by Maisey Yates
His brother shot him a meaningful look. “True.”
Lark came down the stairs, a broad smile on her face. “You’re back!”
That she smiled like that when saw him always made him feel like he’d made less of a mess of everything than he usually assumed he had. “Yeah, and . . . well, we have something to tell you.”
Her eyes widened. “What?”
He felt Kelsey get tense beside him. He couldn’t blame her. He felt tense too. “I’m going to need the ring again. Kelsey’s agreed to marry me.”
Cade’s mouth dropped open. “Really?”
“Don’t look so surprised,” Cole said.
“I can’t help it. I am. Kelsey, I thought you had better taste than that,” he said. “I would have married you.”
Cole felt an unreasonable surge of jealousy shoot through his veins. “She wouldn’t have married you. Anyway, you have the sexual attention span of a horsefly. You couldn’t stay faithful if you tried.”
“I’m wounded,” he said, his tone sounding anything but.
Lark made a face. “You guys suck.” She leaned forward and gave Kelsey a hug. “Congratulations. I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks,” she said.
Lark started backing toward the stairs. “I just came down to say hi. You can come up and get the ring later.”
“Why are you disappearing to the tech cave, Lark?”
She grimaced. “Avoidance. Can you send dinner up?”
“No, you can come down and get it.”
She made a face and walked up the stairs.
Cole turned to Cade. “Her problem?”
“Alexa is back.”
Kelsey’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Yep. She came back the day you left. And she’s been glued to Tyler, which, of course, Lark finds objectionable.”
Cole sighed. “Of course.”
“Where is she?” Kelsey asked.
“Alexa? In the same cabin you were staying in.”
“I should go see if I can find her.” She leaned in and kissed Cole on the cheek, and heat rushed through him. The control he’d felt when he walked in was definitely tenuous. “See you at dinner?”
“Yeah,” he said.
He watched her walk out of the room and he wondered why he felt like part of himself had gone with her.
***
Alexa slid her hands beneath Tyler’s shirt and felt his muscles tense beneath her fingertips. His mouth was hungry on hers, but his hunger could not be anything compared to hers. It wasn’t possible. She wanted him badly enough that she’d flown in from New York to seduce him. That was pretty bad. Pathetic even, considering there were plenty of guys to sleep with in New York.
But none of them were him. And he was all she could think about.
She tugged his shirt over his head and pulled him down onto the bed. And thank God, he didn’t object. The taking-it-slow crap was still a happening thing with him, and she’d barely gotten to second base since she’d arrive four days ago.
But today would be different. Today he’d wandered into her domain. And today, she was going to get hers.
He lowered his head and pressed a kiss to her neck, his thumb sliding over her cloth-covered nipple.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
“Alex?”
No. No. No.
Alexa popped up and shoved Tyler to the side just as Kelsey walked in through the door of the cabin. There was no way to make it look like what was going on wasn’t what was going on. Why bother anyway? Now she was horny and mad.
“It’s exactly what it looks like,” Alexa said, bending down and grabbing Tyler’s t-shirt from the floor, throwing it to him. He looked like he’d just been kicked in the head.
“I’m sorry,” Kelsey said, her face pulled into a grimace.
“Yeah. Right. I know. Tyler? Catch you later.”
He nodded and shrugged his shirt on, and she felt so much bone-deep regret over every covered inch of skin. He leaned in and kissed her before nodding to Kelsey and walking out of the cabin.
“You just cock blocked me,” Alexa said, trying to be nice since her friend was in a delicate condition and all. But wasn’t being terminally horny a delicate condition?
“I’m sorry.” She winced again.
“You have no idea how sorry I am. He still hasn’t given it up. But he was going to. Oh, he was about to.”
“I’m sure you’ll get him tonight.”
She whined. “Maybe. But I want him now.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Burning through my vacation leave to have sex with a guy who seems to want a relationship and is also six years my junior. In other words, I’m making crappy decisions and owning it. What’s up with you?”
“I told my parents about the baby.”
“Smashing. Did your mom’s head explode?”
“Nearly. Until I told her I was marrying Cole.”
Alexa inhaled a breath and choked on the air. “You what?”
“I told her I was marrying Cole.”
“You aren’t though. You aren’t. Kelsey, Kelsey, you aren’t, right?” She looked at her friend’s face and her stomach sank. “You’re marrying him?”
Kelsey looked sheepish. “Yeah. Kind of.”
“Why?”
“I’m . . . I’m in love with him.”
Alexa exploded. “You’re what?”
“I’m in love with him.”
“When did . . . when did that happen?”
Kelsey crossed her arms and cocked her hip to one side. “When did you start taking vacation time to fly cross-country and try to connect with a guy who works on a ranch?”
Alexa frowned. “Touché. Seriously though? You love him?”
Kelsey frowned and nodded, her expression miserable. “I do. I don’t know what happened.”
“You slept with him, yeah?”
“Several times.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t want to brag, considering your celibate state.”
Alexa gave her the evilest glare she could conjure up. “I was about to be un-celibate. Keep talking, Noble.”
Kelsey frowned harder, lines creasing her forehead. “It wasn’t supposed to happen. It just did. And it turns out he’s fantastic. But it’s not just that. It’s . . . everything. It’s how he makes me feel.”
“How does he make you feel?”
“Like me. And I don’t mean that in a vague, general sense. I mean . . . he makes me feel more comfortable with who I am than I’ve ever felt in my life. He makes me feel like I’m . . . I’m okay. Like I don’t need to change. I don’t need to try and fit in with my family. Or try to be different from them. I can just . . . be. He makes me feel that. Not in the way like . . . he validates me, and makes me more important or more special, but . . . he makes me feel like being me just like I am is good enough. And . . . and I love him.”
Alexa’s stomach tightened. “I . . . I kind of know that feeling. The one where you feel like you. That’s not really love though, is it?”
“It is for me.”
“Well, damn. I’d really like to avoid that whole ‘love’ noise, myself.”
“And you think you might love Tyler?”
Everything in Alexa recoiled in horror. “What? I haven’t even banged the guy. I can’t be in love with him.”
“You can love someone without ever . . . sleeping with him.”
“Maybe you could.”
“I think you do. And I think it freaks you out. Because you feel things for him even without the sex. Oh, and once you do sleep with him—”
“Shut up! Don’t ruin the sex fantasy with all this emotion talk.” Her heart was fluttering like a bird trapped in a cage. And not because what Kelsey was saying was true. But because it was crazy and she was worried for her friend’s emotional health. That was all.
“I think the sex is better with emotion,” Kelsey said. “Loving Cole is . . . nice. And terrifying.”
/>
“Because he doesn’t love you back?”
Kelsey shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“He’s marrying you though. So . . . he’ll be with you.”
Kelsey nodded. “Yeah, and I hope that’s enough. I really hope so. Because I want to be with him. You know . . . without him feeling like he’s serving a prison sentence.”
Alexa felt an unwelcome, unfamiliar surge of emotion. “If he’s smart, then he’ll feel lucky to have you.”
“Thanks, Alex.”
“Now, I’m going to hang a neck tie on the door tonight. So for heaven’s sake, if the cabin’s rocking, don’t come knocking.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Cole put his hand in his pocket, over the ring box. This was the second time he’d prepared to offer Kelsey a ring. The first time hadn’t worked in his favor. But this time he was sure she’d say yes. Even with the assurance, his palms were sweating.
What was it about her that did this to him? That turned him on when he’d been off for so long? That made his heart beat faster? That made him feel like he was standing on the edge of a cliff thinking about jumping off?
She was standing out on the deck, facing the mountains. He just stood in the living room for a moment, looking at her through the windows. She was beautiful. It was more than just her looks. It was something that reached out and grabbed him deep inside.
He wasn’t sure he liked it. Because the truth was, these feelings took all that control he was so attached to and gave it right to Kelsey. And he wasn’t sure he wanted that. Not again.
He walked out onto the deck and closed the door behind him. She turned, offering him a soft smile. “Hello.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Great. I’ve been feeling great.”
“Did you and Alexa have a chance to talk earlier?”
She frowned. “Uh, yes. I . . . interrupted something.”
He laughed. “Is that why Tyler couldn’t hold still at dinner?”
“Probably. I think he has unfinished business.”
“Well, as it happens, so do I.”
She looked around and gestured to the windows and lit-up living room. “Uh . . . I think we need to be a little more discreet than that.”
“Not that kind of unfinished business. Although, we can make time for that later. Just . . . this.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring box. “Kelsey, please marry me. Wear this ring.”
She looked down at the closed box, then up at his face.
“Don’t say no again,” he said.
She shook her head. “I wasn’t going to.”
She didn’t make a move for the ring. He thought about getting down on one knee, but the idea of doing that made him feel exposed. Made him feel like it was . . . real.
It would be real. He knew that. But not yet. Not like that.
He opened the lid on the box and took the ring between his thumb and forefinger. She extended her hand and he noticed that it was shaking. He took it between his and rubbed it gently. Her fingers were freezing.
He bent his head and kissed her knuckles, then slid the ring onto her fourth finger.
She looked down at her hand, flexing her fingers. “It’s . . . beautiful. And huge.”
“It’s funny, because my mom lived in Levi’s and flannel. She could rarely wear the thing because she worked on a ranch. She didn’t want to lose a finger if it got caught on anything. I used to think . . . I used to think it was nice he bought it for her. Now I wonder if he just bought it because it was what he thought she should want. I wonder if he wanted something she would never be. But . . . that’s not why I’m giving it to you. And if you want something else you can have something else.”
“I’m really happy to wear it. I”—she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips—“I feel more like myself when I’m with you . . . You make me feel so comfortable. Like I can just be me. Like I don’t have to try so hard. I . . . I think I love you, Cole.”
Cole felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. “You what?”
“I love you. I mean, I’m pretty sure.”
For one brief moment, he felt like the walls around him had cracked, letting in shafts of light, fresh air, freedom. A glimpse at life, a glimpse at the bigger world, when he hadn’t even been aware that he’d been caged.
Then it felt like his chest was caving in. It hurt to hear her say the words, and he wasn’t sure why. Because he couldn’t respond to them. Because fear held him on a leash, and he couldn’t, for the life of him, slip it. In fact, he was clinging to it.
“You don’t need to say that. That’s not what this is about.”
“But I do.”
He tightened his jaw, grinding his teeth together, his heart pounding heavily. Not this. He didn’t need this. He couldn’t do this. “You think that, Kelsey, probably because we’re sleeping together. Or because of your hormones.”
Her eyes narrowed, her expression turning fierce. “Did you just tell me that my hormones are keeping me from knowing what I feel? Because that is just bastardy, is what that is.”
“Kelsey, it’s just . . . I don’t want you to get hurt.” That rang false. It was about more than that. It was deeper than that. But he wasn’t going there.
She threw her arms wide. “Do I look like a child to you?”
“No.”
“Did I just finish telling you that when I’m with you, I can be me?”
“Yes.”
“Then please assume that I know who I am. And that I’m comfortable with how I feel. If you don’t love me, Cole, well . . . that sucks. But you know what? It’s okay. Don’t ever say something you don’t believe, or don’t feel. But never, ever tell me what I feel.”
She brushed past him and walked into the house. He put his hands on his head and growled, then stalked into the house behind her.
“Kelsey . . .”
She whirled around. “Don’t take that tone with me. “
“Tone?”
She pointed her finger in his direction. “You had a tone.”
“Yeah, well, so do you.”
“Why did you have to ruin the proposal?”
Anger burned in his chest. “Me? I’m not the one making declarations that weren’t agreed upon.”
“Oh, now we have to agree on everything? Including how I feel?”
“Kelsey, I can’t . . . I don’t . . . I can’t love you.” The words felt torn from him. “Every love in my life has turned to hell. And I can’t do it again. I don’t . . . I can’t have you depending on me like that.”
“Who says I’m depending on you for anything, Cole Mitchell? I’m loving you. That means giving to you. So take it. Enjoy it.”
“I can’t do that,” he said, his stomach so tight he could barely breathe.
“Why? Why not?”
“Because in my experience, love isn’t sweetness and flowers. It’s screaming and crazy and it fades faster than a sunset. It’s lies and betrayal. I don’t want that. I want solid. I want commitment.”
“I am giving to you, you dumbass, I’m not taking. I’m not even asking.”
“I can’t give it back.”
“So?”
“What do you mean, ‘so’?”
“I didn’t stutter. I said, ‘So?’ I don’t care.”
“Kelsey, you don’t understand,” he said, the words raw and rough.
She put her hands on her hips, her expression fierce. “No. I don’t. I just told you I loved you, not that I kicked puppies. Calm the hell down.”
“You think this is a joke?”
“No. I think you’re overreacting. I didn’t ask you for anything. And I won’t. I offered. I’m giving. Though you’re making me rethink the offer.”
“Good. This is . . . a partnership, Kelsey. That’s what I can see working. A partnership. None of this passion shit that makes people crazy. That makes people abandon their family and live a secret life half the time.”
“So
this is about your dad?”
“And me, Kelsey. Me. I have to find a way to . . . to be better. Than him. Than I was. I need . . . I don’t need love for that; I need a partner.”
“Is that what we’ve been doing in bed every night? Shirking passion? Being partners? Because if you want a partner, I can do that. But if you want a wife, then you have to accept that certain things come with that.”
“But I can only give what I can give.”
“Then give that.”
That was when he realized it wasn’t enough. He didn’t have enough to give her. Not what she deserved. She was looking at him with big, earnest eyes, sincerity written into her expression. He felt like she’d just handed him a priceless pearl and he’d only shown up with a cheesy fairground stuffed animal as an offering.
He was broken. And she didn’t deserve that. She was the strongest woman he’d ever met. The most special woman he’d ever met. She made him feel like he was on fire, made his heart pound faster and his chest ache.
He felt like that part of him was gone. The man who’d been able to give trust and love as easy as breath. The people he’d loved most, trusted most, had screwed him over worst, and he just couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t give any more only to have it take away.
“I don’t want to take from you,” he said.
“It’s not taking. It’s a gift.”
He shook his head. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“We damn well won’t talk tomorrow. We’ll talk now. What is your problem?”
“Did it ever occur to you that I just don’t care?” he asked, his stomach tightening. “That I don’t need or want you to love me? That was never what this was, Kelsey. You know it. It was for the baby. So we could make a family for our child.”
“And you don’t think more love will help?”
“I think it confuses things.”
“I’m not confused. But I can see you are. I’m sleeping in my room tonight.”
“Kelsey—”
“No. Don’t. You’re right. We’ll talk tomorrow.” She tugged the ring off of her hand and held it out to him. “Can you keep this? For a while.”
His heart stalled. “Yeah.”
She dropped it into his upturned palm and stalked up the stairs. Cole sat down on the couch and lowered his head. He’d managed to mess up what had started as the most beautiful moment of his life. He laughed, mostly at himself. With more bitterness than humor. Yes, that moment of handing Kelsey the ring, that moment when she’d looked at him and said she loved him, or she thought she loved him, had been the best moment ever. For just a second.
