The Oxford Shakespeare: The Complete Works

by William Shakespeare

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE Hath the Count all this intelligence?

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE Ay, and the particular confirmations, point from point, to the full arming of the verity.

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE I am heartily sorry that he’ll be glad of this.

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE How mightily sometimes we make us comforts of our losses.

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE And how mightily some other times we drown our gain in tears. The great dignity that his valour hath here acquired for him shall at home be encountered with a shame as ample.

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together. Our virtues would be proud if our faults whipped them not, and our crimes would despair if they were not cherished by our virtues.

  Enter a Servant

  How now? Where’s your master?

  SERVANT He met the Duke in the street, sir, of whom he hath taken a solemn leave. His lordship will next morning for France. The Duke hath offered him letters of commendations to the King.

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE They shall be no more than needful there, if they were more than they can commend.

  Enter Bertram

  ⌈FIRST LORD DUMAINE⌉ They cannot be too sweet for the King’s tartness. Here’s his lordship now. How now, my lord, is’t not after midnight?

  BERTRAM I have tonight dispatched sixteen businesses, a month’s length apiece. By an abstract of success: I have congéd with the Duke, done my adieu with his nearest, buried a wife, mourned for her, writ to my lady mother I am returning, entertained my convoy, and between these main parcels of dispatch affected many nicer needs. The last was the greatest, but that I have not ended yet.

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE If the business be of any difficulty, and this morning your departure hence, it requires haste of your lordship.

  BERTRAM I mean the business is not ended, as fearing to hear of it hereafter. But shall we have this dialogue between the Fool and the Soldier? Come, bring forth this counterfeit model, has deceived me like a double-meaning prophesier.

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE Bring him forth. Exit one or more He’s sat i’th’ stocks all night, poor gallant knave. 105

  BERTRAM No matter, his heels have deserved it in usurping his spurs so long. How does he carry himself?

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE I have told your lordship already, the stocks carry him. But to answer you as you would be understood, he weeps like a wench that had shed her milk. He hath confessed himself to Morgan, whom he supposes to be a friar, from the time of his remembrance to this very instant disaster of his setting i’th’ stocks. And what think you he hath confessed?

  BERTRAM Nothing of me, has a?

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE His confession is taken, and it shall be read to his face. If your lordship be in’t, as I believe you are, you must have the patience to hear it.

  Enter Paroles ⌈guarded and⌉ blindfolded, with the Interpreter

  BERTRAM A plague upon him! Muffled! He can say nothing of me.

  ⌈FIRST LORD DUMAINE⌉ (aside to Bertram) Hush, hush.

  ⌈SECOND⌉ LORD DUMAINE (aside to Bertram) Hoodman comes. (Aloud) Porto tartarossa.

  INTERPRETER (to Paroles) He calls for the tortures. What will you say without ’em?

  PAROLES I will confess what I know without constraint. If ye pinch me like a pasty I can say no more.

  INTERPRETER Bosko chimurcho.

  ⌈SECOND⌉ LORD DUMAINE Boblibindo chicurmurco.

  INTERPRETER You are a merciful general.—Our general bids you answer to what I shall ask you out of a note.

  PAROLES And truly, as I hope to live.

  INTERPRETER ⌈reads⌉ ‘First demand of him how many horse the Duke is strong.’—What say you to that?

  PAROLES Five or six thousand, but very weak and unserviceable. The troops are all scattered and the commanders very poor rogues, upon my reputation and credit, and as I hope to live.

  INTERPRETER Shall I set down your answer so? 139

  PAROLES Do. I’ll take the sacrament on’t, how and which way you will.

  ⌈FIRST LORD DUMAINE (aside) All’s one to him.

  BERTRAM (aside) What a past-saving slave is this!

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE (aside) You’re deceived, my lord. This is Monsieur Paroles, the ‘gallant militarist’—that was his own phrase—that had the whole theoric of war in the knot of his scarf, and the practice in the chape of his dagger.

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE (aside) I will never trust a man again for keeping his sword clean, nor believe he can have everything in him by wearing his apparel neatly.

  INTERPRETER (to Paroles) Well, that’s set down.

  PAROLES ‘Five or six thousand horse,’ I said—I will say true—’or thereabouts’ set down, for I’ll speak truth.

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE (aside) He’s very near the truth in this.

  BERTRAM (aside) But I con him no thanks for’t in the nature he delivers it.

  PAROLES ‘Poor rogues’, I pray you say.

  INTERPRETER Well, that’s set down.

  PAROLES I humbly thank you, sir. A truth’s a truth. The rogues are marvellous poor.

  INTERPRETER ⌈reads⌉ ‘Demand of him of what strength they are a-foot.’-What say you to that?

  PAROLES By my troth, sir, if I were to die this present hour, I will tell true. Let me see, Spurio a hundred and fifty; Sebastian so many; Corambus so many; Jaques so many; Guillaume, Cosmo, Lodowick, and Gratii, two hundred fifty each; mine own company, Chitopher, Vaumond, Bentii, two hundred fifty each. So that the muster file, rotten and sound, upon my life amounts not to fifteen thousand poll, half of the which dare not shake the snow from off their cassocks lest they shake themselves to pieces.

  BERTRAM (aside) What shall be done to him? 175

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE (aside) Nothing, but let him have thanks. (To Interpreter) Demand of him my condition, and what credit I have with the Duke.

  INTERPRETER (to Paroles) Well, that’s set down. ⌈Reads⌉ ‘You shall demand of him, whether one Captain Dumaine be i’th’ camp, a Frenchman; what his reputation is with the Duke; what his valour, honesty, and expertness in wars; or whether he thinks it were not possible with well-weighing sums of gold to corrupt him to a revolt.’—What say you to this? What do you know of it? 186

  PAROLES I beseech you let me answer to the particular of the inter’gatories. Demand them singly.

  INTERPRETER Do you know this Captain Dumaine?

  PAROLES I know him. A was a botcher’s prentice in Paris, from whence he was whipped for getting the sheriff’s fool with child—dumb innocent that could not say him nay. 193

  BERTRAM (aside to First Lord Dumaine) Nay, by your leave, hold your hands, though I know his brains are forfeit to the next tile that falls.

  INTERPRETER Well, is this captain in the Duke of Florence’s camp?

  PAROLES Upon my knowledge he is, and lousy. 199

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE (aside) Nay, look not so upon me: we shall hear of your lordship anon.

  INTERPRETER What is his reputation with the Duke?

  PAROLES The Duke knows him for no other but a poor officer of mine, and writ to me this other day to turn him out o’th’ band. I think I have his letter in my pocket. 206 INTERPRETER Marry, we’ll search.

  PAROLES In good sadness, I do not know. Either it is there, or it is upon a file with the Duke’s other letters in my tent. 210

  INTERPRETER Here ’tis, here’s a paper. Shall I read it to you?

  PAROLES I do not know if it be it or no.

  BERTRAM (aside) Our interpreter does it well.

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE (aside) Excellently.

  INTERPRETER (reads the letter) ‘Dian, the Count’s a fool, and full of gold.’

  PAROLES That is not the Duke’s letter, sir. That is an advertisement to a proper maid in Florence, one Diana, to take heed of the allurement of one Count Roussillon, a foolish idle boy, but for all that very ruttish. I pray you, sir, put it up again.

  INTERPRETER Nay, I’ll read it first, by your favour.

  PAROLES My
meaning in’t, I protest, was very honest in the behalf of the maid, for I knew the young Count to be a dangerous and lascivious boy, who is a whale to virginity, and devours up all the fry it finds. BERTRAM (aside) Damnable both-sides rogue.

  INTERPRETER (reads)

  ‘When he swears oaths, bid him drop gold, and take it.

  After he scores he never pays the score.

  Half-won is match well made; match, and well make it.

  He ne’er pays after-debts, take it before.

  And say a soldier, Dian, told thee this:

  Men are to mell with, boys are not to kiss.

  For count of this, the Count’s a fool, I know it,

  Who pays before, but not when he does owe it.

  Thine, as he vowed to thee in thine ear,

  Paroles.’

  BERTRAM (aside) He shall be whipped through the army with this rhyme in’s forehead.

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE (aside) This is your devoted friend, sir, the manifold linguist and the armipotent soldier.

  BERTRAM (aside) I could endure anything before but a cat, and now he’s a cat to me.

  INTERPRETER I perceive, sir, by the general’s looks, we shall be fain to hang you.

  PAROLES My life, sir, in any case! Not that I am afraid to die, but that, my offences being many, I would repent out the remainder of nature. Let me live, sir, in a dungeon, i’th’ stocks, or anywhere, so I may live.

  INTERPRETER We’ll see what may be done, so you confess freely. Therefore once more to this Captain Dumaine. You have answered to his reputation with the Duke, and to his valour. What is his honesty?

  PAROLES He will steal, sir, an egg out of a cloister. For rapes and ravishments he parallels Nessus. He professes not keeping of oaths; in breaking ’em he is stronger than Hercules. He will lie, sir, with such volubility that you would think truth were a fool. Drunkenness is his best virtue, for he will be swine-drunk, and in his sleep he does little harm, save to his bedclothes; but they about him know his conditions, and lay him in straw. I have but little more to say, sir, of his honesty. He has everything that an honest man should not have; what an honest man should have, he has nothing.

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE (aside) I begin to love him for this.

  BERTRAM (aside) For this description of thine honesty? A pox upon him! For me, he’s more and more a cat.

  INTERPRETER What say you to his expertness in war?

  PAROLES Faith, sir, he’s led the drum before the English tragedians. To belie him I will not, and more of his soldiership I know not, except in that country he had the honour to be the officer at a place there called Mile End, to instruct for the doubling of files. I would do the man what honour I can, but of this I am not certain.

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE (aside) He hath out-villained villainy so far that the rarity redeems him.

  BERTRAM (aside) A pox on him! He’s a cat still.

  INTERPRETER His qualities being at this poor price, I need not to ask you if gold will corrupt him to revolt.

  PAROLES Sir, for a quart d‘écu he will sell the fee-simple of his salvation, the inheritance of it, and cut th’entail from all remainders, and a perpetual succession for it perpetually.

  INTERPRETER What’s his brother, the other Captain Dumaine? 285

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE (aside) Why does he ask him of me?

  INTERPRETER What’s he?

  PAROLES E‘en a crow o’th’ same nest. Not altogether so great as the first in goodness, but greater a great deal in evil. He excels his brother for a coward, yet his brother is reputed one of the best that is. In a retreat he outruns any lackey; marry, in coming on he has the cramp.

  INTERPRETER If your life be saved will you undertake to betray the Florentine? 295

  PAROLES Ay, and the captain of his horse, Count Roussillon.

  INTERPRETER I’ll whisper with the general and know his pleasure.

  PAROLES I’ll no more drumming. A plague of all drums! Only to seem to deserve well, and to beguile the supposition of that lascivious young boy, the Count, have I run into this danger. Yet who would have suspected an ambush where I was taken?

  INTERPRETER There is no remedy, sir, but you must die. The general says you that have so traitorously discovered the secrets of your army, and made such pestiferous reports of men very nobly held, can serve the world for no honest use; therefore you must die.-Come, headsman, off with his head. 310

  PAROLES O Lord, sir!—Let me live, or let me see my death!

  INTERPRETER That shall you, and take your leave of all your friends.

  He unmuffles Paroles

  So, look about you. Know you any here?

  BERTRAM Good morrow, noble captain. 315

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE God bless you, Captain Paroles.

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE God save you, noble captain.

  SECOND LORD DUMAINE Captain, what greeting will you to my Lord Lafeu? I am for France.

  FIRST LORD DUMAINE Good captain, will you give me a copy of the sonnet you writ to Diana in behalf of the Count Roussillon? An I were not a very coward I’d compel it of you. But fare you well.

  Exeunt all but Paroles and Interpreter

  INTERPRETER You are undone, captain-all but your scarf; that has a knot on’t yet. 325

  PAROLES Who cannot be crushed with a plot?

  INTERPRETER If you could find out a country where but women were that had received so much shame, you might begin an impudent nation. Fare ye well, sir. I am for France too. We shall speak of you there. Exit

  PAROLES

  Yet am I thankful. If my heart were great

  ‘Twould burst at this. Captain I’ll be no more,

  But I will eat and drink and sleep as soft

  As captain shall. Simply the thing I am

  Shall make me live. Who knows himself a braggart,

  Let him fear this, for it will come to pass

  That every braggart shall be found an ass.

  Rust, sword; cool, blushes; and Paroles live

  Safest in shame; being fooled, by fool’ry thrive.

  There’s place and means for every man alive.

  I’ll after them. Exit

  4.4 Enter Helen, the Widow, and Diana

  HELEN

  That you may well perceive I have not wronged you,

  One of the greatest in the Christian world

  Shall be my surety; fore whose throne ‘tis needful,

  Ere I can perfect mine intents, to kneel.

  Time was, I did him a desired office

  Dear almost as his life; which gratitude

  Through flinty Tartar’s bosom would peep forth

  And answer ‘Thanks’. I duly am informed

  His grace is at Marseilles, to which place

  We have convenient convoy. You must know

  I am supposed dead. The army breaking,

  My husband hies him home, where, heaven aiding,

  And by the leave of my good lord the King,

  We’ll be before our welcome.

  WIDOW Gentle madam,

  You never had a servant to whose trust

  Your business was more welcome.

  HELEN Nor you, mistress,

  Ever a friend whose thoughts more truly labour

  To recompense your love. Doubt not but heaven

  Hath brought me up to be your daughter’s dower,

  As it hath fated her to be my motive

  And helper to a husband. But O, strange men,

  That can such sweet use make of what they hate,

  When saucy trusting of the cozened thoughts

  Defiles the pitchy night; so lust doth play

  With what it loathes, for that which is away.

  But more of this hereafter. You, Diana,

  Under my poor instructions yet must suffer

  Something in my behalf.

  DIANA Let death and honesty

  Go with your impositions, I am yours,

  Upon your will to suffer.

  HELEN Yet, I pray you.—

  But with
that word the time will bring on summer,

  When briers shall have leaves as well as thorns

  And be as sweet as sharp. We must away,

  Our wagon is prepared, and time revives us.

  All’s well that ends well; still the fine’s the crown.

  Whate’er the course, the end is the renown.

  Exeunt

  4.5 Enter Lavatch, the old Countess, and Lafeu

  LAFEU No, no, no, your son was misled with a snipped-taffeta fellow there, whose villainous saffron would have made all the unbaked and doughy youth of a nation in his colour. Else, your daughter-in-law had been alive at this hour, and your son here at home, more advanced by the King than by that red-tailed humble-bee I speak of.

  COUNTESS I would a had not known him. It was the death of the most virtuous gentlewoman that ever nature had praise for creating. If she had partaken of my flesh and cost me the dearest groans of a mother I could not have owed her a more rooted love.

  LAFEU ‘Twas a good lady, ’twas a good lady. We may pick a thousand salads ere we light on such another herb.

  LAVATCH Indeed, sir, she was the sweet marjoram of the salad, or rather the herb of grace.

  LAFEU They are not grass, you knave, they are nose-herbs.

  LAVATCH I am no great Nebuchadnezzar, sir, I have not much skill in grace. 21

  LAFEU Whether dost thou profess thyself, a knave or a fool?

  LAVATCH A fool, sir, at a woman’s service, and a knave at a man’s.

  LAFEU Your distinction?

  LAVATCH I would cozen the man of his wife and do his service.

  LAFEU So you were a knave at his service indeed.

  LAVATCH And I would give his wife my bauble, sir, to do her service.

  LAFEU I will subscribe for thee, thou art both knave and fool.

  LAVATCH At your service.

  LAFEU No, no, no. 35

  LAVATCH Why, sir, if I cannot serve you I can serve as great a prince as you are.

  LAFEU Who’s that? A Frenchman?

  LAVATCH Faith, sir, a has an English name, but his phys’namy is more hotter in France than there.

  LAFEU What prince is that?