Julien's Book

by Casey McMillin

  Julien would normally consider himself a reasonable person, but as he drove to Shea's house he talked to himself out loud like a lunatic. He told himself that everything that was going on was still well within range of normal coincidence, which was obviously a lie.

  He pulled into Shea's driveway going about twenty miles an hour, and his Jeep skidded to a stop before he put it in park and climbed down in a hurry. His long strides covered the distance between his Jeep and her front door within a matter of seconds, and he pounded on it with a heavy fist.

  Less than a minute later, Shea came outside in her pajamas looking at Julien with an expression that was more worried than annoyed.

  "Fucking Justin Timberlake!" he shouted. "Why'd it have to be mother fucking Justin Timberlake?"

  Shea's expression turned into one of annoyance as she closed the door behind her. "Julien you need to keep it down out here." She swung her right hand out and pointed at the window that was behind her. "My kids are sleeping in this bedroom right here. They probably heard everything you just said. What in the world is going on? Are you drunk?"

  "No I'm not drunk." He raked his fingers across the sides of his head with both hands in a frustrated gesture. He was standing a few stairs down from her on ground level, and she was on her porch looking down at him with her arms crossed. He began to pace back and forth. "What made you write what you wrote, Shea?" His voice was still booming in spite of his efforts to keep it quiet. "Are you some kind of fucking witch or something? Because I didn't sign up for that."

  "Shhhh, Julien, God, my kids can hear you! And no, I'm not a freaking witch. I'd appreciate it if you never call me that again. What the hell's going on with you? Is this about that girl at the gym? I heard you had another one. I'm sorry about that. I never dreamed—"

  "It's not another Nadine," he said, looking up at her. "She's the real one." He started pacing again. He went back and forth in front of her porch. "She's exactly the girl in the book, Shea. The fucking book is coming true, and I'm living in it like a puppet. Fifteen minutes ago, I kissed her with that damn Justin Timberlake song playing. It was like I couldn't stop myself. We were sitting in my Jeep, and she said she had to be going, and I did it. I kissed her during that Mirrors song just like the book said."

  Shea gasped and put a hand over her mouth. "Yeah, but in the book you're not in a car when it happened."

  "In the book I have brown eyes and I live in an apartment downtown. In the book I don't even have a Jeep or a dog, but that's not the point." Julien tried to gather his thoughts. Shea just waited for him to continue. He climbed onto the porch and stared Shea down. "Look at me in my eyes and tell me you're not some kind of witch."

  "Julien, I told you not to say that again. No, I'm not a witch. Now tell me what's going on."

  "How did you think of the things you wrote in that book? Did like an angel come whisper in your ear or something?"

  "No, God, Julien," she said. "It's not the Bible, it's just a romance novel." She tried to smile, but he was clearly not in the mood. "I just made it up!"

  "What made you call her Nadine LaBelle?" Julien's tone was that of a police officer questioning a suspect.

  Shea looked at him defensively. "I just Googled French girl names and it was on the list. Nadine had a nice ring to it. I could imagine it sounding good when she introduced herself in a French accent."

  "What about LaBelle? What made you choose that name?"

  "It means fair, or good-looking, or something like that," she sputtered. "It's a romance, remember?"

  "Yes, I fucking remember, Shea, but your little romance novel is happening to me in my Jeep and at my job, and I'm starting to get a little nervous."

  "She could be faking it Julien, did you ever think of that?"

  He looked at her through narrowed eyes. "Of course I thought of that. It's the very first thing I thought of and what I've been telling myself for the past few weeks since she came in. She's not faking it, Shea."

  "How do you know?"

  "She has the same name, which is easy enough to fake, but she looks just like the Nadine you described in the book, and there's no way to fake that."

  "I heard about that," Shea said. "Brad said she was a dead ringer, but that could be what gave her the idea in the first place."

  "What idea?"

  "The idea to change her name and come here to meet the real Julien."

  Julien stared at her. "She's not lying to me. She's never read the book and her God-given name's Nadine LaBelle. The sooner you get that through your head, the sooner we'll be able to talk about the important stuff."

  "I think what you just said qualifies as important stuff, Julien. You realize that's a major statement, right?"

  "Yes, I realize it's major, Shea. Why the hell else would I come here like this?"

  Shea stared ahead, trying to wrap her mind around what Julien had just said.

  "She's a teacher at that French school," he continued, "and she's got an ex-boyfriend." His tone was somber, and Shea knew he wasn't saying any of this lightly. Julien was an intelligent, guarded type of person, and Shea was struck dumb by the way he seemed to believe Nadine was real.

  One of the first thoughts she had when the idea started to turn over in her head was that the news didn't really surprise her all that much. She'd never based so much of a character on a real person, and she could distinctly remember the thought crossing her mind that the story she wrote could come true for Julien. Shea's knees buckled, and she collapsed onto her porch in a heap. Silent tears started to fall down her cheeks.

  Julien got down on one knee. "What? What, Shea? Tell me what you know. What happened when you were writing that book?"

  "Nothing," she said defensively. "I mean, there's nothing to tell other than the book was different than others I've written."

  "How? Tell me how it was different."

  "I feel like you're waiting for me to say it was divinely inspired or something, and that's definitely not how it was. It's just that your character was easy because I basically took some aspects of the real you and just sort of romanticized accordingly. And Nadine, well she was easy because she just was." Shea stared at the fern that was sitting by her front door as she thought back. "It usually takes some effort for me to get to know the ins and outs of my characters' personalities, you know, lots of thinking, but hers happened instantly in my mind. It's like I just knew her. That whole book came to me so fast, I remember joking with my husband about my hands not being able to type fast enough. It was crazy."

  Julien repositioned himself sitting on her porch next to her and they remained in comfortable silence for a minute as they each contemplated what the other had said.

  Chapter 9

  "You sure you believe her?" Shea asked one more time. She couldn't help herself. The idea of a real Nadine was mind-boggling.

  He didn't answer her; he just stared at her with an expression that said he wouldn't be sitting here having this big dramatic scene otherwise.

  "I'm sorry," she said. "It's just unbelievable."

  "I know it's unbelievable," he said. He thought for a minute then added, "I'm really worried about the ex."

  "Are you serious? You don’t think—"

  "I don't know, but there's an ex in France she'd like to avoid. She said that was one reason she came here to study."

  "Is his name Pierre?" Shea asked.

  "I don't know. I couldn't ask her without being obvious. I was already pushing it with the questions."

  "Do you even think it's possible for that aspect of the book to come true?" She asked. "I mean, what are the chances that something like that would happen in real life?"

  Julien threw his hands up. "What are the chances that any of this would happen?"

  Just then the front door opened, and Shea's husband peered out at the pair of them. "Everything okay?" he asked.

  Shea forced a smile. "Yeah, just book stuff. I'll tell you later."

  Chris looked them over to make sure he was okay with t
he state of affairs. "The kids are sleeping and I'm not far behind them. I have an eight o'clock class."

  "Okay, I'm gonna talk to Julien for a little bit. I'll be right out here if you need me."

  Chris gave them a nod. "Night," he said.

  "Night babe," Shea said.

  Julien smiled and gave him a little wave, and the author's husband pulled the door closed leaving them on the porch alone.

  "Were you being serious about that Justin Timberlake song?" she asked.

  Of all the things she could have asked, he hadn't expected that.

  "Yes," he said.

  She gave him a confused look. "That's so random. How'd that even happen?"

  "We were sitting in my Jeep talking when that song came on. I recognized it as the one from the book, but it was just barely in the background and we were just talking about all sorts of different stuff, so I didn't think much of it. Then, this other song started playing where he said 'you are the love of my life' over and over again, and before I knew it, she was saying she had to leave, and I was kissing her."

  "That's still the same song."

  "What?" Julien asked.

  "That part where he says 'you are the love of my life' is just the last part of that same song."

  "I know," he said. "I downloaded it after I read the book."

  "Why'd you say another song came on?"

  Julien shrugged. "I don't know. Part of me just wanted to think that it didn't happen just like the book."

  "It didn't," Shea said. "In the book, you guys were at the gym"

  "We were at the gym," Julien said.

  "You know what I'm talking about. In the book, you were inside the gym." Julien breathed a humorless laugh.

  "Shea. There's a real girl named Nadine. She's French, and she's a teacher, and I kissed her to the exact same song you wrote about. I think a little detail like where it happened isn't really that important."

  Shea sighed a deep, thoughtful sigh. "I'm sorry Julien. I wish I had more to tell you. I really did think I was making it up, just like all my other books. Sure, it came easy to me, but it was just another story, just like any of the others." She paused for a minute. "Okay, so let's just imagine for a second that the book is, in fact, coming true. You're still at the very beginning of it. Can't you just try to avoid her? If you never get to know her, you can stop the whole chain of events from happening."

  "That's the thing," he said.

  "What?"

  "I don't think I want to."

  "You don't want to avoid her?"

  "No."

  Shea buried her face in her hands. "Julien, are you in love with this girl?"

  Julien was quiet for several long seconds. "I'm not sure I know what love is, but I feel something."

  This news affected Shea more than anything they'd said up until that point. She'd gotten to know Julien during the past year, and he flat-out wasn't the type to say he felt something for a girl—especially after one encounter. This was highly irregular.

  Shea's face was still buried in her hands when she spoke. Her voice was unsteady, showing how overwhelmed she was "I'm speechless, Julien. I have to admit, it crossed my mind when I wrote the book, but it was just a passing thought. I actually laughed at myself for even thinking about it for a second."

  "You mean you thought it might come true when you wrote it?" he asked.

  "No, not like that. It's just that I used so many real details about you—your name, your birthmark, your job… Of course it crossed my mind that the real Nadine might show up, but God, I never really thought it would happen. I don't know what to say."

  "I don't know either," he said.

  "Are you scared?" she asked.

  He shrugged. "I wouldn't call it scared, freaked out, maybe. There's just so much that's different than the book and so much that's exactly the same. I don't know how to feel."

  "I don't blame you. And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I never meant—"

  "Why'd you write what you did about the ex-boyfriend?"

  Even though Shea had been expecting that question, she didn't have an answer for it. In Julien's Book, Pierre Bellard, Nadine's psycho ex-boyfriend travels to Louisiana, bursts in on her twenty-second birthday celebration, and opens fire in Nadine's direction. Before they could apprehend him, Nadine sustained life-threatening injuries. She fought for her life, having multiple surgeries and spending some time on life support. In the hospital was where Julien first realized how much he loved her. There was a big dramatic scene where Julien cried and yelled over her hospital bed, but she just wouldn't wake up. Nadine's conditioned stabilized, but she remained in a coma. Julien stayed by her side—except when he traveled to France to take care of some business.

  Pierre Bellard was sentenced to a five-year prison term, but he pleaded insanity, and ended up spending two years in rehab. Julien followed Pierre's trial and release, and when the whole thing was said and done, he went to France, hunted Pierre down, and killed him with his bare hands. Nadine LaBelle remained in a coma for over five years, and when she woke up, Julien Breaux was right by her side.

  Of course, that was all just stuff Shea cooked up to make her story action packed, suspenseful, dramatic, and whatnot. Never in a million years did she ever dream a word of it would come true. In the book, Julien and Nadine lived happily ever after, but only after all that shitty stuff happened. The unspoken question Julien had asked Shea was: Why'd you have to go and write all the shitty stuff?

  "It was just the story line that came to me, Julien. I don't know what else to say. There was no rhyme or reason to the way I came up with it. I knew I wanted some action, some angst, you know. I thought it was romantic that he'd wait for her to wake up."

  "It's not really romantic now that she's a real girl."

  "No, it's not. That's what I mean by stopping the process now. If you just stay away from her, there's no way any of this could happen."

  "I don't want to stay away from her, Shea."

  "God, Julien, even with all things considered? Don't you think you're taking a gamble getting involved?"

  Julien put his head in his hand. "I'm already involved."

  Shea sighed. "She definitely shouldn't read the book."

  "Obviously," Julien said. "The way things are going, she'll really have an ex named Pierre who's out to get her. Reading the book will do nothing but make her live in fear."

  "What if she does have an ex out to get her?" Shea asked.

  "That's an excellent question," Julien said. "I haven’t really had too much time to think about that since I'm still trying to comprehend that the girl from the book was in my fucking Jeep tonight."

  "I can't believe it either."

  "Well, we have to believe it because if any amount of this crazy ex-boyfriend storyline comes true, then Nadine's in real danger."

  "I just can't imagine that any of that stuff would come true," Shea said.

  "Well I'm sure you didn't imagine me grabbing her by the back of the head and kissing her during that song tonight either, but that sure as shit happened. I tried, but I couldn't stop myself even though I knew it would be making the words of the book true."

  "There's so much that's different, though." Shea kept thinking about all the details of the book that were made up. She really thought it was just the work of her imagination. They spent several minutes in silence, just contemplating their own stuff.

  "She's probably going to read it," Shea said. "I know I would."

  "She promised me she wouldn't," Julien said, "and I believed her. I told her the main characters had our names and I didn't want her to read it because I was afraid it would change things between us."

  "And she bought that?"

  "It wasn't like that. She doesn't care about the book because I told her it was no big deal. She likes me and promised she wasn't gonna read it."

  Shea squinted into the darkness and massaged her eyebrows as if she had a headache. "I sorry about all this, Julien. If I had it to do all over again,
I'd never write that part about her getting shot. Hell, I wouldn't have even written the book if I'd have known."

  Her tone was so sorrowful that Julien put an arm around her shoulders. "It's not your fault," he said. "No one could have ever dreamed this would really happen."

  "I wish you'd consider not getting involved," she said.

  "It's already too late."

  ****

  Julien and Shea spent over an hour on her porch talking, but he left her house as confused as when he arrived. She said the story came to her more naturally than any of her other books had, but even that was sort of a disappointment compared to what Julien had expected her to say. He thought she'd tell him there was some big master plan and give him his role to play in the rescuing of the real Nadine.

  That didn't happen. Shea had no clue what was going on, which scared Julien even more than if she had. He went home with an unsettled feeling, and the first thing he did was get the paperback copy of Julien's Book off his bookshelf. It was a signed copy Shea had given him when the book released, and he'd read it at least three times. He regarded it as if it might be capable of growing a face and talking to him. He opened it to the first page and read the lines. It was a silly poem Shea had come up with about him called Ode to Julien.

  He started at the beginning, and read the whole book word for word in one setting. By the time he was finished, he was more convinced than ever that the girl he had in his Jeep earlier in the night was his Nadine.

  He felt overcome by a sense of dread at the thought that she could be in danger, but tried to tell himself that even if she was his fairytale come true, the ex-boyfriend could be one of those details in the book that wouldn't really happen. After all, he had blue eyes instead of brown, and there were countless other differences between his real life and the book.

  Julien went to bed that night with his head swimming with thoughts of Nadine. It was becoming harder and harder to separate fiction from reality. Something undeniable was there with her, though. Something strong enough to convince him she was worth whatever gamble he was taking. He fell asleep with delirious thoughts.