The Sparrow

by Kristy McCaffrey

  “In my boot,” he replied. “Old habit.”

  “Oh.”

  Masito unrolled a small piece of hide on which a map had been carved out.

  “It is not the best, but it shows major exit points in the canyon,” Masito said. “Here is where our friends the Havsuw ʼBaaj live.” He pointed to a spot on the cloth. “It is more to the west and is a big settlement.”

  Nathan examined the markings. “Thanks. It’s better than what we had before, which was nothing.”

  “We have Powell’s book,” Emma said defensively. “He documented everything.”

  “No offense, but he wasn’t being chased by crazy men and having strange visions. I’m just trying to give us any advantage we can.” He faced Masito. “Diamond found us, probably five miles back.”

  A solemn mood settled over Masito. “We did not see him.”

  “He knew who Emma was. He was looking specifically for her.”

  “We did not tell him. If we had seen him, I would have killed him. Or Na’i.”

  “He knew I’d seen the boy,” she interjected.

  “I do not know how he would know this. What happened to him?”

  “We left him by a side river,” Emma answered. “Powell called it Bright Angel River.”

  “Was he well?” Masito asked.

  “Not completely,” Nathan said quietly. “But he was still alive.”

  “You could not kill him?” Masito asked.

  Nathan hesitated. “There’s something…strange about him.”

  “He is a sorcerer,” Masito said. “I will be on the lookout when I return to the encampment.”

  “Be careful,” Nathan said.

  “Do you need me to take you back to the river?”

  “No, I think I can find it.” Nathan held a hand out and Masito shook it. “Thank you. I appreciate your help. If I can ever return the favor, I will.”

  “I would ask for the woman again,” Masito said, flicking a glance at her, “but she would be unhappy far from you. It is plain to see.”

  “Smart man.”

  Masito pulled a silver cuff bracelet from his bag and handed it to Emma. “For you.”

  “It’s beautiful.” Emma admired the large, light blue stone inlaid in the silver. “I can’t possibly take this.”

  “Pakwa was disappointed that you left before she thanked you for trying. It is for you.”

  Warmed by the gesture, Emma smiled. “Thank you.”

  Masito nodded, and turned to leave. She gestured farewell, wondering if she would ever see the Hopi man again, then followed Nathan down the pathway they’d so recently traversed.

  Nathan glanced over his shoulder at her. “Better be careful, he might think you’re engaged now.”

  She gazed at her wrist, appreciating the way the bracelet looked against her tan skin. The metal and stone fairly hummed with what she could only describe as the energy of the Canyon—earth, water, and time so vast as to be unfathomable to the human mind.

  “You must know by now that I belong to you,” she murmured, but Nathan had moved out of earshot as she spoke.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Upon returning to the dory, they proceeded down river, riding four more rapids. Nathan felt his confidence rising, the whitewater and river running becoming second-nature with each passing day. It was also due to the fact that the more they moved during the day, the further they got from Diamond and the Baxter brothers. It seemed unlikely the men would follow. But the situation was unusual enough that Nathan would never put complete stock in that assumption.

  His goal was to protect Emma, but he also thoroughly enjoyed the river. This journey was the completion of something in him that had been cut short a long time ago, cut short by the death of his pa.

  That night at camp, Emma looked drained.

  “You should get some rest,” he said to her.

  Despite the fatigue in his muscles from constantly being on the river, Nathan didn’t feel tired. Thoughts of his pa hovered in his mind.

  Emma nodded and wrapped a blanket around her but didn’t lie down, just sat and stared into the fire. “It’s hard to remember what civilization is like anymore,” she said. “It feels like we’ve been down here forever. There are times I’m weary of it, but then, in the next moment, I never want to leave.”

  “It does grow on you after a while.”

  “Do you think we’re being followed?” Worry crept into her voice.

  He didn’t want to scare her, but he wanted her alert to the dangers. “It’s always possible. I don’t think you should ever put it out of your mind.”

  She paused. “Well, thanks for making me feel better.”

  A half-smile crossed his lips at the tone of her voice. “Did you always have the soul of an adventurer?”

  Her brows furrowed, then she shrugged. “I don’t know. How do you explain the unexplainable?”

  The world stopped in a rush for Nathan, his mind pulled back to a life long ago, with his pa and his sister and his ma. He stared at Emma, a charge of awareness and fear pricking his entire body. “My ma used to say that.” He looked into the fire and rubbed his jaw.

  “Why don’t you like to talk about her?”

  “I don’t believe in that stuff. You know, the kind of stuff she did.” His eyes met hers, and he sensed her withdrawal from him. “Emma, all I can say is that I don’t know a whole lot about anything, except fighting and trying to stay alive for another day.”

  “Haven’t you ever wondered why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why the sky is blue, why men turn bad, why God would make a canyon like this?”

  “I guess I’ve always focused on the more practical aspects of life,” he replied. “My ma would talk of things, of mysteries and faith and God, but I didn’t like it. Most of the time, what she did just plain scared me.”

  “Why?”

  Although he was now a grown man, he could still feel the helpless child-like fear of his mother’s chosen profession. “Most of the time, when people would come to the house, my sister and I were sent to another room. My ma told us we weren’t allowed to watch. But once, I did. The man that had come to her…he seemed unnatural…possessed, I suppose. My ma prayed and crossed him while other men had to hold him down. I worried he might hurt her—it was why I stayed in the shadows to watch—but she didn’t seem afraid, she just kept invoking God and Jesus, louder and louder. She used a glass of water to somehow release the demon inside the man. Then, she carefully disposed of it by pouring it into the ground outside and covering it with dirt, still saying prayer after prayer.”

  “What an amazing gift,” Emma said. “It must’ve been hard for her though. When did she know she could do this? How old was she? Who did she learn this from?”

  Emma’s intense interest took Nathan aback. “I don’t know. I never asked.” In this part of his mother’s life, he knew very little. It dawned on him that he really ought to be more acquainted with the woman who gave birth to him.

  “How did your pa feel about it?”

  “He didn’t like all the crazy talk that surrounded her. Some called her an angel. But some called what she did witchcraft, so she kept it quietly under the table. She made money from it, but I don’t think she did it for that reason. But the extra income helped. Sometimes my pa wouldn’t work regularly, sometimes he’d drink a lot and she’d get frustrated. Once I was old enough, I tried to keep him in line, help him get to work. I’d help him on the boats.”

  There was a long pause before Emma spoke again, her voice low.

  “I’ve seen him, Nathan.”

  “Who?”

  “Your pa. At least, I’m pretty sure it’s your pa. He looks a lot like you.”

  “When?”

  “When you stand by the river, he’s right beside you.” Her wary gaze watched him.

  Denial gripped him, and a wave of nausea rolled through him. He wanted to hear this, and yet he didn’t. He didn’t believe in this nonsense. He didn’t
want to. It changed the world too much. Better to just block it out, but it was impossible when he found himself falling for a woman just like his ma. God must be laughing his ass off.

  “Does he say anything?” he asked.

  Emma shook her head. “He’s just near you. I didn’t want to tell you at first. You said he drowned. Maybe it was too sudden for him. Maybe he’s trying to say goodbye.”

  “He could’ve said goodbye if he wanted to. He drowned himself.”

  Shock registered on Emma’s face. “You mean he committed suicide?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Nathan, I’m so sorry.”

  “So am I.”

  “So maybe that’s why he’s here,” she pressed. “Maybe he wants to say he’s sorry.”

  “Then why can’t I see him?” he asked, angry. If his pa was truly with him, it was damn unfair that he couldn’t see him or talk with him himself.

  “I don’t know. Would you like me to ask him? If I can?”

  “No.” Nathan didn’t like all this talk of ghosts. “I don’t have anything to say to him.”

  “You’ll let me know if you change your mind?” she asked, a halting tone in her voice.

  “I won’t, Em.”

  Thankfully, she let the subject drop.

  * * *

  The next day, heavy rain slowed their progress. They traversed two rapids then made a soggy camp.

  The following day, they made better progress. There was no sign of anyone following them, only the occasional footprints of some animal or other, sheep or squirrels or birds.

  With all the headway they made, Emma was quite exhausted at night. Despite the dangers she slept deeply, usually awaking feeling rested but slightly confused, as if she had visited some far off place but couldn’t remember the details. But she was already in a far off place. The canyon had a peculiar ambiance to it. She felt confined, as if in a narrow vision tunnel, but it heightened her awareness of the surroundings, of her own mental state. This was confirmed as she slept that night.

  She lay beside Nathan, using his warmth to keep the chill away. He loved her earlier, but it had been distant and she felt disconnected from him. Her dream was clear and concise, and she remembered it well once she awoke.

  She dreamt of an old Indian of whom she didn’t recognize. He spoke to her in his language and she understood him. He told her of a waterfall spilling into a beautiful array of tide pools, of an opulent light blue color, and she instantly saw them as he took her there. He spoke of magic and spirits that dwelt there, and of the power in the place. It was an energy she could harness, he told her. It might help her complete her journey of transformation. She knew he meant the expansion of her abilities. She and Nathan hadn’t come to this location yet, but they were near. The Indian showed her the difficult path from the river.

  The only thing she didn’t understand came at the very end, just before she awoke. The old man held an arm out, and a sparrow flew to him and landed there. The Indian nodded as if she should grasp the significance of the bird’s presence. The old man whistled and made gurgling and cooing noises, and the bird responded in kind. Emma slowly shook her head to indicate she didn’t comprehend. The Indian pointed at the bird, then pointed at her.

  She awoke with a start.

  That a sparrow showed up in her dream hardly seemed surprising at this point, and she guessed that the old Indian was telling her she had sparrow spirit inside her. How exactly this would help her, she still wasn’t certain. But she did know that she needed to look for the landmarks to the location of the waterfall and the travertine pools. Filled with a compelling need to get to that place, she hoped it held the answers to all her questions: about her powers, the Hopi boy, Nathan, and the course and purpose of her life.

  * * *

  Early the next morning they came to a waterfall. Nathan stopped to investigate, and suggested they rest for a bit. Emma murmured something about “this not being the one” then took out her journal and wrote for a time while he settled in to watch the river. They were in a bend, and he wondered what lay ahead. The map Masito gave him was sparse. Nathan was certain there had to be many access points from the rim to the canyon floor, but the map only showed a few. He wondered about Diamond, and considered what the man might do to find them. If Diamond was smart, he'd ditch the Baxter boys and find an Indian to help track them. But he and Emma were moving swiftly along—Nathan had done this on purpose—so it greatly reduced the odds that Diamond could actually cross paths with them again. Still, something nagged at him.

  He walked back to where Emma sat near the waterfall. It was a lovely spot and she was engrossed in sketching it, as witnessed by her broad strokes and repeated glances at the falls.

  “Can I ask you something?” he asked.

  She made an agreeing sound, not taking her eyes from the drawing.

  “Do you think that Diamond has the gift of sight?”

  Emma’s hand stopped. “Why would you say that?” She didn’t look at him.

  “It would explain how he found us before. It worries me that he could find us again that way.”

  “That’s a bold theory for someone who doesn’t believe,” she said quietly.

  “I may not believe, but I have to anticipate his next move.” He hesitated. “Could you track him...in your mind?”

  Emma made a face. “I wish I could turn it on and off, but I don’t have that much control over it. And frankly, I haven’t wanted to think about that man, so I’ve put him out of my mind.”

  “Then we’ll just have to operate the old-fashioned way. You’re never to go anywhere alone, and we best camp at places that have no clear access from the top.”

  “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”

  “Yes, to a point, but I want you to be on guard anyway.”

  She nodded and became engrossed in her journal once again.

  Nathan returned to watching the river.

  * * *

  The next day Nathan was determined to make significant headway. They ran almost a dozen rapids and he estimated they traveled about thirty-five miles. Tired, wet, and sunburned, they finally made camp when they came upon a bigger stretch of whitewater. Although there was a canyon, the access was from the north, and Nathan considered this safe. It would require too much work for Diamond to reach them from this direction.

  That night, Emma talked in her sleep, rousing Nathan from where he lay beside her.

  “That man.” Her voice, panic-stricken, caught on a ragged whisper. Her head rolled back and forth. “He’ll use you.” She began to cry and her hands flew up to hold her head. “So much pain.” A stifled sob escaped her throat. “Protect yourself.”

  Nathan took her in his arms, and tried to jostle her awake.

  “Keep him away,” she whispered.

  “Emma, wake up.” He held her close.

  She clung to him and her breathing calmed. “I must have had a bad dream,” she said into his chest.

  “You said something about a man using you. Were you talking about Diamond?”

  “I think so. I dreamt of the Hopi boy. He was telling me what Diamond had done to him. Or rather, I felt it. He inflicted a type of poison…no, that’s not right…he shot something into his body, like a slimy, heavy mass. It was disgusting. Then he split the boy’s spirit in half, yanking and ripping it from him. It was so violent. The boy was strong, he fought hard, but Diamond was more ruthless and finally succeeded.”

  “It was just a dream.” He held her tighter. But Nathan knew she believed she’d had contact with the boy.

  He didn’t like all this talk of the obscure and the invisible because there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. It had been that way with his ma, making him feel as if he were outside a house looking through a window where the people he loved lived and suffered, but he couldn’t help them. His biggest fear had always been that his ma would go crazy and leave him. And now, he could only hold Emma and sit by helplessly while demons attacked her mind and her dre
ams, and God only knew what else.

  * * *

  The next day, they portaged the big rapid they’d camped beside then ran a few minor riffles in the river. In the late afternoon, they came to a rapid at the mouth of a side canyon with a creek emptying into the Colorado from the south. Emma immediately recognized it as the place in her dream. Even if she hadn’t, the turquoise water—reminiscent of the Little Colorado River—would have been reason enough to stop. A narrow opening beckoned, a gateway, and what lay beyond was a mystery.

  “Can we stop here?” she asked.

  “Why?”

  The red sandstone rose in steep vertical lines directly from the river, as well as from the creek Emma now desired to investigate, ending on flat terraces high above them. It felt like a fortress, offering security, but also little room for escape should the occasion arise.

  There was really no place to stop, let alone hike.

  “I know it looks impossible,” she said, “but I’d like to walk up this canyon a bit. I’ve a feeling about this place.”

  Nathan dropped his gaze to hers. For a moment she felt the connection, a brief ripple of fear which she thought so strange from him.

  “How far?” he asked.

  She owed him the truth. “It may be several miles, and the way will be a challenge.”

  “I don’t like that it’s on the south side of the canyon, and we might not make it back by dark. From Masito’s map, I think this is where the Havasupai live. We’re likely to encounter them. Are you sure about this?”

  “Yes. I’m certain.”

  He guided the boat to a ledge, and secured it to an indentation in the rock. “We’d best take supplies with us,” he said.

  Removing the life jackets, they collected dried meat and apples, hard biscuits from the previous night, a tin of coffee, two blankets, two canteens of water, and a small metal coffeepot and cups. At the last minute Emma grabbed a second tin of coffee and a pouch of tobacco, in case they needed to trade with the Havasupai. The bracelet Masito had given her shined on her wrist and caught her eye in the sunlight. She wondered if it would make a useful trade as well, but her mind rebelled at the thought. She liked her Hopi souvenir. The turquoise stone embedded in the silver calmed her.