Surrender my Heart (The Subzero Series)

by Rebecca Elise

  Tyler studies my face for a second before motioning the bartender over with two fingers. He leans in and says something to him and the bartender nods. He walks away and returns moments later to slide a drink in front of me.

  “What’s this?”

  “Jack and Coke but if you intend on drinking it, you need to give me your keys.”

  I reach into my pocket, grab my keys out and hand them over.

  “On second thought, I want your cellphone too.”

  “For what?” I ask.

  “Because right now you are hurting and Chloe is hurting. I don’t want you to get completely plastered and decide it to be a good time to ring her up or text her. God knows what you would say in your current state so, phone – let me have it.”

  Reluctantly, I reach into my pocket, pull out my phone and hand it to him. I drink my Jack and Coke almost as quickly as I did my shots. I order another one, which then turns into me ordering a couple more.

  “Thissss tastesss funny. Why you think thisss tassstesss funny?” I ask, slurring my words as I hold my glass up to Tyler.

  “Probably because there is no alcohol in that one. It’s just a glass of cola.”

  “Why he givessss me jussst cola?”

  “Because I asked him to give you less and less alcohol every time you ordered a drink. Hey, how bout we get you home.”

  “Noooo. Not to my building.”

  “Why not?”

  “Becausssse Ty-lurrrr my building has fiancés and pretty girlssss that I want who aren’t miiiine.”

  Tyler helps me stand up and puts his arm across my back, underneath my arms, as he helps guide me towards the truck.

  “Would this pretty girl you speak of be named Chloe by any chance?” He asks me.

  I reach over and touch the tip of his nose like people do in charades to let him know he guessed right. “Youuuuu got it.”

  Tyler pulls the passenger’s door open and sort of shoves me in there and slams the door shut. The sound hurts my head and I clench my eyes closed.

  “Alright,” Tyler says as he jumps into the driver’s seat and starts the truck. “You can stay at my place but you’re sleeping in the bathroom. I’m not cleaning up after you if you yak up about the place.”

  Tyler hits a bump and my stomach lurches. I feel like I am going to be sick. It must read on my face because I can hear him yelling at me to stick my head out the window. He sounds so far away. Like Chloe. She’s so far away from me right now. I can’t get the image of her crying out of my head. I never thought I would make her cry like that but it’s too late. What’s done is done and I can’t take that back. What’s even more messed up is that I’m not even sure I want to.

  Chapter Three

  Every time I feel like a fool in my tuxedo I look over at Tyler and Noah and thank god my hair isn’t electric blue or fire engine red. The sight of the two of them brings a smile to my face.

  Today is the best day I’ve had all week, which isn’t saying much because my heart still feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces and I have yet to talk to anyone about it. The closest I came was when I was drunk the other night and made some comment to Tyler about fiancés and Chloe being the reason I couldn’t go home. He’s still badgering me to open up about it but so far I’ve managed to keep it to myself, although I’m willing to bet he has already found out what happened from Abby.

  I wish there was some way we could get out of this charity thing but our plates have already been paid for so I’d feel bad about wasting that money. Normally, I wouldn’t mind going to this sort of thing, but I know I’m going to see her. What do I do? Do I say hi? Do I ignore her? Do I chat her up like we are still friends? No, that one won’t work.

  I walk into the ballroom and glance around. There’s no sign of her but all of her friends are here. I wonder if they know yet. Jocalyn turns and waves enthusiastically at me. Nope, there’s no way she knows. I offer her a polite smile and a small wave. She gives me an odd look but, thankfully, doesn’t come over.

  “You’re Jack Riley aren’t you?”

  I turn towards the voice and find myself face to face with a group of middle aged men.

  “Yes, sir, I am.” I reply.

  “My daughter is a huge fan! Mind if I trouble you for a picture? She’ll die when I say I’ve met you.”

  “Sure.”

  I stand next to the man, who throws his arm quite aggressively around my shoulders before reaching his arm out and snapping a picture of us with his cellphone.

  “How are things with your band?”

  “Good,” I say. “We are finishing up our latest album and pray we will be offered the opportunity to do a tour at some point.”

  I feel an arm wrap around mine and frown. I knew it wasn’t Chloe. There’s no way she would show me any kind of affection after the way I broke things off with her. I turn my head and look over at the tall, willowy blonde that has attached herself to my arm. She looks gorgeous but, then again, she always does.

  Too bad she fluently speaks a very unattractive form of snob or she might make a good rebound.

  I shake my head in disgust. I can’t believe I just thought that.

  “Hello Jack.” She says, her voice dripping heavily with seduction.

  “Hello Julissa.”

  She squeezes my arm tighter and pouts out her lower lip. “I just heard a rumor that you and your girlfriend broke up. You must be positively heartbroken. I’m so sorry.”

  “Thank you.” I say, cautiously trying to figure out where she is going with this.

  “You know, she wasn’t right for you. I think you and I –“

  “Julissa?”

  “Yes.”

  “Could you do me a favor?”

  She moves in so close to me that there isn’t a sliver of room between us. “Oh, anything baby. What can I do for you?”

  “Well, for starters, you could get your arm off of me and then you could sod off.”

  “Oh, you don’t mean that!”

  She rubs her hand up and down my arm and I look around the room hoping to find some way to get away from her. I immediately lock eyes with Chloe and my heart stops. She looks so beautiful it literally hurts. I wish things had been different. I wish she would have been honest with me about Connor. Of course, then I would have been one of those poor schmucks pining for the girl he can’t have. Her eyes zero in on Julissa’s arm around mine and she looks as though she might cry.

  “Excuse me a moment.” I say to Julissa as I free my arm from hers.

  She waves me away having already found someone else to occupy her time.

  I look back to see Chloe say something to Abby before turning to make a beeline for the exit. She pauses to look back once more and we stare at each other briefly before she turns to run out the door. I walk over to where my friends are standing with hers. Everyone is talking in hushed voices, trying to figure out what is going on.

  “I’m not sure if you are a dumbass or a moron.” Abby spits out as soon as I am close enough to hear her without her causing a scene.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Look, she’s the one –“

  “Yeah, yeah whatever,” Abby cuts me off and rolls her eyes. “You’re the one that decided it was better to dump her like that instead of listening to her side of the story.”

  “Care to enlighten me?”

  “Care to act like a man and get over yourself Jack?”

  “Is she coming back?”

  “No, she’s walking home.”

  “You guys are letting her walk home by herself?”

  “That’s what she wanted and we are respecting her wishes.”

  I shake my head and toss my keys to Tyler.

  “Get my truck back home?” I ask.

  He nods.

  “Are you going to talk to her?” Abby asks.

  “No, I am just making sure she gets home okay. Someone needs to.”

  Abby opens her mouth but I turn a
nd walk off before she can say anything else.

  Chapter Four

  The sound of three obnoxious male voices wakes me up the next morning. I glance at the clock and groan. Ten thirty. When was the last time I slept this late? Of course I don’t think I actually passed out until sometime early in the morning. I feel like death stumbled upon my body and used it as a punching bag.

  After I followed Chloe home, keeping a far enough distance that she didn’t notice me and I didn’t look like some creep, I ended up getting completely pissed on whisky – bloody awful drink. I don’t know why I keep subjecting myself to it.

  I stumble bleary eyed into the living room where Tyler, Noah and Dean are sprawled out watching the telly.

  “What the bloody hell?” I ask, rubbing my hands over my eyes.

  “Good morning, sunshine. Grab yourself a delicious cup of coffee and join us please?” Tyler pats his hand on the cushion next to him.

  I grab a mug, pour some coffee in it and slump down on the couch.

  “So what is this?” I ask again.

  “An intervention.” Dean says.

  “Because of the Jack Daniels? My word it was one night! Well, two if you want to get technical and count the other night.”

  “No, it’s because of Chloe.”

  My body immediately tenses up. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Then don’t but you at least need to listen.” Noah says.

  I roll my eyes. “I already know?”

  “Know what?” Dean asks.

  “That Chloe’s engaged.”

  “She’s not.” Noah says quietly.

  “Ah but she is. I met the bloke. I saw their engagement announcement.”

  “Did you ask her about it?” Dean asks.

  “For what? It’s the same story. Boy meets girl, boy is smitten and thinks girl is too. Then - bam – boy finds out girl is married or engaged. Boy ends up brokenhearted.”

  “Jack, she’s not Court.” Tyler says.

  “Gillian.”

  “Pardon?”

  “Courtney’s real name is Gillian.”

  “Whatever. Chloe isn’t her. What you did was so wrong.”

  “Tell me how then. How is she so different? Is it because she was just engaged and not yet married?”

  “Chloe isn’t engaged. She was at one point but they broke up,” Tyler says. “He was here because he was trying to get her back.”

  “Who told you that?”

  “Abby.”

  I sat there, staring at the telly but not really watching it, with my jaw clenched tightly shut.

  “Do you know the whole story?” I ask.

  “I really think you should ask Chloe.” Dean says.

  “Well I’m not. I’m asking you guys so either tell me or piss off.” I yell.

  “Okay, okay I’ll tell you but you have to promise to get your tightly wound knickers out of your bum.” Tyler says.

  I give him a look and he throws his hands up.

  “Alright then, according to my lovely Abby, Chloe and Connor were engaged for a few months before she walked in on him shagging some actress from his crap play. Chloe gave him the ol’ heave ho and a couple of months later she decided to move here where she met and fell madly in love with you.”

  “That’s the truth?” I ask.

  “Well, I don’t know about her being madly in love with you but as far as I know the rest of it is true. Why would they lie?”

  “Courtney – Gillian – did for an entire year.”

  “Yes, but that woman was evil. Is that really what you think of Chloe?” Dean asks.

  “No.”

  “Then why on earth did you listen to that codswallop? Why didn’t you ask her what happened?”

  I sigh and lick my lips. “I started comparing the situation to the one with Court – Gillian. There were so many similarities and I just got angrier and angrier until I couldn’t see any differences between the two anymore.”

  “You realize that’s a shit reason right?” Noah asks.

  I shrug. “It’s all I’ve got.”

  I set my mug down on the table and scrub my face with both hands.

  “Shit...I’ve really screwed things up haven’t I?”

  “A major cock up on your part. It’s nothing that a lifetime of groveling at her feet can’t fix.” Tyler says.

  “So it’s settled now? You’re going to go talk to her?” Noah asks.

  I look down and shake my head. “No.”

  “No?” The three of them exclaim at the same time. They look at me like I’ve gone mad.

  “Why not?” Dean asks.

  “The things I said to her...it’s unforgivable. I...I can’t.”

  “You owe her an apology. You owe her at least that much.” Noah says.

  “I know and I will when I’m ready. I just can’t right now.”

  “You’re a wanker Jack.”

  I’m not going to argue with that. I am a wanker, among other things. I jumped to conclusions. I took the word of some dithering fool over the one person I care about the most. I hurt myself. I hurt her. She didn’t deserve the things I said and I certainly don’t deserve her. Maybe it’s just better this way.

  ...

  My phone rings Monday afternoon and the words “Drayton McGuire” popped up on my display. I take a deep breath, tap the accept button and press the phone up to my ear.

  “Chloe?”

  There’s a pause on the other end.

  “No, sorry Jack it’s not. This is Skylar.”

  “Oh...what’s up Skylar?”

  “I have some inquiries from tabloids that I wanted to run past you so I could write up a statement.”

  “Is Chloe not my publicist anymore?”

  Please don’t tell me she’s handed me – us – off.

  “She is, it’s just due to the nature of the questions, I offered to call you.”

  “Oh...ok, uh, go ahead.”

  “Okay, are you and Julissa Patton in a relationship?”

  My face blanches. “Good heavens no!”

  “Were you her date to the charity ball?”

  “Absolutely not! People actually believe this rubbish?”

  “Well, you were photographed there with her attached to your arm. That gets people talking Jack.”

  “Does Chloe believe this drivel?”

  “Chloe doesn’t know what to believe.”

  “I was not there with her nor do I have any relationship with her whatsoever. She spotted me, latched onto my arm, I told her to sod off, she thought I was joking and then I followed Chloe home. That’s it.”

  “Okay,” Skylar pauses again. “How are you doing Jack?”

  “Honestly...I’m a mess.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too.”

  Chapter Five

  I’m miserable.

  It’s my own fault too which makes it even worse. My band mates have had it with me. Every thought I have is about Chloe. I find ways to work her into conversations – even when we are discussing things that have nothing to do with her. The other day, Dean mentioned wanting to play a little football and I said “Chloe tried to play ‘soccer’ once but she was afraid of getting hit by the ball.”

  Another time, Noah mentioned wanting to go to the next Glastonbury Festival and I went on and on about how much I thought Chloe would enjoy it. Finally they had enough.

  “Call her or shut up. Just do something to put us out of our misery!” They said.

  I thought about going to her place a million times but I always stopped myself. Now it’s too late because she’s on her way to spend Christmas in New York with her family. I want to talk to her. I’m ready to say what needs to be said but I don’t want to do it over the phone. She’ll only be gone a week. I’ll just wait until she comes back. The thing is though...I miss her...a lot. I miss how good she smells. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss the sound of her voice. I miss the way she feels against me.

  It doesn’t help th
at Tyler is in New York also so we haven’t been rehearsing or anything. I’ve been hanging out with Dean and Noah, but without Tyler constantly barging into my flat, I’ve been alone with my thoughts a lot more than I usually am. Add in the fact that I’m not sleeping very well and that leaves you with tons of time for faffing about in the sea of self-loathing and regret. It’s also given me time to reflect on the past few weeks and this is what I have come up with...

  1. I am indeed an idiot.

  2. Chloe is the best thing, aside from the band, that has ever happened to me.

  3. My band mates are saints for putting up with me these last few weeks.

  4. I have to get her back no matter what it takes.

  I consider calling my parents and telling them I’m not going to make it home for Christmas but I didn’t want to upset my mum. I haven’t been home to see them, or my younger brother Joseph, in quite some time. Maybe it will do me a bit of good to get out of this place for a few days. The only downside will be spending a couple hours alone in the car with only my nagging thoughts to keep me company. I’m only planning to stay at most three days, so I grab enough clothes to last me one extra day and my toiletries and I toss them into my rucksack.

  After I get myself situated in my truck, I plug in my iPod and scroll through it trying to decide which playlist suits my current mood. I’m not as angry as I was a few days ago so I scroll past anything that boasts heavy guitars, drums and screaming. I’m sad but I don’t want to play anything that is going to depress me even more. I stop on a playlist that I have only listened to once before. It contains a few albums of an American singer Chloe likes.

  I remember the day she introduced me to his music. It was shortly after we came back from the weekend we spent at my family’s cottage. It had been one of those rainy days where you just don’t feel like doing anything at all. We were just lying about on my couch. There was nothing on the telly so we decided to put on some music. Chloe grabbed my laptop and was downloading a couple of her favorite discs to my playlist. She kept going on and on about this one singer I just had to hear. She tapped her fingers on a couple of keys and suddenly my flat was filled with the most amazing acoustics I had ever heard.