Doubleback

by Lissa Ford

  Jude grinned guiltily. “No, I wasn’t thinking that at all,” he lied, because Rowan was right. Jude’s instincts were telling him something else.

  He opened his mouth to add that while Tully hadn’t seemed grief-stricken about his gambling buddy’s murder, he did seem genuinely outraged when Rowan tried to link Travis’s death to Billy Tully’s birthday. But Rowan spoke first. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

  Jude followed Rowan’s gaze to the flickering television screen while Rowan reached for the remote and unmuted it.

  Annette Morelli was on the local news being interviewed.

  Jude felt his heart flop over. Logan Morelli took after his mother in the looks department; Mrs. Morelli’s eyes were the same shape as her son’s, except lines of sorrow were etched around what should have been warm brown eyes. Her black hair had gone steel-grey over the past year and a half, the silver threads adding gradually over the course of the trial. Her mouth was turned down into a thin, tight line.

  She’d been caught just outside the grocery store by the news team’s camera crew. “I have no comment on the death of that poor man,” she said, obviously in response to a question that he and Rowan hadn’t caught. “But I can say that it does seem very coincidental that deputy—I should say former deputy—Anderson is at the center of another murder investigation.”

  “Have you be able to put your life back together since Deputy Morelli’s slaying?” the reporter asked sympathetically.

  “Barely,” Annette answered. “My other son has decided to honor the memory of his brother by pursuing a career in criminal justice. He’s thinking of attending the academy.”

  “That must be difficult.”

  “It’s…not easy.” Annette’s lips trembled. “If you will excuse me, I have no further comment.”

  The camera cut away from her. “That’s the latest in the death of Travis Gruber. Law enforcement officials tell us the investigation is ongoing—”

  Rowan clicked the television off.

  Jude stared blankly at the screen.

  “You okay?” Rowan asked after a long moment.

  Jude turned his unfocused gaze on Rowan. Rowan’s brows had drawn together as he intently studied him. Maybe he thought Jude was going to have another panic attack. But all Jude felt was sorrow for a mother who had lost a son in the most brutal manner possible, now being dragged into a shitstorm of another murder case. Because of Jude.

  “Jude?”

  “Why haven’t I been taken into custody?” was what came out of his mouth.

  “Why?” Rowan blinked, then his eyes sheered away. Jude’s heart felt too big for his chest again. “Because there’s no evidence linking Gruber’s murder to you other than the location of where he was dumped. You know how investigation works, Jude. First the plausible leads, then we move to the tangential.”

  Jude did know. He also knew that Rowan was riding a very fine line because it could be argued that Jude was the plausible lead. That in any other instance, Rowan would be going after Jude’s alibis and wherefores with laser-like intensity.

  Dragging Rowan down into his complicated, messy life was unthinkable.

  “Don’t put yourself in jeopardy over me,” Jude said.

  Rowan picked up his carton again and poked at the noodles with his chopsticks. “You should know me better than that.”

  The funny thing was, Jude did. And he knew Rowan was bullshitting him now.

  Slowly, he picked up his beer and took a long drink to lubricate his dry throat. Rowan was protecting Jude. Why?

  The possible answer was more than he could handle.

  “Morelli’s brother is going into the Academy?” Jude asked to distract himself from the fruitless hope blooming in his chest. “Even after Logan’s shooting?”

  “Seems like it. It’s not an uncommon thing. A passion to carry on Morelli’s legacy, maybe?”

  “Maybe.” Strong emotion drove people to do things they might not ordinarily consider. Jude had no idea how Annette Morelli would handle sacrificing another son to the dangerous profession of law enforcement.

  Thinking about the Morelli family prompted another memory. “I forgot to send you those emails I’d mentioned earlier. I’ll do it now.” Jude reached for his phone and frowned. Only ten percent juice left. He’d forgotten to turn off roam and it had drained the battery. He thumbed through his messages until he found both and hit the forward button to Rowan’s email address.

  They finished the rest of their food in silence. Rowan took another swig of his beer, eyes faraway. Jude knew Rowan was mulling over the case. But Jude was sick of thinking about murder, drugs, and threats to their lives. For distraction, he gazed openly at Rowan, taking in the lines of his musculature: flat abs, defined arms, and most of all, his smooth golden skin dusted with dark hair. He made a mental note to mention, preferably when he had Rowan pinned down under him, that all those expensive tea tree grooming products and exfoliators were doing the job, to see if he could win another husky laugh dissolving in gasps of pleasure. If he ever had Rowan pinned under him again, he corrected. Maybe Rowan considered today’s reunion a rebound fuck, nothing more, born of the near-miss they’d suffered from the hit-and-run.

  Rowan seemed oblivious to Jude’s scrutiny, adorably nibbling his lower lip as he pondered. So Jude kept feasting his eyes, committing to memory, storing up images for a long winter of separation. He noticed now that Rowan had gotten leaner, hungrier, somehow. A new line or two was etched into the corner of his eyes; a few new scars scored his knuckles. A couple silver strands had invaded the dark hair at his temples. Their year apart hadn’t treated Rowan well at all, either, it seemed. It didn’t make Jude feel any better.

  “What’s that?” Jude pointed at two tiny blue marks on Rowan’s left wrist that had been hidden under his watch strap.

  To Jude’s utter shock, color crept over Rowan’s cheeks. “Oh, that. You know, just another tattoo.”

  Jude peered closer at the two small marks. More Chinese calligraphy. “That ink must be pretty important to risk violating grooming standards.”

  Rowan shrugged with feigned nonchalance. “My watch covers it.”

  “I don’t remember it from…before. What does this one mean?”

  Jude was fascinated by how deeply Rowan was turning red.

  “Ro?”

  “It means…strength. Have strength. I got it after—” Rowan pushed out a breath of air. “After our split.”

  “Oh.”

  Jude didn’t know what to say. He was honestly blown away. Jude had been devastated in the aftermath of the split; he’d never stopped to consider that Rowan might have been equally as shattered.

  Rowan was staring at the tiny marks, face blank, mouth tight. That meant Rowan was upset and trying to hide it. Jude couldn’t take back the past. But he could offer the comfort of his lips, which he gave, and of his hands, which he laid on Rowan’s body.

  Rowan returned the kiss willingly. It deepened, a slow slide of skin and breath and saliva and Rowan. He tasted so damn good. Jude let his hand travel to the back of Rowan’s neck to angle him more conveniently so he could dive further into the wet wonder of his mouth. Rowan’s hands fluttered over Jude’s shoulder, his chest, his throat, like he couldn’t decide where to settle to touch.

  “You idiot.” Rowan sighed when they broke the kiss. His forehead was against Jude’s like he couldn’t bear to break skin-on-skin contact. Jude’s flesh heartily agreed. “You should have trusted me enough to tell me what was going on with you and the panic attacks instead of pushing me away. You should have given me a chance.”

  “Maybe. Or maybe you would have pulled further away, had I told you.”

  Rowan said nothing for a long moment. Then he stirred and a space opened up between them again. “Maybe I would have,” he finally admitted.

  Jude let the hurt wash through him at Rowan’s admission, then let it go. He savored the closeness of what they had now, this minute. This one golden night.

 
“I don’t know where this is going,” Jude said softly. “I don’t know if we can forgive each other. I just know that tonight you’re the only thing that matters.”

  Rowan’s breath hitched. He linked his fingers through Jude’s. Jude brought Rowan’s wrist up to his mouth, and kissed the ink decorating Rowan’s pulse.

  “How did I ever let you go?” Rowan murmured wonderingly, his half-mast eyes watching Jude slowly taste his skin. Rowan’s awakening arousal was and always would be the sexiest thing Jude would ever see. “I should have asked more questions, busted down that wall of yours—”

  Jude stopped his self-recriminations with a kiss. “It is what it is, Ro. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past year, it’s to enjoy the now while we’re in it.”

  “You’re right.” Rowan surged to his feet, bringing Jude with him. He pressed their hips together so Jude could feel Rowan’s stiffening dick. “Let’s go enjoy the fuck out of the now.”

  This time when they lay on Rowan’s bed, it was Rowan who surged over Jude, arranging Jude’s limbs in a convenient pattern so Rowan could wallow on top of him. Jude relaxed, soaking in the feel of Rowan’s hands, committing them to memory. He never realized how much he responded to touch—no, not just anyone’s touch; Rowan’s touch—before it had been snatched from him. He wouldn’t take the privilege for granted ever again, if they could somehow continue seeing each other.

  Deliberately Jude shut that line of thought down. He had no idea if Rowan wanted more than what they had tonight. Jude wouldn’t assume. He couldn’t—wouldn’t do that to himself, or ask Rowan for more than he could give right now.

  So Jude forced himself to relax under Rowan’s intense gaze as Rowan hands skimmed the length of his body while he watched Jude’s reactions closely. Jude’s breath caught over and over as Rowan touched a sensitive or ticklish spot. It was the most sensual thing ever. Jude knew he was practically purring from Rowan’s petting.

  “You’re driving me crazy,” Jude got out thickly.

  “I’m investigating.” Rowan flicked one of Jude’s nipples. “Do you still like that?”

  Jude gasped.

  “Or this?” Rowan’s thumb rubbed the silky area above Jude’s hipbones.

  Jude’s whole body jerked like it had been struck with a Taser. “That tickles!”

  Rowan chuckled. “Oh yeah, now I remember.”

  “Jerk,” Jude answered around a grin.

  Eventually Rowan’s hands quested lower. Jude’s dick twitched in anticipation, but Rowan’s fingers drifted past to Jude’s legs. He lifted Jude’s bad leg until it was bent. Rowan pressed his lips to the inside corner of Jude’s knee. Any words Jude might have formed strangled in his throat.

  Rowan’s hand ran up and down Jude’s thigh and deliberately fingered the jagged scar. “Does it hurt?”

  Jude swallowed. He considered, then discarded, the impulse to play it off. “Yeah. It does. Not by you now, but just in general.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I know you are.”

  “I should have done more—”

  “Forget it. It’s the past. Here and now, Ro.”

  After a beat, Rowan repeated, “Here and now.”

  Rowan ran his hands over Jude’s torso, into the dip between his pecs and downward. Jude’s legs fell to either side of Rowan’s shoulders in blatant invitation. “Kiss me,” Jude said huskily, tugging. He’d worry about sounding needy later. “I want you to kiss me. You’re too far away down there.”

  Instantly, Rowan traveled back up the length of Jude’s body for the kiss. Jude palmed the back of Rowan’s neck and angled him for his incursion. Chins scraped, and Rowan’s wet, hot mouth was perfect as it slid over Jude’s. Jude nipped and suckled Rowan’s lower lip until it was swollen. He pulled back slightly, examining his work with satisfaction. There. Now Rowan looked the way Jude liked him best: hair rumpled, pupils blown, skin flushed, lips slick and puffy from kisses, a little desperate.

  Rowan’s eyes were glazed as he peered into Jude’s face. “You’re so beautiful. You know that?”

  “Me?” Jude scoffed weakly, even as surprised pleasure flowed through him. He ran his palms over Rowan’s back and down to the swell of Rowan’s superb ass. “You’re the supermodel in this duo.”

  Rowan didn’t seem to hear. “So damn beautiful, it hurts to look at you sometimes,” he breathed as he settled between Jude’s legs. His hard cock brushed up against Jude’s, leaving a trail of moisture, seeking, nudging. Then he began to move lower.

  Jude hissed when Rowan began licking a stripe down the center of Jude’s stomach. He moved lower still and Jude’s gut tightened in anticipation. “Your taste is so good.” He licked the bead of moisture welling out of Jude’s cockhead, drawing a strangled curse out of Jude. “You smell so good.” Rowan pressed his face against the nest of auburn curls at Jude’s groin and inhaled.

  Jude was riveted, staring at Rowan like a landed fish. Rowan’s tactile worship of Jude’s big lumbering body was the sexiest thing he’d ever experienced.

  Rowan’s fingers skimmed over Jude’s pecs, up his thighs, stopping to finger the scar marking Jude’s left leg again before traveling over his abs to settle on his hips. “I love the way you feel.” Without warning, he engulfed Jude’s cock in his hot, wet mouth, and took him all the way down.

  An oath knocked against Jude’s teeth. All he could do was arch up into that moist heaven. Lust surged through him, his eyes filled with the sight of Rowan’s sculpted shoulders rippling as Rowan lifted Jude’s hips closer to his mouth. His nerve endings sizzled as Rowan sucked, drawing shudders of pleasure. Jude’s hands wandered aimlessly over the duvet cover until they moved like magnets to Rowan’s head. He plunged them into Rowan’s hair, holding Rowan’s head as he fucked Rowan’s mouth. The sounds Rowan was making sent sparks shooting up Jude’s spine.

  It felt so damn good, he never wanted Rowan to stop. But it had been too long since Rowan had touched him in this way. Jude’s balls lifted. “Baby, I’m close,” he breathed in warning. “You’re gonna make me come. Is that what you want, for me to shoot in your mouth?”

  Rowan tightened his lips around Jude’s shaft, leaving him with no doubts. He fingered Jude’s hole with a wicked fingertip before he cupped Jude’s balls. His eyes were amber slits of fire as he watched pleasure steamroll Jude.

  “Oh fuck, I’m coming…ohgodohgodohhhh!” Jude’s chest heaved as his orgasm punched up from his groin and through his dick. The feeling was intensified by the sight of Rowan between his legs, swallowing Jude’s load, eyes drifted shut now, moaning as Jude emptied himself until his vision grayed out.

  After a long moment flying around the stars, Jude’s orgasm subsided. He sprawled on the bed, dizzy from coming his brains out. He sucked in deep breaths of air, trying to get his heart to regulate. “Holy shit,” he breathed. Without a doubt, this was the sexiest blowjob he’d ever experienced.

  A chuckle. Jude cracked an eye open to see Rowan regarding him with a smug expression.

  “Did I blow…your mind?” Rowan remarked, suggestively licking his lips.

  “Yeah, you did. C’mere.” Jude tugged at Rowan. Rowan came willingly, and Jude kissed him, tasting. He ran his hands over Rowan’s hips, and urged him to move over Jude. “Now it’s your turn to feel good.” Jude ran his mouth down Rowan’s throat to his chest. He kept tugging, urging Rowan to straddle his shoulders and scootch up toward Jude’s mouth. Jude pulled a pillow under his head. He was going to give Rowan the b.j. of his life.

  Confusion darkened Rowan’s expression at first until understanding cleared his face. “Oh, yeah,” he breathed as Jude’s mouth hovered over his erection. “Yeah,” he repeated as Jude deliberately ghosted a warm puff of air over the tip straining toward Jude’s lips.

  Jude gripped Rowan’s thighs and took him.

  “Fuuuuuck,” Rowan breathed as his cock disappeared between Jude’s lips. He scrabbled at the headboard, looking for purchase. “It’s so good, baby.” H
e moved his hips, a shallow, slight thrust, nudging his slick cockhead against the roof of Jude’s mouth. “So, so good…”

  Jude breathed deeply through his nose, filling his lungs with Rowan’s scent. He dug his fingers into Rowan’s ass, urging him.

  Rowan groaned, thighs quivering as Jude sucked him off. “This is so hot, goddamn. You sucking me like this, it’s…oh God. It’s so good. Jude. I can’t…I’m not gonna last.”

  Jude dragged his teeth over the tip of Rowan’s dick and nibbled. Rowan cried out. Jude then went all the way down until Rowan’s cockhead grazed the back of his throat. Then he jacked Rowan’s shaft a few times with his big palm. Just like that, Rowan was coming, shooting down Jude’s throat in warm jets. Jude sucked and swallowed while Rowan cursed and pleaded and made promises to several deities and called Jude beautiful in a broken voice.

  Rowan trembled when he finished emptying himself, hanging onto the headboard like a timber in a storm-tossed sea. Reluctantly, Jude released Rowan’s softened cock, and Rowan melted down into Jude’s arms, boneless. They lay, hearts thumping together, before Rowan lifted his head for a kiss. They shared the taste of each other’s spent pleasure.

  Jude felt utterly peaceful as he gathered Rowan to him, unwilling to break skin-on-skin contact. Rowan seemed happy to let Jude arrange him for sleep, the way they used to, Jude’s arm under Rowan’s neck with Rowan’s head pillowed on Jude’s shoulder. Puzzle pieces fitting together, Jude thought. Key into lock.

  “I missed you,” Rowan whispered, so softly Jude wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. But Jude placed a gentle kiss on Rowan’s forehead, anyway. The last bit of tension totally went from Rowan as he slipped into sleep.

  Jude knew he shouldn’t grow too accustomed to this feeling of contentment. Everything was usually different the morning after. But Jude’s last moment of awareness before sleep claimed him was of Rowan’s huffing snores against Jude’s neck, and Rowan’s hand curled over Jude’s heart.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  The chime of a cellphone needled into Jude’s consciousness. It wasn’t Jude’s ringtone. Then he realized he wasn’t in his own bed, and there was a warm body snuggled up against his back.