Breathless (The Breathe Series Book 1)

by Christy Johnson

  “What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

  “I’ve been banned, Riley. Well, will probably be soon enough! Can they even do this to me? How can they do this to me?” My voice cracks.

  “Nora, just calm down. Tell me what happened? What did you do?”

  “I didn’t do anything!” I scream at him, alarmed that he could think I did something wrong.

  “Okay, I’m just asking. Calm down, talk to me. What happened at the Care Station?” He rubs my shoulders.

  “I mean nothing happened – Well, it did but I’m – I’m so confused. I’m – ugh!” I bury my face into his chest.

  “Just breathe.” He says, soothing my soul. I pull in a healthy amount of air, inhaling until my lungs are filled, and exhaling until the air had diminished from them.

  I pull away to stare at him, “I went to the Care Station for my typical checkup and the doctor told me that I was infertile. Infertile! Can you believe that? She said I had a thing called PTOS – Wait, no maybe it was PCOS. Polycystic Syndrome – or some crap! Then I get into the car with my mom and my abdomen starts to burn really bad. I glance down and there’s a new tattoo there! How can they do this to me!?” I sob. He pulls me into his chest again.

  “Shh, it’s going to be alright.” He says but I recognized that he was unsure.

  “What’s going to happen to me?” I lift my head to gaze into his eyes again, searching for an answer. I needed him to reassure me that I would be okay, instead, he hesitates.

  “Say something.” That obnoxious lump seizes my throat. I was hoping that he would still want me, love me.

  He sighs. “Nothing is going to happen to you, Nor.” He was speaking in a tone that made me doubt him and the love I had for him should have overpowered that doubt, but, it didn’t. I nod trying to reassure him that I believed him, hoping he wouldn’t see past the façade I conjured up.

  With his hands on both sides of my face; we stare into each other’s eyes and he says, “Baby, I will always be here. I just thought that you should remember that. Anything is possible, I promise.” I regard down, still not convinced.

  “Nora?”

  My eyes flicker back up to his,“Mhm?”

  “Remember what we used to say? Draw a circle around the one you love instead of a heart because a heart can break but a circle goes on forever and never ends just like Riley and Nora. I’ve drawn my circle and I’m not going anywhere, are you?”

  “It goes on forever and ever just like us.” I say.

  “Just like us.” He whispers and pulls me in close once more.

  *****

  Infertility tattoos. I type into the search bar.

  Site Forbidden. Error 5404. The screen flashes back at me.

  I tap my index finger against the writing desk, thinking. I slide away from the ancient computer mom had given me for my birthday 3 years ago. She couldn’t afford the new projections for my room but I was content with what I had.

  My mother had forbidden files in her office some time ago. I walk down stairs quietly, hoping she would have some information on infertility tattoos but once I'm at the door of the office, I discover that it is locked.

  “Crap.” I whisper, turning to creep back upstairs to her room where she was sleeping, cracking the door open more to maneuver my way into her room. The floor creaks as I tip toe through her bedroom that causes her to switch positions but never waking her. Where is that key? I search her small writing desk that was positioned in the corner of her small living area in her room. There was nothing on top of the desk. I crack open the one drawer to find it also empty. There was only one other place she could have hidden it in. I walk over to her nightstand, pulling the drawer open to find the shiny, golden key in plain sight. Almost as if she wanted someone to find it but that wasn’t my main concern now. I don’t waste time trying to figure out why the key was there, hidden – not hidden. There were too many other things on my mind.

  I hurry back down the stairs, unlocking her office door and creeping inside. I flick the floor lamp on next to her desk and begin to search for anything that could answer my questions. Her file cabinet stood in between a window and bookshelf; I hurry over to pull open each drawer one by one. My suspicion grows deeper as I notice that there aren’t any files in any of the file cabinet drawers either. “That’s weird.” I mumble to myself. I close the last cabinet drawer and continue to scan every nook in her office.

  I run my fingers along the fifth shelf of the bookshelf, still scanning the office. My fingers stop midway through the shelf when I look over to the office couch, spotting a book with a symbol on the front of it. A symbol much like the tattoo on my wrist. I dust off my hands and glide over to the couch, sitting down beside of the book. I slide my pajama sleeve down to compare the symbols. They were alike, only the one on the book had a crown as the handle and mine remained unfinished. I run my fingers over the illustration of the book and proceed to open the book when I hear the door knob rattle. I scoot over to the desk, sitting down and lying my head on it before mom could enter.

  “Nora?” Mom stands there rubbing her eyes. “Are you alright?” I open my eyes to face her. “Nora? Are you sleep walking?” She comes in closer to me to shake my shoulder.

  “Mm.” I groan as if I had been.

  “Get up, sweetie. How did you get in here?” She asks.

  “I – I don’t know.” I respond, trying to make my voice sound groggy.

  “I could have sworn I locked this door.” She walks over to jiggle the rusty door handle again. My face begins to burn as I feel the key dig its way into my leg, deep down in my pocket. As she’s looking away, I drop the key onto the small office chair I’m sitting on. “I must have forgotten to lock it this time. Come on, let’s go back to bed. You’ve had a long day.”

  I wanted to ask why she had the door locked but didn’t want her to become suspicious of me so I just follow her as she guides me back to my bedroom. “I love you.” She says.

  “Love you, too.” She closes the door behind her and heads back down the hall to her bedroom. I hear her door shut. I switch on the TV to distract my thoughts. News 9.09 shines through into my room. I don’t pay attention to it at first, but then I hear a name that burns its way into my skull. Donna Harris. I turn the volume up.

  …Doctor Donna Harris was found in her office dead late this evening. There are no updates on her death at this time but we will have more information once it is released.

  “She was an exceptional doctor.” Says one the nurses of the Care Station in Unit 8. Luke Miller, CEO of all Care Stations and Units is Live with us now with condolences and regards to Donna Harris’ family –

  I snap the TV off, horrified plopping down onto the bed. What was happening? Was she dead because of me? Because she was trying to protect me? Am I the cause of her death? My eyesight blurs as the tears form. I was the cause of Donna’s death. I slam my face into the pillow, allowing the tears to seep through, soaking it with my sorrows. I turn my head to face the wall. Mother was hiding something from me and I needed to determine what it was. I had to get back into my mother’s office. I needed that book.

  6 numb

  PRESENT

  I hear beep – beep – beep – beep ringing in my ears; It doesn’t stop; it continues to loop around on a consistent cycle. I open my eyes to blurry walls and cords hanging from my body. What happened? I squint, looking to my right at the clear, glass crystal case with my clothes washed and pressed, hanging inside. I groan and speculating over to the left of me to know nothing but a blurry wall standing almost 15 feet high. I moan again, positioning my head forward to catch a figure standing in front of me, waiting for me to wake. I jump and wince at the pain in my belly.

  “Why, hello there, Miss Jacobs? I’m Caregiver Addy. I’m here to update you.” I assume she smiles.

  “H—H—i.” I try to say. “Where–”

  “Shh, don’t speak. You’ve been through a rather traumatic experience. You were in a horrific car accident. There w
ere a few Travelers involved and five other vehicles. Everyone survived except one.” Probably the guy who was driving on my tail like a maniac.

  “You had surgery on your abdomen.” She continues. “There was some internal bleeding, but you pulled through fine. You were lucky. I don’t understand how you survived that.” She smirks. “Although, we noticed one thing.” She pauses as nervousness arises within me. I prepared myself for what she would say—my secret tattoo. I’m sure she knew about it by now. I glance down at my wrist to determine if the wristband was still there; to my surprise, it hadn’t come off. Relieved, I close my eyes, although that wasn’t the tattoo I should have been concerned about.

  “Ok?” I whisper so she could continue to talk.

  She lowers her voice, “We also—um—noticed your infertility tattoo on your abdomen.” She’s pointing down to my abdomen. I widen my eyes at her, warning her of this horrid secret but she doesn’t take the hint, she continues on, “Well the doctor thought it would be–”

  “Addyson!” Someone yells behind her, making her head snap around to catch who was yelling her name.

  “Hello—Doctor, I was just–” Her voice trembles with trepidation.

  “You were just giving out confidential information that was not your job to do. May I speak with you outside for a moment?” He says, scolding her. I try to peek around Addyson to know who this fierce doctor could be but he stays tucked away, behind the shadows of darkness in the room.

  “Yes, doctor.” She lowers her head and walks out of the door.

  She doesn’t return but the fierce doctor does reminding me that my stomach could still churn with embarrassment. He speaks as he’s closing the door, “So, Miss Jacobs, your surgery went well. I’m surprised you survived that car crash with a hairline fracture on your collar bone and bruised ribs.” He spins around to face me, “You–” He stops. “Nora.”

  I try sweeping my hair in front of my face, hiding behind it. “Hello.”

  “Wow, I thought that was you. Do you remember me from the Veritas?” He says unprofessionally. “I couldn’t tell who you were with all the cords hanging from your body and the oxygen mask over your face.”

  I lower my head, “I see.” I say, in desperate need for him to carry on but when he continues to gawk at me, I intervene, “So what was the surgery for?”

  “Well–” He snickers. “I didn’t quite finish, did I?”

  “No.” I clutch my sore throat.

  He walks over to the post behind my bed and clicks a button. My eyes follow him to know what he is doing behind me but my head stops inches away from my shoulder. I wince in pain.

  “Careful.” He says. “You’re still recovering. Just relax.” He touches my shoulder from behind me. My breathing intensifies and my eyes flicker down to his callused hands. His nails shaped squarely, his blue veins so potent, I could almost hear the blood rushing through them. His familiar touch so tender, I am reminded of that night in the club. I feel my body convulse, wanting to jump into his arms again, wanting to feel those hands clutching my waist to him.

  He unhands me and walks around to face me as I recollect my composure, “We noticed that there was some internal bleeding down in your abdomen. Also, what the caregiver was saying about your—your, um, the infertility tattoo… Don’t worry—we will honor your confidentiality. But I noticed that there was a tumor lodged into your fallopian tube blocking passageway. It is safe to remove it if you’d like. I want to discuss this further with you and your options on the surgeries and possibilities about having children in your future but for now, you can rest. You need it. I’ll come back to check on you and we can discuss it more. Okay?” He smiles sheepishly as if he thought it to be uncomfortable talking about my infertility and fallopian tubes. Why didn’t Donna see the tumor years ago?

  “Um, well that’s a lot to take in…” I look down at my hands, distracting myself from his beauty. “… but I’ll think of some questions to ask you.” I grin half-heartedly, clutching my abdomen, looking back up to him.

  “Okay.” He grins at me and awkwardly twists to walk away, not hiding his admiration. He turns his head to glance at me once more and I fall to my knees. Not literally but in my head, I do. He was still charming as the night I met him. His blue eyes, red hair and pink full lips. Gosh!

  I sit on the edge of the circular bathtub to run a bubble bath. He comes into the bathroom, leaning up against the door, smiling down at me. His eyes deep and green, I get lost by looking into them. He comes in closer and kneels down, right in front of me. What’s happening? I can’t speak, I can only think.

  He mouths the words, “Will you marry me?” and holds out a diamond ring. I want to scream, “Yes!” but my voice caught and all I can do is mouth that word, too. He doesn’t seem shocked that we cannot speak, instead, he grins harder and hands the ring to me. My smile fades as I open my hand to my engagement ring crumbling. I look back at him in disappointment, but he’s still smiling. Riley! I can only think; I can’t mouth his name anymore. Riley! He fades. Riles, please! He fades more. Riley, no, I love you! He ceases to exist.

  My eyes snap open. How could I have forgotten? I yank the covers—well try to, grunting in pain as I try to remove the thick layered quilt from my body. I sling one leg over the edge of the bed, then the other trying to use as little to no muscles in my abdomen as possible. The excruciating pain seizes my belly causing me to screech out in agony. I grunt one last time then, I’m out of bed, tilted over, clenching my stomach. I pull the IV out of my arm and stumble over to the glass cabinet to get my washed and pressed clothes. When I reach the crystal door, my head throbs and my eyes close more than they had before. With thoughts clouded with nothing but dizziness and confusion, I feel myself tilt further to the floor but before I could hit the floor, I stagger closer to the small brown chair beside of the crystal cupboard. I reach it in time to slump down into it as my eyelids betray me and shut down. I try to fight the urge to sleep but soon realize that sleep was invincible, forcing me to drift off to a place far from here, understanding everything and nothing all at once.

  It seemed as if I had been sleeping for some time now in the Care Station chair. I hold my neck over to one side to release the pressure that had built up in the other side of it, looking around to an empty room where no one had come in to check in on me. Not even the hot, hot doctor. I squint in the darkness, trying to distinguish the figure sitting over in the distance on the edge of the window sill. I grip the sides of the chair, lifting myself up, trying to work my way over to the figure in the corner. I fall backwards when it scurries over to me.

  “Whoa, careful.” I feel his hands groping at the sole of my back.

  “Who are you?” My mind still distorted. I rub my eyes to free my eyesight of the blurry prison. “Devin? What are you doing here?”

  “I heard about your car accident and I wanted to show my support.” He was the guy I bumped into at Apalachicola.

  “Devin, you don’t even know me. How did you find out about any of this? I told no one about this.” I look him up and down, studying him prudently. He was built with faultlessness. His skin shaded with the right amount of melanin, eyes painted with nothing but pure amber. I concede his full lips as he brushes his left hand through his curly locks.

  “You needed me, Nora. Stop fighting what your soul is calling out for.” Needed him? He reaches out to touch my face. I pull away from him, still confused.

  “What are you talking about?” He brings his lips around to one side of his face, displaying the deep dimples in his cheeks.

  “You needed me, Nora. Stop fighting what your soul is calling out for.” He repeats, sounding almost like a recording.

  “Okay, you need to leave. NOW!” I yell at him, trying to step away but am trapped between him and the chair behind me.

  “You will never get rid of me, Nora. Never forget the choices you make. This is only the beginning.”

  “Leave Devin!”

  “You need me.” He repeats, g
ripping my arm. His large fingers almost wrapping themselves all the way around my arm.

  “Let go of me. You’re hurting me.” I try to break loose.

  He flashes his white teeth at me as I scream for someone to come in to help me but the Care Station echoes back at me, its hollow. I scan the room for something to hit him with—anything.

  “What’s wrong, Nora? Can’t find anything to hit me with?” He teases.

  “What is wrong with you!?” I screech at him. He lifts his hand up high in the air, dropping it with force. I cringe, preparing myself for his full force strike.

  7 choices

  I cover my face with my free hand but before he could sting the surface of my cheek, I open my eyes, jumping up from the chair, not conceding the excruciating pain still brewing in my abdomen. Ouch.

  I glance over at the clock on my nightstand to notice I was out of this reality for only a mere 15 minutes. I rub my head and try to tread my way back over to the bed when I feel a presence – an awkward, scary kind. I glance over to the window sill, scoping it out from across the room, and creeping back over to the bed, still uneasy by the strange presence lingering in the room. My thoughts sway back and forth, leading me to fear for my life. My breaths part as I continue to get closer to the bed.

  The lights flick on and I jump in fear, staggering as fast as I could to the bed without even acknowledging the pain.

  “Miss Jacobs?” I didn’t even make. I turn around to see my doctor standing there. I sigh with relief.

  “Oh, it’s just you.” I whisper, probing at my belly.

  “Were you expecting someone – else?” He says looking around the room.

  “Oh, um, no.” I attempt to think of a subject change but could come up with nothing but, “What’s going on?” Shaking my head, I slide onto my bed. He rushes over to help me. My face cringes as I am trying to avoid using my abdomen muscles to pull me up.

  “You know you aren’t supposed to be out of bed.” He scolds me.