1st Street Church_Love's Leading

by Kate Cambridge

  In the back of her mind she thought she heard, “Thea” but her thoughts consumed her. Then Mackenzie shook her arm. “Thea, your ice cream is ready! Didn’t you hear him?” she asked.

  “I’ve got it, Zee, thanks!” she replied with a sideways glance at Thor.

  His eyes spoke volumes, and there would be no escape from his questions, interrogation—demands for answers once they returned home. He’d made that perfectly clear before they left to pick Mackenzie up from school, and it was doubly clear now.

  As they finished the last bite of their ice cream, Mackenzie jumped from her chair and declared, “I’ll be right back.” Her happiness was infectious, and both Thor and Thea smiled as she raced toward her friends as fast as her legs could take her.

  As wonderful as the last thirty minutes had been, there was a boulder sitting in the pit of Thea’s stomach as she considered what she should and should not tell Thor.

  Her body affirmed that she wanted a permanent relationship with him, yet her mind told a different story. How could they even trust each other? Could a family endure two people involved with government agencies? Would they destine Mackenzie to a life without parents if they did? All of these thoughts streamed through her head with the full knowledge that Thor had absolutely no idea what she did—or at least she thought he didn’t.

  Her mind briefly flashed back to a vision of herself as a child, eleven-year-old Athena, religiously watching news coverage of crime scenes. She’d been absolutely certain she wanted to be a FBI agent some day, and go out into the world to make a difference in a really big way.

  It was that feeling she was experiencing again, even though she knew that the gritty stuff that agents did everyday was not something she wanted to do. It was really hard to imagine killing anyone—regardless of how bad or evil they were.

  She had a pressing need to address something much larger than herself, which is exactly why she’d had decided a year ago that she’d never marry or have children. Yet here she was, wanting both. Wanting them with every fiber of her being.

  Thor’s eyes sought hers, she could feel it, but she dared not meet his eyes. Not here. Not in an ice cream parlor with Mackenzie just steps away. She questioned if she was just being dramatic, or if there was merit to her angst. In her heart she knew the stakes, the stuff that stories were made of as she battled the tug between career and family, if indeed this family was even an option any more.

  She had no idea what Thor was thinking, and despite the fact that Mackenzie was in bed by 7:30 p.m. every week night, there just never seemed to be enough time, especially when you added in the fact that he’d been away for work all but one week since she’d come to Sweet Grove.

  Nausea flooded her stomach, and she wished she’d brought her own car. Then she wouldn’t have to endure time with Thor where they couldn’t address the burning issues she was quite sure were at the forefront of both their minds.

  15

  FIFTEEN

  Thea took Saturday and Sunday off, avoiding Thor by splitting her time between the library, a daily run, and more time at the library. It stayed open late on Saturday nights, so she’d closed the place down, then returned home to find Thor in his office with the door closed. And she’d gone straight to her room.

  It had been hard not to be there to put Mackenzie to bed, but it was good for Mackenzie to have time alone with her dad. Sunday was a repeat of Saturday except the library closed at four, so she debated what do next. Should she go home and have dinner with them, or eat out? Home, I miss them.

  Thea opened the door and was greeted immediately by the sweet sound of Mackenzie’s voice as the little girl ran toward her. “Thea?”

  “It’s me!” Thea confirmed as Mackenzie rushed into her arms for a hug. “Goodness, I missed you, and I love your apron. Are you making dinner?”

  “I missed you, too, Thea! Come to the kitchen and see what Daddy and I are cooking up.” She turned and raced through the hall, slowing only for a second to see if Thea was following.

  Thea quickly set her laptop bag on the bench and followed after Mackenzie. “Mmm. Whatever it is, it smells good,” she affirmed as her stomach growled, and suddenly she realized she’d worked through lunch.

  Her gait hitched as she saw Thor behind the island with a matching apron, his six-foot-one frame seemed no less imposing, even with an apron, it somehow only enhanced his sex appeal. She felt a jolt as his eyes met hers and then moved down to her mouth, working their way systematically down her body and back again. It ignited a response so strong she reached out to grasp the doorframe for support. He broke eye contact only when Mackenzie pulled on his arm, asking for help getting up onto the chair next to him.

  “Hey, Thea,” he offered as he settled Mackenzie next to him.

  “Thor,” she managed, breathlessly.

  “Come see, Thea,” Mackenzie insisted. “We’re making skettie from wegetables!” she exclaimed excitedly.

  Mackenzie’s voice brought Athena back to earth. “Spaghetti from vegetables, really?” she encouraged, as though she’d never heard of it before.

  “Yes. I told Daddy you’re mostly a wegetarian, cause you like wegetables better than meat, so we’re making an all wegetarian dinner for us!”

  “That’s so thoughtful, Zee, thank you,” she said with a smile that included both of them. “What can I do to help?”

  “We’ve got this covered, Thea. You can go take care of your things, and join us back here in—oh, let’s say twenty minutes.”

  “Sounds great, thanks,” she said, turning to retrieve her laptop, relieved to have a few minutes to pull herself back together.

  * * *

  You could cut the silence with a knife—it was that thick.

  Thor was being his typically shrink-like-self and giving her the, I’ll observe her until she finally speaks, and then analyze it stare. Thea was conflicted between running away—and throwing up. The anticipation of this moment had been growing all weekend, but if she were to be honest, it had been brewing since the initial interview with him well over a month ago.

  Not that she was the only guilty party in this relationship—he had plenty to own up to—the details of his work for one, but the fact remained, the weight was in his favor in light of the fact that he was the employer and an official FBI consultant.

  None of that mattered at the moment. He was winning. She felt like she had to turn the tide.

  “Thor, although your skills as a shrink are no doubt exceptional, and your technique effective, this approach is more than a bit annoying to me in light of the fact that I’m your employee and not a client. This is supposed to be a conversation. A few days ago you asked me to remain here permanently. Now we’re supposed to be talking it through, and you’re using the silence technique.”

  A slight flick of his left eyebrow gave a clue that he’d heard her, but it didn’t change the fact that he appeared to be maximizing the psychiatrist card combined with FBI consultant card to it’s fullest.

  “If you’re going to sit here in silence, then I’m not going to sit here. There’s no point. We can either have a mutual conversation…or,” she paused, “or we can continue tomorrow and try talking then. It’s not what I prefer. But there are so many layers going on here that to be honest, I can’t play this game anymore, or feel like I’m being psychoanalyzed. This is a waste of my time, and we don’t have a lot of it given Zee’s practice session will be over in thirty minutes, and then we’ll have to get her ready for bed.”

  Nothing changed for a long moment, then he began by taking a deep breath. “We were talking about the death of my wife.”

  She nodded, feeling the tension she’d been holding ebb.

  “We lived outside Washington, D.C., in Arlington. I was at the FBI headquarters when I received a call from a state trooper.” He tensed and looked down at his hands before bringing his eyes back to hers. “They told me there’d been an incident at home and asked where I was. I said I was at FBI headquarters working a case
; I asked what kind of incident, and they asked if I had co-workers with me. That’s when I knew something terrible had happened.”

  He licked his lips and paused before continuing. “Long story short, my wife had been murdered in our home. She’d taken Mackenzie to preschool, returned home, and neglected to lock the door behind her—or at least that’s what we think because there was no sign of forced entry.” He took a ragged breath and dragged his hand through his short hair.

  “I’m so sorry, Thor.”

  “There no reason for you to be sorry,” he shot back, in control. “As far as we can tell, there was no connection to any of my cases. The police, and FBI for that matter, think that the guy was on drugs and probably looking for money, jewelry, and anything he could get his hands on to sell. He was a violent offender, out on bail, and despite our efforts to link him to one of my cases, we couldn’t—but there is ambiguity there, because I’ve worked on DEA cases in the past.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “In prison. He’ll never see the light of day—I’ll make sure of that.” Anger filled his eyes before the veil covered it. “I hired a security firm anyway, I couldn’t risk having anything happen to Mackenzie, too.”

  She nodded, understanding. She was quite sure she’d have felt the same way. “So you’re taking precautions, but there’s nothing to suggest she’s in danger because of your work.” It was more of a statement than question, and her turn to take a deep breath, as he nodded, looking at her expectantly. The silence stretched—she knew it was her turn.

  “I—I’m working on a project for a congressman,” she started.

  “What kind of project?” he asked, his eyes watchful.

  “It’s supposed to be top secret, Thor.”

  His eyes narrowed, and she knew she wouldn’t get away with evading the details. Her eyes shifted away as she tried to remember the story she’d gone over again and again in her head as she’d prepared for this moment. “The friend I met at Penn, his mother is a therapist and his father was—is—a professor at Penn. He, umm, took me under his wing and introduced me to some people who he felt might be able to help connect me to future employment prospects.” She paused, looking for the next words, glancing at Thor intermittently.

  “I need the whole truth, Athena.” He’d used her full name, and she gulped.

  “You’re getting it.” She replied, annoyed. “As you know, I was a communications major in the Annenberg School at Penn, with a focus on political science and sociology.”

  He nodded, his eyes shifted from watchful to locking onto hers like magnets.

  She looked down at her hands and bit the inside of her lower lip.

  “We don’t have all day, Athena.”

  She leaned forward, giving him a reproachful look, and pulled up the rehearsed explanation. His goading incited her to blast it out, looking from him to the space between them. “He introduced me to a congressman he knew, and thought my interest in government and sociology might be helpful to him and a new project he was undertaking. He’s part of the Select Committee on Intelligence.”

  She dared a glance at Thor and the arctic veil hadn’t lifted. His eyes radiated a fierce intelligence, as though he knew where she was going with this.

  “Are you with the CIA?” he asked, barely containing his fury.

  “No, but they asked,” she admitted.

  “Who are you with?”

  “I’m not.”

  He scoffed, glaring at her.

  “I’m serious. They offered. I said no.”

  “Why?”

  “Why did I say no, or why did they offer?”

  “Both.”

  “I said no because I don’t think I’m cut out for that… kind of work.” A half-smile crossed over her face. “As a kid, teenager, and even early in my college years, I always thought I’d want to work for the FBI or CIA.” She rolled her eyes. “I know, that probably seems so cliché.” She stole a glance at him, but he wasn’t smiling.

  “Sorry, I digressed,” she said without sincerity, her eyes focused back on a space between them, and then down at her hands. “Anyway, I said no, they came back with an offer of assurance that they’d train me to handle the things I felt I couldn’t, and I said no a final time,” she emphasized.

  “Why do you think they offered?”

  “Did you read my thesis?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  He nodded.

  “Then you should be able to deduce the rest.”

  “What are you doing for Congressman…?”

  “That I can’t tell you, but I’m sure you can probably find out—. ”

  He tried to interrupt but she cut him short. “If you do find out on your own, that’s fine, but I can’t tell you, and that’s also final,” she said, her eyes hopefully conveying there was no room for discussion. “I only ask that you use discretion if you choose to inquire further so as not to jeopardize my research for them which is secret.”

  He was angry, and she guessed she couldn’t blame him.

  “I assume my paper got the attention of more than just the CIA, or maybe it was my friend’s influence, I’m not really sure which, but I received a call to meet with the SCI, and I did. From there I was offered a part-time research opportunity from a congressman, and I took it. It wasn’t going to pay the bills, so when I saw your job posting, and the flexible hours during the day, it seemed like a perfect fit.”

  “And you never thought to tell me this?” He was seething, and she moved out of her chair to put some distance between them.

  “I had no reason to believe it would bring danger to me—or you and Mackenzie—and it’s a bit of a leap to think that it has,” she added for emphasis.

  “But you’re not sure about that,” he observed.

  She turned to look out the window. “No, I’m not. I probably don’t fully understand the implications behind the research I’m doing. Or the result they might have, because I’m not privy to how it will be used, or if it will be used at all for that matter. But it has crossed my mind. That—and the psychopath from Penn.”

  She spun back toward Thor. “If I have caused any danger to Mackenzie, I will never forgive myself,” she assured him, eyes brimming with tears.

  “You can’t stay here if I don’t have all the details regarding what you’re working on, how that information could be used, and if there’s any potential danger to my daughter.”

  “I understand,” she whispered, as the tears betrayed her and overflowed. “I’ll pack my bags and be out of here…” She stopped as Mackenzie pushed the door open. How long had she been there?

  “You’re leaving me?” she accused, tearfully. “You said you wouldn’t leave me, Thea. Daddy, tell her!” Her voice rose, almost hysterically. “Thea said she’d stay here, please make her stay!” she wailed, running to Thea.

  “Mackenzie, come here,” he said softly.

  “No! I won’t!” she screamed, clinging to Thea as though her little life depended on it.

  Everything blurred as Thea tried to blink away the tears that overwhelmed her eyes, now overflowing and streaming down her cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hands before wrapping her arms around Mackenzie, pressing her into a hug. “Zee, look at me.”

  “Thea,” she sobbed. “Please, please don’t go.”

  16

  SIXTEEN

  “Is she okay?” Thea asked Thor as he walked into the kitchen after tucking Mackenzie into bed.

  “No, she’s not okay, Athena.” His eyes were dark, still angry, and filled with worry.

  There were a million things she wanted to say, but in the end, they didn’t really matter. “I packed my bags. I wasn’t sure if I should stay until morning to say goodbye to Mackenzie? I don’t want to leave without saying goodbye, unless you think that’s better for her.” She acquiesced.

  “Where will you go?” he asked, his eyes guarded.

  “I’ve booked a room at the same hotel Wren is staying at. She’s offered t
o come pick me up…” She waited, the silence extending between them.

  “Stay. I think Mackenzie will benefit more from proper closure with you than if you simply walk away.”

  He might as well have cut her heart out with a machete. “That’s not fair. I would never just walk out on her—this is far from simple,” she said quietly, barely controlling her anger.

  He looked at her, disdain written on his face. “Let’s talk tomorrow after breakfast—I need time to think this through. You should plan on being here tomorrow night for dinner, but I’ll take her to school tomorrow. Are you okay with making her breakfast?” he asked as a shadow passed through his eyes.

  “Yes, of course,” she said, walking away before he could see the tears welling up in her eyes.

  * * *

  “I don’t want any breakfast,” Mackenzie insisted.

  “Zee, please—”

  “Don’t call me that,” she declared, glaring at Thea.

  Thea nodded. “All right, Mackenzie,” she corrected softly. “I’ve made your favorite pancakes, and since you didn’t eat dinner last night, I made you an extra pancake today. I thought you might be especially hungry.” She stopped herself short from pleading with the little girl.

  Thor watched their interaction closely without interfering.

  “O-okay,” Mackenzie offered tearfully.

  Thea turned back toward the stove before Mackenzie could see the tears forming in her own eyes, and blinked them away furiously, forcing a smile before she turned back. “Here you go, two buttermilk pancakes, one with a sad face,” she explained, keeping her expression soft, the sadness welling up. “The second with a smile, because I hope Mackenzie can find her smile before the day ends.” She placed the plate in front of her.