friend, my sounding board. We flirt, but don’t mean anything by it. Ian wants everything, but I can’t give it to him. It’s not fair to saddle him with my problems. He deserves a whole package, and I’m just not it.

  Bandit sucks down enough water to lower the water level in the trough before I move him inside. Tying his lead to the hook outside his stall, I get the saddle and pad off and set them on a wood horse to air out, then grab a brush for him. After a long day in the fields, I check him for bugs, running my hands down his legs, and checking his shoes.

  “What am I going to do with these boys?” I ask him.

  His only answer is a flick of his tail.

  “How do I tell him? Huh? That it’s my fault he doesn’t have a family?” My eyes fill with tears, and a knot forms in my throat. I’m so tired of crying. So damn tired of it.

  Flicking the tears away with the back of my hand. I straighten my spine and metaphorically pull on my big girl panties, since Ian ruined the ones I was wearing earlier.

  I’ll talk to Momma first, come clean about all of it. Then Ian. I’ll air out all my dirty laundry.

  After brushing Bandit, I let him drink more water, then put him in his stall for the night and head home. I borrowed Momma’s car to come over today, but I’m going to need to find something more permanent soon.

  The kitchen light is on when I get back home, the comforting sent of melted cheese, tomato sauce and garlic wafting as I open the door. Smells like lasagna.

  “Hey, Momma, can you talk for a minute?”

  She turns away from the dishes she’s washing in the sink, drying her hands on the towel hanging from the oven door. “Of course.”

  These kinds of conversations seem to always happen at the table, so I pull out my chair and sit. Momma follows me and pulls a chair out next to me.

  “I’m sorry for the way I left.” I force my eyes to meet hers. “You deserved so much more.”

  She reaches for me, giving my hand a squeeze. “Thank you.”

  “I was scared. So damn scared.” I shake my head, swallowing past the knot once against clogging my throat. “I needed to know I could make it on my own.”

  She squeezes my hand again, pulling my eyes back to her. “I understand better than you think. I did the same thing when I was pregnant with you. I ran from home.”

  Momma never talks about her life before me. I’ve never heard anything about my grandparents or my father.

  “My momma and poppa were good people. Strict, but good.” She takes a deep breath. “I got pregnant right out of high school. I thought he loved me, but when I told him I was pregnant, he called me a liar and dumped me.”

  My heart hurts for her. Ian never would have said that to me. He would have proposed and found a place for us to get married.

  “I was terrified of my parents finding out, the whole town finding out, so I left and never looked back.” She takes a deep breath, gets lost in her head for a minute. “Do you remember when you were about fifteen, I went on a trip for a week?”

  “Yeah. I stayed with Mel and David. You said you were going to look at some horses for the ranch.”

  “I went to my parents’ funeral.”

  My fingers squeeze hers. “I-I’m sorry.”

  “I never got to explain what happened to them. The longer I was gone, the harder it was to go back. When you left, it was like I was being punished for what I did. I was so scared I would never see you again.”

  Tears trail down my cheeks. I know exactly how that feels. The longer I was gone, the easier it was to stay gone. I don’t know what possessed me to come back, but my gut told me I needed to. Something in my soul told me I had to, so I did.

  “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

  “I’m sorry you felt like you had to run.” Her voice is heavy with her own sorrow.

  Getting up from the table, I drop to my knees in front of her and wrap my arms around her waist. She hugs me just as tightly, both of us letting go of the hurt and fear.

  The timer on the oven breaks up our cry-fest. Momma gets up to pull dinner from the oven and I head to the bathroom to get washed up.

  While we’re eating dinner, the phone in the kitchen starts ringing.

  “I’ll get it,” I tell Momma as she puts her fork down. “Hello?”

  “Eva, it’s Will.”

  “Hey, Will. What’s up?” I lean against the doorway with the phone pressed between my ear and my shoulder.

  “We’re having a bit of a get together in one of the hay barns. Nothing fancy. Just beer, music, and friends. Thought you might like to come hang out.”

  “Oh, that sounds like fun.”

  “I’ll come get you. Be ready to go in fifteen minutes.”

  “Alright, thanks.”

  I hang up the phone with a smile on my face.

 
“Everything alright at the ranch?” Momma asks as soon as I sit down.

  “Yeah, he’s having a little get together with some friends and invited me.”

  Her smile lights up her face. “Well, go on and get ready. You have a good time.”

  Standing up, I grab my dishes and kiss her cheek before placing them in the sink. Hurrying to my bedroom, I change into a clean pair of jeans and t-shirt, pull on a comfortable old hoodie, and slide my boots back on. He knocks on the door as I’m grabbing my jacket from the peg.

  Opening the door, I slide my arms inside and adjust the hood.

  “Right on time.” I smile at him.

  “Come on, Wildflower. Let’s teach these hillbillies how to boogie.” He tips an imaginary hat at me and offers me his elbow.

  I can’t help but laugh at him. After talking to Momma, I feel lighter. Maybe talking to Ian won’t be so bad.

  Chapter Eleven

  EVA

  I’m drunk.

  Will brought me out here, started pouring drinks, and I’m wasted.

  There’s music playing, boys are standing around talking, girls are dancing. Laughter floats in the air with the scent of clean hay. My body is loose, and my lips are even looser. This is not going to end well for me.

  “Hey, Wildflower,” Will calls from the other side of the barn.

  “Yeah?”

  “Wanna dance?”

  I shrug. “Sure.”

  I meet him in the center, where he’s cleaned out space for a makeshift dance floor. One hand slides around my waist to my lower back, while the other lifts my hand. He starts a simple two-step that’s easy to follow.

  “You gonna give Ian a shot?”

  “Oh, Willy. He deserves a woman who can give him babies,” I sigh.

  Closing my eyes, I let the music flow through me, following along as Will leads me.

  “You can’t have kids?” he whispers in my ear.

  “No. I’m broken.”

  “Have you talked to Ian about this? Does he know?” He stops dancing and looks me in the eye.

  I shake my head. “I want to. He deserves to the truth. Why I left.”

  “You’re right. He does.”

  I open my mouth to say something else, but my bladder chooses that moment to make me aware of it. “I need to pee.”

  Will chuckles and lets me go. “You know where it is. You need any help?”

  “Nah, I got it.”

  I pat his cheek and head to the stables. It’s got the closest bathroom, and I suddenly want to see my main man Bandit.

  It’s a quick walk, and the way is lit by the outdoor lights, so it’s easy enough to find my way. I get business taken care of, wash my hands, and step up to Bandit’s stall. He whinnies at me, sticking his head over the door for me to pet him.

  “Hey there, my man.” I stroke my hand down his long nose. He nudges me in the belly when I kiss his forehead. “I got an idea.”

  Grabbing his bridle, I slip it over his head and buckle it behind his ear, then open the stall door. Leading him over to the tack room, I tie his lead and grab a saddle and pad. I stumble a bit, but manage to get it on his back and secured. Thank God for muscle memory, because otherwise I doubt I would have gotten this correct.

  Grabbing the reins, I stick my boot into the stirrup, and hoist myself into the saddle. With a triumphant smile, I kick into a trot and we leave the stables for the driveway and down the to the road.

  It’s about time I had a chat with that broody, possessive sheriff man.

  I take a deep breath in through my nose of the clean frigid air, expanding my lungs as far as they’ll go, then let it all out. All the worry, the doubt, the guilt, it’s almost over. The only light out here is from the big full moon, the only sounds are our breathing and Bandit’s steps. It’s so peaceful.

  I don’t know how long it’s been since I left the ranch, but Main Street is just ahead. The clip-clop of Bandit’s hooves on the pavement and the sway of his body as he moves is starting to lull me to sleep.

  My eyes close and my body relaxes. I start to lean to the side when Bandit whinnies at me, waking me up with a jerk.

  “I’m awake.”

  When I open my eyes, it takes me a minute to realize I’ve stopped moving. Bandit isn’t walking anymore, but is standing next to the sheriff’s patrol vehicle.

  “Such a good boy.” I pat his neck and swing my leg over, so exhausted all of a sudden, I’m surprised my legs hold me up when my feet hit the ground.

  Taking the reins in my hand, I tie them to the staircase and trudge myself up to his door.

  “Ian!” I holler, too tired to lift my hand and knock.

  I’m leaning against the doorframe, my forehead on the wood, when it opens. I almost fall inside, but a warm chest catches me.

  “Eva? What happened? Are you okay?” His arm wraps around my waist to hold me up.

  “Peachy keen,” I giggle but don’t lift my head off his chest.

  He smells so good. I just want to lick him. The muscles of his chest move under my cheek as he gets me settled on the couch.

  “You’re drunk,” he says, his arms crossed over his chest and a smirk pulling on his lips.

  “You’re sexy.” I mock his tone and try to cross my arms over my chest too, but my hands get tangled.

  Kneeling in front of me, Ian pulls my boots off, shaking his head at me. He always took care of me. When I was sick or just sad, he was always there. These last ten years without him have been so hard. I missed him.

  I reach for him and run my hand through his hair. “I missed you.”

  His head lifts, the dark brown eyes I’ve longed to see staring straight into my soul. “I missed you too.”

  A tear I didn’t know was there slides down my cheek as alcohol-induced exhaustion washes over me. My eyelids are so heavy, I can’t keep them open anymore.

  “I’m sorry about the baby. It’s all my fault.”

  The first thing I notice when consciousness comes back is my head fucking hurts. There’s something pounding inside my skull, behind my eyes. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I curl into a ball on my side and groan. I think I’m dying.

  I’m hot and sweaty. There’s a heater on my back, but my head hurts too much to move away from it. Maybe it’ll set me on fire and end this torment.

  Daring to crack an eye open, I’m thoroughly confused.

  What room is this? Where am I? And how did I get here?

  By some miracle, I’m able to sit up without vomiting or my head exploding, though it was touch and go there for a second. Through the crack in my eyelids, I look around the room: simple furnishings, quilt on the bed, no dirty socks on the floor. I’m at Ian’s. Turning to see the person on the bed beside me, I confirm it.

  Shit.

  Forcing myself to move, I’m careful to ease my way with my hand on the wall for support. Dragging my ass into the bathroom, I dig through his medicine cabinet for aspirin or ibuprofen, anything to make the vice grip on my skull lessen. Finding a bottle, I wrestle the top off and pour a few pills into my hand. Using my hands to cup the cold water from the tap, I get a mouthful of water and swallow the meds.

  Wandering my way into the living room, I find my boots, socks, and jacket, but no cell phone and no keys. Ian has a phone in the kitchen with cord for when snowstorms hit and knock out power. Picking it up, I dial the Rojas Ranch number that I still remember by heart.

  It rings twice, making me wince when a man answers.

  “Rojas Ranch.”

  “Will?” I whimper, my head revolting against the sound of his voice.

  “Hey there, Wildflower. How ya feeling?” Bastard is smug.

  “Just come get me.”

  He chuckles, and I hang up on him. I amble to the couch and get my socks and boots on. Forcing myself to get off the couch, I slide my jacket on and head out to wait for my ride. How did I get here with no keys? The sun is making the pressure in my head worse.

  Sitting on the bench in front of the she
riff’s office, I cover my face with my hands.

  “Morning, Eva,” an amused male voice says, making me flinch.

  Peeking through my fingers, all I can see is work boots and pressed khaki pants, which means it’s a deputy.

  “Mornin’,” I grumble.

  “Your horse is in the barn out back.”

  My horse?

  Oh, no. Please tell me I didn’t ride Bandit down here drunk.

  Embarrassment flames my face. I should never be allowed to own a horse. I’m obviously not responsible enough.

  A truck rumbles into the parking lot, and a door opens.

  “Your chariot, Cinderella,” Will says offering me a hand.

  “Bandit is in the barn,” I mumble as I take his hand.

  “I know. Get in the truck. Johnny is gonna ride him back.”

  I nod and get in, sinking into the warm seat and leaning my head back against the headrest. What the hell was I thinking? What possessed me to come down here, drunk, on a horse? At least I didn’t try to drive.

  The meds are starting to kick in, finally lessening the pressure inside my skull.

  Will climbs in behind the wheel and pulls out of the parking lot. “Have fun last night?”

  “I honestly don’t remember it.”

  He chuckles.

  “Why didn’t you stop me? I probably made an ass out of myself.”

  “You went to pee and never came back. I was starting to panic when Ian let me know he had you and my horse.”

  I don’t have to look at him to know there’s a smirk on his face. Bastard.

  He pulls into Momma’s driveway, and I open the door.

  “Ya know, I think you went to Ian while you were drunk because you know that’s where you belong. Everyone in this town has always known it. It seems like you’re the only one who hasn’t figured it out.”