Throat

by R. A. Nelson

  “Sagan. Who is Sagan?” Anton said.

  * * *

  “I knew it,” Donne said after I had spent the past hour explaining about Sagan, how our friendship had developed. “I knew there was something you were hiding from us.”

  “You’re right,” I said. “I should have told you. But … I didn’t know how you would take it. I figured you just might throw me out.”

  “Well, your instincts were right on,” Donne said, fuming. “You’ve betrayed our trust. Told someone about us—someone we are forced to hunt to live. A person who is going to betray us sooner or later.”

  “Sagan would never do anything like that!” I said, struggling to hold in my temper. “Don’t you believe there are good people out there?”

  “Of course we do, Emma,” Lena said.

  “Only we’ve never known any of them,” Donne said.

  “That’s because you’ve never tried,” I said. “And I know why. Because … you think you can’t. They are what we … consume. I understand that. But please—you have to make an exception in Sagan’s case for your own good. He can help! I know he can.”

  “How?” Anton said.

  “I don’t know all the technical stuff,” I said. “But he has … instruments he can use, ways to forecast what the sun is going to do at any given time. Predict the changes. He would know about the next Sonneneruption the moment it leaves the sun! Before anyone else in the whole world.”

  “This is true?” Anton said. He seemed ready to jump at the chance. I explained as much as I could remember about STEREO and the Solar Observatory. I was laying it on kind of thick, but …

  “Lena?” I said.

  “I see no harm in it, I suppose.”

  “Outvoted again,” Donne said, scowling. “But why would this Vollmensch help?”

  “What’s that?” I said.

  “Human, a human who has never been turned,” Anton said.

  “Because he told me he would,” I said. “I believe him.”

  “Why?” Donne said.

  “Because …” Because he loves me, I wanted to say.

  I loved watching Sagan work the next day. I couldn’t help sneaking glances every so often, especially when he got hot and pulled his shirt off and hung it on the railing. Something about the way his muscles moved … it made me feel this weird tingly sensation in my mouth. I wondered if I had this power before becoming a vampire. As if my senses were opening up in ways that I never could have imagined.

  “So they’re really coming tonight?” he said, taking a drink of water.

  “Huh?” I was checking out his Adam’s apple sliding up and down his throat. “Oh yeah. They said they would.”

  “And you really think it’s okay?”

  I tried not to look worried. I could still hear Donne’s voice ringing in my ears.

  “Okay, okay, I’ll go! I’ll go. And if we don’t like him, we can just take him.”

  “Donne!” Lena had said.

  “You know it’s true,” Donne had said. “What else can we do? He will know.”

  “She’s right,” Anton had said.

  “It’s fine,” I said to Sagan, trying to sound perky and positive. “You have to look at it from their perspective. They’ve been so isolated. Their whole world has been about hiding, staying unseen, unknown. But when I explained all about the observatory, the things you can do …”

  Sagan grunted, almost laughing.

  “No, really. You could help them so much. Maybe even find a new place for them to live on the base.”

  “Just what I need,” Sagan said. “Four of you running around loose out here.”

  “Be serious.”

  “I am. I’m sorry. I just can’t really believe it. No matter what I’ve seen, what you’ve shown me … vampires are real? And I’ll be meeting three of them tonight?”

  “Yep. It’s a big step for them. I practically had to make you out to be a sun god to get them to come.”

  Sagan stretched magnificently, the little golden hairs on his arms glistening, a vein in his neck throbbing out a measured beat. Hmmm, maybe I was right.

  “Can you see that?” he said as we positioned a tank behind a steel pillar and strapped it in place with bungee cords.

  I leaned back, shading my eyes to look. “Nope. Not unless you’re coming up from the other side, and then you would probably just think it was part of the test stand. Thank goodness for rust.”

  “Best camouflage there is,” Sagan said. “Okay, how’s that?”

  I checked out his handiwork. “Good stuff. I’m impressed. I never would have guessed what a nasty mind you have lurking inside that angelic head of yours.”

  Sagan was concentrating so hard, I’m not sure he heard that last part. “Some of this probably seems like overkill, but …”

  “Papi always says he would rather be loaded for bear and face a Rotluchs than the other way around.”

  “What’s a Rotluchs?”

  “Bobcat,” I said.

  “They have bobcats in Germany?”

  “Guess so if they have a word for it.”

  “I like the way your papi thinks.”

  “Me too. I hope you can meet him someday.”

  “Plan on it,” Sagan said.

  We sat on the edge of the structure, mopping our faces with stolen high-end towels. The sun was going down. The sky to the west was turning scarlet as if the clouds were filling with blood.

  “Hey,” I said. “All this stuff we’re setting up … be honest … will it work?”

  “You’re supposed to be the cocky one, Emma.”

  “I know. But … if this were an experiment … what would you say the percentages are?”

  Sagan was quiet a little while. “You prepare the best you can. You try to increase your odds, but once you’ve done everything you can do—”

  “I know; it’s out of your hands. But will it work?”

  “Well … it’s got to, to a certain extent, right? Wirtz is a physical creature. So he’s got to have physical limitations. These things we have set up—they will have some effect. The only questions are these: how big an effect, and—maybe more important—can we hit the target?”

  “There you go with that ‘we’ stuff again.”

  “You’re stuck with me for the duration, Emma.”

  “Until I decide to stash you somewhere safe.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “Sagan … do you worry at all about … killing someone?”

  He stood up and turned away from me, leaning against the railing and looking somewhere over the fields. “We’re talking about a monster,” he said. “That’s what you called him.”

  “I know. But he used to be a man.”

  “Well, the problem is, it’s not real to me the way it’s real to you,” Sagan said. “You’ve seen vampires. Experienced what they can do. Being out here with you today, setting things up in the bright sunshine … it feels more like we’re getting ready for Halloween. It doesn’t feel real. So it doesn’t hit me that way.”

  He spat and watched the small white blob fall all the way to the ground, wafting on the air currents as it fell.

  “So … is it going to bother you? What we’re doing, I mean?” I said.

  “Do we have a choice?” Sagan said. “We’ve got to come hard and with deadly force. If we try to be humane …”

  “We’ll die. I get your point. It’s starting to feel a little too real,” I said. “You think this is what soldiers go through right before they go to war?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think it has completely sunk in for me. I wish I could see what you have seen.”

  I shuddered. “No, you don’t.”

  Night had fallen at last. We were standing outside the Solar Observatory, excitedly waiting for Lena, Donne, and Anton to arrive.

  “You ready for this?” I said.

  Sagan flashed a shaky smile. “Sure. I hope I am. Is there spinach in my teeth?”

  “You’ll be fine. Just don’
t think of them as … you know …”

  “Vampires? Oh sure. That’ll be easy. Especially if they lick their lips a lot.”

  “They’re people, remember? Human beings caught in a … bad situation. They want to be cured, be normal again. What they are doing, the sacrifices they are making and all—it’s pretty amazing. Lena is the leader, but Donne is the most suspicious. Win her over, and you’ll have all three of them. Or not.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence. So if I don’t win her over …?”

  “You’ll be on the menu.”

  “Oh boy.”

  “It’ll be fine.” Please let it be, I thought. Please. “They’re really nice, I swear. Besides, I told them you have a plan.”

  “I do?”

  “Yeah. Ways of helping them out. Even if it’s just to find them a new home that’s not so … dirty. Just remember this is every bit as weird for them as it is for you. Maybe more.”

  “Oh, I’m sure.”

  He kept looking up.

  “They’re not going to fly in,” I said, almost giggling.

  “What do I know?”

  At last we saw them. Three small dark figures moving slowly up the drive. I had asked them to take it easy on the speed once they got close to the observatory for Sagan’s sake.

  “Showtime,” I said.

  Sagan was holding my hand, but now he pulled free. I’m not sure why. I think maybe he just didn’t want to look weak. Afraid. He’s afraid of looking afraid.

  “Hi,” I said to the vampires, trying to sound cheerful and pleased. “Well, here he is, just like I promised.” I took Sagan’s hand again. He looked at me and looked at my hand as if comparing it to theirs. I gestured to the three of them in turn. “Sagan, this is Lena, Donne, and Anton. Guys, this is Sagan Bishop. My … my friend.”

  I had known this would be a little awkward, but this was off the scale. I could see Donne’s nostrils flaring as if her vampire senses couldn’t help but sniff the wind for the scent of Sagan’s warm human blood. Anton was breathing through his mouth instead of his nose. I couldn’t tell anything from Lena’s expression.

  “Hi,” Sagan said, giving a little wave. “Nice to meet you.”

  I noticed he swallowed as he said it, but I gave him points for the steadiness of his voice.

  Lena started to say something, stopped, then started again. “Um … hello … Sagan,” she said. “I want to … thank you for inviting us. For demonstrating so much … courage.”

  “No problem,” Sagan said, which sounded instead like there were actually a lot of problems he had with being here, only he was willing to look past them.

  “This place is very … large,” Anton said, staring this way and that. “I can’t believe it.… NASA.”

  “Yeah,” Sagan said. “Would you like to go inside?”

  They were still about ten feet away from us. I thought about vampires shaking hands with a human and almost started to laugh. Would it be like a human being shaking hands with a shark?

  Sagan let us in with his badge and we walked down the long hall to the observatory.

  “I need to turn on the lights,” he said, sounding apologetic.

  He turned the round dial on the wall, slowly bringing up the illumination. Each of the Sonnen lifted a hand to their faces to blunt the brightness until their eyes could adjust.

  The vampires were keeping their distance. They’re afraid of him, I realized with a shock. What could Sagan possibly do to them? But it was true; they were scared. I could see it in the way they stood, legs apart, hands ready, prepared to flee. It had taken a good bit of courage for them too.

  I tried to think of some way to loosen everyone up. “Um … maybe it would be better if we all just sat around a table?” I almost said, Just like … people.

  “All right,” Lena said. “But first …”

  She crossed the room carefully but also gracefully to where Sagan was standing. He must have weighed twice what she did. I sometimes forgot how slightly built the Sonnen were without anyone else around for comparison purposes.

  She held out her hand.

  “I am so happy to make your acquaintance,” she said. “Emma has told us so much about you. Thank you for having us.”

  Sagan hesitated just slightly, looking at her hand, then her eyes. He reached out and touched her fingers, then shook her hand warmly. He had a surprised look on his face.

  “You thought my skin would feel … cold, didn’t you?” Lena said, smiling.

  “I … I didn’t really know,” Sagan said, blushing.

  All of the vampires tensed a little; I could almost read their minds, the way they became unnaturally observant, noticing the blood rising to his face.

  Anton stepped forward. He and Sagan shook without any trouble.

  “You are very … tall, eh?” Anton said, grinning shyly.

  I looked at Donne. She came over reluctantly, but then just stood there, nostrils wide.

  Say something, I mentally beamed at her. I wondered for a crazy moment if she looked prettier than I did to Sagan.

  “Nice … to meet you,” Sagan said, taking her small hand.

  Donne ran her tongue over her bottom lip, making me wonder if human blood gave off a kind of overpowering fragrance to a vampire’s nose.

  Shut up.

  They let go of each other’s hands and stood there watching. It almost felt as if I were intruding, witnessing something that was meant to be private.

  The room wasn’t hot, but beads of sweat had formed on Sagan’s brow. I could tell without even touching him that his pulse rate was way up and his skin temperature was rising.

  As if to break the tension, Anton waved his arm at all the computers, marveling at the technology. “This is a very interesting place.” I noticed his accent seemed self-consciously heavier. “So many machines. I enjoy so much thinking about … scientific things.”

  Lena was still standing in front of Sagan with Donne and Anton at either side. He was a head taller than all three of them, but he suddenly seemed … surrounded.

  “Please forgive me for staring,” Lena said. “You see … it has been a great many years since I have … spoken … with someone like you.”

  “Wow,” Sagan said, exhaling nervously as he said it. “This is … kind of surreal.”

  “All right, you may stop circling the prey,” Lena said, and we all laughed a little bit. She tugged at Donne’s arm and the three of them sat at the huge conference table. Sagan and I took seats on the opposite side.

  “Now that we’re all here …,” I said.

  “What do we have to talk about?” Donne said.

  I was surprised she had spoken, and it took me a moment to collect myself.

  “Um … about … friendship,” I said. “You know, new possibilities. Why can’t … people like you … be friends with humans, that kind of thing.”

  “Well … how about because they’re our source of food, or have you forgotten?” Donne said. She didn’t even glance at Sagan.

  “Donne!” Lena said.

  “No problem,” Sagan said, blushing again.

  “Would you please stop doing that,” Donne said.

  “What?” Sagan said.

  “You’re blushing,” I said, then turned toward Donne a little angrily. “He can’t help it. You just called him food.”

  “I told you, it’s no big deal; I’m cool,” Sagan said, taking my hand and then looking at Donne. “Sorry about the … autonomic reflex.”

  “Donne?” Lena said.

  Donne put her lips together, looking down at the table. “I … I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just … I don’t see how we can ever make this work; I’m sorry.”

  “Nobody said it would be easy,” I said. “But … what if … we could maybe form some kind of pact? We could call it … mutual assured …”

  “Destruction?” Donne said. She wasn’t smiling.

  “Like … an agreement. You know. Working together. This is a really small start, bu
t … who knows … it could take off and really grow. Maybe someday both types of … humans … could join forces and work together against their common enemy.”

  “And you believe … under a scenario like that … humans would … just provide us with what we need?” Donne said.

  “I think so … yeah … I think as long as—”

  “It would never work,” Donne said. “Somebody would foul it up. Surely you can’t be that thick.”

  I glared at her. “I didn’t say it would be perfect. That’s why I said start small, work our way up from there.”

  Sagan raised his hand. “Hey, as the resident snack, I’d like to say something.”

  Everybody turned to stare at him.

  “I hate to say it, but I agree with Donne. It would never work,” he said. “Just imagine how … other humans … would react. There would be protests. All kinds of cults—for and against—would spring up. There would be a whole bunch of new government regulations … assuming the government ever got done trading blood for experiments. Religious leaders would go completely nuts. One thing we … humans … generally don’t do well is large-scale stuff. Every once in a while we pull off a miracle, like landing on the moon.” He winked at me. “But so much of that was an engineering problem. We are great at engineering problems. But something like this? We can’t even get people in neighboring countries to like each other.”

  “You are correct, I am afraid,” Lena said. “It would not be practical, Emma. I am sorry to spoil your grand plans.”

  “But … what if we started right here?” I said. “Just see where it goes? We could help, couldn’t we, Sagan? With the Sonneneruption?”

  “Help like how?” Donne said.

  “We could … act as a kind of advance-warning system, you know?” I said. “I know you spend as much time as possible outdoors, but what if the Sonneneruption came during the day? You’d be dug in somewhere, completely oblivious to what was going on. You could miss it entirely … then be stuck for another few hundred years.”

  “Most of the eruptions last more than a day,” Lena said. “I’d have to agree, Emma,” Sagan said. “The really powerful ones can wash over the earth for hours.”

  “Still …”