by Misti Murphy
Mandy stands on the other side of the road, watching the traffic. In a minute, she’ll crash through my door, and I’ll tell her how I’m buying the place, how I’m sticking around.
Maybe she’ll tell me she broke up with Cas. I’m not sure he’s as much of a creep as I wanted to believe. Mandy Pearce is just so much bigger than the number of her years. She’s a tidal wave of energy and life, bearing down on me. She’s impossible to resist.
Putting my glass down, I stride across the room and out the door to meet her on the pavement.
“Oh.” She jumps as she almost runs into me, then she smiles while she grips my biceps to steady herself. “I was coming to find you. You seemed a little put out when you left Eat Me.”
“I was.” I take her elbow, hold her close as I open the door for her. She smells like lemonade and cupcakes and sunshine. I want to breathe in the scent of her still pink hair. “I’m better now.”
“Good.” She smiles, tucks some of that hair behind her ear as she takes note of the glasses on the bar. “Unless that’s your way of saying life is going to shit.”
“Actually.” I rub the back of my head as it hits me. “I made an offer on this place. It’s as good as mine.”
“You’re buying the restaurant?”
“Yes. Thanks to you.” I tug her closer. Without her I would probably be winging my way back to L.A. with Claudia, getting married, and spending the rest of my life wondering what if.
“What do you mean?”
“You go after what you want no matter the consequences. You keep trying until you realize your goals. You don’t play it safe.”
“I don’t know about that.” A shadow passes behind her eyes before she hides it. “But good for you. I’m so excited for you. This place is going to be beautiful.”
“It is.” I grab her up and spin around. I’m so damn ecstatic. She’s looking down at me, her hands braced on my shoulders, her lips parted. “It’s got nothing on you, though.”
I slide her down my body, clasp her face between both my hands and plant my mouth on hers. Her fingers flutter on my chest, then she’s pushing away from me.
“I can’t. I’m with Cas. Shit. I can’t do this anymore, Sam. I can’t.” She stumbles backwards.
“Do you love him?” I follow her, needing the answer more than air.
She bites her lip, hesitates. “I can’t love him. He can’t be the one to make me happy.”
“Then leave him.” I grab her arm. “You should do whatever will make you happy.”
“Like you, staying in Reverence?”
“Exactly. Because of you I’m following my heart. And maybe, we could see if there’s something here. With us.”
“You want me to be your girlfriend?”
“I’m not sure I’m ready for that, Mandy.” I deflate. I’ve only recently gotten out of a relationship that wasn’t right, and as much as I’m fascinated by Mandy and care about her I’m not certain about jumping into anything serious.
She casts her gaze downward, refuses to look at me. “I need to think about it. I need time. It’ll hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“Whatever you need.” I duck my head to steal another taste of her lips. “I’ll be here.”
Chapter Twenty-One
CASPER
A limousine pulls into the ranch’s circular driveway, gravel crunching as it comes to a stop. Soldier’s ears prick up. The driver gets out and opens the door for a woman in a form-fitting Italian suit. She pats her coiffed, almost gray hair and brushes some invisible lint from the lapel of her jacket. She used to be a stunning blonde, but each time I’ve seen Juliette’s mother Moira over the past eighteen months, she’s aged years.
“Here we go again,” I mutter to myself as I take off Soldier’s harness and smack him on the rump. “Get lost.”
He lunges forward with a whinny, and then gallops flat out across the field like Juliette taught him to do. He flies for the same gate we took that day with Mandy. There’s no way I’m letting anyone take him from me.
I can’t stop thinking about her. Mandy. She spent the night in my bed. She left her wings on the bed post. It seemed so real. I can’t recall the last time I was that damn happy, as I was with her asleep on my chest. I was hoping we’d have a chance to talk about it, maybe repeat it. But she’s called in sick these past couple days, and she hasn’t stepped foot on the ranch.
What if it’s because of my dick? What if she changed her mind about it being an accident? What if I really am a fuck up? Most of all, what if she never talks to me again? I know I’m going to lose her, but does it have to be so soon?
“Great trick,” Moira calls from the driveway as I stride toward her. “Now if you could call my horse back I would like to organize to take Soldier home.”
“Juliette’s horse,” I retort. The only part of Juliette I can’t let go of.
“My horse, Mr. Morgan,” she says when I get to her. “Soldier is a thoroughbred Andalusian with pure Spanish blood lines. He’s not some pet. He belongs at stud. That’s what my daughter would have wanted. That’s the agreement we made. You got Juliette, and when she was done with her career I got him.”
“He’s all I have left of her.” It’s the same conversation over again. The one we’ve been having every few months since Juliette’s funeral.
“I know that.” Her expression softens. “You were very important to Juliette. You were important to us. You could have stayed with us after…”
After the accident that took their daughter’s life? After the questioning by the police? After the news broke a story about my penis? Hell, someone on social media got a hold of the article and hash tagged the damn thing #Murderdick. My fucking dick went viral. “I couldn’t. I felt responsible. To blame for what happened.”
“We never held you responsible. But you took my property, Casper. I want him back. Now.” I know she wants him for the same reasons I can’t give him up. He’s as much a part of her daughter, as he is a part of the woman I loved.
“Wish I could.” I shrug. “He’s gotten lost. It’s going to take me some time to find him.”
As I brush past her, she grips my arm. “And while you’re looking for him will you accidently get lost too? Like the last four times?”
“Hard to tell.”
“We can only do this dance so many times.”
“Then perhaps you should leave him with me.” I jerk my arm from her grip. I can’t give Soldier up. Can’t give up that connection to Juliette.
She sighs and shakes her head in disappointment. “You need to give him up for your own good, Casper. Before I get the police involved.”
“You do what you have to do,” I toss over my shoulder. “I’m not giving him to you.”
***
“Cas? Are you in here?”
“Yep.” I leave the tack room, rope coiled over my shoulder, a bridle in my hand. “What’s up?”
“Claire said you might be in here.” Mandy follows me as I pass her.
“She was right. I was.” I stride across the yard and into the field.
“Where are you going? What are you doing?” Mandy asks, keeping up with me.
She’s wearing those pink cowgirl boots again. The ones that make it impossible not to notice her legs. Those legs that were wrapped around my hips while she screamed my name. The pink in her hair has almost faded, leaving streaks among her silvery strands. Why the hell hasn’t she shown up until now? “Soldier. I told him to get lost.”
“You did what?” She gapes. “Why?”
“It doesn’t matter. Suffice it to say he’s trained to get lost.” I shift the rope on my shoulder. “So now I have to go catch him.”
“I’ll help you,” she says.
“You don’t need to.” I fix my attention on the gate. March toward it. Somewhere in the forest behind it Soldier is waiting to be found. I can’t be distracted by the pretty girl beside me. Can’t be wondering whether she’s actually been sick or avoiding me. Whether sh
e’s chasing after Sam still or maybe, just maybe, wanting us to be real. I don’t want to know. Especially that last part.
“But I want to.” She widens her step to keep up with me, reaches out to grab my arm. “Let me help, Cas.”
God, those expressive green eyes get me every damn time. “Okay. Fine.”
We head to the gate in relative silence. There’s a buzz in the air. Flies, a random stray mosquito that doesn’t know it’s supposed to be nocturnal. A couple of birds twittering in the tree branches. That’s nothing compared to the noise of all the things I want to ask and can’t find the words for. Our side glances keep skidding together, so she’s probably trying to work out where to begin too. She swallows a couple times. I scratch my jaw. All the times I wanted her to be quiet and leave me alone weren’t as frustrating as this.
I push open the gate wide enough for her to pass, follow her through and close it behind us. She rubs at her arms as we head into the trees. “How do we find him? Do we start yelling his name?”
“Nope. That’ll make him run.”
“So we have to pound around in here until we spot him? There are miles and miles of forest, Cas.”
“We’ve only been to part of it.” I shrug.
“Where we went?” she asks. Her cheeks color, so does her neck and along her collarbone, and I know she remembers exactly what happened last time we were out here. Probably replaying it in her head right now. I kind of want to tug at the collar of her top so I can see if the blush covers her tits too. “When we—”
“Yes. No.” I don’t want to hear her say when I ate her pussy, or when she gave me a hand job. My mind instantly conjures up the images, the sensations without it. To have her speak the words might make it hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other when I want to stop and taste her again. “Further up the ridge. There’s a cliff face. An edge. That’s where we look.”
“Okay,” she agrees. We hike up the trail for a while. There’s enough room to walk side by side under the canopy of trees, their leaves twined into a mottled net full of sunlight.
“I hope you’re feeling better,” I tell her when I can’t handle her quiet anymore. I hate that we’ve lost the easiness between us. Hate that my imagination immediately takes me to her being with Sam as the reason.
“I am,” she says, studying her fingernails. “Except I’m not.”
“Not what?”
“Sick.”
“I know.” Almost wish she had been. Could have cooked a mean chicken noodle soup for her. Could have cuddled her up in my bed under the air conditioner and let her sleep on my chest. Could have done whatever it took to make her feel better.
“Well, I guess I suck at lying.”
“Why did you?”
“It’s awkward, isn’t it? It feels awkward. I didn’t want it to be weird after… what we did.” She lifts one corner of her mouth, climbs over a log that’s fallen on the path. “I thought it would be better for both of us if we put a clear line between that and when we’re working together.”
“It’s not better for me.” She’s still chasing Sam Sweets. Expected it, but it stings. I want to tell her that. Whose dumb idea was this anyway? Mine. Because I wasn’t going to get close to her. Or be with her. Or spend more than the summer here. Which is why it wasn’t a dumb idea.
“Right, well.” She falls silent as the track turns into a thin rutted line of dirt along the base of the escarpment.
We move along it for a while to a part of the slope that’s less steep where Soldier would have picked his way up.
“I think I see him,” Mandy says, pointing to a part of the skyline where an outcropping of boulders juts into the blue. “Over there.”
“Great.” I pick my way up the flattened grass where Soldier went up.
Mandy follows me. “Are you leaving as soon as the kids do?”
My heart stalls, and I grip the rope in my sweaty palms. The coarse fibers bite into my skin. I hadn’t thought about leaving her. Hadn’t let myself acknowledge how hard it might be, because this wasn’t anything. A play put on for the benefit of another guy. Even when Razer asked me whether I’d considered taking the position permanently the other day it had been a matter of fact that I wouldn’t. Just the way it is. The way my life has worked for over a year now. Years even. All Juliette and I ever did was traipse across Europe for her career. We’d settle in Paris for a few months a year. I’d try to talk her into coming home. She would convince me to stay on the road. And I’d do it. Because I loved her, and I would have done anything for her. Did do anything for her. Everything. Even now I’m still living her life.
“Cas?”
“Probably sooner,” I rasp. Can’t give up Soldier. Can’t let them take him away. Why is it so hard to breathe? “A couple days.”
“Oh.” She’s right behind me. She’s right fucking there, but she gives the impression that she’s so far away.
We’re almost at the top now, where it levels out. The view is amazing. It goes on forever. Rugged crags and valleys, drenched in late afternoon sun. Ever see beauty and not see it? Ever been aware that all it would take to turn a boring landscape into the most perfect vista is to turn around and watch the person you’re with gasp at the view, because without them it holds no value?
I turn and offer her my hand as she hits the top, and she slides her fingers into mine. Mandy Pearce makes the world beautiful. She makes everything vibrant and colorful in a way I never thought I’d see again. She stands beside me on that ledge, Soldier only yards away, and fuck if I don’t want to stay.
“So that’s it?” she asks.
What am I supposed to tell her? What would she even want to hear? Sam is falling for her whether I like it or not. That’s what she wants. Mister Right with his charming personality and his potential to be the perfect family man. Not me. Not this man who is so broken his best friend is a horse he stole from his dead fiancée’s parents. And yeah, that’s funny in some dark, twisted kind of way. Why is that absurd now when for so long it’s been logical?
My heart pounds so hard I swear it echoes over the landscape, bounces off the mountains as thunderous as drums. Soldier raises his head, pricks his ears as though he hears it too. Something else whispers inside me. The faded laughter of a woman I loved. The rippling memories of my life with Juliette. Maybe I’ve been living with her ghost for too long, because I swear I hear her ask, How far would you go to hear Mandy tell you she wants you instead of him?
Chapter Twenty-Two
MANDY
I wait for Cas to tell me he’s out of here. That he never meant to get close to me. That we’ll be friends. He’ll email or text me. Maybe he’ll call me once in a while. Of course, he’ll be too busy to do it more than every blue moon, but still, what else should I expect? Only a foolish girl would hope for more, right? And that’s never been me. I’ve always been smart about my feelings.
Especially when it comes to relationships. I’m transparent about what I need in the man I’m going to fall in love with.
Loyal to a fault. Family orientated. Kind.
That is why I picked Sam Sweets, after all. Because he is all those things. It’s why I’m putting my heart and soul into trying to convince him I’m worth more than a cursory glance. Even if it is taking so much longer than I thought it would. It’s also why I came out here to tell Cas we need to break up.
I don’t know why I’m sick over the idea of telling him that Sam might not be ready to commit, but he’s more than willing to explore what’s between us, when I’m not really with Cas in the first place. He’s always been clear that I’m nothing more than a pain in his ass. Almost always. Besides, this is how both of us anticipated things would go. It was our plan. Why am I not ready?
Why doesn’t he say anything? If he would only come out and say that I’m not even a thought in his head when it comes to the next move he makes, it would be easy to tell him we don’t need to continue this charade. Instead he looks at me in a way that makes my knees w
eak. I hate that he can do that, because I know how much I’ll miss him.
And I know how grumpy he’ll be without me around to make him laugh.
And I’ll miss the orgasms. Oh God, the orgasms.
My vibrator sucks in comparison. Not that I will need it. I’ll be with Sam, who’ll no doubt be sweet and considerate in bed. He’ll make me come, and it’ll be good. But it won’t be like it is with Cas. None of it will be like it is with Cas. Which is exactly why it’s what I want, isn’t it?
“Fine. Don’t answer.” I stalk toward Soldier. More so Cas doesn’t see how sad I am over his grumpy ass, than because I have a chance in hell of catching his horse. Besides I don’t need him to put the silence into words. I don’t even know why I care. I promised myself I wouldn’t waste time on men who weren’t right for me, no matter their effect on my pulse.
Cas still has hold of my hand though. He doesn’t let go. “What about Sam? Has he come around yet?”
I don’t take my gaze off Soldier. Can horses tell when you lie? Aren’t all animals supposed to be able to read people? I swear his big, brown, horsey eyes drink everything in. “No. Not yet. I need your help to push him over the line. It’s only a matter of time. Please, Cas.”
It takes him forever to speak. His voice is raw and demanding when he does. “No more of this staying away from the ranch, from me, because you have this stupid notion that we need reminding of what this is we’re doing, okay? We both know it’s not real.”
“Okay.” My heart flops without the flip. Why is one way the most amazing feeling, the other painful?
“I’ll stick around as long as I can. For you. To help you with your Sam issue.”
“Seriously?” What if I need him to never leave? What if I need him always? What if it would make all the difference? But he doesn’t say he’ll be there as long as I need him because this isn’t what we are. He’s only helping me land my perfect man, and then I won’t need him anymore. Once Sam realizes he’s serious about me I probably won’t care that Cas is gone, will I? I won’t even notice. At all.
