Approximately Yours (North Pole, Minnesota)

by Hammerle, Julie

  “No.” Now Holly moved toward him. Danny tried to step backward and almost fell. She stopped in her tracks. “We were not messing with you.”

  “Honestly,” Elda said.

  “Oh? Honestly?” They were acting like all of this was totally normal, like playing a guy for a fool was no big deal, like Danny should be totally cool with this very normal news.

  “We never meant to hurt you,” Holly said. Her eyes were black in the dark garage. She’d folded her hands in front of her chest like some fourth grader who’d gotten caught cheating, like she was begging for forgiveness.

  “You never meant to hurt me? Well, everything’s fine then. All is forgiven.” Danny wasn’t normally so sarcastic, but the tone seemed to fit the situation. He’d come here armed for rejection, but he should’ve come prepared for humiliation instead.

  “I’m so sorry,” Holly said. She was near tears. Good.

  “I can’t believe you did this, knowing everything that’s happened to me over the past month. All the time you were pulling this crap—pretending to be your cousin on the phone, trying to get me to like Elda, because…?”

  “Because I like you, Danny.” Now Holly was crying. Her lip trembled, and her breath was shaky.

  “No, you don’t. You don’t knowingly deceive someone you care about.” A few hours ago, hearing Holly say those words would’ve sent him to the moon, but now he only felt like a rube.

  Holly closed her eyes, and the tears kept rolling down her cheeks. Elda ran over and wrapped an arm around her cousin. “This is so hard for me to say,” Holly said.

  “Maybe text it to me.”

  Holly opened her eyes. They were still in shadow, but their emotion cut through the darkness. “I only did this because I was too scared to tell you how I felt. Someone like you was never going to want someone like me.”

  “What does that even mean, ‘someone like you?’” He wanted to fold his arms in defiance, but he had to settle for gripping his crutches harder.

  “You’re popular and outgoing, completely out of my league.”

  “Well, that’s ridiculous,” Danny said. Since the day they met, Danny had been thinking Holly was out of his league.

  “Also”—Elda let go of Holly and stepped forward—“I told Holly I liked you, and she was just trying to help me not say things about dead squirrels.”

  Holly gestured to her cousin. “You and Elda made more sense. Believe me, I’ve been rejected enough times to know that. I knew I couldn’t stand it if you looked at me like other guys do. It’d crush me. I’ve liked you since we were eight.”

  So much wasted time. If she’d just told him at the holiday gala or put her own damn number in his phone, all of this could’ve been avoided. He would’ve leaped at the chance to be with Holly. But instead of being honest about her feelings, she’d tried to pawn him off on her cousin.

  “You know what, Holly? Maybe the reason people reject you is because you pull garbage like this instead of being honest.” His brain was a jumble of confusion. Part of him was ready to forgive Holly on the spot, but a bigger piece was hell bent on making her feel as shitty as he felt right now.

  “Danny,” Elda said, “that’s a low blow.”

  “No, Elda,” Holly said, “he’s right. I know it’ll never be enough, but I’m so sorry. I got in too deep. I was just going to help Elda strike up a rapport with you, but I took it too far. It was like, I’d always wanted to talk to you, and I got carried away when I had the chance. I didn’t want to stop. I mean, we’d chat for hours.”

  He raised a hand to stop her. He couldn’t hear any more, not right now. Those chats had been the best thing that had happened to him in the past month. He lived for feeling his phone buzz in his pocket, knowing it could be her on the other end. “But it was all a lie. Everything between us was one big lie.” He turned toward the door. “Good luck with your showstopper tomorrow. You’re gonna need it.”

  …

  Holly ran up to the attic after Danny left, and Elda followed her. Their entire family was watching a movie in the living room, and all of them turned to watch Holly storm up the stairs.

  “Are you okay?” Elda asked after Holly had flopped facedown on the pull out couch the two of them had been sharing. Elda sat gingerly next to Holly’s legs.

  Holly, still on her stomach, turned her head toward the wall. She let her eyes unfocus, and the plaid pattern on the pillow in front of her took on a 3-D quality. She’d just been rejected by Danny Garland, but not in the way she’d anticipated.

  “I blew it,” Holly said. “I completely blew it.”

  Elda patted Holly’s leg. “He’ll come around.”

  “No, he won’t. And even if he does, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be honest with someone about how I feel. I’ve been pushing people away for so long that I don’t know how to let anyone in. Texting with Danny while pretending to be you was the most open I’d ever been with anyone, and it was utter bullshit.”

  “Imagine if you’d been honest with him right from the start.”

  Holly sat up. She was face to face with her beautiful, perfect cousin, who had no idea about anything. “Let me tell you what would’ve happened, Elda: He would’ve said thanks, but no thanks. He would’ve told me he didn’t see me that way, and that we should just be friends. I’ve heard it a bazillion times. I let my guard down, and here I am again, crying into a pillow. I’m done. I’m out.”

  “Is this how you’re going to live the rest of your life?” Elda asked.

  Holly nodded.

  “You’re going to keep every single guy you meet at arm’s length because you’re afraid of getting hurt?”

  Holly nodded again. “That’s the plan.”

  Elda lightly punched her cousin’s knee. “No offense, but that’s absurd.”

  Holly shrugged.

  “I mean it. It’s ridiculous. You’re telling me you’re simply going to sit there and accept loneliness for the rest of your life?”

  “It’s better than being hurt over and over again.”

  “Life is pain, Holly.”

  Pain. What did Elda even know about pain? Holly pointed to the stairs. “Says the girl who could walk out on the street right now and get a million guys’ numbers without even lifting a finger.”

  “You know what?” Elda stood. She waved her hands in front of her chest. “I’m done with this. Danny didn’t turn his back on you because of some imagined knock against your looks. He walked out because you’ve been misrepresenting yourself to him this entire time.”

  Elda was right, but ugh.

  “And,” Elda said, “you’re beautiful and unique. You’ve got an edge that I’ll never be able to pull off. Here’s your real problem: no one in his right mind would ever want to be with someone so closed off and defeatist.”

  Oh, freaking please, Elda. “Can I have a second to wallow, please? I just had my heart broken.”

  Elda folded her arms. “One second. Literally. No more.”

  Holly drew in a deep breath and immediately blew it out.

  “Okay, you good?”

  Holly nodded.

  “Super,” Elda said, “because here’s what you don’t seem to understand. You are an awesome person. Yeah, maybe I’m blond and skinny, but honestly, I’d give anything to have your brains or your funky style. Plus, you were always Grandma’s favorite.” Elda’s eyes brimmed with tears, and she tightened her arms around her chest.

  “Elda, don’t cry.” Holly wrapped her arms around Elda.

  “I’ve always been the pretty one, but you were always the cool one.”

  “Oh, fuck you.” Holly laughed, nudging her cousin away.

  Elda laughed, too. “I mean it. You were, like, too cool, above it all. You’ve never cared what other people think.”

  “Not true,” Holly said. “I think I care too much sometimes, and that’s part of the reason I tap out socially the way I do, because if I put myself out there, it will show people exactly how cool I
really am not.”

  “Well, cool or not, you were the one with the big ideas and the imagination. You were the one who’d get the good grades and who Grandma would brag about to her friends.”

  Holly scrunched up her nose. “No, she didn’t.” This was news to Holly.

  “Oh, she for sure did. I’ve heard it a million times since we’ve been here—‘Oh, are you the one Dolores used to talk about all the time? The one who liked architecture and gingerbread houses? No? Well, never mind then.’ They have no time for me.”

  Holly put a finger to her lip, tracing the line of her scar, which was weirdly numb, like the nerves had never properly healed. It matched the lack of feeling in the rest of her body. She was in shock—cold, dead shock. Not only had Holly driven Danny away, but apparently her grandmother had been bragging about her to her friends. Guilt was the only sensation leaping from nerve ending to nerve ending. She should’ve come here more. She should’ve made the time.

  Life was too, too short.

  Elda patted Holly’s knee. “Grandma had apparently been trying to set you up with Danny Garland for years, not me. You. Because she knew you and Danny were right for each other.”

  Holly started to say something, but Elda cut her off. “Also, I’m used to guys looking at me all the time. I know the ‘he wants me’ look you’re talking about. Danny never, ever gave me that look, but he was constantly checking you out.”

  If Elda was right, then Holly had definitely become so guarded and insecure that she was totally missing the signs guys were allegedly sending her.

  Holly sighed. Her breath was shaky. “Well, I screwed up, didn’t I?”

  “Maybe not.” Elda stood up again, arms akimbo, like the superhero she was trying to be. “You spent the past week texting him for me; I’m gonna go talk to him for you.”

  Holly jumped up and blocked the stairway. “No, no, no. I don’t need you to fight my battles. It’s what got us into this mess in the first place, right?” She had to do this on her own, for real. It was the only way she could ever possibly make things right with Danny. “Give me your phone.” She held out her hand.

  “Again?” Elda cautiously placed her phone in Holly’s palm.

  Holly pressed the four-digit code on Elda’s phone. “I’m just going to get his number out of your contacts. I’m going to text him, but this time I’m doing it as me.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  HOLLY: Hey, Danny. It’s Holly. Call me when you get a chance. Please.

  HOLLY: I am so incredibly sorry. You have no idea. Actually you probably do.

  HOLLY: The truth is, I’m bad at opening up to people. I suck at putting myself out there.

  HOLLY: I’ve been looking at my grandma’s day planner tonight, and it’s like…she lived her life. She took risks. Maybe I need to take more risks.

  HOLLY: (Game of Thrones “Come at me, Crow” Night King gif)

  HOLLY: I should know better than to try to curry favor with you by sending you GoT gifs. I’m sorry for that, too. I realize by now that you’re not going to call, so I’ll just take the risk and say this: texting with you, spending hours every night getting to know the brain of THE Danny Garland? Best time of my young life so far.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Sunday, December 24

  Danny had been right. Everyone played games, and everyone had an angle. He was never going to find someone with whom he could just exist, be himself, let his guard down. He’d thought he’d found that person in Holly, but nope. She’d been playing him the whole time.

  Holly kept texting him all night from what was allegedly her own number, but Danny ignored the texts. After the first one, he didn’t even bother reading them. He’d turned off his phone so he didn’t have to hear another word from the Page girls.

  The next morning, he dragged himself to his team’s basketball game out at the Countryside tournament. Or, really, he didn’t drag himself. Brian dragged him. Given a choice, Danny would’ve stayed far away from that place. The North Pole High basketball team was so far from his reality right now, and, frankly, he wanted nothing to do with it. He didn’t want to see Phil Waterston in his seat on the bench, or Kevin taking Danny’s spot on the floor, or Star cheering the team on from the sidelines. It was all part of a world Danny no longer belonged to.

  But he kind of did want to get out of North Pole for a while, so he went, leaving his phone at home.

  Brian dropped him off at Santabucks after the game, around one. Danny had promised his mom he’d work the afternoon shift until the third round of the gingerbread contest started at four. Brian had offered to bring Danny’s showstopper over to the town hall, so all Danny had to do was show up on time…where he would come face to face with the Page girls, whom he’d been avoiding all day.

  He was on edge during his whole shift. Every time the bell above the door rang, Danny startled, worried that it’d be either Holly or Elda or both. He’d have to face them sooner or later, and he was banking on later. After today, he planned on hiding for the next week, until they left town. He’d stay in his house and play video games or something. It’d be fine.

  But then the Santabucks bell rang, and in walked Elda with Dinesh. It wasn’t fine. She was glaring right at Danny. Dinesh had to stop her from lunging at him.

  “So, you’re here,” Elda said. “You’re alive.”

  Danny walked over to the register and leaned on his crutches. Elda was a customer, nothing more. And that’s how he’d treat her. He didn’t owe her anything. Not one stinking thing. “What can I get you?”

  “Nothing,” she said. “Did your phone die or something? Did you drop it in the toilet?”

  “We have a special today on eggnog lattes,” he said.

  “I’ll try one of those,” Dinesh said.

  Danny grabbed a cup and went over to the espresso machine.

  Elda muttered to Dinesh, “We’re not ordering anything.”

  “But I want one. He owes me. I let him into laser tag with his broken leg.”

  “I’m on it, Dinesh.” Danny started making the latte. At least it was something to keep him busy, something to focus on instead of Elda’s angry eyes.

  “Holly stayed up texting you all night.” Elda stood behind the espresso machine, peering around it to see Danny better. He still refused to look up. “She was trying to apologize, trying to tell you her side of the story.”

  “You want whipped on this, Dinesh?” Danny knew Holly’s side of the story. She and her cousin had spent the past week or so pranking Danny, not even caring what it did to him.

  “I know you think you’re the victim here, but you’re no less to blame than Holly.”

  Danny glared at her as he placed Dinesh’s drink on the counter. How dare she? How dare she stand there with her hands on her hips like Danny wasn’t the one who’d had his heart trampled on. “Oh, really?”

  Elda rested her hands on the counter. She and Danny were almost nose to nose. Her dagger-like fingernails were pointing right at him. “Yeah. Really.”

  “How am I even remotely to blame for this situation?”

  “Because you were never genuinely interested in me. You wanted her the whole time.”

  Danny staggered backward a bit. He blamed his crutches. “You have a lot of nerve, Elda.” He focused on putting a lid on Dinesh’s cup.

  “I could tell you were vibing on her right from the start. I only went along with Holly’s plan because you were cute, I needed to shake up my romantic life, and Holly insisted she wasn’t into you. I bought her lie because she’s an evil genius, but I saw right through you. You were looking at her dog tattoo the day we spoke at the dance.”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “Yeah. I noticed a tattoo. As people do.”

  “Oh, but it was more than that. You never had two words to say to me. You were always checking her out when we were together. She’s the one who made you laugh.”

  Danny shrugged. None of that meant anything, because it didn’t erase the fact that they h
ad sold him a bill of goods posing as his dream girl.

  “Instead of being honest with her—or me, for that matter—that Holly was the one you wanted, you kept up this charade that you had a thing for me when you most certainly did not.”

  Well, she had him there.

  “Frankly, I should be the one who’s pissed off. You could’ve broken my heart,” Elda said. “Or I could’ve kept pursuing this thing with you and missed out on meeting Dinesh.” She wrapped an arm around Dinesh’s shoulders.

  She had a point, but she was leaving out a key piece of information. “Elda. You never liked me, either.”

  “True.” She rested her head against Dinesh’s shoulder.

  “So, we’re all to blame. We all screwed this up,” Danny said.

  “Not me. I’m blameless.” Dinesh pointed to the pastry display. “So, I’ll take a cinnamon crunch muffin with my latte.”

  Danny reached for the tongs.

  “Yup. We’re all to blame,” Elda agreed. “But blame is a waste of time, my friend. Holly and I are only going to be here for one more week, then we’re gone. You could stand here blaming her, or you could go to her, forgive her, and spend the next week making out with a girl you’re totally attracted to.”

  Between “make out with Holly” or “not make out with Holly,” the former definitely sounded a lot more fun. “I’ve already tried the whole dating a girl who treats me like garbage thing. Not recommended.” He handed Dinesh his muffin in a bag.

  Elda reached across the counter and squeezed Danny’s hand. “Yeah, Holly was texting you under someone else’s name, but that was the only thing fake about it. She showed you who she was. She opened up to you more in the past week than she’s ever opened up to anyone.”

  Danny glanced out the window. People were filing past, heading to the town hall for the gingerbread contest. He checked the Rudolph clock on the wall. They still had a little time, today and until Holly left North Pole for good. Frankly, they’d wasted enough time. “Where is she?”