The Sparrow

by Kristy McCaffrey

  “What do you mean?”

  “He was a vast, empty space.” She closed her eyes, trying to find the words to describe what she saw. “But then I caught a glimpse of what was contained in his mind.” Her voice became raspy as her throat constricted.

  Bending her head, she spoke in a low voice. “His mother was brutally murdered. He watched as her body was chopped into pieces, the flesh stripped from the bones, the head scalped and placed face up on a fire. The flesh was eaten until her brain was well-cooked, then it was scooped from the back of the skull and consumed also. The remaining bones were boiled in a pot, then they were broken and the marrow extracted.” Tears rolled down her face and she squeezed her eyes shut. “The boy was forced to eat,” she whispered, afraid to say it too loudly for fear the wrong spirits might hear her.

  When she opened her eyes, she saw Nathan’s stunned expression.

  “That’s when I ran,” she said in a rush of words. “But I couldn’t find my way out. I sank deeper and deeper into an endless abyss. It was pitch black and I couldn’t find a way out. When I called for help from the spirits, a giant bird came—a sparrow—but she attempted to change me, to merge with me, and I didn’t want to, so I fought it.” She looked away. “I know I sound crazy.”

  The crackling fire filled the silence between them.

  “I’m not sure what to believe,” Nathan said, “but I’m glad you came back.”

  She heard and felt the sincerity in his voice, saw the truth in his eyes.

  “Thank you for waiting for me,” she said.

  * * *

  Nathan stood shirtless beside the mighty Colorado River, the Grand Canyon a testament to its unyielding power and strength as it carved its way through millions of years of the earth’s innermost secrets. Silently, it flowed. But Nathan felt a need to stay where he was, safely on shore.

  He saw the boy, standing in the river. Nathan stared at him; logic dictated the boy couldn’t possibly walk on water, therefore he must be dreaming.

  Someone approached from behind. Glancing over his shoulder, Nathan saw his father. Surprised, he stared at the knife and fork in the man’s hands.

  “Watch the boy,” his father instructed.

  Nathan returned his gaze to the child as his father cut a chunk of flesh from Nathan’s back and began to eat.

  Nathan jumped awake and sat upright in a rush. Rubbing his eyes, he looked at the stars sparkling above and knew it was still deep in the night. The fire, now a smoldering pile of ash, separated him from Emma, still sleeping.

  It was a long time since he’d felt afraid—truly afraid. He knew the cause was Emma’s unsettling story of the Indian boy, and her confession of supernatural abilities.

  It spooked him.

  He stood, grabbed his blanket, and moved toward Emma. He cast it down, drew his body next to hers, and wrapped an arm around her.

  He didn’t want to be alone.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Emma awoke during the night, surrounded by Nathan’s presence. He slept beside her, cradling her against him, an arm hugging her waist. Warmth unfurled in her abdomen from his close proximity, awakening a yearning she’d kept restrained during daylight hours. Still half-asleep, she rolled into his arms and buried her face into his neck, inhaling the scent of his skin and feeling the heat of his body. It was nice.

  Her movement caused him to stir, and his arms came around her. She lightly passed her lips along his neck and the part of his chest not covered by his shirt, wanting to kiss him but not sure if she should. What would he want?

  One of his hands moved into her hair, the gesture so intimate Emma leaned her head back, and his mouth covered hers. Their first kiss was hungry, deep, and thorough. Lost in the urgent desire suddenly unleashed within her, Emma met Nathan’s mouth with her own, telling him with her response that he was welcome.

  Guiding her onto her back, he explored her exposed skin with his lips—her face, her neck, her upper chest, but he didn’t go beyond. She relished the fact that she could touch him, run her fingers through his hair, caress his cheeks roughened with whiskers, feel the strength of his shoulders.

  He pressed against her and she felt his response, igniting both fear and hunger. Would it be painful? Her body arched toward him. She wanted him anyway. She wanted to be as close as she could to him, to ease the fury building inside.

  She fumbled for the buttons on his shirt as his mouth devoured hers again. Then, he leaned away, pulled his shirt over his head, and rolled completely on top of her. She held him as his mouth penetrated hers. She had no idea it would be like this—desperate, frantic, altogether overpowering.

  He moved against her and she felt a surge of urgency. Her nails scraped along the skin on his back. Instinct drove her to shed her clothing. She pushed against Nathan to gain enough space to remove her shirt, then wriggled out of her trousers, which he helped drag from her legs. When his hands touched her skin at last, running along her ribcage then down her thighs to remove her undergarments, she felt a frisson of electric charge in the wake of the contact.

  He shifted over her, his face close to hers, and kissed her as he gently laid a hand below her breasts. As he began to explore her bared body, gratitude overtook her that she pleased him. Just as in the visions of her dream lover, she felt beautiful and desirable. The last vestiges of inhibition left her.

  She met his lips with a demanding kiss, her hands pushing at his trousers. He discarded them, and with no more barriers Emma felt the length of his body pressed to hers. Nathan went slowly, causing her frustration to build, but when she tried to initiate more contact, he held her hips immobile. Finally, he joined completely to her. For a moment he paused, and Emma savored the connection, a mix of desperate need and blessed relief, fulfilling a desire for him that began long before they met. As a rhythm grew between them she clung to him, her body keeping pace with his, until the end came with a thunderous roar not unlike the rapids they traversed so often of late. As the swell of passion slowly dissipated, Nathan kissed her, their breath mingling, knowing her in a way more familiar than she ever imagined.

  And her imagination had been pretty good.

  * * *

  Emma awoke at first light, curled beside Nathan as he slept, his face rolled away from her. It was just as well since he snored. She wondered why she never noticed before; they’d been sleeping side by side for many nights now. The sound made her smile.

  She hadn’t bothered to replace her clothing, and neither had Nathan. The blanket slid from him, giving her a nice view of every inch of the man. After taking her fill, she pulled the covers atop them and rested an arm across his chest. After the darkness she encountered while trying to help Loloma, it was enough to enjoy this moment with Nathan, in the quiet promise of a new day.

  She felt different. Something fundamental had changed within her. In the physical joining a startling connection had also taken place, one she was hard-pressed to describe. She simply felt it—an unusual type of energy that buzzed in her abdomen. It helped to chase away the monsters of the night.

  Nathan stirred. She moved close and kissed his cheek, then his shoulder. He rolled his face to hers and his lips met hers briefly. “I had bad dreams last night,” he murmured against her mouth. “That’s why I came to you.”

  “I’m glad you did.”

  In the light of day, his barely-awake eyes watched her. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  “No.” She rolled against him, her breasts pressed against his arm. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” she asked, feigning worry.

  He laughed. “Hardly.”

  She twined a hand into his and pressed her lips against his bare shoulder again.

  “With all those visions you’ve had,” he said, “did you know that Molly was alive all these years?”

  “I did dream about her from time to time.”

  “Did you know where she was?”

  “I saw her with Indians, but I didn’t think it was real. I thought she was dead.”
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  “Did you ever see me?”

  When she didn’t answer, he turned to her. “You did see me,” he accused.

  “Maybe.”

  “So when we met, you knew who I was?” he asked, chiding her, but she didn’t feel any animosity in the question.

  “Not exactly,” she replied. “I hit you with an oar, remember?”

  “Yeah, I remember.” He rubbed his head in response.

  “I’d had visions of a man. He was very handsome, so obviously at first I didn’t think you were him.”

  He pinched the inside of her thigh lightly.

  “Ouch!” She laughed.

  “How much did you see of the future?”

  “Oh, I get it. You’re concerned that I know how all of this is going to go.”

  “It does put me at a disadvantage,” he said.

  “Well, don’t worry. I don’t know the future. Your guess is as good as mine when you’ll make love to me again.”

  His hand traced a path to her naked backside, squeezing gently. He pulled her to him and kissed her completely, then proceeded to make good on her challenge.

  * * *

  They spent the morning on two rapids. The whitewater wasn’t terribly difficult, and the ride was swift and wet as Nathan guided them through it. They continued down river and the canyon widened considerably. Marble Canyon had been narrow and confining—the steep walls so close you could almost reach out and touch them from the boat. But now they were in the glory of Grand Canyon, the river but one part of a flattened valley, the canyon walls climbing away from them like a stairway to the sky.

  He was baffled by the woman sitting across from him. Just looking at her caused a wave of desire to disturb his thoughts. He was twenty-eight-years old and yet she made him feel as if still a youth. Even more baffling was the journey they undertook. With no real purpose or goal, he was acutely aware of living in the moment. He had Emma, he had the boat, and he had the river. What could be better? A part of him never wanted it to end.

  “Are you a religious man?” Emma asked as they floated serenely on the ever-flowing, ever-winding ribbon of water.

  He leaned over the side to splash water onto his face and through his hair as the hot sun baked the land and them with it. Returning his hat to his head, he leaned back and stretched his legs out before him. He shrugged. “Did your aunt force you to go to church?”

  “Was it your experience to be forced?”

  “My ma wanted me to go, but I haven’t been in a church since my pa died.”

  “But you were at Matt and Molly’s wedding.”

  He nodded. “They were married outside, at the Ryan’s ranch.”

  “I guess Matt wanted to make sure you attended,” she teased.

  He smiled. “I doubt he was thinking of me on his wedding day.”

  “What was the ceremony like?”

  Nathan thought for a moment. “Like any other, I suppose.”

  “How did Molly look?”

  “Like a woman about to get married.”

  She reached a hand into the water and splashed him. “What I meant was, did she look happy, nervous? What did her dress look like?”

  Nathan concentrated. “Well, she looked happy. Yeah, I’d say she looked very happy. And her dress? It was white...maybe.”

  Emma sighed. “You really don’t remember, do you?”

  “No, not really. All I do know is that Matt wanted her, with a look in his eyes I’ve never seen before. And she couldn’t seem to take her eyes off him. I guess that’s how you know.”

  “Know what?”

  “That you’ve found the person you can’t live without.”

  She looked away. The words vibrated in the space between them. Nathan wondered if he’d said the wrong thing.

  “Do you believe in that?” she asked finally.

  “I don’t know. Do you?”

  “I’ve never expected to get married.” She looked at the shoreline and squinted from the sun.

  “You’re awfully young to think that, Em.”

  She grimaced. “It’s because of the way I am. It makes relationships difficult.”

  “Are you trying to tell me something?” he asked, trying to keep his tone lighthearted. This was a first for him. Usually women he was involved with were determined to lock in some type of commitment from the beginning.

  “I’m not sure what you mean,” she said.

  “Are you trying to break things off after last night?”

  She laughed. “No. I’m just letting you know that I hold no expectations for the outcome of our time together.”

  He wasn’t sure what to think. Maybe she’d seen their future in one of her visions. It bothered him that she really saw no prospects for the two of them together.

  They remained silent for a time.

  “Do you have a dream for the future?” Emma asked.

  Nathan rowed as he contemplated her question. “Since I left Missouri, I’ve missed the water. I’ve missed this.” He nodded to the river. “I’d build a house near one, I suppose.”

  “The Mississippi?”

  “It wouldn’t have to be so big. I like Texas. Maybe somewhere near the Brazos. If I had a son, I’d teach him how to navigate the water.” Until he said it aloud, he hadn’t realized how much the idea appealed to him. And he'd never considered having children.

  Until now.

  Until Emma.

  “I hope you get your wish,” she said.

  About a mile down river, they came around a bend and approached another rapid. It didn’t look good.

  “We’d better stop and have a look,” Emma said.

  “Yeah.” Nathan rowed them to shore onto the right bank.

  After securing the boat, they walked along the shoreline. The river flowed with its ever present gurgling as it slid through the canyon. White and gray clouds broke the monotony of the blue sky, casting dramatic shadows on the scenery. Red-rocked slopes, loose and gravelly, left the water’s edge and gradually inclined to cliffs marked with the definitive strata layers that seemed to be everywhere in the canyon. The history of the mountains was laid bare for all to see, for all to understand the true age of the earth.

  To Emma it seemed like a dream, the landscape strange and dry and unforgiving. The day to day work of being on the river had become monotonous, a bit of a letdown, but then there were moments like this, where the impact of what she’d accomplished—having travelled so far from home—filled her with pride. She’d done it. She’d realized a dream. No matter the outcome, that aspect could never be taken from her.

  A breeze blew and the sun cast its light between shifting clouds. A small rocky remnant of a building on a nearby hilltop caught her eye, giving testament to the people who once inhabited the area. Emma’s heartbeat slowed as silence surrounded her.

  This is why people from long ago lived here.

  Timelessness permeated her body, seeping into her bones. The magnificence of the world became clear, as if cobwebs had been cleared from her vision. This place was special, sacred, where the veils were thin between the worlds. It was a place where divinity rested before extending itself back out to humanity.

  She turned to find Nathan, and stopped short. He’d continued along the shoreline to scout the rapid. A man stood beside him.

  Rooted to her spot, she watched, spellbound. As Nathan moved, the man moved with him. He was tall, as tall as Nathan, fit and well-dressed, but older. Looking closer, she noticed his dark features, so vaguely familiar. Then, the apparition turned his gaze to her and she knew it was Nathan’s father.

  She blinked, and he was gone.

  Nathan appeared unaware that he just had a visitor.

  Should she tell him? She’d told him everything about her visions the previous night, and it had led to the most amazing encounter in his arms. Certainly he accepted her as she was. Or maybe not. Reluctant to push the new boundaries of their relationship, she decided to keep it to herself.

  “What's wrong?” he as
ked as he approached.

  “Nothing.”

  “Did something happen? Have you seen something?”

  “No. Just some Indian ruins.” She pointed to the hilltop.

  “There was certainly a lot of life down here at one point,” he said.

  “What do you think about the rapid?”

  “I think we shouldn’t run it. Too risky. Are you up for some hard labor?”

  “Of course. Safety first.”

  Together, they returned to the river.

  * * *

  Emma helped Nathan line the boat, not just through the next rapid but the following one as well. The labor was tedious and tiring, taking the better part of the afternoon. The third rapid they encountered, however, put the other two to shame, and despite Emma’s weariness her eyes widened in fear and anticipation as she viewed this next obstacle.

  Looking across the wide expanse of the river to the opposite side, a dike of black rock plunged through the red shale and down into the water. The numerous boulders generously choked the river flow and littered the shoreline on the left bank, the only place they were able to stop to explore a possible route. In the water or out, it presented a challenge whether they ran it or didn’t.

  Emma followed Nathan as he picked his way over a precarious trail to view the whitewater.

  “We’re definitely not running this,” Nathan said loudly over the roar of rushing water.

  She contemplated the fast-moving mass of liquid. “But lining the boat will be difficult here.” They had lined and partially portaged supplies on rapids far less menacing than this one, with fewer boulders present on which to smash a boat.

  With a pounding heart, her vision became compressed as if in a tunnel. She glanced at the surroundings, then scanned the late-afternoon blue sky. A strong feeling of inevitability settled around her.

  “I want to run it,” she announced.

  He looked at her as if she just announced she had two heads instead of one. “Are you insane?”