Roman (The Clutch Series Book 1)

by Heidi McLaughlin

  A tear begins to form in the corner of her eye, and as I reach up to wipe it away, she smiles. “I’m sorry that I lost my shit, Roman. This whole thing is just so new to me. It’s moved so fast, and it is overwhelming at times. I was so worried.”

  I pull her into my arms. “I understand, and that’s why I want you to know more about who I am and where I came from,” I reply. “I care very deeply about you, Fiona. More so than anyone I’ve met in five hundred years.” I want to tell her I love her, but I can’t say it. I’m not sure why, but the timing isn’t right. She needs to hear what I have to say first.

  “Me too, Roman.” She gives me a small smile. “Now tell me about your creators, these Sisters.”

  “Okay.”

  I start telling her what I know, from the beginning, which is the luring of a human soul. “Clotho, the blonde goddess, who seems to float with gentility and speak with the softest of voices, compels a human. Basically, she picks her target. I know not what the specifications for her are, other than that most of us appear to have been turned in our early thirties, in human years.”

  “So, she just goes around picking humans randomly?” Fiona asks.

  “Truthfully, I’m not sure,” I admit. “No one really knows what makes the Sister pick one human over another. From what we’ve gathered about ourselves over time, we come from all walks of life. Good people, bad people, boring people, adventurous people; we’re all very different.” I think back to the many vampires I’ve met in my travels. There are vampires all over the world, in every city.

  “Clotho makes promises of not only immortality but a life of wealth, happiness and a need for nothing. The appeal of a sexy and elite lifestyle draws in most humans, but we weren’t given a choice; we were compelled. Only the Sisters can make the determination of who becomes a vampire and who does not. It is then that we agree in exchange for the immortal, we will obey the Covenant for eternity.”

  “You do lead a sexy life; I have to admit she fulfilled that end of the deal whether you were compelled or not. You certainly weren’t duped in that regard,” Fiona says dryly.

  Letting out a small chuckle, I nod. “Yes, I suppose that is true. But what comes next is most unpleasant. Once we agree, under duress, of course, that we wish to live the immortal life, Atropos appears. Equally beautiful as Clotho, after all, she is a goddess, she takes away our human life.”

  “What do you mean she takes away your human life? She killed you?”

  “Well, close. She drained me of my blood to within an inch of my life. If not for becoming a vampire at that point, any human would die from blood loss alone.”

  “What the fuck?! She sounds awful!” Fiona pulls the blanket up to her neck, balling herself up beneath it.

  “It is not as bad as it sounds,” I say to reassure her, although that’s not entirely true. The thrill of being bitten, by a goddess, a beautiful, sexual creature is instant and euphoric. Until it’s not. It begins as a beautiful bond, a connection to her, but as your human body starts to shut down, lacking what it needs to keep the organs running, it becomes painful and suffocating. The heart slows down, unable to pump blood, as there’s not enough to supply the life force of humanity.

  Fiona’s hanging on every word as I continue to explain the process of how we came to be. “What happens? Is this where you become a vampire, so you don’t die?”

  “Lachesis, the third sister, then feeds you her blood.”

  “That’s when it happens?”

  “Somewhere after that. As a human, drinking the blood of a goddess is surreal, and at the time, all I remembered was being so thirsty. I think that if I truly realized I was drinking the blood of another being, I’m not sure I’d have continued if given a choice.”

  As the words leave my mouth, I realize I never had a choice. My life is my life now, and I make the most of it. An animal instinct that is bestowed upon us somewhere in this process takes over from time to time, reminding me that I’m not human anymore, I am a savage. I drink the blood of humans for survival, and one day long ago, a day I do not remember, I survived on bread and hunting I’d imagine. I guesstimate this since my human memories were erased. I have no idea what my human name was if I had any loved ones who looked for me or what my human origin is at all.

  “Fiona, I am sworn by the rules of the Covenant. It is part of my agreement in being alive at all. They are my masters, and when they summon, I must go. It is never a good omen when the Sisters visit.”

  “Have you met them over the years? Do they summon you all often?”

  “They do not. In fact, they’ve never summoned any Clutch of vampires who I have been near or around, and I’ve only heard stories. It is an unpleasant gathering, to say the least.”

  “I’m so sorry, Roman. I didn’t mean to jump to conclusions.” She gets up, wrapping the blanket around herself. “Let’s get you cleaned up, and then let’s go to bed. You’ve got something all over your shirt.”

  That’s definitely a story for another day.

  26

  Fiona

  Roman and I are on our third straight day of staying in his apartment. The only outside contact either of us has had is paying for the delivery guy each time he brought me food. I wish I could say everything was perfect, and for the most part, it has been, except Roman’s incessant need to check his phone every few minutes.

  “Do you need me to leave?” I ask, the second he picks up his phone.

  “No, why?” Roman doesn’t look at me but sighs at whatever’s on his screen before setting his phone down on the coffee table. I’m tempted to pick it up, but it wouldn’t do me any good. I don’t know his passcode and wouldn’t get very far with it because of his quickness, which is a definite drawback in our relationship.

  “I don’t know, Roman. You seem to be more focused on your phone than you are on me.”

  Roman looks at me. He beckons me with his finger, and while I’m tempted to defy him, I don’t. I sit, facing him so I can see into his eyes while he tells me what’s going on. I know he’s on edge with the Sisters being here, but I’m nervous. What if Roman is in trouble?

  He leans over and places his lips lightly on my cheek, peppering kisses until he reaches my neck. His tongue darts out and roams over the puncture marks his teeth have left. His hand grips the back of my neck. The force pulls me to him, and he whispers my name against my flesh. As much as I want to give into him, to have him deep inside me, I want answers more, and there’s been something plaguing my mind for a while now.

  “Roman, stop.” I push against him and sit back. I think about standing, but I know Roman will only do the same. I swear, being with a vampire has its perks unless you want to fight with one than you’re at a disadvantage.

  “I’m sorry, Fiona.”

  “Don’t be sorry, Roman. Just tell me what’s so important on your phone that you keep looking at it. Is it Selene?”

  “Selene?”

  I nod and bite the inside of my cheek. “I have a feeling there’s something more between you than you’ve shared. I know she’s your best friend, but after the story, you told me the other day…” I shrug. “I don’t know, call it women’s intuition or something.”

  Roman stands, picks up his phone, and walks toward the windows overlooking the city. For the most part, Las Vegas has returned to normal, but it’s still overcast and gloomy, which honestly makes me feel depressed. The electricity though seems to function for most of the day. I don’t even want to know how much money the city has lost since the arrival of the Sisters.

  “She’s the first vampire I met after the change occurred.”

  “Have you been with her? You know, intimately.” I hate myself for asking him this question, but I have to know. If they once shared a bond, she may be a danger to me.

  Lightning fast, Roman pulls me from the couch, so I’m standing in front of him. His hand brushes my hair lightly, but the silence between us grows. My heart aches, knowing he’s either going to keep his affair with her a se
cret or never tell me what I need to know. I turn away, unable to look at him.

  “It’s not what you think, Fiona.”

  I turn to face him. He looks troubled. “So what’s it like?”

  “When we are first turned, we have a barrage of emotions running through us. We want to feed, we want to fuck, and we want to kill.”

  When he says kill, my throat goes dry. As gentle as Roman is, I forget he’s a natural born killer and could break me in half with the flick of his wrist. Or take the brutality route and rip me from limb to limb, keeping me alive long enough to watch him murder me. I suppose he could suck my blood until my heart stops beating. It doesn’t matter which because I’ll never be able to stop him.

  “The Sisters… a thousand years ago there was a revolution. Hunters worked tirelessly to destroy the vampire. Back then, my ancestors killed for sport. They drained humans because they felt like it and kept human consorts by the dozen, against their will, sucking their blood whenever they saw fit. The humans banned together and revolted, setting up traps, staking vampires every chance they could. The Sisters were beside themselves. Their children were being murdered, and while some deserved it, not all did.

  “The Sisters met with the world leaders to create a pact of sorts where their creations could walk among the humans as long as we were born with our humanely morals and values intact. We wouldn’t kill any humans unless they posed a grave threat to us and in exchange, we’d contribute to society. Vampires would walk the earth with a purpose.”

  “What purpose does a vampire have?”

  Roman glances toward the window before looking back at me. “We don’t. There’s folklore saying the Sisters compelled the leaders into giving them what they wanted. No one will ever be able to prove it because if the Sisters heard about anyone trying to uncover the truth, their life would end. No questions asked.”

  “How come we never learned about this in school?

  “Did you learn about mythology?”

  I nod.

  He nods as well. “The God of Death is Thanatos, he’s the brother of the Sisters.”

  “The Moirai sisters?”

  Roman doesn’t have to confirm that I’m right because nothing he can say will ease any amount of dread I’m feeling right now. His creators… his family so to speak, are the vilest of gods. I swallow hard, remembering the essay I wrote in high school about Erebus, the mother of the Fates, and how she was primeval of void and chaos, the epitome of hell, along with her siblings and children. My teacher told me I was wrong, but standing here with Roman proves differently.

  “Pure evil.”

  “I’m not,” Roman reaches for my hand. I’m tempted to pull away, but I need the comfort he can provide. He’s right though, he’s not evil. In the short amount of time I’ve met him, he hasn’t done anything wrong, except almost killing my father. I want to pull him into my arms, but the thought of him being with Selene still lingers in my mind.

  “Tell me about Selene.” Roman puts some distance between us. It’s all I need to know. They’ve been together. I shouldn’t care, but I do. “Were you bonded?”

  He shakes his head. “No, vampires can’t bond to one another.”

  “So you can’t marry your kind?”

  “We can and do, but it’s not something I want. Bonding is the strongest emotion we have, and we all yearn to feel a connection with a mortal.”

  I hate that we keep getting off topic. “You’ve been with her though?”

  “Like I said when the Sisters let us go, it’s a frenzy with heightened senses beyond anything a mortal could ever experience. As it was, Selene and I woke up in the seediest part of a town in England. Everything around us was sex and murder. These men talking about the newest prostitute at the brothel or how they shot someone in battle and held their foot over their heart until they stopped breathing. These men catered to our new instincts, but we didn’t know what to do or how to hone them.

  “When a vampire is created, they’re assigned a mentor of sorts. When our mentor found us, he made us follow him to meet with this consort. Like children, we were made to sit outside the room while he fucked her, but the sounds and smells… the urges became too much, too painful to resist. Unsure of what to do, Selene and I acted. As I said we’re left with very instincts, some stronger than others.”

  Roman’s word sink in. He’s been with Selene. It could be once, or twice or some on going affair. I have so many questions. How long? When was the last time? Is she some side piece I have to worry about when we’re not together? He comes to me, placing his hands on my arms.

  “Your anger is rolling off you in droves, my love. The last few days, I’ve thrown a lot at you about my life. Please talk to me.”

  “I hate that you’ve been with her,” I seethe.

  “And I hate that the human known as Shan knows you intimately as well. Each time I see him, I want to rip him apart. I know there are more men out there who have touched you, been buried deep inside of you, and made you scream their names, and each day I fight the urge to hunt them down because I don’t want to hurt you. Selene is a friend, nothing more and will never be. We do not look at each other this way.”

  “But there are others.”

  Roman smiles. “Women? Of course, there are. I’ve walked this earth for five hundred years and have never claimed to be celibate.”

  “How can I be sure they won’t come looking for you?”

  “The same way I can’t be sure one of your lovers won’t come and try to steal you away from me, and before you tell me that’ll never happen, I know it can. I’ve seen it. Humans can request that a bond is broken.” Roman cups my cheek and pulls me to him. Our bodies crash into each other, and while I expect him to pick me up and take me to his bedroom, he doesn’t. Instead, he leans in and whispers, “The reason I keep checking my phone is that I’m waiting for word that the Sisters are gone.”

  “Are they?”

  He shrugs, which is one of the cutest humanely things he does. It’s the simple things in Roman that I find attractive. “I don’t know, but the clouds are lifting, and I think it’s time to venture out into the world.”

  “Really? You don’t want to stay in?”

  “Can you do me a favor?”

  “Anything,” I tell him.

  “Come with me to Clutch and talk to Selene. I think that if you know her a little better, and she you, you’d feel more comfortable around each other.”

  “Roman…"

  “Please, Fiona. I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important.”

  I take a step back and gather my thoughts. I want to tell him no and ask that he stay away from Clutch, but Lydia’s words are pressing into the forefront of my thoughts. At Clutch, the vampires can be themselves. They don’t have to hide or pretend. But Selene… that is where I’m torn. I shouldn’t care, but I do. Truthfully, I’m jealous.

  “Fiona?” Roman pleads. I nod, but even as I do, I’m second-guessing everything. In a flash, Roman has me in his arms. “Hang on, we’re going to run.” I do as he says, barely able to make out the sound of his door and the door to the building stairs opening and closing, along with the noise from the Strip. For the most part, Roman tries to be human, taking a cab to and from places or even driving if the occasion calls for it. With no concept of how long or rather how quickly it’s taken us, we’re at the door of Clutch and Roman is removing my necklace.

  “Corban, right?” The vampire sneers but doesn’t say anything. I know it has to do with my cross, but I don’t care. When I’m not with Roman, it gives me a sense of security. Roman’s usual chatty self-doesn’t say anything to Corban before we enter the club.

  The last time I was here, it was busy, with humans sitting at the bar and a line of foot traffic heading to the back area. Tonight, it’d dead, no pun intended, except Selene being behind the bar and a DJ in the corner playing music.

  Selene glares at me or through me. I can’t be sure, but the thought of talking to her right now doesn’t si
t well with me. “Let’s dance,” Roman says, tearing me away from Selene. It’s probably for the best. She’d destroy me without blinking an eye. I’m sure she’s laughing, on the inside, because she shows zero emotion whatsoever. In all likelihood, she probably doesn’t care that I have a slight issue with her sleeping with Roman. I don’t care if it happened eons ago, it still happened, and they’re still close.

  Roman all but picks me up and carries me to the dance floor where he spins me into his arms.

  “Something tells me you know every type of dance out there.”

  “Except break dancing. I may be immortal, but the thought of getting on the ground to spin never appealed to me.”

  “In middle and high school, we’re forced to learn swing dancing. As if we’re not already awkward, but to be forced to hold hands with a boy…” I shiver at the thought, remembering the cooties infested boy I had to dance with back in sixth grade.

  Roman and I sway to the music. My fingers play with the fine hairs on the back of his neck and trailing to his stubble. I’m thankful that the Sister changed him while he had the makings of a beard growing.

  When the song changes, he pulls me closer, pressing himself into me. “Can I tell you something?”

  “You can tell me anything,” he says.

  “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

  27

  Roman

  If I had chosen a more subservient human to bond with, I’d be able to keep her with me at all times where I can protect her and watch over her, but that’s not what I did. I chose a human with a stubbornness that is unrivaled. Fiona insists that she needs to go home and do human things that I wouldn’t understand, although I think she forgets that I was human at one point. Albeit a long time ago, I was human nonetheless.

  It has been good for Fiona and me to spend the few days that we did together, alone. She started to call it “cooped up,” but I can see she doesn’t completely understand the seriousness of the Sisters visit. In over five hundred years, I’d never met them, and I hope that in the next five hundred I don’t need to again. Once the clouds lifted and the power came back on entirely, my apprehension faded and while not my preference, I let Fiona leave to handle her business.