by Maisey Yates
“Not like Cade.”
“Yeah. Anyway . . . I met Shawna and I was done. After dating for a full two weeks, I thought . . . ‘Why not be crazy for once?’ I was just . . . consumed by her, you know? By attraction, lust; but I thought it was love. So we drove to Vegas and got married. I pretty much knew it was a dumbass move a couple months in, but . . . marriage. It was important. Sacred. So I tried to make it work. Slept on the couch a lot. Banked some sperm to try and keep her happy while I delayed having kids. Then my dad died and things got really busy for me running the ranch. She got mean and possessive of the estate, which she thought should have been ours, code for hers, since I was the oldest.”
He let out a long breath. “About the time she screamed at Lark for ‘taking’ something that had belonged to my mother—a necklace Shawna felt entitled to—I kicked her ass out of my house and told her I never wanted to see her again.”
“Wow. What a—”
“Yeah. I know.”
“And right after your dad died that—”
“Yeah, I know. Anyway, I had my family. They’re all I need.”
“Speaking of your family . . . when are we going to tell them?”
“Soon,” he said, his gut seizing up at the thought.
It was quiet for a moment, then he felt Kelsey shift beside him. “Do they know . . . Do they know you banked your sperm?”
“Did I tell them that I banked my sperm to keep my crazy-ass wife happy? No,” he said. “There is no easy way to start that conversation with your brother and sister.”
Kelsey laughed and the sound moved through him, made the hairs on his arms stand up, made his heart beat faster. “No. I guess not. Side note: I’ve never used the word ‘sperm’ in polite, or impolite, conversation so many times in my life as I have with you over the past few weeks.”
“It’s not really the best focal point for a conversation.”
She wrinkled her nose. “No. Not really.”
She turned away from the view and leaned up against the rail. Her breasts pushed against her top, round and so very enticing. She made him feel. Made him feel lust, desire. She made him feel like a man again. Reminded him why being a man was so damn good.
The realization made his chest knot up tight.
After the confrontation with Cade about the money, after the years of trying to just hold everything together, trying to get through the day, she made him feel like he might want to do something crazy again.
Nothing very honorable. Nothing that extended too far beyond wanting to see her naked. And that just couldn’t happen. There was no ignoring the complications, the circumstances. Circumstances that were bound to create some heightened feelings. Heightened desires, which he had a feeling were his problem.
“Your fiancé was a moron,” he said, because it was true, regardless of whether or not he could ever act on his attraction to her.
She looked up at him, blue eyes wide, full lips parted. “How do you know that?”
“Because that’s a jackass way to behave. Cowardly. I don’t have any respect for a man who cheats on a woman he’s made a commitment to. You’re smart, you’re . . . probably really funny when you’re not sick and grumpy.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re probably prettier than she was.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Well, I’m not blind.” He let himself look at her curves. Really look. Her breasts—breasts that made his body ache—her slim waist, rounded hips. It was easy to imagine just how perfectly they would fit in his hands. He could grip her hips, pull her to him, let him feel the effect she was having on his body.
And damn, was she having an effect. And just for a moment, he wanted to enjoy it. Not deny it. Just a for a little bit. He wouldn’t do anything. He would just look. He would just let himself feel the effect she was having on him.
Harmless.
She blushed—actually blushed—the light from the house revealing the spots of pink as they bled across her cheeks.
“Thank you. I appreciate the compliment. I’ve felt . . . well, less than attractive lately,” she said, biting her lip. He wanted to be the one biting that lip.
The desire was suddenly so strong, and he’d spent so long denying that part of himself, that he nearly lost every ounce of his control then and there. He tightened his hands into fists, holding them firmly at his sides.
Control. He wasn’t some horny teenage kid. He was thirty-three years old, and he ought to have control over his body. He knew what happened when people lost control. They married the first person that came along. Or they cheated on their wife. And he was not that guy.
But damn. She made him forget all that.
He relaxed his hands, lifted one and tucked a strand of wispy blonde hair behind her ear. She didn’t move; she only looked at him. He wondered if she felt it too. The attraction. He couldn’t feel anything else. His body was wound so tight he was afraid he would explode then and there. If she touched him . . . he would be gone.
His cock hardened and he shifted, trying to relieve the pressure as the seam on his jeans bit into his erection.
She swallowed, her eyes dropping to his lips. And he knew she felt it too.
It was tempting. It was very tempting. To lean in and taste those lips. To press her soft body against his. To find that part of himself that he’d been missing for so long. For once, when he thought of sex, he didn’t automatically think of getting yelled at or manipulated. Didn’t think of where that road had led in the past. Everything, every other experience, seemed to be gone. He just thought of how soft Kelsey’s skin would be.
But it was stupid too. Because she was pregnant with his baby. Because about the only thing that made that situation tenable was the fact that they were able to be civil to each other. The fact that, unlike most people who had children together and weren’t couples, they didn’t have baggage. They didn’t have a flame of love or desire that had burned out.
They had the potential to be friends. To be partners in the raising of their child. And sex would screw it up. Big time.
He lowered his hand and took a step back. “Are you ready to go back inside?”
She shook her head and blinked, as if she was coming out of a trance. He imagined he looked a lot the same. Only maybe a bit more like he’d been smacked upside the head with a two-by-four.
“Yeah. That’s . . . fine. I . . .” She clasped her hands in front of her. “Are you okay?”
“What?” he asked, ignoring the throbbing in his body. “Fine.”
“You’ve been . . . I’ve barely talked to you over the past few days. And I’m leaving on Sunday.”
“I know.”
“So, I just wanted to make sure you . . . That you hadn’t changed your mind.”
“About?”
“About the baby.”
The arousal that had been coursing through his veins abated.
Hello, reality. “Do you want me to change my mind?”
“I . . . no.”
That was progress. “Good. And no. No, I won’t change my mind. Ever. A child isn’t like a puppy. I won’t ever just decide that being a dad’s not for me. Because”—his throat tightened—“because I realized that whether or not I choose to be in his life, I am this baby’s father. Not being around . . . I would still be his dad. Just his deadbeat dad that was too damned scared and selfish to be there for him.” Like his father had done to the other child. The other child he’d never known. Who was younger than him and Cade, older than Lark. A kid his father had ignored because he’d been too afraid to face up to his mistakes.
She shook her head. “I wouldn’t have seen it that way. But now that you’ve decided to do this . . . I’m really glad. To have your support. To have your help. I think I’ll need it. And I think you’re going to be a really good dad.”
He snorted. “Don’t speak too soon. There will be plenty of chances for me to screw things up.”
“So I’ll see you tomorrow then.�
�
“Yeah.” His heart rate picked up. She really did make him feel more like a kid than a grown man. Although the desire she made him feel was certainly a man’s desire. “Do you want to have lunch with me tomorrow?”
“Lunch?”
“Yeah. A picnic. I want to show you this place . . . I’ll show you. What sounds good to you?”
She puckered her lips and twisted them to the side. “Hmmm . . . roast beef sandwiches? Doable?”
“More than. Beef we’ve got.”
“Then it’s a date,” she said. “I mean . . . not a date date. Clearly we don’t need . . . There’s no need for that. That’s not what I meant.”
“No, I know. But yeah, it’s . . . a plan.”
“A plan.”
“See you then.”
“Yeah.”
And as long as he could keep his body in check, things might keep going smoothly between them.
Chapter Nine
“You’re leaving soon,” Tyler said.
Alexa stiffened as Tyler moved behind her. Her entire body was on red alert. How did he do it? How did he make her react like he did? She liked men. She liked sex. But she always had control over herself. Over who she wanted and when.
He took it from her. This stupid twenty-four year old kid who really, really didn’t seem like a kid at all.
She turned from where she was standing on the front porch. She was holding the flashlight, ready to head back to the cabin, hoping Kelsey would be joining her at some point. But she’d seen Cole follow her friend out onto the back deck, and she wasn’t about to interrupt that.
“Yeah, I know we are.”
“I’ll be sorry to see you go.”
“Aha. So it wasn’t all in my mind.”
He wasn’t detoured by her joke. His face stayed serious, his eyes intent on hers. “Of course it wasn’t. I’m going to kiss you now, all right?”
“Uh . . .” All of the breath left her body. “No. No, it’s really not all right.”
He backed away. “Suit yourself.”
“No! I mean . . . Oh, please just kiss me.”
He leaned in, his lips touching hers. Heat exploded in her stomach—that desire, that intense, uncontrollable desire, burning like a gasoline fueled fire.
When they parted, they were both breathing hard.
“Do you have a room? Somewhere private? I don’t have . . . I don’t know when Kelsey will come back to the cabin.”
He nodded. “Yes. I do. But not tonight.” He tipped his hat and smiled, turning away from her.
“What?”
He turned back to her. “I said not tonight. I haven’t even taken you out to dinner; I’m not taking you to bed. And if the men you usually date would be willing to do something like that . . . I’d reevaluate.”
“What if I want to?”
“I don’t,” he said, shrugging.
“Liar.”
“Not lying. I don’t do casual sex. But I do like you. A lot. So if you want to have dinner with me tomorrow, away from the ranch, I’d love to take you out.”
“I . . .” Alexa’s stomach fluttered, and she had no idea when her stomach had learned a trick like that. “Yes. I’d . . . I’ll have dinner with you.”
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.” He inclined his head and walked away from her, leaving her standing there, gripping the flashlight.
“Son of a bitch,” she whispered.
Chapter Ten
“I didn’t know they made picnic baskets like that,” Kelsey said when Cole showed up at the cabin the next day.
“Huh.” He lifted the wicker basket up to his eye level. “What else would you bring on a picnic?”
“Tupperware? I don’t know. That’s what my mom did.”
“Well, my mom had to bring bigger containers for food when the family ate outdoors. But she used this when she and Dad . . .”
He trailed off, his stomach tightening, at both the memory and the unintended comparison. He wasn’t trying to force him and Kelsey into a version of his family. Not even close. They just needed to be able to figure something out. Just . . . anything would do for now.
Anyway, that wasn’t real. It had all been a lie, a facade. He wondered if his mother had ever known. He hoped not. Damn, but he hoped not.
“I like it,” she said, reaching out and brushing her fingers along the braided wood. “It’s nice. Although, as long as you brought roast beef, you could have wrapped it in a brown paper bag and it would have looked good to me.”
“Wrapped in brown paper, huh? Like porn?”
“Food porn. I’m hungry.”
“It’s an improvement from how sick you were when we first met.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever live that down. I was such a disgusting blob. And you witnessed it.” She grimaced and stepped off the porch. “Not my finest moment.”
“I felt bad for you; I wasn’t really thinking about how looked.”
“Even worse. I was reduced to a pitiable creature instead of a sexual object. No woman likes to hear that.”
“I didn’t think women liked being treated like sex objects either.”
“It’s nice to be considered a sexual being though.”
“Ah. Well . . .” He cleared his throat, a strange kind of heated discomfort filling him. “How about we start with ‘person currently incubating my child’ and work our way up from there?”
She laughed. “Yeah, all things considered, maybe we should begin there.”
“If we just walk around through here there’s a picnic table set up with a nice view. Does that work for you?”
“I follow the meat. And by that I mean the actual meat and not a clumsy euphemism for . . .” Her cheeks flushed. “Well, you get the idea. I’m hungry.”
“Right. This way.”
He turned and followed the path that ran behind the cabins, winding around the mountain and stopping at a clearing. The picnic table was set in a flat space, overlooking the fields and mountains. He loved this place. It was his legacy, the legacy of his family. And for most of his life he’d believed his family history to be as idyllic as the setting.
Ah well, at least he still had the mountains.
Kelsey sat down on the bench, her head tilted back, blonde hair spilling over her shoulders. “Gorgeous,” she said, bathing in the sun. The picture she made, the light casting a glow over her skin, was much more enticing than the scenery.
He looked away and turned his focus back to the food. “Yeah, it’s not bad.” He set the picnic basket on the table and opened it, taking out sandwiches and cans of soda. “Diet?”
She tilted her head and arched an eyebrow. “You saying I’m fat, Mitchell?”
“There is no good way for me to answer that question,” he said. “So I’m not going to.” He sat across from her and picked his sandwich up, filling his mouth with a bite and giving himself even more of an excuse to ignore her question.
“Sneaky.”
He swallowed. “It’s been said.”
“By?”
“No one. But I suppose it’s applicable since I’ve had a woman staying here for two weeks who happens to be carrying my baby and only you, me and Alexa know about it.”
“That’s not all that sneaky, Cole. I asked you to keep it to yourself.”
Cole rubbed the back of his neck, thinking of his earlier confrontation with Cade. He was getting to be a professional omitter of the truth. And that wasn’t who he wanted to be. It wasn’t who he’d been raised to be, which was a man of integrity, a man of purpose, who saw to his commitments and kept his word.
At this point, it was just a joke. Everything he’d been raised to believe was possible about a man and his integrity was a lie.
“If that was the beginning and end of it, it wouldn’t be so bad.”
“What else?” she asked.
Anger, unreasonable and hot, shot through him, and because Kelsey was the only person there, because his father was dead and he was trying to protect Lark
and Cade, and because it was better than the tightening in his groin he felt when she was near, he unleashed it on her. “I didn’t ask you for hand-holding and therapy, Kelsey. You don’t really need my life’s story, do you?”
“No. I don’t need it, but I thought you might give it.”
“Why?”
She let out a long breath. “I don’t know, Cole, maybe because we’re in this . . . unreal position; because we’ve been forced together. But then, here’s the beauty of the situation. I don’t expect a damn thing from you, I don’t know you, I don’t know who you’re supposed to be, who you want to be. So if you want to vent and just let it out, why not do it with me? Lord knows I’ve done it with you. I’ll do it more: I’m scared. I’m sick. I want to cry like . . . all the time. I’m so afraid of what my family is going to say when they find out. I’m afraid I’m going to screw this up. I’m afraid I might be ruining your life and mine and it’s too damn late to do anything about it. There. Honesty. You go.”
He cleared his throat and shifted his weight, looking down at a spot on the table. “There’s just . . . there’s a lot of stuff left over from my dad’s death that no one knows I’m dealing with and it’s getting to be . . . it’s getting to be too much.”
“Ask for help,” she said. Like it was that simple.
He looked back up at her. “Because you’re so good at asking for help?”
She shook her head. “No. I suck at asking for help. But I’m outside the situation looking in, so it’s easy for me to tell you to do it.”
He laughed, a bitter, hollow sound. “Well, you’re honest, Kelsey Noble, I’ll give you that. You’re a pain, but you’re honest.”
“I am honest. And I’m serious. Cole, there’s no shame in needing some help. It sounds like when you lost your dad, you lost . . . It sounds like you lost a lot.”
“We did. Lark was only seventeen. Cade was on the circuit at the time and I think he felt a lot of guilt over being gone. Way more than he should have.”
