by Ruby Moone
“That’s better. Okay, then. Hold tight.”
Christian kissed him deeply as he prepped him and eventually the tightness, the soreness eased and was replaced by a deep aching need that had Daniel rocking against his hand, moaning softly.
“Now. I want you, now.”
Christian moved off him, Daniel heard the click of the lube, and then the blunt tip of Christian pressed against him. He pushed to get more, but Christian hesitated.
“Okay?”
“I will be if you get on with it.” The words came through gritted teeth. Daniel needed Christian more than breath.
He pushed in. Softly at first and Daniel caught his breath at the intrusion. It was everything he wanted, everything he needed, but Christ, he was grateful for his care.
He pushed further and Daniel began to shake, so Christian paused, kissing him, rocking and holding him, until he could slide further in. They didn’t speak, Christian just seemed to know. Bit by bit, Daniel relaxed and when Christian bottomed out and lay heavily on him, bodies connected, Daniel clutched at him.
“Gimme a minute or I’ll come as soon as I move.” Christian’s voice was hoarse.
Daniel panted. “I’ll come if you breathe near me.”
Christian managed a shaky laugh and dropped gentle kisses on his face for a moment, but the lust, the need, the sheer force of desire was too much to hold back for long. Christian moved, moved again, and then started thrusting deeply into him, leaving Daniel unable to breathe, or feel anything other than the joy that was Christian’s body as part of his own.
Christian shifted, held up Daniel’s leg and pounded into him, nailing his prostate with every thrust and Daniel let out a low, keening sound as his orgasm built but didn’t quite arrive. He needed to come so badly, but he needed the feel of Christian hammering into him more. His movements became shorter, sharper, harder and when Christian started to moan, Daniel couldn’t bear it any longer. He grabbed his cock and pumped in time with Christian’s thrusts and everything exploded. His whole body contracted then expanded in white sensation as he came so hard, he nearly passed out. Christian grabbed both his thighs and pounded into him until he came with a roar.
They sprawled together, unmoving, for a long time. Daniel’s heart eventually assumed something like a normal rhythm, but his entire body was a mass of relaxed goo.
He felt Christian pull out and get rid of the condom, so he made himself open his eyes. Christian’s whole body was flushed. His hair was wet, his hands shaky.
“Good?”
Christian looked at him, a silly smile on his face. “Not bad.”
Daniel closed his eyes and nodded. “Not bad at all. Do we have to do the dating stuff now?”
“Yep.” The bed dipped as Christian climbed back in. Daniel turned his head on the pillow to look at him.
Christian smiled. “You look blissed out.”
“I am.” It was true. He was.
Christian held up an arm. “C’mere.”
Daniel frowned.
“Come on. New relationship; new rules. First rule of fucking. The fuckee gets a cuddle afterwards.”
Daniel couldn’t stop the smile that broke free. “You’re a fucking nutter,” he mumbled, but rolled over and lay on Christian’s chest. He was still grinning when his arms came around him. Daniel brought up his leg so he could slide it between Christian’s. He felt Christian bury his nose in his hair and sigh.
“You okay?”
Daniel squeezed him tight. “Yeah. You?”
“Yep.” Christian’s fingertips drifted up and down Daniel’s shoulder as they lay in silence for a while. The feel of Christian’s skin beneath his cheek, and the soft thud of his heart was incredible. Being held, loved… He swallowed and tightened his hold. Christian kissed him on the top of his head and stroked his back.
“You’re thinking again.”
“Yeah.” It was right. He was. “I’m thinking that there is no way that this is wrong.” He thought of all the words, the insults, the hiding from his father, being closeted for years, and knew. His father was wrong. Totally wrong.
“It’s about as right as it can be,” Christian said, squeezing him.
“I mean, it’s not wrong to love another man.”
He felt Christian kiss him again, lingering this time. “No. It’s not.”
“I’m not wrong.”
“Nope.”
Something warm buzzed inside him. Something warm, good, and soft. It made him smile. He pulled back and looked up at Christian.
“I’m a gay man.”
Christian grinned down and kissed him on the nose. “Yep. You are.”
Daniel nodded. Head swimming. “You’re out, aren’t you?”
“Yes. I don’t shout about it, but I certainly don’t hide it.”
“I like that. It’s what I’m going to do.” Christ, it was like being bloody liberated. No Kenneth, no threats, no secrets, lying in the arms of the man, yes, the man, that he loved. No need to hide who he was.
“I’m with you all the way. Whatever you need.”
Daniel rolled on top of Christian and kissed him gently. “Thank you. It’s like being set free.”
Christian ran his hands down Daniel’s back and rested them on his hips. “Good.”
Daniel peered down at him.
“This dating stuff?”
“Mm hmm.”
“How long are we doing it for?”
Christian was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know. As long as it takes, I suppose.”
Daniel quieted the voice that said the more he got to know him the less Christian might like him. Or at least he tried.
“As long as what takes? For you to decide if you like me?” Might as well be open.
Christian frowned. He reached up and touched his face. “I like you.”
“Yeah, you do now, but that’s because you don’t know me. What if you get to know me and you don’t?”
Christian touched his mouth with a fingertip. “I didn’t have you down as the insecure type, but after what you told me…?”
Daniel slanted him a glance. “Yeah, like I say, ‘cos you don’t know me.” He sighed. “How often do I get to see you? I work stupid hours, and sometimes I’m in London.”
Christian looked at him. It was the kind of look that went right through him. He was quiet for a moment, then surged up, pushed Daniel onto his back, and he loomed over him.
Daniel opened his legs and let him settle between his thighs. He looked up and smiled but it was probably more of a grimace.
“Okay. Let’s get some things straight.” Christian thought for a moment.
“Okay.”
Christian leaned down and kissed him. A soft, gentle kiss. He brushed the hair back from Daniel’s forehead and considered him.
“I fell in love with you when I was eighteen years old. I thought you were the most beautiful, funny, kind, sexiest man I’d ever met. Everyone warned me about you. My parents had a fit, and everyone said that you were bad news, and I’d get sucked into all kinds of shit, but I ignored them. I knew loving you would never be straightforward, but I loved you anyway.” He kissed him again.
“What you’ve told me about my dad and yours is going to take me some time to process. Getting stabbed, and seeing a man killed in front of me is going to take me some time to process.”
Daniel looked away, but Christian nudged his face back.
“The only think that I don’t need time to process is how I feel about you.”
Daniel gave him a wary look. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I love you. I never stopped loving you. Even when I tried, I couldn’t stop loving you.”
Relief swamped Daniel so hard it made his head swim. He swallowed. “I love you too. Never stopped. Not for a second.”
Christian looked down at him and smiled. His gorgeous blue green eyes were filled with love. “I know the sort of things that twenty-one-year-old Daniel liked, but what about now?”
Daniel held hi
s gaze. “All I know is, I want to come home from work to you. Eat with you, shower with you, watch TV with you, fuck with you, sleep with you, wake up, and do it all over again. That way, I’ll get to know you.”
Christian kissed him and gave him a considering look. “I can see merit in that.”
“You’re not bothered I’m not some interesting, jet-setting criminal?” His lips twitched as he said it.
“Um... No. Though I wouldn’t complain if you wanted to take me somewhere in a private jet again.”
Daniel ran his hands down Christian’s back and cupped his backside.
“Loving me might not be easy.”
Christian nodded. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
Daniel pressed against him as he felt Christian’s cock perking up.
“Don’t even think it. I’m dead.”
“Bet I could make you come.” Daniel slid a finger between Christian’s cheeks.
“No, you couldn’t. I just came so hard I broke my balls. There is no spunk left.”
Laughter fizzed through Daniel in a way it hadn’t in so many years. He did look knackered. “Save it for later?”
“Mmm.” Christian dipped down to kiss him. He pulled up and looked at him, but there was a serious look in his eye.
“Are you really worried I’m not going to like you?”
Daniel felt stupid, but not stupid enough to lie. “Yes. I’m awkward, bad tempered, I don’t smile enough, I work twenty-four seven, I haven’t the first idea about having fun, I’m your raincloud. Remember?” He shrugged and frowned. “I think I might have an addictive personality too.”
Christian nodded. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“What?”
“You were like that when we were kids.”
Daniel opened his mouth and shut it again. “Oh.”
Christian laughed and kissed him again. “I like you. A lot.”
Daniel kissed him back. Hard.
They eventually got to eat the casserole that Christian had left in the oven. Daniel’s head was bent as he spooned in a huge mouthful and chewed.
“S’good,” he mumbled, nodding.
Christian took a bite and watched him. Everything he thought he knew about Daniel, his family, everything, had been blown apart. With hindsight, he could see he should have realised that Kenneth had been violent, but it wasn’t just that, it was the cruelty that went with it. The inconsistency. It made him hurt inside. He didn’t imagine that Daniel would want a shit ton of sympathy, or probably ever to talk about it again, but knowing it, feeling it in his chest, made Christian want to gather him up and make sure no bastard ever hurt him again. He was so taciturn, stern looking. Hard… Now he knew why and knew that underneath that façade he was anything but. He wondered if Daniel had sought help with his background when he went through rehab. He hoped he had.
“What?” Daniel paused with the spoon mid-air.
“Nothing. Just thinking.”
“Good thinking?”
Christian smiled into his eyes. “Yeah. Good thinking.”
He held his gaze for a moment, then returned to the food with a small grin.
“Where did you learn to cook like this?” he asked.
“My mum. She was determined I wouldn’t starve to death at uni, or wreck my body eating shit.”
“Did you cook at uni?”
Christian hesitated. “I don’t remember a lot of the first year. I…drank a fair amount, smoked a lot of weed…”
Daniel’s gaze cut to the table. “I understand.”
“I ate well, though.”
Daniel glanced back up and Christian laughed. “Can you cook?”
Daniel shook his head. “It’s why I got a housekeeper. It was that or eat out all the time.” He looked up and grinned again. “Or live on toast. I can do toast.
“Thank God for small mercies.”
Daniel chuckled and carried on eating. After a moment, he paused, wiped his mouth on the napkin, and looked thoughtful. “I’ll always be weird.”
“Weird?” Christian gaped at him. What the hell was he talking about?
“Yeah, you know…” He gestured vaguely. “I sometimes think I’m a bit… you know… broken?”
Christian had to get himself together before replying. He sucked in a calming breath. “You mean that it’s possible that years living with an abusive father might have damaged you?” He said the words as mildly as possible.
Daniel grimaced. “Something like that.”
Christian rubbed the back of his neck. “Sweetheart. There is nothing weird about you. You’re pretty normal, all things considered.”
Daniel smiled; his eyes warm.
“What will you do with his money?” Christian asked, deciding a change of subject might be needed.
“It’s tricky. The money came from other people’s misery. I don’t want it, but I can’t exactly give it away. There’s a lot of it.”
Christian nodded.
“I’ve done a lot of work quietly around LGBT charities. I couldn’t do it publicly with Kenneth looking over my shoulder, but now I can do what the hell I want. Frankly, I can’t think of a better recipient of Kenneth’s millions. Can you?”
Christian grinned, then laughed. “Really?”
Daniel was leaning back in his chair, arms folded across his chest, eyes speculative. “It’s weird. Not having him looking over my shoulder. Not being afraid of what he might do.”
He grinned. “Fuck it. I’m going to use all the money for good causes. All the things he hated.” He rubbed his hands over his head and looked as though he were coming to life.
“Is the money legit?”
Daniel pulled a face. “As legit as it can be. He did have proper business stakes, I made sure of that, but I know most of it originally came from places you don’t want to know about.”
“And you do know how to invest?”
Daniel’s grin widened and he winked at him. It was ridiculously sexy. “That’s what I do best.”
“Well, in that case, at least something good will come of it. Of him.”
There was a gleam in Daniel’s eyes when he picked up his spoon. One Christian hadn’t seen for twelve years. As for what he’d told him about his father... He was still trying to get his head around it. It should have been unbelievable, but somehow it wasn’t. That Daniel had held everything inside him for all this time made him hurt. Someday he’d get over it, but not anytime soon. Maybe after he’d kissed him and loved him for a hundred years or so.
As he watched him a thought struck him. If his father had blown hot and cold, he probably didn’t deal well with uncertainty. He wondered if that was behind the worry that once they got to know each other, Christian wouldn’t like him. His chest ached at the realisation that what Daniel probably needed was consistency. Love and consistency.
He toyed with his casserole. “You know, there might be method in your madness in the houses you’ve bought?”
“You reckon?” He scraped up the last of the food and ate it. He put the spoon down with a satisfied sigh.
“Wide, bright, open plan. I’m betting you don’t like confined spaces…”
Daniel actually shuddered. “Nope. Claustrophobic as fuck. Thought I was going to die on that grotty little plane coming back from Greece.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “You have a point. Sometimes…sometimes I can’t face being in the lift to the flat, so I sleep in the office.”
Christian’s eyes closed momentarily.
“It’s okay, I’m fine with it, I work around it.” He rearranged his cutlery and kept a wary eye on him. “I’ve got a little flat kind of arrangement by my office; it’s not like I’m sleeping on the floor or anything.”
It was so matter of fact. Christian opened his eyes and looked at him. “I’ll get my head around it all soon. I swear. It’s just…I want to kill the bastard for what he did to you, to my dad, to us…” He shrugged.
Daniel sighed. “I know. Look… can we look at this
as a new start? I know there’s a load of stuff to work through, but if you think you might be able to forgive me…”
“It’s not you I need to forgive. You did what you felt you had to do. It’s your father.”
Daniel nodded. “If you say so.”
“I do. Daniel, it was not your fault.”
“Okay.”
Christian sat back in his chair, looking at him. So handsome and strong, yet so damned vulnerable in ways Christian had never imagined. Daniel smiled, and Christian smiled back. They lost themselves in each other’s gaze for a moment.
It hit him again. Daniel was definitely uncertain about relationships, whether or not he was liked; loved. The idea of getting to know each other, dating and taking things steady, seemed like a good one to him, but it was clear that the uncertainty would definitely get to Daniel. He was already worried he might not like him, and it was clear that that he thought might not forgive him. Not that there was anything to forgive. He thought back to Daniel’s comment about wanting to come home to him, wake up to him.
“Sod it.” Christian sat forward and leaned his elbows on the table.
He looked at Daniel’s startled, cautious expression. “What?”
“Do you want to do the dating and getting to know me thing?”
“If it helps, of course.”
Christian couldn’t contain his grin. “Do we date… or do we just say, fuck it. I love you. And move in together.”
It looked as though Daniel had stopped breathing. He stared for a moment, then swallowed. “Move in?”
“You have no idea how much I want to say sod it all, let’s just move in and fuck ourselves to death, then get to know each other. The sensible part of me says we should take it a step at a time, but…” He shrugged hopefully.
Daniel’s was nodding. Eyes wide. “Ah, that part of you that wants to say fuck it all?”
“Yeah?”
“I kinda like that part.”
“You’d move in together?”
“Your house or mine?”
Christian grinned. “Either. Both. Whatever.”
“Deal.”
Christian grinned at him and then laughed. He got up, walked around the table and plonked himself on Daniel’s lap. Immediately, Daniel’s arms went around him, and he pulled him down for a kiss.
