The Oxford Shakespeare: The Complete Works

by William Shakespeare

  A pickaxe and a spade, a spade,

  For and a shrouding-sheet;

  O, a pit of clay for to be made

  For such a guest is meet.

  ⌈He throws up another skull⌉

  HAMLET There’s another. Why might not that be the skull of a lawyer? Where be his quiddits now, his quillets, his cases, his tenures, and his tricks? Why does he suffer this rude knave now to knock him about the sconce with a dirty shovel, and will not tell him of his action of battery? H‘m! This fellow might be in ’s time a great buyer of land, with his statutes, his recognizances, his fines, his double vouchers, his recoveries. Is this the fine of his fines and the recovery of his recoveries, to have his fine pate full of fine dirt? Will his vouchers vouch him no more of his purchases, and double ones too, than the length and breadth of a pair of indentures? The very conveyances of his lands will hardly lie in this box; and must th’inheritor himself have no more, ha?

  HORATIO Not a jot more, my lord.

  HAMLET Is not parchment made of sheepskins?

  HORATIO Ay, my lord, and of calf-skins too.

  HAMLET They are sheep and calves that seek out assurance in that. I will speak to this fellow. (To the First Clown) Whose grave’s this, sirrah?

  FIRST CLOWN Mine, sir.

  (Sings)

  O, a pit of clay for to be made

  For such a guest is meet.

  HAMLET I think it be thine indeed, for thou liest in’t.

  FIRST CLOWN You lie out on‘t, sir, and therefore it is not yours. For my part, I do not lie in’t, and yet it is mine.

  HAMLET Thou dost lie in‘t, to be in’t and say ’tis thine. ’Tis for the dead, not for the quick; therefore thou liest.

  FIRST CLOWN ‘Tis a quick lie, sir, ’twill away again from me to you.

  HAMLET What man dost thou dig it for?

  FIRST CLOWN For no man, sir.

  HAMLET What woman, then?

  FIRST CLOWN For none, neither.

  HAMLET Who is to be buried in’t?

  FIRST CLOWN One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul, she’s dead.

  HAMLET How absolute the knave is! We must speak by the card, or equivocation will undo us. By the Lord, Horatio, these three years I have taken note of it. The age is grown so picked that the toe of the peasant comes so near the heel of the courtier he galls his kibe. (To the First Clown) How long hast thou been a grave-maker?

  FIRST CLOWN Of all the days i‘th’ year I came to’t that day that our last King Hamlet o’ercame Fortinbras.

  HAMLET How long is that since?

  FIRST CLOWN Cannot you tell that? Every fool can tell that. It was the very day that young Hamlet was born—he that was mad and sent into England.

  HAMLET Ay, marry, why was he sent into England?

  FIRST CLOWN Why, because a was mad. A shall recover his wits there; or if a do not, ’tis no great matter there.

  HAMLET Why?

  FIRST CLOWN ’Twill not be seen in him there. There the men are as mad as he.

  HAMLET How came he mad?

  FIRST CLOWN Very strangely, they say.

  HAMLET How strangely?

  FIRST CLOWN Faith, e’en with losing his wits.

  HAMLET Upon what ground?

  FIRST CLOWN Why, here in Denmark. I have been sexton here, man and boy, thirty years.

  HAMLET How long will a man lie i’th’ earth ere he rot?

  FIRST CLOWN I’faith, if a be not rotten before a die—as we have many pocky corpses nowadays, that will scarce hold the laying in—a will last you some eight year or nine year. A tanner will last you nine year.

  HAMLET Why he more than another?

  FIRST CLOWN Why, sir, his hide is so tanned with his trade that a will keep out water a great while, and your water is a sore decayer of your whoreson dead body. Here’s a skull, now. This skull has lain in the earth three-and-twenty years.

  HAMLET Whose was it?

  FIRST CLOWN A whoreson mad fellow’s it was. Whose do you think it was?

  HAMLET Nay, I know not.

  FIRST CLOWN A pestilence on him for a mad rogue—a poured a flagon of Rhenish on my head once! This same skull, sir, was Yorick’s skull, the King’s jester.

  HAMLET This?

  FIRST CLOWN E’en that.

  HAMLET Let me see.

  He takes the skull

  Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio—a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred my imagination is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now, your gambols, your songs, your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now to mock your own grinning? Quite chop-fallen? Now get you to my lady’s chamber and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come. Make her laugh at that. Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing.

  HORATIO What’s that, my lord?

  HAMLET Dost thou think Alexander looked o’ this fashion i’th’ earth?

  HORATIO E’en so.

  HAMLET And smelt so? Pah!

  ⌈He throws the skull down⌉

  HORATIO E’en so, my lord.

  HAMLET To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why may not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander till a find it stopping a bung-hole?

  HORATIO ’Twere to consider too curiously to consider so.

  HAMLET No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it, as thus: Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth into dust, the dust is earth, of earth we make loam, and why of that loam whereto he was converted might they not stop a beer-barrel?

  Imperial Caesar, dead and turned to clay,

  Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.

  O, that that earth which kept the world in awe

  Should patch a wall t’expel the winter’s flaw!

  But soft, but soft; aside.

  Hamlet and Horatio stand aside. Enter King

  Claudius, Queen Gertrude, Laertes, and a coffin,

  with a Priest and lords attendant

  Here comes the King,

  The Queen, the courtiers—who is that they follow,

  And with such maimed rites? This doth betoken

  The corpse they follow did with desp‘rate hand

  Fordo it own life. ’Twas of some estate.

  Couch we a while, and mark.

  LAERTES What ceremony else?

  HAMLET (aside to Horatio)

  That is Laertes, a very noble youth. Mark.

  LAERTES What ceremony else?

  PRIEST

  Her obsequies have been as far enlarged

  As we have warrantise. Her death was doubtful,

  And but that great command o’ersways the order

  She should in ground unsanctified have lodged

  Till the last trumpet. For charitable prayers,

  Shards, flints, and pebbles should be thrown on her,

  Yet here she is allowed her virgin rites,

  Her maiden strewments, and the bringing home

  Of bell and burial.

  LAERTES Must there no more be done?

  PRIEST No more be done.

  We should profane the service of the dead

  To sing sage requiem and such rest to her

  As to peace-parted souls.

  LAERTES Lay her i’th’ earth,

  And from her fair and unpolluted flesh

  May violets spring. I tell thee, churlish priest,

  A minist’ring angel shall my sister be

  When thou liest howling.

  HAMLET (aside) What, the fair Ophelia!

  QUEEN GERTRUDE (scattering flowers)

  Sweets to the sweet. Farewell.

  I hoped thou shouldst have been my Hamlet’s wife.

  I thought thy bride-bed to have decked, sweet maid,

  And not t’have strewed thy grave.

  LAERTES

  O, treble woe

>   Fall ten times treble on that cursed head

  Whose wicked deed thy most ingenious sense

  Deprived thee of!—Hold off the earth a while,

  Till I have caught her once more in mine arms.

  He leaps into the grave

  Now pile your dust upon the quick and dead

  Till of this flat a mountain you have made

  To o’ertop old Pelion, or the skyish head

  Of blue Olympus.

  HAMLET (coming forward) What is he whose grief

  Bears such an emphasis, whose phrase of sorrow

  Conjures the wand’ring stars and makes them stand

  Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I,

  Hamlet the Dane.

  ⌈Hamlet leaps in after Laertes⌉

  LAERTES The devil take thy soul.

  HAMLET Thou pray’st not well.

  I prithee take thy fingers from my throat,

  For though I am not splenative and rash,

  Yet have I something in me dangerous,

  Which let thy wiseness fear. Away thy hand.

  KING CLAUDIUS (to Lords)

  Pluck them asunder.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Hamlet, Hamlet!

  ALL ⌈THE LORDS⌉

  Gentlemen!

  HORATIO (to Hamlet) Good my lord, be quiet.

  HAMLET

  Why, I will fight with him upon this theme

  Until my eyelids will no longer wag.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE O my son, what theme?

  HAMLET

  I loved Ophelia. Forty thousand brothers

  Could not, with all their quantity of love,

  Make up my sum.—What wilt thou do for her?

  KING CLAUDIUS O, he is mad, Laertes.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE (to Laertes) For love of God, forbear him.

  HAMLET (to Laertes) ‘Swounds, show me what thou’lt do.

  Woot weep, woot fight, woot fast, woot tear thyself,

  Woot drink up eisel, eat a crocodile?

  I’ll do’t. Dost thou come here to whine,

  To outface me with leaping in her grave?

  Be buried quick with her, and so will I.

  And if thou prate of mountains, let them throw

  Millions of acres on us, till our ground,

  Singeing his pate against the burning zone,

  Make Ossa like a wart. Nay, an thou’lt mouth,

  I’ll rant as well as thou.

  KING CLAUDIUS ⌈to Laertes⌉ This is mere madness,

  And thus a while the fit will work on him.

  Anon, as patient as the female dove

  When that her golden couplets are disclosed,

  His silence will sit drooping.

  HAMLET (to Laertes)

  Hear you, sir,

  What is the reason that you use me thus?

  I loved you ever. But it is no matter.

  Let Hercules himself do what he may,

  The cat will mew, and dog will have his day. Exit

  KING CLAUDIUS

  I pray you, good Horatio, wait upon him. Exit Horatio

  (To Laertes).Strengthen your patience in our last

  night’s speech.

  We’ll put the matter to the present push.—

  Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son.—

  This grave shall have a living monument.

  An hour of quiet shortly shall we see;

  Till then, in patience our proceeding be.

  Exeunt

  5.2 Enter Prince Hamlet and Horatio

  HAMLET

  So much for this, sir. Now, let me see, the other.

  You do remember all the circumstance?

  HORATIO Remember it, my lord!

  HAMLET

  Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting

  That would not let me sleep. Methought I lay

  Worse than the mutines in the bilboes. Rashly—

  And praised be rashness for it: let us know

  Our indiscretion sometime serves us well

  When our dear plots do pall, and that should teach us

  There’s a divinity that shapes our ends,

  Rough-hew them how we will—

  HORATIO That is most certain.

  HAMLET Up from my cabin,

  My sea-gown scarfed about me in the dark,

  Groped I to find out them, had my desire,

  Fingered their packet, and in fine withdrew

  To mine own room again, making so bold,

  My fears forgetting manners, to unseal

  Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio—

  O royal knavery!—an exact command,

  Larded with many several sorts of reasons

  Importing Denmark’s health, and England’s, too,

  With ho! such bugs and goblins in my life,

  That on the supervise, no leisure bated,

  No, not to stay the grinding of the axe,

  My head should be struck off.

  HORATIO

  Is’t possible?

  HAMLET (giving it to him)

  Here’s the commission. Read it at more leisure.

  But wilt thou hear me how I did proceed?

  HORATIO I beseech you.

  HAMLET

  Being thus benetted round with villainies—

  Ere I could make a prologue to my brains,

  They had begun the play—sat me down,

  Devised a new commission, wrote it fair.

  I once did hold it, as our statists do,

  A baseness to write fair, and laboured much

  How to forget that learning; but, sir, now

  It did me yeoman’s service. Wilt thou know

  Th’effect of what I wrote?

  HORATIO

  Ay, good my lord.

  HAMLET

  An earnest conjuration from the King,

  As England was his faithful tributary,

  As love between them like the palm should flourish,

  As peace should still her wheaten garland wear

  And stand a comma ‘tween their amities,

  And many such like ‘as’es of great charge,

  That on the view and know of these contents,

  Without debatement further more or less,

  He should the bearers put to sudden death,

  Not shriving-time allowed.

  HORATIO

  How was this sealed?

  HAMLET

  Why, even in that was heaven ordinant.

  I had my father’s signet in my purse,

  Which was the model of that Danish seal;

  Folded the writ up in the form of th‘other,

  Subscribed it, gave’t th’impression, placed it safely,

  The changeling never known. Now the next day

  Was our sea-fight; and what to this was sequent

  Thou know’st already.

  HORATIO

  So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to’t.

  HAMLET

  Why, man, they did make love to this employment.

  They are not near my conscience. Their defeat

  Doth by their own insinuation grow.

  ’Tis dangerous when the baser nature comes

  Between the pass and fell incensed points

  Of mighty opposites.

  HORATIO

  Why, what a king is this!

  HAMLET

  Does it not, think‘st thee, stand me now upon—

  He that hath killed my king and whored my mother,

  Popped in between th’election and my hopes,

  Thrown out his angle for my proper life,

  And with such coz’nage—is’t not perfect conscience

  To quit him with this arm? And is’t not to be damned

  To let this canker of our nature come

  In further evil?

  HORATIO

  It must be shortly known to him from England

  What is the issue of the business there.

  HAMLET

  It will be short. The in
terim’s mine,

  And a man’s life’s no more than to say ‘one’.

  But I am very sorry, good Horatio,

  That to Laertes I forgot myself;

  For by the image of my cause I see

  The portraiture of his. I’ll court his favours.

  But sure, the bravery of his grief did put me

  Into a tow’ring passion.

  HORATIO

  Peace, who comes here?

  Enter young Osric, a courtier, ⌈taking off his hat⌉

  OSRIC

  Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark.

  HAMLET I humbly thank you, sir. (To Horatio) Dost know this water-fly?

  HORATIO No, my good lord.

  HAMLET Thy state is the more gracious, for ‘tis a vice to know him. He hath much land, and fertile. Let a beast be lord of beasts, and his crib shall stand at the king’s mess. ’Tis a chuff, but, as I say, spacious in the possession of dirt.

  OSRIC Sweet lord, if your friendship were at leisure I should impart a thing to you from his majesty.

  HAMLET I will receive it, sir, with all diligence of spirit.

  Put your bonnet to his right use; ’tis for the head.

  OSRIC I thank your lordship, ’tis very hot.

  HAMLET No, believe me, ’tis very cold. The wind is northerly.

  OSRIC It is indifferent cold, my lord, indeed.

  HAMLET Methinks it is very sultry and hot for my complexion.

  OSRIC Exceedingly, my lord. It is very sultry, as ’twere—I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that a has laid a great wager on your head. Sir, this is the matter.

  HAMLET I beseech you, remember.

  OSRIC Nay, good my lord, for mine ease, in good faith. Sir, you are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is at his weapon.

  HAMLET What’s his weapon?

  OSRIC Rapier and dagger.

  HAMLET That’s two of his weapons. But well.

  OSRIC The King, sir, hath wagered with him six Barbary horses, against the which he imponed, as I take it, six French rapiers and poniards, with their assigns as girdle, hanger, or so. Three of the carriages, in faith, are very dear to fancy, very responsive to the hilts, most delicate carriages, and of very liberal conceit.

  HAMLET What call you the carriages?

  OSRIC The carriages, sir, are the hangers.

  HAMLET The phrase would be more germane to the matter if we could carry cannon by our sides. I would it might be hangers till then. But on: six Barbary horses against six French swords, their assigns, and three liberal-conceited carriages—that’s the French bet against the Danish. Why is this ‘imponed’, as you call it?