by Jayne Rylon
Either way, he needed to get out of here. Away from everything that had happened and the emotions Sabra amplified in him. Otherwise he’d be having nightmares for weeks. Even Barracuda didn’t have enough liquor for that.
“Fine.” Holden hopped into his pants while he headed for the door. He didn’t stop to contradict Sabra or erase the doubts in her pretty walnut eyes. For every molecule that wanted to hold her and beg forgiveness, a dozen implored him to run before he wounded them both lethally.
“I’m not going to can the show just because you’re an asshole!” she shouted after him. “I’ll be there when the shop opens in the morning.”
Despite himself, he chuckled, with one hand on the doorknob. He stomped into his boot, not bothering to lace it before letting himself out with a final bellowed, “Fine!”
Holden stormed through the common area of the Hot Rods apartment. He practically tucked and rolled to avoid the barrage of questions, catcalls and curious stares from his garagemates. He was in no mood to deal with their inquisition, no matter how well intended.
“You’re not going to tell us how it went?” Mustang asked as he blew past his friends.
“Does she have mutant lady parts or something?” Roman asked, to give him shit.
Carver joined in. “No, she must have seen how damn many times he tried to call her today and laughed his pathetic ass out of there.”
“Seriously, dude. Was it that bad?” Kaige shouted at his retreating back.
“Worse. It was fucking perfect.” Holden slammed himself into his bedroom and refused to come out when Eli shouted his nickname, Alanso called him a coward in Spanish and someone else followed up with chicken bawking. Surprisingly, it sounded like Kaelyn. They’d obliterated her finishing school manners in record time. He smiled a bit despite his foul mood.
Holden stripped, pausing long enough to sniff his own arm, which reeked. Not of BO. Or grease, for once. Nope. He smelled like Sabra’s minty jasmine soap and whatever fresh-scented detergent she’d used on her sheets. A hint of her musk mixed in, giving him an insta-boner.
He flopped onto his bed, his erection slapping his belly as if pissed at him for abandoning the wild woman who’d seemed more than willing to sate his lust. Again. Probably repeatedly. In any number of outrageous positions.
Until he’d jammed his size tens in his mouth.
Each mile he’d driven away from her had filled him with doubts. Had he overreacted?
The Hot Rods had stopped goading him to return to the living room for barely a minute when Holden’s laptop went nuts on the distressed wood nightstand beside his bed. He grabbed the computer and hauled it into his lap, hiding the brunt of his nudity from the camera. Though usually he did exactly the opposite when he heard this distinct notification.
The roar of a circular saw blasted from his speakers.
The Powertools were calling.
Sicced on him by his supposed best friends, Holden figured. Damn them. Okay, some part of him found comfort in their concern. Mostly, though, he’d felt like pouting for a while. With a dash of beating himself up thrown in for good measure.
He considered ignoring the crew. Yeah, right. The saw revved again as the ringtone renewed. Almost as loud as one of the engines Alanso rebuilt daily.
They wouldn’t be easily dissuaded. Those bastards.
Holden flipped open the lid of his laptop and connected the videochat. “Yo.”
“Put on a shirt. This isn’t that kind of call, Swinger.” Neil, one of the guys in the Powertools crew, was uncharacteristically serious as he looped an arm around each of his lovers—Devon on one side and James on the other.
“We figured you wouldn’t be in the mood for playing around tonight.” Morgan peered into the screen, her face bulging when she got too close to the fish eye lens on their camera. Holden sighed. He hadn’t confessed to the Hot Rods, but it’d kind of become a habit for him to observe the Powertools crew during their sessions lately. If he jacked off while riveted to their passionate exchanges, none of them seemed to mind. Something about watching their sharing, genuine concern and caring…okay, fuck it, love…turned him on. Big time.
It broke the rules his mother had engraved on his soul when she died. Abandoning him as surely as she’d been forsaken herself.
They lived dangerously. Loved recklessly.
And he’d been along for the ride vicariously.
“Eli mentioned Sabra. What happened tonight? How can we help?” Kayla, another of the crew wives, wondered aloud. “Tell us about her.”
“She’s adorable, even more tiny than Devon over there, but tough. There’s some kind of inner strength—a calm—about her. Most of the time she stuffs her personality inside and comes off very matter-of-fact, like when she’s on the news. It’s fun to make her laugh. To see what’s behind that mask. Her smile—the real one, not the plastic TV one—is killer.” Holden thought back to their time together this afternoon. Or even the day they’d spent in the park. “And when she looks at me with those bright, fiery eyes… It does something to me.”
He shook his head, wondering if it was possible to be a bigger sucker.
Nope, probably not.
“You have a talent for making people around you happy, Swinger,” Devon praised. “That’s a good thing.”
“I guess.” He shrugged. Sometimes it meant no one took him seriously. With Sabra, it felt different, though. Like she appreciated his humor and embraced it without discounting him.
Then again, he could be imagining that. They’d shared a single superior fuck and a few stolen hours together, some of which she’d spent plastered.
Still, he’d been with enough women to know chemistry like theirs was rare.
“I’m still waiting to hear the problem in all this.” Mike, the crew’s foreman, tapped his chin.
“I guess part of me thinks it’s too good to be true.” Holden looked away from the family on the other side of the screen. “Being with her is like going all in on your first hand of a poker tournament, you know? So when she told me she wanted to use the Hot Rods show for a political agenda earlier, I felt like I’d taken a bad bet. Fell for her bluff.”
“She’s going to dig into your sex lives?” Morgan practically growled.
“No, she wants to highlight the power of adoptive families.”
“Aww.” A few of the crew wives sighed together.
“What’s wrong with that?” Joe, Morgan’s husband, asked.
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “Now that I can think straight, I’ll admit it’s a good idea. Tom will like it too. It’s just that I didn’t expect her to spring that on me. And it freaked me out. I believed her when she told me she wasn’t going to play us. Maybe I didn’t pick up on it because I was so damn focused on other things. On her.”
“What we have here is a clear case of commitment phobia.” Joe grinned as he ribbed Holden. “You like this girl. Sounds like she blew your mind. Among other things. So what did you do? You went and jammed a wrench in the gears of whatever you’re building before you could get going too fast. Classic bonehead move, dirtbag.”
“Look. You don’t understand.” He swallowed hard.
“About your mom?” Mike took the lead effortlessly, transitioning to seriousness. “Actually, we do. Carver is worried about you. All of the Hot Rods are.”
Holden gritted his teeth to keep from saying something he might regret. He trusted the crew almost as much as his own gang. Shit. Wasn’t that a problem?
“And if you didn’t love them, you’d be knocking some heads together right now for spilling your secrets,” Dave pointed out. “So when are you going to realize that there are all kinds of relationships out there and that you’re already involved in a bunch. Life sucks sometimes. That’s true. Look at Tom or Ms. Brown or any of you guys. You haven’t had it easy. But loving people and losing them hasn’
t driven you to the same extremes your mother opted for.”
“You can take a free shot for this next time you see me,” James volunteered with a wince. “I’m going to just say it. Your mom took the weak way out. You aren’t like her. You would fight. Yes, it would suck if you gave your heart to someone who didn’t deserve it, or someone who got stolen from you. But you would live. You’ve already proven you’re a survivor, Swinger.”
Morgan reached out and pressed her hand to the screen. Holden matched it, silently thanking her for not asking him to respond immediately. At least until he’d swallowed the knot in his throat.
“Hun, I’m sorry to tell you that you’re already screwed.” She smiled softly as she teased him. “You love those Hot Rods of yours. Buster McHightops too. That booger chewed your favorite jacket to smithereens and you only laughed. Hell, you might even love us a little too. It’s why you get off so hard when you watch us.”
He nodded.
“So why not admit there’s room for one more person in your heart?” Joe asked. “If Sabra’s special, if she’s making you think about this shit for the first time in your life, I think you should give something more serious than a single afternoon of fucking a shot. Unless it really wasn’t that good.”
“It was. Great.” He drifted off as he remembered how perfectly she’d hugged him. “But, guys, you’re forgetting something. That was just her and me. Who knows if she’d be up for anything with the gang? And…well…you know what I like. She’d have to be an exhibitionist to survive around here. What are the odds of that? Slim.”
Mike cut him off with a wave. “Eli said she knows about your bond. Doesn’t she?”
“Yeah.” He thanked the stars for that anyway as he remembered the night Nola had discovered the secret Kaige had kept from her. It had turned out okay in the end—hell, she’d gotten pregnant about twenty minutes later—but what if it hadn’t?
“And?” Kate raised her brows.
“She seemed curious.” He shrugged, unable to believe it could be more than that. Acceptance. Interest, even. Though… “She even said I could tell the gang about what we did today. Brag about her. You guys, she’s unbelievable. Into this crazy kind of super-yoga. Jiva-something.”
“Jivamukti?” Kayla seemed impressed. Figured the naturist and natural healer would know all about it.
“Yeah, yeah, that.” Holden forgot what they’d been talking about and rambled on. He gushed about Sabra, her flexibility and each of the ways she’d rocked his world earlier.
“Well, there you go.” Dave smiled at his wife, Kayla, then back to Holden. “She’s open to kinky shit. Cool with your friends and how close you are. Your girl just needs you to show her what she’s missing. I bet if she works that hard on her conditioning, she’d be proud to show off the results to the guys you trust so much. Or maybe even with them while she lets you watch. It sounds like she wants to impress you. And it’s working.”
Holden couldn’t respond because every drop of blood in his body had rushed between his legs. His balls ached at the thought.
He tuned in again to hear Joe ask, “What do you have to lose?”
“I don’t know anymore. Everything is inside out. I see you guys and the rest of my gang… For the first time, I’m starting to wonder if I’ve had everything backwards.”
“You have, dude.” Dave didn’t mince words. Someone smacked him and he shrugged. “Sorry, but it’s true. I’m not saying I blame you. I get why you’re screwed up, but it’s time to look at the world around you and reevaluate.”
“So I really fucked things up with Sabra, didn’t I?” He scrubbed his eyes with his knuckles.
“No one can say for sure but her.” Mike took charge. “You’d better get some things straight with her quick. For starters…how does she feel about you having sex with the rest of the guys if you’re going to be getting it on with her regularly? Is she cool with you fucking them when she’s not around, or does she want to be included at first? And how would you feel about them touching her, even if you’re not there? It’s important to spell shit out when you’re working on something this complicated. Whatever you two decide is okay, as long as you agree.”
“That’s the thing,” Holden let his head thunk against his headboard. “I want to watch her with the guys. I want to know any woman I bring into the group would be happy and satisfied. I’m just not sure the guys will do it now that they have wives and fiancées and crap.”
“Oh.” Joe rubbed his chin. “Have you told them that?”
“Yeah.” Swinger sighed.
“And?” Kayla asked.
“We haven’t tried swapping partners yet. At least not for more than a taste. And now that I’ve started this solo thing with Sabra, I’m not sure it’s right for me to mess around with them. I kind of don’t want to unless…”
“Unless she’s there with you guys?” Kate’s eyes widened. “Wow. You’re serious about her if you’re considering being exclusive already.”
“I know. I’m screwed.”
“Well, maybe not yet, but you could be.” Devon wiggled her brows. “You do know we’re kind of swingers too, don’t you?”
“Really?” Holden couldn’t ever remember seeing the Powertools crew mix things up. “I mean, I’ve seen all kinds of casual touches between the whole bunch of you, but never anything blatantly sexual.”
“Yep.” Neil nodded vigorously. “We have a deal. A birthday bargain.”
“Don’t tell me that.” Holden rubbed his crotch, hoping they couldn’t see. “Especially now that I’m never going to get lucky again. I was such a tool. I left her there. Naked and warm and smelling good.”
“You’re an idiot, Swinger.” James shook his head. “That’s for sure. If you need inspiration, we’ll show you. Your palm might not be as good as your girl, but a little relief could go a long way in making you less of a dipshit. Besides, what are friends for?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way.” He cleared his throat before announcing, “I think my days of peeping on you guys are over. At least until Sabra’s here to watch with me.”
“Just a sliver of proof, then. ’Cause now it’s killing me that the next birthday isn’t for a month.” Joe winked at his wife before turning to Kayla and cupping her cheek in his palm.
The other woman smiled up at him before licking her lips, then parting them.
Her husband groaned as another man sealed his mouth to hers and gave her one hell of a kiss. Holden blinked rapidly as he soaked in their shared passion. Meanwhile Morgan and Dave held hands, knowing their turn would come soon.
When the mismatched couple finally broke apart, grinning, Holden had nearly gone insane with lust. Could he really have something like that. Open. Shared. White-hot.
“Focus for a minute, Swinger.” Mike broke into his whirling thoughts. “There’s another angle to consider. You’re so worried about your mom’s warning. When are you going to realize that a polyamorous relationship helps, not hurts? Unlike your mom, Sabra—or whoever you pick to join you—would have the protection of all the Hot Rods if something happened to you. Or the other way around. You’ll never be alone.”
Holden rubbed his temples as he considered the advice.
Dave picked up where Mike had left off. “It’s true. There were times after my accident when I was in the hospital that I didn’t know if I would ever open my eyes again. Or honestly, if I wanted to. It hurt so much and I thought I’d never be whole. But I always had security. No matter what happened to me, Kayla would be safe. She’d have the crew to lean on.”
“I’ll tell you this, Swinger,” Kayla cut in. “Everyone handles grief differently. I thought I’d go crazy when I saw Dave teetering on the brink of giving up. But even if…even if we’d lost him, I’d never regret a second of loving him.”
Dave hugged his wife to his side.
“It’s not worth
sacrificing a life of happiness, however long—or short—it might be, because you’re afraid of losing it,” Joe chimed in, adding his two cents. When his son tottered over to his side of the room, Joe bounced Nathan in his lap, playing with the kid’s adorable pudgy hands. His mini-bestie, Abby, wasn’t far behind.
Holden figured that went twice as much for a parent. Having a child would be awesome and terrifying at once. Still, he couldn’t deny the contentment and pure bliss on his friends’ faces as they huddled together, one motley family.
He took a deep breath. Then another.
Finally, he nodded.
“I’ll try my best.” He sighed. “Hell, I might have lost her before I really had her anyway. After today—”
“You’re a charming fucker, Swinger.” Mike, the crew’s foreman, took a slap to the arm from his wife, Kate, for dropping the granddaddy of all curses in front of his toddler daughter, who repeated her idol like a parrot.
“Fooker, winger!” Abby shouted, laughing as everyone stared at her with wide eyes.
“Wellllll, looks like we’d better be going,” James proclaimed as he, Neil and Devon got to their feet and edged toward the door. “I think I just remembered I had some laundry to do or a grandma to call or something.”
The rest of the crew nodded and scattered, none of them ashamed to flee in the face of Kate’s wrath. Holden cracked up, safely two states away.
“Laugh now, buddy.” Mike groaned. “When you’re in my place someday, I’ll return the favor.”
“Thank you,” Holden whispered before disconnecting. And he meant it.
Chapter Seven
Sabra beamed as she concluded a segment about a rust bucket that had rolled through the big bay doors of Hot Rods—okay, the guys had pushed it inside with an impressive display of tattooed muscles. It had come in moments after she’d arrived for her first day of filming. The first project she’d be able to document from start to finish.
