After the Ending

by Lindsey Fairleigh

  Sarah giggled. “True.” She leaned her head on my shoulder and shifted my sketch pad so she could see it better. “Whatcha drawin’?”

  “It’s supposed to be the little pond down the hill by the woods. I’ve been going there a lot lately.” I thought of Jake—he seemed to be a steady fixture there, but I refrained from adding him to the drawing.

  “Oh yeah, Riley and I took a walk over there the other night. It’s sorta peaceful, isn’t it?”

  I grinned at the warmth her voice held when she mentioned Biggs’s first name.

  “Why are you smiling, Zoe?” Sarah blushed and looked away, calling Cooper up onto the couch. He jumped up eagerly, settling in beside Sarah.

  “How’s it going with you two anyway?” I asked.

  “It’s good,” she said casually.

  “Good? That’s all you have to say? I saw him come out of your room two mornings in a row!” I whispered, pretending to be shocked.

  Sarah only had time to giggle before Harper came in and said, “Everyone in the mess hall. We have to talk.” His expression was more serious than usual—troubled—and he looked exhausted. I knew they’d planned on setting fire to the other hospital, but I wasn’t sure how they’d fared, especially with the rain.

  Sarah and I slowly extricated ourselves from the plush couch, both of us comfy in our pajamas. Seeing Harper in his fatigues made me feel guilty for lounging around.

  “Come on, people!” he called out as we entered the dining room. Finally, Dave, Tanya, and Stacey strolled in behind us with pool cues in hand, and we all sat down at one of the long, cafeteria-style tables. Harper positioned himself on a neighboring table top, one knee up with his arm resting over it. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

  “Alright, listen up…” He started by telling everyone the condensed version of what had happened in the hospital off-base and reassured us that the situation was being taken care of. Normally Sanchez would’ve led the meeting, but she was still recovering in her room—she’d been lucky the bullet hadn’t hit any organs.

  “Let this serve as a reminder to everyone—if we face dangers like these in Fort Knox, think about how dangerous it is everywhere else.”

  I knew it was true, but as he continued speaking, I found myself distracted by the rain pounding against the windowpanes. It was oddly soothing, even though I knew it was only a matter of time before I would be facing the elements alone. The idea didn’t bother me as much as I thought it should have. Instead, I wondered if the combination of howling wind and torrential rain was the closest I’d ever come to hearing the sound of rhythmic waves washing over the beach again—a sound I’d grown up listening to.

  “Zoe, did you hear me?” Harper asked.

  I looked away from the windows, surprised to see everyone staring at me expectantly. Even Jake had appeared at some point during Harper’s speech. He was leaning against the wall in the back of the mess hall. His clothes were wet, though he didn’t seem to care.

  I glanced at Harper sheepishly. “Sorry.”

  “I said, ‘We’ve decided to stay here for a while.’”

  “I know, to wait out the winter,” I responded, knowing full well he’d meant we were making Fort Knox a more permanent home. I wasn’t sure why I was playing dumb, but I found satisfaction in making it difficult for him to break the news to me.

  “No, I mean, we aren’t even sure we’ll leave then. We’ve decided to stay here…indefinitely.”

  I just stared at him. Part of me was hurt because he hadn’t told me sooner. Foolishly, I’d expected more out of our friendship. But, another part of me didn’t feel much at all. “Okay,” I said, wanting the conversation to end. The longer he stared at me, the closer I came to crying.

  Harper’s eyebrows drew together in confusion.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” I snapped. “You thought I’d be pissed that you didn’t tell me sooner? Well it would’ve been nice if you had.”

  Harper’s confusion melted into exasperation. “Zoe…”

  I stood quietly and said, “It’s fine, Harper. I know you’re looking out for everyone’s best interest.”

  His eyes fixed on me for a few heartbeats before he spoke. “Really?” he asked in disbelief.

  “Yeah.” Agreeing was all I could do to avoid an argument. “I’m sure they’re all okay with staying, especially after what happened out there today.” I paused, looking around the room at my uncertain companions before returning my gaze to Harper. “Is there anything else?” I asked weakly.

  “No, that’s it.” He scrutinized my face, trying to read the inner-workings of my mind.

  “Stop staring at me like that,” I said. I smiled to deflect my prickling tears.

  “Tell him the truth,” Jake said. The moment I heard his baritone voice, I felt the color drain from my face. Please don’t, I silently begged. At the sound of him walking up behind me, I turned around and glared at him. I willed him not to say anymore…I didn’t want to fight.

  “What do you mean?” Harper asked, and I silently cursed Jake.

  Meeting Harper’s eyes, I tried to keep my composure, but I was too mentally exhausted—on top of everything else, the day’s events proved too much for me to handle. “I understand why you want everyone to stay here—”

  “But?” he interrupted, his tone sharp and disapproving.

  “But, I’m still leaving to find Dani and my brother. I’m sure you understand.” Tears blurred my vision, but I feared blinking would only encourage their flow.

  “Zoe, you can’t—”

  “Please don’t argue with me,” I pleaded. “I really can’t do this tonight…I have to go.”

  “No you don’t, you can—”

  “Yes I do!” I shouted. Acute frustration and loneliness consumed me. “You don’t understand!” My tears were unstoppable, pouring down like water over rocky cliffs.

  “You’ve been through a lot today, Baby Girl. Let’s talk about this tomorrow.” His placating, friendly tone returned as he tried to calm me down.

  “I’m not going to change my mind,” I sobbed. I was cracking, afraid I would shatter completely.

  “You’re not going alone,” Jake said, the conviction in his voice thick and resolute. Trembling, I looked at him. He was standing at the far end of the table where everyone else sat. They all stared at him, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  “I won’t let you come with me,” I told Jake, wiping my eyes. Thinking of how much pain he’d experienced in Colorado, I knew going back was the last thing he wanted to do.

  “Jake!” Clara cried, her shrill voice startling me. “You can’t leave me! You said you’d take care of me!” She tossed her plastic cup across the room. Everyone looked to her in surprise. Realizing she was suddenly the center of attention, Clara added, “We’re all safer here.” Desperation dripped from every word. She glanced at me with searing hatred in her eyes.

  “She’s right,” I said. “There’s no way you’re coming with me.”

  “Who’s going to stop me? You?” he asked snidely. “We leave in a week. You better be prepared.” He turned and stalked away.

  I didn’t want Jake’s death on my conscious, not to mention his personal misery. Too many emotions bombarded me—my own despair and frustration mixed with the others’ worry, confusion, and fear. My body quivered, and I lost all emotional control.

  When Sarah rushed over to me, I fell against her and cried. The emotions drowned me, but crying felt good—like the vice gripping my heart slackened just a little, and with it, another wave of exhaustion weakened me further.

  “Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you to bed.” At Harper’s warm whisper, my heart broke a little more. I thought of my father—his seemingly insignificant terms of endearment had told me he loved me even when he couldn’t say it outright. I’ll probably never see him again. Crying harder, I collapsed to my knees on the floor.

  Harper crouched down and gathered me into his arms. “It’s okay,” he said as he stood, hol
ding me close. Calmness filled me, pushing away my embarrassment from breaking down in front of the entire group.

  I wrapped my arms around Harper’s neck and pulled myself closer to him. The heat of his body soothed me, and I felt more comforted than I had in days. “I’m sorry,” I apologized through ragged breaths. “I know you have enough to deal with.”

  “It’s okay, Baby Girl. It’s been a long day. You just need some rest.”

  After Harper tucked me into bed, he quietly escaped through the bedroom door. I glimpsed Jake leaning against the hallway wall outside of my room. He anxiously looked in at me just as the door shut.

  “It’s okay,” Sarah said. I’d forgotten she was lying beside me. She wrapped her arms around me consolingly, and I was grateful for her presence. It saddened me to think of leaving her.

  I’d always thought I was a relatively strong person, but looking back at the weeks that had passed, I saw how frail and weak I truly was.

  I fell asleep to the sound of my choking sobs and Sarah rubbing my back.

  The next day, I woke up alone in my bed. I’d slept through the whole night, not even stirring when Sarah left. As humiliated as I should’ve been after my complete meltdown, I was just grateful for a full night’s sleep.

  Knowing there was much to do before I left Fort Knox, I readied myself for the day. After throwing on a sweatshirt, I pulled on a pair of jeans, ran a brush through my hair, and headed toward the mess hall. I needed to find Harper—both to thank him and to apologize for commandeering his briefing—but I could take a few minutes to eat breakfast first.

  When I walked in, I found Tanya and Clara chatting quietly at one of the dining tables. My confidence wavered as I thought of the gratification my emotional breakdown must’ve given Clara. But I just smiled and tried to ignore the satisfaction illuminating her face.

  “Oh, you’re finally awake,” Clara said, smirking.

  I ignored her and looked around for everyone else. Sadly, the breakfast buffet had already been cleared. Dammit. What time is it anyway?

  As I stood in the doorway, frowning, Clara sighed impatiently. When I looked at her, she pointed to a foil-covered plate on the counter. “For you,” she said and returned to her conversation with Tanya.

  Puzzled, I glanced back and forth between her and the dish, uncertain why she would make me a plate of food.

  Clara rolled her eyes. “Harper saved you some breakfast. If you don’t eat it, I will.” She sounded harsh and irritated, no longer making any attempt to mask her dislike for me.

  I headed over to the plate and uncovered it. I hadn’t eaten much the night before and was starving, so I carried the small feast of potatoes, gravy, and biscuits to an empty table and sat.

  Tanya rose and walked over to my table. “How are you doing?” she asked meekly. She was pale and sickly, and she had dark circles under her eyes, but even in her deteriorating state, her kindness was genuine.

  “I’m much better, thanks. How about you?” I hadn’t talked to her much since the night her sister died.

  “I’ve been better, but I’m dealing with it the best I can.” She squeezed my shoulder before turning to leave. I felt a strange void inside her, like parts of her—her energy—had been stolen. Poor girl.

  I wasn’t shy as I shoveled the cold food into my mouth, and after inhaling half of it, I realized something wasn’t right. Amidst the savory flavors, I could taste something metallic, and my tongue began to tingle.

  Alarmed, I spat out my mouthful of food, but it didn’t help. As I reached for my glass of water to rinse out my mouth, Clara appeared beside me and snatched it away.

  “I’m not letting you leave with him,” she said scathingly.

  “Get over yourself and give me my fucking water!” I demanded, but there was a high note of fear in my voice. I stood, trying to take the glass from her hand.

  As my skin touched hers, I saw her memory of what she’d done—it flashed in my mind like a bolt of lightning, leaving imprints and evil shadows.

  She poisoned me. She fucking poisoned me!

  “Feeling alright?” Clara asked, batting her eyelashes and smiling innocently.

  I hunched over as my stomach gurgled and churned, tangling into knots. Once again I reached for the water, but she yanked it away, dumping it out on the floor beside her.

  Her grin lingered. “Sorry, I can’t let you do that.”

  My stomach cramps worsened, and I broke out into a cold sweat—I knew I didn’t have much time. I needed to find help. Tanya has to be close…

  Trying to run for the door, I doubled over in pain and cried out. Fire seemed to be scorching my insides. Bile rose in my throat, and I began salivating profusely, unable to swallow. I spat desperately.

  “I really hate you, Zoe. I’m not completely sure why, but I have to admit, this is a very good day for me.” Her cheerful voice was like a hammer in my head as I twisted and spasmed on the mess hall floor. The cool cement soothed my hot skin.

  My stomach bloated, feeling like it would explode at any moment. I shoved my index finger down my throat, gagging myself until I threw up everything I could. Relief was instantaneous, but it was only momentary. I grew dizzy, and my vision blurred. I tried to scream but only a whimper broke free. I couldn’t walk—I could only writhe in excruciating pain. I prayed someone would find me before it was too late.

  One last time, I attempted to push myself off the floor, but my arms gave out. My hair was matted to my face, damp with the bile and food that had been inside me only moments before. My intestines cramped so badly that I thought they might rip apart.

  Hearing the sound of footsteps in the adjoining hallway, I felt sudden relief that someone was coming to rescue me, but when long seconds passed without any other sounds, I realized it had just been Clara walking away. She had left me there to die, alone.

  I thought I heard my father calling for me off in the distance. “Dad,” I croaked. I could hear Dani and Jason too, but I couldn’t see any of them. They’re not here…I’m dying.

  My fingers and toes itched and burned, and cold tears streamed from my eyes. I was in too much pain to cry out, so I silently gasped for air and hoped each breath wouldn’t be my last.

  As my body went numb, my slowing heartbeat thudded in my ears. The decreasing pain lessened my fear, and I sighed with relief. I couldn’t remember why I’d been so afraid. Slowly, I drifted into unconsciousness.

  32

  ZOE

  I stood among the giant trees, their carmine trunks rough and thick. They towered over me like monstrous blades of grass above a tiny ant. It was peaceful and quiet under their canopy, and white puffs of cottonwood danced in the breeze, blanketing the giants’ fallen comrades. Their hulking carcasses rested haphazardly in their forgotten graveyard, strewn about the forest floor to decay unmourned. The moss adorning the trunks was a welcome sight. It had been too long since I’d seen such vivid, vibrant shades of life.

  I feared the fantasy would dissolve around me, and it did. Trees were replaced with the worn, over-stuffed furniture and warm fire of Dave’s cabin. I saw myself nestled against the arm of the couch, an army-green blanket wrapped around me. Harper leaned down to hand the other version of myself a steaming mug of tea before sitting beside Sarah on the opposite couch, smiling.

  The familiar cabin was replaced with unfamiliar surroundings. Brick walls and modern picture windows exposed an expansive, twinkling cityscape. An inky body of water reflected the glowing lights. Soft lighting and smooth jazz filled my senses, and I caught my breath when I spotted Jason and Sanchez—they were sitting together at a table with a group of people. My brother laughed and chatted with Sanchez like they’d been friends forever. She looked beautiful. Her dark blue jeans hugged her hips, and a tight burgundy v-neck sweater emphasized her large breasts. Her lips were rosy, and her cocoa-colored hair was long with loose curls. She was smiling in a way I’d never seen before, as was Jason.

  I didn’t have much time to watch them befor
e everything around me changed again. I was suddenly walking through a deserted hospital. The wide, bright halls were deathly silent, and my stomach lurched at the rank smell of sickness and decay permeating the air. A petite blonde woman appeared in the hallway. Wearing jeans and a red sweatshirt, she wandered restlessly down the hall. She turned around and a terrifyingly familiar pair of piercing blue eyes stared back at me.

  Clara.

  Fear and rage made my blood boil, scalding my insides.

  “You’re taking me with you, right?” she asked with pleading, troubled eyes.

  Turning to discover who Clara was talking to, I found Jake standing before me. His forlorn expression was heartbreaking—it was the same look he’d worn when he’d mentioned his sister. He nodded, and they too dissolved from sight.

  I woke momentarily, a muted pain thrumming through my body. I tried to recall what had happened to me. I couldn’t understand why I felt heavy and numb…why my mind was so garbled. Blinding light burned my eyes when I struggled to open them.

  Sanchez and Jake moved hastily above me. Hands on the bare skin of my stomach startled me, pushing and prodding for something.

  “Is it like she said it would be?” Sanchez asked softly.

  “She wasn’t specific,” Jake answered.

  Foggily, I wondered what they were talking about.

  “God…I hope she was right about the other part too,” Sanchez said before their voices faded away.

  Struggling to remain conscious, I could vaguely see Harper through my veil of dark lashes. I could sense his urgency, a wave of panic washing over me. Immediately, it was dulled by a sleepy fog that was settling in my head.

  The metal table was cold against my bare skin, rousing my body out of its dormant state. A faint odor of blood piqued my anxiety, and I felt my body tense. Warm fingers rested on my forehead, exuding calmness.

  I felt hands on my arm. It was Biggs; I could feel his steady energy through his gentle touch. His concern put me at ease, and as it did, unconsciousness grabbed hold of me again, pulling me back into darkness.