by Ruby Moone
“Stand up.”
Daniel’s heart sank. He stood. It took everything he had, but he straightened his spine, and looked at Christian. Looked him in the eye and waited.
He was stunned almost to the point of crying out loud when Christian moved forward, put his arms around him, buried his face in his neck, and held him tight.
Daniel stood stock still. Arms held out by his side, peering down his nose at the man who clung to him. Christian was shaking. Was he crying? He was. Oh, Christ, he was.
Slowly, tentatively, he brought his arms about and wrapped them around his back and held him gently.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered, awkwardly petting his hair. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m not.” His voice was watery.
Daniel let his forehead rest on Christian’s shoulder. Tears leaked out.
“Are you crying?” Christian’s voice was muffled.
Daniel shook his head. He couldn’t speak.
They clung together for a long time.
Not crying.
Christian was the first to pull away. He scrubbed at his eyes with both hands. Daniel released him feeling cold, sick, and empty.
“I’m sorry. I never, ever want to lay that on you. You had enough to deal with.”
“What do you mean?” Christian cleared his throat and rand his hands through his hair.
“It was hard enough for you losing your dad without all this shit on top of it.”
“You should have told me at the time.”
“I couldn’t.”
Christian looked at him. “Did you not have any idea how much I fucking loved you?”
“I…”
“Daniel, you walked away from me. Left me. Abandoned me. One minute, we were in love and planning a future, the next my dad is dead, and you were walking away from me, at the worst time of my life, without a backward glance saying you were going into business with your father.”
“I…”
“You broke me. I’ve not had a serious fucking relationship since.”
Daniel looked at the floor. “I was protecting you from him. Thought if you knew the truth, the injustice of it all would tear you and your mother apart. The only thing I could do for you was keep it to myself, walk away, and pray Kenneth left you and your mother alone. I was doing what I thought was best. What I thought was right.” He glanced up. “It broke me too.”
Christian was still looking at him. “You didn’t feel you could talk to me?”
Daniel held his gaze; however hard it was. “I didn’t dare. It was too dangerous. Kenneth was too dangerous. If that makes me a coward…” He shrugged.
Christian closed his eyes. “You’re no coward. Crazy maybe, but no coward.”
Daniel frowned. “Crazy?”
“Yes, crazy. You shouldn’t have carried all this inside you for so long.”
“Yes, I should. It was the least I could do. I had to protect you from him. Didn’t want him anywhere near you and your mum. It was all I could do. I know what he was like. He’d never let up.”
“So, you went to work for him, blocked all this shit out, and ended up with a drink and drugs problem.”
Shame burned through Daniel. He looked at the floor and nodded.
“What made you stop?”
He scratched his forehead. “Like I said. My mum. He was killing her slowly. I could see her fading away and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it. He was so unpredictable, so… so.” Daniel shook his head. It was hard to put into words how Kenneth operated. How he wormed into everyone’s head and messed with it.
“He made her feel ugly and worthless. I managed to get away from the worst of it, but she never could.” He shrugged. “Like I told you. We agreed. She’d leave him; I’d give up the booze. I never thought we’d manage to pull it off, but we did.”
Christian smiled. “Yeah, you did.”
Daniel nodded. “We looked at how best to get her away, but he was fucking psychotic. We decided that she would just have to go missing. Disappear.”
Christian swallowed.
Daniel cleared his throat. “I arranged a new identity for her, with all the papers. Greek citizen. Like you saw.” He shrugged. “Her mother was half Greek.”
“Well, I’m guessing it worked as she’s still there?”
Daniel smiled briefly. “It did. I left the odd trail for him to follow. Each one drawing a blank, of course. In the end, he decided that she’d been murdered because he simply couldn’t ever believe she’d leave him of her own accord.”
“Ego much?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.”
“So you orchestrated your mother’s escape, kept her safe in Greece, beat the booze and the drugs, kept me and my mother safe from the knowledge that my dad was murdered, went out on a limb, back into Kenneth’s world for me every time I needed you…?”
Daniel wasn’t sure where he was going with this, so he just nodded.
“You still loved me when you left me.”
It was a moment before Daniel could speak without his chin wobbling. He took a few breaths. “Yeah.”
“That’s why you kept helping me? Why you didn’t tell me the truth?”
Daniel nodded. “If it meant I got to see you, however briefly, I’d do anything for you.”
Christian put his hands on his hips and sucked in a breath. “Do you still love me?”
What a fucking question. Of course, he did. There’d never been anyone else. Did he admit it? He lifted his chin. There wasn’t much point lying any more. “Yeah. I do.”
Christian nodded. “Right.”
What the fuck did that mean? He waited.
Christian moved closer to him and Daniel held his breath. “The first time we were together we didn’t stop fucking long enough to get to know each other properly. This time, this time, we’ve been running all over the place getting stabbed, and seeing people shot. Maybe we need some time without any drama just to get to know each other.”
Daniel swallowed. That didn’t sound like he was walking out. The tiniest flare of hope burned softly in his stomach, but he knew of old not to trust it. “Yeah?”
“I mean, I don’t even know what you like to eat, what your favourite music is. Do you like to travel? What do you do in your spare time? When are you going to buy a house you like…” Christian shrugged and gave him a soft, hopeful smile.
“What are you saying?” He frowned. “I like to eat anything I haven’t cooked; I like rock, I never have time to travel, and I don’t have any spare time.”
Christian rolled his eyes. Then he wiped them with a shaky laugh. He took a breath. “I’d like to take you out on a date.”
“A date?”
“A date.”
Daniel was perplexed. Christian had burst into his flat, found him alone with a bottle of vodka, discovered the truth about his father’s death, and he was asking him for a date.
“Why?” He really needed to be sure on this one.
“Because I want to know if we can make this work. Without all the drama, the secrets, the hiding. I want… I want to see if we can be two normal guys dating and falling for each other.”
The pressure behind Daniel’s eyes was too much. He couldn’t speak.
“Having hot sex too.” Christian waggled his eyebrows weakly.
Daniel burst out laughing and crying at the same time. It was explosive. He laughed, cried a bit, laughed again, and pulled Christian into his arms.
40
Four days later, Daniel stood on the doorstep of Christian’s house. He’d invited him around for dinner. They’d not seen each other since that dreadful day, but they’d texted and had a couple of late-night video conversations on the laptop. Well, they’d talked for hours really. It was insane how easy it was to talk to him now he wasn’t holding a world of shit inside him. He squared his shoulders and blew out a breath.
The door opened, and Christian stood there. Tall, slim, gorgeous. Those aqua eyes had a smile in them, and hi
s feet were bare. Daniel was beginning to wonder if he had a bit of a thing for bare feet.
“Come in.”
Daniel stepped over the threshold and handed a bottle of red wine to Christian.
“Mmm. My favourite.”
“I know.”
Christian raised his face for a kiss and Daniel obliged. Just a soft brush of the lips. He loved that sort of kiss. Those that were more about love and affection than lust. Daniel was pretty confident he could turn Christian on, what he needed to know was that those softer feelings were there. It was those softer feelings that he’d never had. That he realised that maybe he needed.
He followed Christian into the kitchen where something in the oven smelled amazing. Christian put the wine on the side. Daniel smiled to himself. He probably wouldn’t drink it while he was there, but he wanted to keep telling him it was okay.
“Come with me.” Christian held out a hand. Daniel took it. “I’m going to give you the grand tour.”
“Really?” Daniel looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “I’ve been here before.”
“Yes, but you need to see what I’ve done with the place. Give you some inspiration so you can sell those soulless boxes you exist in and find a home.”
Daniel shrugged and nodded.
“Here is the kitchen.”
He listened dutifully as he explained how he’d remodelled the kitchen but retained some of the original features, how he liked to sit in the kitchen in the morning sun. He took him through the dining room, study, lounge and then out into the garden. It was long and thin, but had places to sit, places to eat and places to wander amongst trees and plants.
“I’ll show you upstairs now.”
Daniel tugged on his hand. “I get it.”
“Do you?” Christian tilted his head to one side. His eyes were bright, his hair shone gold in the sun. Birds sang above their heads, and somewhere a bee buzzed.
He breathed in the smell of fresh cut grass and smiled. “It’s a home. Not just somewhere to live.”
“I tried hard to make it into a home. Somewhere I’d want to be.”
“You did a great job. It’s beautiful. Welcoming and warm.”
“It was never quite home though.”
“No? There’s more you’d like to do? I can’t imagine what.” He looked around.
“I’m on my own here.”
Daniel nodded. “I know what you mean.” He reached out and squeezed Christian’s arm. “Mavis helped. My aunt was right. It’s nice to have someone to come home to even if it is just the cat.” He stepped back. “Maybe you should get a cat too.”
Christian looked like he might say something. Looked a bit bewildered really, but then took hold of his hand “I’ll show you upstairs.”
“I’ve been upstairs.”
“Well, you weren’t paying attention to my decor, you were fucking me into the mattress.”
Daniel blushed. Actually blushed. He felt the heat in his cheeks. He didn’t think that Christian would ever mention the day of his father’s funeral when he’d brought him into his home and helped him feel halfway human. Given him hope that he would be able to get through it.
“You’re blushing.” Christian’s grin was full of mischief.
“Not surprised. I never imagined you’d let me come with you and make love to you. Never in a million years. Thought I was pushing you away, but when you said yes…” Daniel shook his head. “I can’t tell you how much that meant to me.”
Christian was smiling as though he’d said something special.
“What?”
“Making love. I like that.”
Daniel dipped his head to hide the flush that intensified . “It’s always making love with you,” he murmured, feeling silly, but the need to say it overcame it.
“And some hard fucking….” Christian grinned.
Daniel yanked up his head and sniggered. “Yeah. And that.”
“On the subject of hard fucking…?”
Daniel’s cock stiffened immediately. “Yeah?”
“How fast can you run upstairs?” Christian pulled free and legged it across the lawn. Daniel stared with his mouth open for a moment, then followed, laughing incredulously. They sped through the hallway, thundered up the stairs, and flung themselves into the bedroom and tumbled onto the bed, which creaked ominously, both laughing and pulling at clothes.
Christian was panting and trying to drag Daniel’s jeans down his legs. Daniel was wriggling out of his boxers so that he could get rid of those too.
“Thought we were dating and stuff.”
Christian staggered back as the jeans came free of Daniel’s feet. “We are.”
“Yeah?”
“This is the, ‘and stuff’ bit.”
Stark naked, Daniel shuffled up the bed and watched as Christian ditched the last of his clothes and stood by the bed, naked. “Liking the ‘and stuff’ bit.” His voice was breathy. He’d thought it might be a long time before Christian wanted him again.
Christian crawled onto the bed between Daniel’s legs. Daniel spread them wider and his breath hitched. He felt the tingle of excitement as the cool air of the room brushed his balls. Christian stopped and took hold of both Daniel’s thighs, running his hands up and down gently, making Daniel bend his knees to raise them. Christian kissed each knee and then ran his hands up Daniel’s thighs making his breath hitch, then gently lowered himself so he was laying chest to chest, cock to cock with Daniel. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at him. Daniel’s heart was hammering, and he couldn’t help but thrust up gently. Christian responded in kind.
“Do you like kissing?” Christian whispered.
Daniel nodded.
“Only, you keep avoiding it when we have sex. I don’t want to do anything you don’t like.”
Daniel’s heart squeezed and felt way too big for the tiny cavity that was his chest. “I like kissing. I just felt guilty kissing you. It’s… it’s intimate. I didn’t feel I had the right to be intimate with you as well as fucking you. Fucking I could deal with. Kissing…” He shrugged. It sounded totally stupid when he said it out loud.
Christian’s gaze roamed over his face, and he took one hand to gently brush the hair off Daniel’s forehead. “It’s going to take me a while to process what happened to my dad, I’ll not lie, but I can see how hard it’s been for you. It’s gonna take me a while to process what happened to you too.”
Daniel couldn’t hold his gaze, but Christian gently pushed his chin to make him. He rubbed his fingers over Daniel’s cheek and slowly lowered his mouth. Parting his lips, Daniel couldn’t tear his gaze away. He held his breath as he waited.
When Christian’s lips touched his, Daniel’s eyes closed, and his mouth parted on a soundless moan to give him access. The softness of Christian’s lips, the gentle brush of his stubble, the whisper of breath across his cheek, the fresh warmth of his mouth. Twelve long years of yearning crashed over him as he put one hand at the back of Christian’s head, and he kissed him. He felt Christian’s breath catch and then they sank into each other. Wide, aching, yawning kisses that were never quite enough. Kissing like they’d done all those years ago. Daniel flipped them over, so he lay on Christian and kissed him harder, deeper, until Christian rolled them back and tore his mouth away, looking down at him.
“That’s it. That’s the kiss you gave me that first time.” Christian’s eyes were glassy.
Daniel was panting. Aching. He remembered they’d been about to kiss when Bryce had barged in and ruined everything.
He reached up and captured Christian’s mouth again and kissed him with everything he had. Christian moaned into him and pushed him back into the bed.
Daniel pulled his mouth away, panting hard. “Fuck me?” he whispered.
Christian’s eyes closed and his face contorted. He kissed Daniel one last time, then scrabbled on the bedside cabinet and came back with condoms and lube. Daniel went to get on all fours, but Christian’s hand stayed hi
m.
“Want to see you,” he said.
Daniel swallowed, but lay back. “I’ve never done it this way before.”
“I’ve never fucked anyone this way before.”
Daniel watched him. He’d never bottomed for anyone other than Christian, and they’d always done it with him on all fours, or up against something. On his side even, but never full on face to face. Maybe it came back down to intimacy.
“Stop thinking.” Christian knelt between his thighs and suited up.
Daniel smiled reluctantly. “How do you know I’m thinking?”
“I can see it in your eyes. Are you trying to talk yourself out of it?”
Daniel shook his head, his hole clenching as Christian squirted a massive dollop of lube onto his fingers. He held his hand to one side, leaned down, and dropped a swift kiss on the tip of Daniel’s cock, making him gasp.
“Legs up.”
Daniel drew up his knees, feeling exposed.
“Right up, like this.” He pushed until Daniel was almost bent double, then slid cool, lubed fingers between his cheeks. Daniel’s head flopped back on a soft moan. Christian pushed gently until he slid in and Daniel hissed at the burn. It was a long time since he’d done this. He forced himself to relax as Christian kissed him again, then slid his mouth down his neck, over his collar bone, to take his nipple between his teeth and bite as he added another finger, making Daniel shiver.
“You’re so tight.” Christian’s voice was a soft murmur. “How long since you did this?”
“Since last time you did it to me.”
Silence.
Daniel peeled open an eye and watched as Christian pressed into him with two fingers.
Christian leaned down and kissed him. “Tell me if it hurts and we’ll stop.”
Daniel nodded. He wasn’t stopping anything.
“Promise?”
“Yeah.”
“Say, ‘I promise to tell you if it hurts, Christian.’”
Daniel rolled his eyes. “I promise to tell you if it hurts, Christian.”
