The Love Boss

by Aurora Peridot

  The young woman looked up. Her eyes were a startling green and for just a moment I lost myself in them. And then she spoke.

  “Are you Mr. Rake?” she asked, getting to her feet and dusting off her skirt.

  “That’s what it says on the door,” I said, gesturing to the plaque above the door to my office. This is odd, I thought. Most of my clients make appointments and never first thing in the morning. Plus, she didn’t look like she had the money to hire someone such as myself. Her clothes were neat, but not expensive. She looked more like a secretary than the rich wife of a cheating husband.

  “I’m Bernadette Saunders. I have an interview with you this morning, for an assistant position.” She glanced at her watch, but looked away quickly.

  She looks like a secretary. My prior thought came rushing back. Of course she looked like a secretary, she was applying to be one. To be mine, in fact. I had completely forgotten that I had spoken to her on the phone yesterday and set up the interview. Soon after the call, I’d gotten a lead on a client’s wife and had spent the rest of the day chasing down the lead. It turned out to be a dead end, but I had been up late working on it and slept in a bit this morning. I glanced at my watch. It was 9:00 a.m.

  “And what time was our interview?” I asked.

  “8:00 a.m.,” she answered, a bit timidly.

  “Ah well, sorry about that. I was busy with a case.” I didn’t clarify that the case was last night and I was busy sleeping this morning. I unlocked the office door and gestured for her to enter.

  “It’s fine,” Bernadette said, but I could tell she was lying. It didn’t bother me much. She would either do the job or she wouldn’t.

  I immediately went over to my computer and started it up. For a few minutes, I didn’t even realize that Bernadette hadn’t moved from the entrance of my office. I finally looked over at her. She looked bewildered.

  “Is something wrong?” I asked, looking away from her and back to my computer.

  “No, nothing’s wrong,” she stammered, doing an even worse job of lying. “You just have a lot of stuff.”

  I looked up again and imagined looking at my office from her eyes. Yes, there was a lot of stuff, but it was part of my job. I had to stay well informed. There were books on human psychology squeezed into a tall bookcase and gossip magazines were in stacks on the floor. Most available surfaces had haphazard piles of my notes, ideas on leads or better ways to investigate. And there were a few half-empty coffee mugs laying around, but that was only to be expected. I had to put in a lot of late nights in my line of work.

  “It’s all part of the job,” I said briskly. I was starting to go through my emails to see if I had any new client requests.

  “Even this?” she asked, holding up a tabloid magazine and looking just a tiny bit smug.

  I smiled right back. “Yes, of course. Especially that. Do you know how much time I can save tracking down some of my client’s spouses when those magazines do half the work for me?”

  “Oh, I see.” She deflated a little. “So, you primarily find proof that spouses are cheating? That’s what Emily said.”

  I didn’t look up this time. “Yes. My clients come to me wanting proof their significant others are cheating on them, and I get them that proof.”

  “But what if they aren’t?”

  “Aren’t what?”

  “What if they aren’t cheating? I mean, surely sometimes people are wrong.”

  I did look up at her then. Her eyes were wide with curiosity. For a moment, I thought she looked so . . . innocent. I doubted that she had ever had her heart broken. If my experience was anything to go on, she’d find out what that was like eventually. “They always cheat. Monogamous love is a flawed social construct that is proven time and time again not to work. If the spouse isn’t cheating, then likely my client is cheating and just hoping their spouse is as well to assuage their own guilt.”

  “For a love detective, you sure seem pretty cynical about love.”

  “It’s great for me,” I said with a smile. “Ensures that I have plenty of business.” I got up and walked over to her. She was pretty, but not gorgeous. She was like your friend’s kid sister who grew up to be really cute. Her dark auburn hair was up in a bun and with her hair pulled back, the freckles on her face were more obvious. She looked like she was playing the part of a librarian with her pencil skirt and glasses. But there was something endearing about her, something warm. The pencil skirt showed a very nice curve of her butt and though her blouse was modest, I could see she was well-endowed in the chest area as well.

  “Do you want the job?” I asked.

  “Wait, you’re offering me the job? But I haven’t given you my resume or interviewed with you,” Bernadette said as she fished around in her purse for a resume.

  “You either can do the job or you can’t. Besides, it’s not rocket science, so I’m sure you’re qualified. Unless you don’t want the job.” Really, I had no interest in listening to her tell me about other boring office jobs she had done. I was pretty sure she could file papers and answer the phone, since even a trained monkey could do that. And if she couldn’t, I would just fire her.

  “No, it’s not that,” she amended quickly. “I’ve just never been offered a job before interviewing for it. And to be honest, I’m not entirely sure what you are looking for. I mean, I figure standard admin duties.”

  “Yes,” I said, a bit exasperated. “Basic administration duties. Filing and organizing. You can answer phones and whatever else. Well? I need to get to work. Are you going to take the job or not?”

  Bernadette looked uncertain for a moment but decided quickly and nodded. I figured she must be desperate for work to accept a job from me, but I wasn’t going to argue.

  “Thank you, Mr. Rake,” she said, extending her hand for me to shake. “I would like the job.”

  “Call me Edgar. Mr. Rake makes me sound like my father,” I responded, ignoring her proffered hand.

  “When would you like me to start Mr.—um, I mean Edgar?”

  “Well now, of course. You can start, I don’t know, organizing stuff.” With that, I returned to my emails. Inconspicuously, I glanced at her several times to see what she would do. I half expected her to just walk out the door. Instead, she began to sort the piles of magazines that were stacked around my office.

  Chapter 5 – Bernadette

  Well that was fast, I thought as I sorted through old tabloid magazines. Only this morning I had needed a job and not only had I been offered one but I was already starting work. It all happened so fast, I realized I hadn’t even asked Edgar what the hours were or more importantly, what my salary was. But truth be told, I was desperate for work, so even if the pay was awful, I could use this as a stop gap till I got a better job. And anything to keep my mind off David was a good thing. I kept having flashbacks to that night in the restaurant. The beautiful redhead laughing and then the surprise and guilt in David’s eyes when he saw me. I shuddered, and pushed the memory aside.

  I had a feeling I wouldn’t be bored working for Edgar. Working for a private investigator seemed much more exciting than a ‘normal’ office. I glanced over at Edgar. He didn’t look up from his computer. He was cute, in a kind of nerdy way. He was leaner and paler than David, and where David always had his blond hair slicked back, Edgar’s dark brown hair looked mussed, like he might have forgotten to comb it this morning. And considering how absent minded he seemed about certain things, such as the time he scheduled my interview, I wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t combed his hair. But still, it was a bit attractive. What was I saying? No, my new boss was not attractive and I was not comparing him to my ex-boyfriend. The last thing I needed was another man in my life. Anyway, Edgar was also incredibly rude.

  “Do you want some coffee?” Edgar asked me after about an hour.

  “Yeah, that would be great,” I said, touched by his thoughtfulness. I had been organizing magazines and stood up and stretched.

  “Great, I’ll
have two sugars, no cream,” he said, not looking up from his computer.

  Oh. Of course. I banished all thoughts of him being considerate.

  “Sure. Do you have a coffee maker?” I hadn’t seen one, but one might be hiding under all the piles of stuff Edgar had lying around.

  “No. There’s a coffee shop around the corner.” Edgar waved vaguely in a terrible attempt at directions.

  “Ok,” I said. I waited for better directions, but Edgar was already completely enraptured by whatever he was doing on his computer. Finally, I just left his office. When I got outside, I did a search of coffee shops on my phone to find the one he was referring to, which had not been in the direction he had waved at. I was halfway there before I realized Edgar hadn’t even given me money for his coffee.

  I got back to the office twenty minutes later with my own iced caramel latte and his coffee, hot with two sugars. I set his coffee next to him on his desk. I waited for a moment for thanks or money for the coffee or even acknowledgement. Absently, he took a sip of the coffee, but didn’t so much as look up from his work. I gave up and went back to sorting the magazines.

  “Must be pretty interesting stuff you’re looking up,” I said, to break the silence.

  “Do you always talk about inane things? I’m looking up stuff that is important to my work, otherwise, I wouldn’t be doing it.”

  That was rude, I thought, but bit back a response. I reminded myself that I needed this job.

  A few hours later there came a knock on the door. I looked over at Edgar. Without looking at me he said, “Aren’t you going to answer it? That is what I’m paying you for.”

  I wanted to ask him how much he was paying me for this, but instead, I got up and opened the door. In truth, I had been sorting tabloids by date for several hours and was dying for a break in the monotony.

  A famous actor stood on the other side of the door. He was Hollywood-handsome with chiseled features and brilliant white teeth. Even though he was wearing sunglasses and a long coat I could still tell he was the leading man in several action films David had taken me to see. I couldn’t think of his name, but my mouth hung open in surprise.

  He looked almost as surprised to see me. Finally, he said, “Where is Mr. Rake?”

  “I’m over here,” Edgar called from across the room. For a moment, I had forgotten that he was even there. I shuffled aside to let the actor in. He passed me with little regard and hurried over to Edgar.

  “Who is that?” the actor said, gesturing to me. “I was promised strict confidentiality.”

  “That is Ms. Saunders, my new assistant,” Edgar said. He pulled himself away from the computer to look at the movie star. “Don’t worry. She won’t say anything to anyone, you can trust me.” The movie star relaxed. I was surprised Edgar had vouched for me. How did he know I wouldn’t say anything to anyone? I mean, I wouldn’t, but still, he barely knew me.

  “Do you have them?” the movie star asked, sounding anxious. It was strange to hear him sound so desperate. In the films I had seen him in, he always sounded cool and charming. Right now, he sounded worried.

  “Of course,” Edgar answered, reaching into his desk drawer and pulling out a manila envelope, which he handed to the movie star. “That is why you pay me the big bucks.”

  “Yes, of course. Just send Charlene the bill.” The movie star opened the envelope and quickly checked its contents. Looking satisfied, he closed the envelope. “These are good. Thank you, Mr. Rake.”

  “Always a pleasure doing business with you,” Edgar said.

  And without delay, the actor swept out of the office and practically slammed the door shut in his haste to leave.

  “Was that who I think it was?” I asked, still feeling the situation had been surreal.

  “Likely. Do you have a boyfriend who takes you to loud action movies? If so, then the answer is yes.”

  “Well, I used to,” I admitted. Truthfully, I didn’t like violent movies, but I hated the way Edgar seemed to pry into the details of my life.

  “So, what did he want?” I asked, wondering if Edgar would tell me.

  “He wanted what every cheated lover wants.”

  “Proof?” I guessed.

  “No, he wanted revenge for a broken heart. But he needs proof to get said revenge.”

  “And in that envelope was proof?” I ventured.

  “Yes. Photos. Photos usually work wonders for that sort of thing. It’s hard to argue with an image. Now he can take his wife to court and cut her spousal support by half in the divorce. Really, hardly seems worth screwing the personal trainer at that cost.”

  “Is this all you do?” I asked, curious. “Just find proof of spouses cheating?”

  “Occasionally there is something else, but this is what pays the bills. Love rarely lasts and even more rarely stays faithful.”

  “That’s a pretty jaded view of relationships,” I said before I could stop myself. To my surprise, I believed it, despite my recent breakup. Edgar actually got up and looked at me. His amber eyes were more intense than I had seen them. He stepped closer to me, so close that for a crazy moment I thought he might lean in and kiss me. I imagined his smooth lips on mine, but quickly banished the thought.

  “Bernadette, you will save yourself a lot of pain in the future if you understand now that love is a fairytale and fairytales aren’t true. They are made up fabrications constructed so that men and women will get together and have babies, thus continuing the human race. Love is not a happily ever after, it is a temporary rush of hormones directed at one person, but eventually will be directed at another. Got it?” His eyes were blazing now, and I didn’t understand why he was so insistent, even if it was his job to find cheaters.

  “Ok,” I whispered. For a moment, I thought Edgar might say more, but he just looked at me and sighed.

  “You probably won’t get it until it’s too late,” he lamented as he returned to his computer.

  I wanted to point out that I had my heart broken just a few days ago, but that didn’t mean I would stop believing in love. I suddenly pitied my new boss. The world would be a cold place without love.

  “You know, why don’t you go home?”

  “What?” I had started back on my organizing task and was surprised by the suggestion. It was only 3:15 p.m.

  “Did you not hear me?” Edgar asked, annoyed. “Go home.”

  “Umm, am I being fired?” I genuinely didn’t know. Maybe I wasn’t cynical enough about love.

  “No, you’re not fired, at least not today. I have investigating to do, out of the office. So why don’t you go home? That stuff,” he gestured to the disarray of magazines and books, “can wait till tomorrow.”

  “Um, ok,” I said, not sure how else to respond. “What time should I be in tomorrow?”

  “8:00 a.m. sharp.”

  I sighed, but didn’t think Edgar heard it.

  Chapter 6 – Bernadette

  I left Edgar’s office quickly and pondered what to do with the rest of my afternoon. It was a pleasant change to have a free afternoon without the guilt that I should be spending the time looking for work. Although, with the antics of my new boss, I might want to start looking for new work pretty soon. But for today, I would enjoy myself. I decided I should share my newly-employed status. I suddenly had the desire to call David and share the news about my new job. I had always shared good news with him before. I was pulling out my phone before I thought better of it. I wasn’t ready to face David yet. I wasn’t sure if I ever would be. But there was someone I could talk to.

  I knew Emily would also still be at work, so I texted her.

  Hey Em. Got the job!

  In lightning speed, Emily responded.

  Awesome! Let’s celebrate!! And under that she sent a GIF of Champaign pouring into a glass.

  Would love to, I replied. I was feeling better already knowing I would soon be celebrating with my best friend. I could also tell her how weird my new boss was.

  That evening, E
mily and I went out to the Sipping Lizard. It was a hole in the wall dive bar, but she and I had been going there since college and so it was a nostalgic favorite of ours. It was decorated in tacky tiki ornaments and fake tiki torches and plastic grass skirts hung on the walls. Their specials were all tropical drinks. But their prices were good and the staff was super friendly. Emily was sipping a Bahama Mama and I was enjoying my second Mai Tai. Since I had gotten to the bar first, I treated myself to one before Emily met me there. I was feeling pleasantly buzzed and warm.

  “He just hired you on the spot?” Emily asked incredulously. I had been recounting the events of the day.

  “What, you don’t think I look like P.I. material?” I feigned insult, but burst out giggling.

  “It’s not that. But he didn’t even check references?”

  “Forget references, he didn’t even look at my resume!”

  “Seriously? Bee, what kind of job did you apply for? You’re not having to do anything, I don’t know, shady?” There was real concern in Emily’s voice.

  “No, it’s nothing like that. I mean yeah, he takes photos of cheating spouses but, I spent the day organizing his office.”

  “Wait, you started work today too?”

  “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. It was weird. As soon as I accepted the job, Edgar said I should start work immediately.”

  “That’s strange. Are you sure he’s legit?”

  “Well, you’re the one who referred me!” I bit the pineapple slice that had been garnishing my glass. Two drinks in and the day was a lot funnier than it had felt this morning.

  “Yeah, but I heard about him from one of my clients and a lot of them are crazy celebrities.” Emily looked worried.

  “It’s fine,” I told her. “Really, it is. This guy is kind of weird, ok, he’s really weird, but that’s about it. He’s not propositioning me for anything lewd. And I may keep looking for work. But at the moment, it’s nice to know I’m having a paycheck coming in.”