by Debra Kayn
Dear Prisoner #18794
You might be wondering why you didn't receive a letter from me last week, and I want to explain. When you answered my question about whether you believe there's good in every bad person, I was upset. I didn't want to hear there are reasons behind every choice or what might be viewed as bad by one person might benefit someone else. I don't want to see any good in the person who murdered my parents.
The man destroyed everything in my world and left me alone. He's forever changed my life, and I didn't want to lose everyone I loved.
What upset me more was I realized you're right. I don't want to admit the man had his own reasons and those reasons probably had nothing to do with me. I was only the victim in his senseless crime. Coming to that realization bummed me out. The more I thought about it, the more I understood my own feelings. I struggle with bad feelings cropping up in myself. I want to hurt the person who hurt me. I want to cause more damage to him than he's ever experienced in his whole life. You were right. Everyone has good and bad inside of themselves, even me.
You believe experiencing pain is necessary to become stronger, to succeed. You claim your own pain taught you to adapt, to protect, to survive. I think that's an excuse. I think you cause pain to others, because you want someone to hurt worse than you do inside and if you succeed at hurting others, you validate that as respect.
You asked me in your last letter to describe how I envision living my life in twenty years. That was a good question and I liked looking forward instead of back. Here's my answer.
I want a house that I own with no worries about paying the mortgage or answering to a landlord. I want to paint my house red, because I'd be proud of where I live and what I've accomplished. There would be flowers, so when friends came to visit, they'd smile. They wouldn't know why they were happy, but I would know I helped put something beautiful in their life. I'll be married to a man who works hard and loves me completely (even though I have good and bad in me, he'll accept me for who I am). I'd work harder to be a person he'd be proud of and try to make him happy. Not a day would go by where he'd doubt my love, because I would only marry someone I couldn't live without. I'm not sure if I'll have kids. There are times I love the idea, and then there are days I see the world changing and I'm scared for the future. That makes me think I can make a difference in other ways. There are too many unwanted children in the world, and I often think I can give something to someone who has even less than me.
You probably think my dreams are silly, and maybe they are. I can't imagine all of it coming true. I just want to be happy. I think that's what most people want.
My question for you is what is the first thing you want to do when you've completed your time in prison and walk out a free man?
Sincerely, Christina
Cam looked up at his old house painted bright red and out at the lush green grass and the flowers planted around the porch in full bloom. Calm came over him. Whether Christina realized she lived her dream life or not didn't matter. He knew he'd done what he'd set out to do.
The hard road to get everything his woman wanted seemed almost impossible at times. The time away from her when he sat in a prison cell made things harder for him to accomplish his goals. There were occasions he relied on the club to take care of her, but she never went without. She got her damn flowers, her house, and her man.
Christina walked out the front door and gazed around the yard searching for him. He sat on his bike, taking in the sight of his woman. He knew the minute she spotted him. Her mouth curved upward, making the slight dimple on her left cheek flash at him. Her eyes widened with the rise of her perfectly arched eyebrows. Her breasts strained against her tank top with the sudden inhaled breath she took when she caught her lower lip between her teeth. His battered heart pulsed, and he chuckled to himself. He'd be fine if she never realized what he'd done for her. She only needed to keep looking at him with love in her eyes and share her happiness with him.
She skipped down the steps and stood in front of his bike. "Hey, you."
"Morning." He slipped the letter back into the envelope, reached behind him, and returned the bundle to his satchel on his bike.
She cocked her head. "Was that one of my letters?"
"Yep," he said.
"Why are you reading them again?" She leaned over and kissed him.
He lifted her up and set her in front of him on his lap. "Because I wanted to."
She hummed, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I miss our questions."
"Ask me anything." He shoved his hands under her ass and brought her forward.
"Hm..." She studied him. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine."
"You know what I'm asking." She laughed softly, her breath caressing his face. "How's your side where you were shot?"
"I can breathe. I'm not dead. I'm fine." He lowered his head and kissed the bare skin at her collarbone. "How are you?"
Her head fell back. "Better than fine."
"Oh, yeah?" he mumbled against her skin.
"Maybe we can..." Her head fell back, giving him more access. "Go inside and double check to make sure we both stay fine."
He pulled back. "No time. I need to meet Gunner and Stache in town. We're going to stop by Silver Girls and talk to Ink about the Moroad women."
"What about them?" she asked.
"Lola mentioned a new schedule. The women will get more hours in, but some of the days they'll be splitting up the girls. I want to make sure they're safe and Bantorus MC has a handle on security." He brushed back her hair and tilted her face. "Do you want to ride in to town with me?"
She shook her head. "I'll stay home. Jeremy's here and I'll see what he's going to be doing."
"Shit." He lifted her off the bike. "I forgot to have Jeremy run a fuse over to Meese for his motorcycle. He's stuck at his house until Jeremy takes him one."
"Jeremy's in the house." She leaned in and kissed him. "Go tell him. I'm going to spray the weeds on the edge of the backyard."
"Baby, it's the mountain. There's supposed to be weeds." He patted her ass and walked toward the house before she could argue with him.
"Cam," Merk shouted.
He turned.
Merk stood outside his trailer. "Gunner called, the meeting is moved up a half hour."
He lifted his hand in reply and walked back toward his bike. "Baby?"
Christina looked up at him with her arms full of chemical spray bottles. "Yes?"
"I need to leave. Tell Jeremy he needs to ride to Meese's house and take him a fuse? Tell him to take a twenty amp," he said.
"Okay. I'll tell him." She set the supplies down on the edge of the porch.
Cam whistled and grabbed Willy's attention. "I'm leaving. Watch Christina."
"I got her covered, prez." Willy hunkered down beside his bike.
Cam rode slowly out of the front yard, being careful of the turf. He hit gravel and shifted, letting the bike lead him to town. If she wanted to take pride in a run-down house with a fresh coat of paint and grow green grass on the side of the mountain than he'd make a conscious effort to take it easy on the lawn. He'd still park his bike in front of the porch, but he'd make damn sure he didn't cause the grass anymore damage.
Chapter Twenty Nine
Cam rode off oblivious to Merk's manipulation every time he made an effort to talk with Jeremy. Christina waited until the dust settled and called Jeremy out on the porch. She rather not have any witnesses around when she confronted Merk.
Jeremy stepped out of the house. "What's up?"
"Cam needs you to run a twenty amp fuse over to Meese's house for him," she said.
"Now?" Jeremy squatted down and tied his boot.
"That's what he said. Meese's bike broke down again."
"If Meese spent his money on his bike instead of trying to impress Katie all the time, he wouldn't get stranded." Jeremy grinned. "Maybe I should take the long way to his house and make him wait."
Christina laughed, enjo
ying Jeremy's humor. "You're cruel."
Jeremy jumped off the porch. "See you later."
"Ride safe," she called after him.
Anxious and unsure if she was doing the right thing in confronting Merk, she kept an eye on Willy working on his bike. If she acted relaxed and unaffected by Merk's presence, maybe Willy wouldn't suspect a thing. Someone had to stop Merk's attempts of interrupting Cam every time he made a step toward Jeremy.
She picked up the spray bottle of weed killer and spritzed a few places in the front yard, even though there were no weeds. The men wouldn't notice or care that she wanted to work in the front yard and it gave her an excuse to move closer to where Merk washed down his bike.
Her heart pounded harder and faster with each step. Her tongue stuck to the top of her roof and she constantly swallowed. She moistened her lips, wishing she'd grabbed some water first.
Merk tried to kill Cam.
What would stop him from killing her?
He'd made it perfectly clear he'd based their friendship on a lie. He failed to own up to his crime and he betrayed everyone.
A few feet from Merk, she inhaled deeply and made her move. She stepped right in front of him and sprayed his boots with the weed killer.
"I want you to stop trying to keep Cam away from Jeremy," she whispered.
Merk shut off the hose. "Why do you think I am?"
God, she hated when people threw a question back at her instead of answering. She glanced over at Willy and made sure she could talk privately. "Because I'm watching you. Every time Cam gets within ten feet of Jeremy, you pull him away with some stupid excuse. You've done enough damage. Leave him alone. He hasn't done anything to you, and he's even allowed you to remain in the club and keep living."
Merk jaw twitched and he stared at her. "Again, you can't see what is right in front of your face."
She recoiled in fear. He'd said the same thing to her before he shot Cam and tried to convince her Cam would leave her. Why was she the only one who could see how dangerous Merk was to have around?
"Don't even try doing this again," she said. "Stay away and leave Cam and Jeremy alone."
"I can't," Merk said, his hand squeezing the garden hose.
"Why not?" she said, her voice rising.
"Because I failed my sister. She wanted to abort the baby, because she didn't want anything to do with Moroad MC."
Christina shook her head in confusion. "What's that got to do with anything? She was Jeremy's mother and—"
"Damn it, Christina. Cam is Jeremy's father." Merk tossed down the hose and expelled a burst of air from his lungs.
"What?" Christina rocked back on her heels.
"Christina," Willy shouted. "Get away from Merk."
She held up her finger to Willy and faced Merk. "Why would you say such a thing?"
"Just forget it," Merk said.
She grabbed his vest, keeping him from walking away. "Are you crazy? You can't throw that in my face and not explain why you'd lie. We told Jeremy the truth. There are no more secrets."
"Isn't there?" Merk grabbed his head. "The only person I had growing up was my sister. We were tight. She relied on me to take care of her, and I failed her. She got into drugs and slept around. She ended up pregnant. I couldn't stop her, because I was doing the same shit. Once I got clean, it was too late."
"So?" Her mind reeled trying to keep up with the conversation. "What's that have to do with Cam?"
"Right before I went to prison, she told me what her plans were and made me swear not to tell anyone. Cam is Jeremy's father. Roni hung around for sex, and Cam only thought about sex, drugs, and living on the edge. If Cam went to Roni, he went to every woman who hung with the club. He took what he could get and lived for nobody. When clean, Roni wanted to better her life." Merk's voice gave out. "Now my sister is dead. I was the only person who could help her, and I wasn't there for her. I'll be damned if I won't try and keep her kid alive now, and Jeremy won't succeed if he's with Cam or Moroad MC."
"He's Cam's son?" she whispered, ignoring Willy standing beside her.
It was too late to stop the conversation. She had to know. Cam needed to know.
"Dammit, Merk. Tell me the fucking truth for once," she said.
"All you have to do is take a good look at Jeremy," Merk said. "He acts like Cam, he talks like Cam. Hell, he even walks like Cam. Roni stood a little over five feet tall and had strawberry blonde hair with blue eyes. Jeremy takes after his dad."
"Oh my God." She covered her mouth and stepped away.
Willy moved toward her and she waved him away. All those times she believed Jeremy mimicked Cam because he idolized him, he wasn't trying to act like Cam, he naturally came by his stubbornness.
She turned to Merk. "Cam needs to know."
"No." Merk shook his head. "Roni wanted—"
"I don't give a shit what Roni wanted. She's dead, and her son is alive. He's lived through hell and desperately wants to know he's loved and wanted. Cam is willing to give him everything and a family who loves him. He loved Jeremy when he believed he'd adopted him. He'll continue to love him, not because he's his son, but because he's Jeremy. Can't you see that? Cam deserves to know he has a son." She walked off, hurrying to the house.
No one tried to stop her. Inside, she grabbed her purse and the keys to the truck. There was only one person she wanted to talk to and she knew exactly where to find him.
Not stopping, she went back outside and marched across the grass. Merk couldn't keep his secret. She knew. Willy knew. In ten minutes when she reached Silver Girls, Cam would know. Then they'd tell Jeremy.
"Where're you going?" Willy caught up with her at the truck.
"To town," she said, opening the door.
"You can't go." Willy stepped in front of her blocking her way.
Anger uncoiled inside of her. She stretched to her toes and leaned toward Willy. "There's no lockdown on me. Cam did not give you orders to keep me here. He said for you to watch me. You have two options. You can either watch me leave or get your ass in the truck and watch me go to Cam. While you're making up your mind, get the hell out of my way."
Willy groaned in defeat and held out his hand. "Damn, woman. Give me the keys. I'll drive. You, hop in. If Cam kills me, you'll have to watch."
"Thank you." She handed him the keys and scrambled into the truck.
Jeremy was Cam's son. Afraid to let her joy over the news show, she stared out the window all the way to town. She couldn't wait to tell him.
Chapter Thirty
Katie, Lola, Tina, and Jess stood shoulder to shoulder, arms linked and bare skin flashing behind Silver Girls. Cam stood flanked by Gunner and Stache facing Ink. His relationship with the Bantorus Motorcycle Club verged on respect, if he trusted others, which he didn't.
"Until we see how the new rotation brings in customers, we'll keep it to two Moroad women on the new days. There's a chance we'll get enough tourist to bring in our regular crew of Silver Girls and all the Moroad women. We'll just have to wait and see." Ink reached out and tagged his woman, Lilly.
Lilly tossed her blonde hair and grinned. "That's our hope, anyway. We'd love to have the girls working full time. They've each expressed an interest in getting more hours on the floor. The mining industry is holding strong, now that they've signed their newest union contract. Regulars are here every night we open the doors. With the expansion of opening the outside courtyard, we've noticed an increase in drop-ins who would normally not walk through our doors. We wanted to clear our new schedule with Moroad MC before we make any changes, because we value the women you've brought us."
Cam studied each of the Moroad women. Katie's grin grew. Lola winked, her long eyelashes brushing her high cheekbones. Tina raised her brows and looked at him expectantly. Jess leaned against Katie, her crossed fingers held snuggly between her breasts.
While Moroad MC supported the women, the amount of money allotted to them never covered much more than a partial share in their rent. Th
e payout would be more if a Moroad member claimed the women, but so far the offer to provide free entertainment for the men worked out for all of them. And, the women could always use more cash.
"I appreciate you calling the meeting." Cam shook Ink's hand, then Lilly's hand. "I find no reason to deny the women extra hours of work. Our concern lies in their safety and you've proven how well you watch over Silver Girls. If there's any problem, call me."
"Will do. Thanks, Cam," Lilly said, moving over to the women and hugging each one.
"We'll head out." Cam checked his phone for any messages—none. "Girls?"
All heads turned toward Cam. He said, "Stop by the house tonight."
Cam walked back to his motorcycle. Stepping off the curb, his truck pulled in beside him with Willy driving and Christina riding shotgun. Before he could walk up to the driver's side window, Christina jumped out and hurried around the truck.
Christina's red-rimmed eyes, pitched brows, and urgent movements to get to him brought him up short. He grabbed her before she plowed into him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said on an exhale. "I need to talk with you."
"We'll go back to the house." He led her to his motorcycle, but she dragged her feet.
"Cam?" She squeezed his arm, grabbed his vest, and stroked his stomach. Her hands refused to still. "This can't wait."
"We're ten minutes from the house, baby. Are you in danger?"
She shook her head.
"Jeremy?"
"No." She scrunched up her face. "It's not a bad thing, but it's really important. The most important thing you'll ever hear."
Cam glanced back at Willy. His MC brother nodded slightly, backing Christina. "Then we'll go back to the house where we can talk in private."
Christina looked around, picked up his hand, and led him to the alley between Silver Girls and the empty building. Her urgency and lack of listening bothered him more than her obvious distress. She'd always spoken in front of his men, unless the problem was personal.
