A Voice in the Wind

by Francine Rivers

  Calabah smiled faintly. Julia’s pride was as great as Caius’. “What about Marcus?” she said, moving to eliminate the last possibility.

  “Marcus would give Caius some of his own medicine, then threaten him on top of it,” Julia said, finding some solace in this potential solution.

  “All of which would only put you in more danger,” Calabah said with cool rationale. “However, there is another possibility you might consider. Encourage Marcus to destroy Caius financially. Once your money is all gone, Caius will undoubtedly agree to a divorce,” she said smoothly, watching Julia’s expected response in private amusement.

  “And where will that leave me? No, that’s no solution, Calabah. I’d be without an aureus to my name, back in my father’s household with him dictating my every movement. I swore I’d never allow that to happen ever again.”

  Calabah fell silent, knowing Julia would eventually agree with her about what must be done. She had known from the very beginning when she had fanned the lust of Julia and Caius’ relationship that it would end this way.

  Julia paced, searching for justifications and rationalizations. She found them, along with a wave of violent and confusing emotions. “He’s used me in ways that are abominable. He’s been unfaithful. He’s thrown my money away on gambling and other women. Then he tries to use Anicetus’ desire for me to his own advantage. I save him, and is he grateful when his debt is canceled? No! He beats me and swears he’ll kill me.” Trembling violently, she sat down and buried her face in her hands. “He deserves to die!”

  Calabah put her arm around her shoulders. “Hush, now, Julia. Caius has brought all this upon himself,” she said, neatly absolving her of guilt.

  “But how can I accomplish it? I’d have to live with him again, and I’m terrified of going back.”

  “I still have some influence over Caius. I’ll speak with him over the next few days and make him realize that abusing you would bring certain disaster down upon his head. He’s not a complete fool, Julia. He’ll exercise control in order to protect himself from your brother and your father, but only for a time. We both know Caius. He’ll be thinking of ways to hurt you, and time will erode what control he has over his temper. Don’t look so frightened. Trust me. A few doses during one week, and his health will decline. During the weeks that follow, Caius will be no real threat to you.”

  Julia’s heart beat like a trapped bird before a snake. “And if he becomes suspicious?”

  “Julia, darling, forgive me for telling you this, but Caius wouldn’t think you capable of such cunning. He’s always thought you intellectually unremarkable. He doesn’t appreciate you as I do. It was his lust for you that brought him to his knees. You needn’t worry about his becoming suspicious. It’d never occur to him that you’d be capable of saving yourself from him.” She squeezed her hand softly. “But you must act wisely.”

  “What do you mean?” Julia stammered.

  “Tend him with care. Weep for him. Sacrifice to the gods in his behalf. Consult with several physicians. I will supply you with names of those you can trust. Above all, Julia, no matter what he says, what accusations he makes, do not answer in kind. Never lose your temper with him or all is lost. Do you understand? Let those around you see you behave as a loving and devoted wife. And finally, Julia, grieve for him when the time comes.”

  Julia nodded slowly, her face ashen. She raised her head, her cheeks already streaked with tears.

  “Don’t look so sad, my sweet little friend. There’s no such thing as right and wrong in this world, no black and white. Life is filled with gray areas, and the most primal instinct of all is survival. The strong survive. Not necessarily the strong of body, but the strong of mind. You will come through this.”

  The maid arrived with the salve. “I’ll see to her,” Calabah told the slave and closed the door. “Remove your palus, Julia, and lie face down on my bed,” Calabah said. “I’ll be as gentle as I can.”

  Julia drew a gasp at the first touch. It was like fire. Then the sensation cooled, and she relaxed and allowed Calabah to tend her wounds. “What would I do without you, Calabah?”

  “Haven’t I said from the first? I’m always here. You’ll never have to do without me.” Calabah’s dark eyes glowed with black fire. “When all this unpleasantness is over, you must set your mind to put it behind you and forget it ever happened. Only then will you be able to grasp true happiness. I’ll show you the way.” She ran her hand slowly down over Julia’s back. “You have so much yet to learn. Life is like a play, Julia, and we are the writers who create it. Think of this as merely one act . . . one small act with many more to come. . . .”

  Chapter 23

  Hadassah roused when someone touched her forehead. “She’s perspiring,” Julia said.

  “She has a fever, my lady. It’s not severe. We’re watching over her closely,” Elisheba said timidly.

  Hadassah opened her eyes and found she lay facedown on a pallet. The floor was dark stone like the floors in the small chambers in winding corridors beneath the villa, where household supplies were stored. Someone had lifted the blankets from her and now slid them gently up to cover her to the shoulders. “The wounds look raw,” Julia said.

  “We packed them with salt to prevent infection, my lady,” Lavinia said in a tone so meek and frightened, Hadassah knew something was wrong. She moved and sucked in a soft gasp as the searing pain made her wish for oblivion again.

  “Try not to move, Hadassah,” Julia whispered, a firm hand on the girl’s trembling shoulder. “You’ll make the pain worse and open your wounds again. I’ve only come to see that you are being properly tended,” she said.

  Hadassah heard the edge in her mistress’s voice and sensed she was speaking more to Lavinia, the maid who had tried to stop her from entering Julia’s room and interfering with Urbanus, than to herself. It must be that Lavinia now nursed her. Elisheba was crying and Julia told her coldly to hush.

  Hadassah heard a soft rustle of movement as Julia rose. She gave a curt order to the maids to bring food and wine and be quick. Steeling herself against the pain, Hadassah pushed herself into a sitting position. She was very weak, and her stiff, scabbing back stung and throbbed in protest of even that small effort. Julia’s face was too shadowed to see clearly. Had Urbanus marked her? When Julia turned, Hadassah saw he hadn’t and let out her breath. “You are well,” she said in relief.

  Julia’s face softened. She knelt down and took Hadassah’s hand. “A few bruises, nothing more. Caius would’ve killed me if not for you.” She put Hadassah’s hand against her own pale cheek, her eyes moist as they looked into hers. “What will I do without you?”

  “Then I am to be sent away,” Hadassah said bleakly. Urbanus could order her death for disobeying his command, even when his command would have meant her mistress’s death.

  Julia avoided her eyes. She didn’t want Hadassah in the villa when she returned. It would be difficult enough to do what Calabah instructed without Hadassah present. “You’re not safe here,” she said, which was true enough. “Caius will kill you if he can get his hands on you. So I’m sending you back to my mother. When circumstances change, I’ll send for you.”

  What circumstances could change? Hadassah wondered. Urbanus had always despised her. It was strange, considering the instinctive revulsion she had felt toward him from the beginning as well. Perhaps his hatred of her was in response to that. She couldn’t say.

  “But what about you, my lady?” Hadassah said, afraid for Julia. Urbanus was a violent, unprincipled man with dark passions. “He said he would kill you.” And Hadassah had no doubt he would do it when next his temper erupted in such madness.

  Julia’s eyes flickered, but she remained firm in her conviction. “I’m out of his reach. I’m staying with Calabah. She’s with him right now. She has influence with Caius, and she’ll make him regret what he’s done to me. By the time she’s finished telling him the risks he’s taken, he’ll be begging forgiveness from me and plea
ding to have me back again.”

  Hadassah searched her mistress’s face and saw no sign of compassion or hope. But there was something shining in Julia’s eyes that was frightening in its intensity. She wanted revenge. “My lady . . . ,” Hadassah said, reaching out with her free hand to touch her cheek.

  Julia let go of Hadassah’s hand and stood abruptly. Sometimes Hadassah made her very uncomfortable. It was as though the slave girl could look into her soul and see her thoughts. “It’ll all work out for the best,” she said and forced a smile. She didn’t want Hadassah to guess what she intended to do, for if she did Hadassah would try to dissuade her, and Julia didn’t know if she was strong enough to ward off Hadassah’s reasoning. She thought of Calabah and felt even more determined. Caius was a threat to her life and he must die. She had done nothing to deserve such foul, brutal treatment at the hands of her husband.

  Lavinia entered the room with a tray laden with bread, fruit, sliced meat, and a jug of wine. The slave girl was trembling violently as she set the tray down before Hadassah. She gave Hadassah a pleading look. “Leave us,” Julia said contemptuously, and Lavinia fled the chamber.

  Julia’s demeanor changed when they were alone again. She came and knelt down before Hadassah, her expression full of uncertainty. “Tell Mother and Father and Marcus nothing of what’s happened. It would only make things more difficult with Caius. I must try to work things out with him and return to the villa. If Marcus hears what he did to me, I fear what he would do in retaliation.”

  The possibilities were too grim to contemplate. “I understand, my lady.”

  Julia bit her lip and appeared to want to say more, but when she did, she revealed nothing. “I’ve problems enough without Marcus adding to them,” she said, more troubled than Hadassah had ever seen her. “I must go.” Her eyes welled. “I’ll miss you,” she whispered hoarsely and leaned forward to kiss Hadassah’s cheek. “I’ll miss you more than you can know.”

  Hadassah captured her hand in both of hers, frightened for her and wanting to stay close. “Please don’t send me away from you!”

  For a brief moment, Julia looked ready to give in to her plea. Then her eyes narrowed in even harder determination. “If you want to make things easier on me, you must go, and as soon as possible.”

  Hadassah blushed, ashamed. Urbanus had never concealed his dislike of her. Perhaps her presence during the past months had only served to add tension to an already volatile relationship. “Then I will pray for you, my lady. I will pray God protects you.”

  “I can protect myself,” Julia said as she stood and drew her hand firmly from Hadassah’s clasp. She paused in the doorway. “I’ve left orders that you be served whatever you want.”

  While Hadassah was healing, she learned through Elisheba and Lavinia what was happening in the household. After meeting with Calabah, the master came home and ordered wine be brought to him. He drank the jug dry, staring at nothing, his countenance so dark the servants were terrified. Marcus came to see his sister the next morning and was told she was visiting friends. “He asked to speak with you then,” Elisheba told her, “but we told him you’d left the villa on errands for your lady.”

  Just the mention of Marcus made her stomach tighten strangely. “Did he look well?”

  “Indeed, yes,” Lavinia said with a dreamy smile. “If I were fortunate enough to be slave to a man like that, I’d serve him in whatever way he asked.”

  Julia returned to Caius’ villa with Calabah at the end of the week and the three of them spoke at length in the bibliotheca. Elisheba brought wine to them and was dismissed. The two women left together an hour later. Elisheba recounted the visit to Hadassah. “The Lady Calabah said, ‘We’ll return tomorrow afternoon when you’ve had time to think things over carefully, Caius. Hopefully, you will have come to your senses by then.’”

  “He was ill this morning,” Lavinia said.

  “And no wonder. He’s been drunk all week.”

  Elisheba brought Hadassah a new tunic, but even the soft wool felt torturous on her back. “You should stay a few more days,” Lavinia said.

  “Lady Julia wanted me to leave as soon as possible,” Hadassah said. If Julia was returning tomorrow, then her presence might well put her mistress in jeopardy again if Urbanus found out she still was there. She slowly wound the Hebrew sash around her waist, securing it as gently as possible.

  She had to stop several times on the way to the Valerian villa. Urbanus’ villa was built in the affluent area of the city, and the Valerians were in the older section on the other side of the Palentine. She took her time, stopping to buy something to eat on her way. Weak and tired, she sat down near a fountain to rest. The sound of the water was soothing and she longed to doze in the sunshine. She ate the fruit and bread she had purchased and felt strengthened.

  Enoch was surprised to see her. “The master is at his office on the Tiber, but the Lady Phoebe is in the gardens. I’ll take you to her.” He didn’t ask why Julia had sent her home. He only seemed pleased she was there. “My lady,” he said when they reached Phoebe sitting on a bench beneath the rose lattice. “Hadassah has returned to you.”

  Phoebe glanced up and her face, quiet and calm, lit with a smile. She rose, and Hadassah saw she meant to embrace her. Before she could do such an inappropriate thing before Enoch, Hadassah knelt quickly and bent forward, touching Phoebe’s feet in an act of humble obedience. “My Lady Julia has returned me to your service.”

  “Rise, child.” She cupped Hadassah’s chin as she did so, looking upon her with open affection. “May the gods be praised. Your master and I have sorely missed your songs and stories these past months.” She took her hand and began to walk along the pathway. “But tell me about my daughter! We’ve heard little from her lately.”

  Hadassah answered her questions as vaguely as possible, while at the same time trying to reassure her. Phoebe seemed content and didn’t pursue the subject, leaving Hadassah grateful she hadn’t been put into the position of having to lie.

  “You will be relieved of your duties for this evening, Hadassah,” she said. “Lord Decimus and I are spending the evening with his business associates.”

  Marcus entered the villa during the early evening hours. He was tired and depressed. Enoch informed him that his parents were out for the evening, and he felt the added burden of loneliness. When asked if he wished something to eat, he declined. Nor did he partake of wine. He had been given disturbing information today and wasn’t sure how best to handle it.

  He went out into the gardens to try to clear his mind, but his troubled thoughts obliterated what peace he had hoped to find among his mother’s trees and flowers. His heart quickened sharply as he saw someone sitting on a bench near the end of the pathway.

  “Hadassah?”

  She rose slowly, oddly stiff, and faced him. “My lord.”

  The rush of emotion he felt at seeing her made him defensive. “What are you doing here?”

  “Lady Julia sent me back.”

  “Why?”

  She looked hurt by his curt question. “Her husband prefers someone else attend her needs, my lord.”

  Marcus leaned against the marble column. Trying to appear calm when he had received the information that afternoon had made his mind roil, and now Hadassah’s unexpected presence sent his heart racing. “Just what are my sister’s needs these days?” He strove to see her face in the starlight, but she kept her head down. “Rumors are rampant,” he said after a long moment. “The latest story is that my sister spent an hour in Anicetus’ private chambers, returning with signed papers canceling her husband’s debts.”

  Hadassah said nothing.

  “I know half a dozen men who owe Anicetus money. They’re all afraid of ending up face down in the Tiber if they can’t repay during the time allotted. Now, tell me, Hadassah. How did my sister talk Anicetus into canceling Caius’ debts?”

  Still Hadassah said nothing, but he could sense her tension.

  Marcus
straightened from the column and came toward her. “I want to know the truth and I want to know it now!”

  “I know nothing of what you’re saying, my lord.”

  “You don’t know,” he said and grabbed her arm as she drew back from him, “or you won’t say.” He jerked her toward him and she gave a sharp gasp of pain, then fell. Surprised, he caught her up in his arms before she hit the cobbled pathway. “Hadassah!” he said, dismayed. She was limp in his arms.

  He carried her back quickly into the villa, alarmed that she had fainted, angry with himself for taking his frustrations out on her. Enoch glanced at him in surprise. “Bring me some wine, Enoch. She’s fainted.” The servant hastened to do his bidding as Marcus laid her down upon a couch. She moaned as he slid his arm from beneath her. He frowned. A spot of blood was seeping through the pale wool of her tunic. Turning her on her side, he drew the cloth back. Seeing a red welt on her shoulder, he cursed.

  “She didn’t look well when she returned this afternoon,” Enoch said as he entered the room with a tray. “I’ll see to her, my lord.”

  “Leave the wine and go,” Marcus said tersely. “And close the doors behind you.”

  “Yes, my lord,” Enoch said in surprise.

  Marcus ripped open the back of her tunic from neck to waist. When he saw her back, he began to shake. How had a girl so small and seemingly fragile taken such a beating? And what could she have done to deserve it? He stared at the lash marks that had bruised and cut her flesh. A dozen strokes at least, and with a heavy hand. Even in high temper, Julia was incapable of such violence. It had to have been Urbanus.

  Hadassah roused. Disoriented, she sat up and her tunic slid off of her shoulders. Eyes going wide, she caught it against her breasts and glanced up at Marcus. Her pale cheeks bloomed with color.

  “Did Caius do that to you?” Marcus had never felt such a surge of hatred against any man, nor such a burning desire for vengeance.