by Maisey Yates
“And you were left holding it all up.”
“Yeah. But that’s not the hard part, Kelsey.” He stood, pacing in front of the table. It wasn’t easy to talk about this. Which was why he never did it. “I was . . . I was left as the executor of my father’s estate. Everything was in order at first; at least it seemed like it was. We got the ranch divided equally between us, though we all decided we wouldn’t sell. We got a decent-size chunk of change, which we all decided to reinvest and use to reinvigorate the ranch. Another thing that pissed my wife off.”
“She wanted money.”
“Yeah.”
“And losing her while you were going through all that—”
“Was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Then why did you stay married to her for so long?”
He shook his head. “That’s the other thing about my dad. My dad taught me that a man honored his commitments. A man never walked away. A real man to me was my dad. He stayed with my mom until she died, then he finished raising us. He was tough, but he was fair. He was my hero, Kelsey.”
He sat back down, energy just draining out of him. This, thinking about it, always left him feeling tired.
“Losing him must have been so hard.”
“It was.” He swallowed and looked down at his hands. “In some ways, I feel like I lost him twice. Lark and Cade don’t know this, but a few months ago a debt collector tracked me down. My father owed some money for gambling; insane, since as far as I knew he didn’t gamble. He also owed some money to a bank for a car they’d been unable to repossess. And our inheritance should have gone to pay these debts. Only, we didn’t know about them. In part because my father hadn’t used his real name. It took nearly four years for them to connect the man he said he was in Portland with the man who lived here in Silver Creek.”
“Oh . . . Cole . . . that’s . . . that’s—”
“It gets worse. I also found out that my father had an affair. And that the affair resulted in a child. He bought them a house and a car; part of his debt.”
“Was the child . . . I mean, was it after your mother—”
“No,” he said, his voice rough. “His daughter, who I haven’t met, is older than Lark. Younger than Cade and me.”
“And you don’t want to tell them because . . .”
“Because it doesn’t change a damn thing. It doesn’t fix it. I can’t even yell at the old man, Kelsey; he’s dead. I can’t ask him why. I can’t make it right. He was there for us, he taught us. What about her? He didn’t teach her. He wasn’t there for her.”
“Have you tried to get in touch with her?”
He nodded. “Yeah. She never wrote back. She’s probably angry, and she has a right to be. I’m angry.”
“It must be hard. Not being able to tell anyone.”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah. It is. But I told you.”
“You did.”
Silence settled between them, and Cole waited to feel different. To feel a weight lift off of him or something. It had been nice to say it out loud. To tell her how pissed he was. But the weight was still there. It hadn’t changed the reality any.
“I normally tell all my problems to Alexa. She’s good at listening. At not judging. Well, after she freaks out a little.”
Thank God, she was changing the subject.
“She’s a good friend. Even though she hates my guts.”
“Yes, she is. She was in full support of me dumping Michael when I did. Even though everyone else thought I should give him another chance. I’d lived in sin with him, after all.”
That forced a genuine chuckle out of him. “Lived in sin, eh? I’m starting to get why you haven’t told your parents about the baby.”
She put her face in her hands. “I honestly don’t know which would be worse. Them thinking we hooked up, or them knowing I went and pursued single motherhood on my own.”
“They can think whatever you want them to. I don’t mind either way. Although, all things considered, I . . . I’d rather not tell too many lies. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.”
“You don’t have to be involved with my parents. Not if you don’t want to be. Yes, you’re the father, but you aren’t my boyfriend or husband. My family is my problem.”
“I do,” he said, before he even realized what he was saying. “I do want to be involved. With all of it. We’re talking about really making this work, about making a . . . I don’t know if we’re talking about a family, not in the traditional sense, but we’re in this together, right?”
“I guess.”
“That means I get to help you with parent things, and other unpleasantness. And you have to know my brother.”
She looked down. “That, um . . . seems like a fair trade.”
“Are you okay?”
She looked up, her eyes glistening. “I just . . . I . . .”
“Hey.” He stood up and rounded the picnic table, sitting next to her on the bench. He wrapped his arm around her, the feeling of her, so warm and female and way too tempting, sending a shock of pleasure through him. “Hey, don’t . . . don’t do that.”
“I’m pregnant. It’s a pregnant thing,” she said.
“I’ve never seen you do it.”
“I don’t often.”
“I can tell.”
“I didn’t even cry about Michael. I just bitched and ate a lot of ice cream.”
He laughed and tightened his hold on her, suddenly conscious of the fact that he’d crossed an invisible line. They weren’t really friends. They weren’t lovers. They were acquaintances, and putting his arm around an acquaintance, one he didn’t intend to sleep with anyway, wasn’t something he would normally do.
But she didn’t pull away from him. If anything, she seemed to sort of melt against him. It was the first time she’d willingly accepted something from him without getting stiff and defensive and generally annoyed.
“Sometimes I think I must not have loved him very much. Not the way I thought,” she said slowly.
“Why is that?”
“Because mostly what I took away from that relationship was distrust. I don’t know that I was really heartbroken. It made me not want to pour into anyone. It made me not want to be dependent. But I think from the moment I threw him out of the house, I felt lighter. Better.” She breathed in deeply. “It makes me wonder why I was still with him. What my problem was. Why it’s taken me so long to . . . do something different with my life.”
He didn’t know how they’d arrived at this topic. He wasn’t sure how they’d gotten to the point of sharing intensely personal things at all. But they had. He’d told her his darkest secret, the one that made him wake up in a cold sweat at night. All things considered he supposed that kicked them out of the acquaintance zone and had them edging into the friend zone. Which meant his arm around her shoulders had to be okay. And that was good, because he liked touching her.
“Don’t take what I’m about to say too seriously.” He shifted again, and his hand brushed her breast, sending a hot, reckless sensation through him that made him doubt his recent idea that they’d entered the friend zone. “I mean, because my marriage was a disaster and I apparently come from a lineage of horribly unhealthy relationships.”
“You banked your sperm for that woman,” she said. “You were in the trenches.”
“Actions that are born out of panic don’t really count; I was desperately trying to appease someone and hold together a marriage that never should have been in the first place. So take my advice with a grain of salt,” he said. “Anyway, you didn’t fall out of love with him overnight. It sounds like things lost their shine slowly, and you were comfortable, so you let it be. Him being a cheating asshole actually helped you a little.”
She laughed. “Alexa thinks so too. But it did make me avoid . . . relationships. Men. Which is why thirty hit me and I found myself without a man even in sight. I kept thinking . . . I knew Michael for years before I moved in with him, before I got engaged
to him. And he still screwed me over. Well . . . he screwed someone else, but you get the idea. So I’m like, hell, I’m thirty, and I don’t even know a guy I’d want to sleep with with right now, much less marry or have kids with. And if I did meet him it might take five years for me to be sure . . .”
“Five years?”
“Yes. Marriage is a big deal, and people . . . they can surprise you in all the wrong ways.”
“Preaching to the choir.”
“Well . . . yeah, so we’re both a little commitment-phobic now, right?”
“More than a little.”
“And for good reason.”
He flexed his fingers and fought the urge to put his hand on her stomach. It was a possessive gesture, and he felt a little bit possessive. But it wasn’t right. It wasn’t where they were at. “But you weren’t afraid of the commitment it takes to raise a child. I’m more afraid of that than just about anything. Including marriage.”
“Are you?”
“Hell, yes. Parents are the reasons psychiatrists exist.”
“My parents are probably the leading reason,” she said. “And yours, I guess.”
“I don’t know. Yeah, now, I’m struggling because . . . the things my dad told me . . . he didn’t do any of it, so what did it mean? When we had him, when we had my mom? They were amazing. I don’t know how to reconcile it. And they were gone way too soon. Especially for Lark’s sake. I worry that Cade and me having such a heavy influence on her will completely mess her up.”
She smiled. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re doing a great job comforting me right now.”
“Yeah, I threatened to kill Tyler the other day because I was afraid he’d slept with Lark.”
“You did not!”
“I did. I mean, I didn’t threaten him to his face; just in front of Lark. Just long enough for her to tell me he hadn’t.”
“Be careful, or she won’t tell you anything.”
He sighed. “I would rather if she didn’t. She’s an adult. I don’t want to know.”
“But I mean you can’t freak out when our . . . when our child tells you something.” For some reason her words hit him with a force he hadn’t been expecting.
Their child. Theirs. Some day he or she would be the one sitting on their bed crying. He would have to offer comfort. He would have to have wisdom. He wasn’t sure he had it. Wasn’t sure he knew how to offer any kind of real comfort. But he would have to figure it out.
And he’d have to try and do it part-time, with his child living hours away from him. The thought made his chest burn. Would he ever get used to feeling again? Would it last?
He didn’t want to be that man. The man his father had been. With a whole life away from from his flesh and blood. Like he’d pushed his kid away, like he was ashamed. No, Cole wouldn’t let his child feel unwanted.
He wanted to teach his child the right things, and he damn well wanted to back them up with his actions.
“I can’t think that far ahead,” he said, his voice rough. “How about we take it one day at a time?”
“I’m good with that.”
She looked up at him, their faces close, so close that it would be nothing for him to lean in and brush his lips against hers. As if suddenly conscious of the same thing, Kelsey pulled away from him, smoothing her pale hair with her hands.
Good. At least one of them was thinking.
“So . . . you really want to help me deal with my parents?”
“I do, and . . . I want you to stay longer. Can you do that?” He hadn’t been aware he was going to issue the invitation until it had slipped out.
“I . . . I don’t know if I should.”
“Is work the problem?”
She shook her head. “No, I work at home. I just . . . I don’t know. I’m sure Alexa won’t be able to stay.”
“You know? Somehow I’m okay with that.”
She laughed. “Yeah, and somehow I’m not surprised.”
“What if you stay here for a while. And when you’re ready to tell your parents, they can come up here for a visit. See the ranch. See what I do. Maybe that will make them feel better about the situation.”
“They won’t feel better about the situation until you and I have a legally binding ceremony that unites us in the eyes of God and the United States government,” she said dryly.
He felt the blood run from his face. “Oh.”
“Relax, Cole, I wasn’t proposing.” She put her hand on his shoulder for a second, and when she removed it, the impression of her warmth lingered. Burned.
And for a moment he wondered if marriage wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
Chapter Eleven
“I’m pretty sure he thinks I proposed to him.”
“Oh, Kelsey, what did you do?” Alexa was spread out on the bed in the living area of the cabin, playing a game on her phone.
“I just told him that my parents wouldn’t be happy with the situation until we were married, which was . . . bad.” She lifted her hand and started gnawing on her thumbnail.
“Did he scream and run away in terror?”
“No.”
Alexa shrugged and pushed herself into a sitting position. “Well, you are already pregnant. And he hasn’t run yet, so I think he’s made of more solid stuff than most. But let the record show, I still think he’s a bit of an ass.”
“He’s not though.” She was tempted to tell Alexa about the rest of their conversation earlier, about Cole’s father. But she knew he hadn’t told anyone about it. And sharing it seemed . . . wrong. Which was strange, because normally, even if something was a state secret, she told her best friend anyway. Alexa didn’t count. In Kelsey’s mind telling Alexa had always been the equivalent of writing something in a journal. It was safe, and it was necessary.
But not this. Not now.
“Fine. I’m glad you think so, since you’re having his baby.”
“What about Tyler?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“He barely kissed me. It was like . . . affectionate. I asked him for sex and he practically patted me on the head and sent me off with a lollipop!” Alexa’s cheeks darkened. “Not a euphemistic lollipop either.”
“Are you blushing?”
“No. Maybe. I don’t even think I’m wired to blush. What is he doing to me?” she whined. “I wanted a fling. A literal roll in the hay. And this . . . this . . . kid, who, based on his age—”
“He’s six years younger than you; calm down about that already.”
Alexa shot her a deadly glare. “Based on his age, he should be in that stage of life where he thinks exclusively with his dick.”
“Don’t all men, of all ages?”
Alexa balled her hands into fists. “Yes! So why doesn’t he?”
“Because it’s making you obsess. I want to congratulate him. I think he’s a genius.”
“He’s playing me,” she muttered.
“If it makes you feel better, Cole hasn’t kissed me at all. Not even affectionately.”
“Is that a thing? Are you thinking Cole might kiss you?”
“I don’t know.”
Alexa frowned. “Do you want him to?”
A week ago? No. She would have vomited into his mouth, which wasn’t a commentary on his attractiveness, just on where she was hormonally. But now . . . well, now her hormones were getting . . . perky.
“I don’t . . . No. I don’t think I do. I mean, I’m a little attracted, but all things considered, no. He’s the most complicated man I could get involved with right now, and that’s saying something, because any involvement would be complicated right now. But if I go kissing him, and things don’t work out . . . well, we’ve moved ourselves into a bad position for the baby. Right now? Right now there’s . . . nothing between us.”
“Nothing, huh?”
“We like each other. I mean, we get along okay.”
“But you also kind of wish he’d kiss you.”
“And very celibate,” Alexa said.
“Way too celibate.”
“But you’re not going to go there.”
“No. Anyway, if I did now he’d think I was trying to seal the marriage deal. Blah! I can’t believe I said that. His face lost all color.”
“He’ll get over it,” Alexa said. “Balls of steel that one has.”
Kelsey snorted and sank into one of the dining room chairs. “You’re a class act and a half, Alex. And that’s why I love you.”
Alexa puckered her lips and made a kissing noise. “Love ya back, babe.”
Kelsey breathed in deeply. “He asked me to stay.”
“Here?”
“Yes.”
“For how long?”
“Until . . . until I want to leave, I guess. But he doesn’t want me to go yet, and . . . I’m thinking of accepting the offer.”
“Now he sounds like he’s proposing marriage.”
Kelsey laughed. “Totally not. But . . . I’m happy here. I mean, I feel less stress. The fact that my morning sickness is fading helps, I’m sure, but . . . I feel like my head is clear here, and I don’t feel like it is in Portland. I live in the same house I lived in with Michael. The only house I’ve ever owned. That life feels so stuck. So the same. And I’m changing now. Here, I finally feel like I’m changing inside, not just like I’m forcing a change of circumstance.”
“Heavy.”
She breathed out. “Kind of.”
“I still have to head back to NY though.”
“I know.”
“But you’re satisfied he won’t . . . you know, that he’s not an ax murderer?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s not.”
“Then, if you’re happy, stay.” Alexa shrugged.
“That might be the biggest reason I shouldn’t stay.”
***
It was Sunday. And Cole realized that Kelsey had never given him an answer about whether or not she’d be staying. It surprised him how badly he wanted her to stay.
It was that male possessiveness again. Evolution. Or something. And who was he to argue with it? She was carrying his baby. He felt connected to that fact more and more every day.
