Until Lilly

by Reynolds, Aurora Rose

  “Can Mom make cookies when we get home?” My heart aches, and I take a deep breath to try to control my own emotions. Ever since the wedding, he has called Lilly, Mom. I love that he is able to get the kind of motherly love he needs from Lilly, but I fucking hate that he is suffering so badly because of his real mother.

  “I’m not sure, but you can ask her when we get there.” He nods again, resting his forehead against the window. I turn on some music, filling the silence. Once we get back to the house, he is ready to go as soon as I open his door, and before his door is even shut, he is running towards the house yelling, “Mom!” at the top of his lungs. Lilly comes to the front door. She is wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, her hair is pulled back from her face with a small clip, and her face is completely makeup-free, showing off her naturally creamy complexion and rosy cheeks. She looks beautiful.

  “What is it, honey?” she asks as Jax plows into her, his arms going around her thighs. Her hand goes to the top of his head, the other to the back of his neck. He holds on to her for a second and she looks at me; I shake my head, and she nods before looking back down at Jax.

  “Can we make cookies?” he asks, leaning his head back.

  “Well, your sister and I were trying to make cinnamon rolls. Do you want to come help us?” He nods, unwrapping his arms. “Well, go in and wash your hands. I will be there in just a second.” She runs her hand over his hair as he walks into the house.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No, but coming home knowing you’re here goes a long way to making it okay.” I pull her towards me by the waist, kissing her lips, then resting my mouth against her forehead.

  “Please, don’t let her stress you out,” she says, her fingers running along my jaw, her touch calming me down.

  “I’m fine, baby. Let’s go inside; I need to make a phone call, and you need to make me cinnamon rolls.”

  “I’m sorry,” she shakes her head, “I didn’t know I was making you cinnamon rolls; the memo must have gotten lost along the way.”

  “You would deny your husband?”

  “I guess I would.” She smiles, getting the look she always gets when she looks at me, lighting up her face.

  “You know what happens when you deny me, right?” I ask, crowding her.

  “What?” she asks. I hear her breath hitch and I smile.

  “Never mind, please, don’t make me cinnamon rolls. It’s been awhile since my palm has felt your ass, and you know how I love your ass, baby.” I lean in, kissing her nose, and then I turn her around, giving her a gentle push inside before tapping her on the ass.

  “Cash.” She looks at me over her shoulder.

  “Got stuff to do, babe.” I walk away smiling, knowing that the minute I can get her alone later tonight is the minute she will go wild for me. The anticipation is going to be making her squirm all day. I walk into my office and set about getting things ordered for the jobsite that we’re starting on next week. Once that’s done, I pay some bills. I need to call Nico, but I know that he has been busy lately. I’m not sure what’s going on with him, but Lil thinks he’s hooked up with someone, and that would make sense. My brother was always around; even with him working for Kenton, he still finds time to come and see us regularly. Nowadays though, we’re lucky if we see him once a week. I pick up my phone and dial his number; he answers on the second ring.

  “What’s up, bro?” he answers, sounding like he was sleeping.

  “Yo, you asleep? It’s two in the afternoon,” I say, looking at the clock.

  “Yeah, I was up late,” he says, and then I hear a female in the background calling his name. “Just a second, baby, my brother’s on the phone,” he replies to her, sounding so gentle that I pull the phone away from my ear, making sure I have my brother on the line and not some other Nico. “I’m going to get some water, if that’s okay?” I hear her say. I can tell he has pulled the phone away from his ear to talk to her. “I’ll get you some. Go lay back down, baby. I’ll be right there,” he tells her. I hear the sound of a kiss, and then he’s back.

  “You still there?”

  “Who are you, and what the fuck have you done with my brother?” I ask him. I have never heard him use that tone with anyone—not the kids, not our parents, and definitely not a female.

  “I found her,” he whispers.

  “What?”

  “I found my boom. I had no fucking clue that returning a lost phone would lead me to her, but I fucking found her.”

  “Holy shit. Wait, returning a lost phone?”

  “Looong story, bro, but I found her, and she is beautiful, and sweet, and so fucking perfect that I worry about touching her and dirtying her up. But I can’t walk away; it’s impossible.

  “Jesus, Lil was right.”

  “What?”

  “Lil said that you haven’t been coming around because you got hooked up with someone.” I hear his laugh, and I can imagine him rubbing his head.

  “It’s a lot more than a hook up, but yeah.”

  “I get that.” I sit back in my chair and look up at the ceiling. I never thought that our lives would be like this. I knew at one point we would all grow up and find women to share our lives with, but seeing each of my brothers happy, and now having my own family has strengthened my belief that nothing happens before its time. “So when do we get to meet her?” I ask him.

  “Soon. She’s just starting to accept that she’s mine.” He laughs when I hear her say something to him. “You are. Do you need me to prove it again?” he asks her, and that’s my cue to get off the phone.

  “Well, I’m gonna let you go,” I tell him.

  “Sure, man. I’ll call you soon.”

  “Talk to you then.” I hang up, smiling down at the phone. I’m happy that my brother is happy.

  “Why are you smiling?” I looked up; Lilly’s standing in the doorway holding a small plate with a cinnamon roll on it.

  “Is that for me?”

  “It depends on who put that smile on your face,” she says, coming towards me.

  “Actually, I don’t know what her name is,” I tell her, pulling the plate from her hand, setting it on the desk before dragging her around it so I can pull her into my lap.

  “You don’t know her name?” Her hand comes up to rest on my jaw, her beautiful eyes soft.

  “No, Nico didn’t tell me her name.”

  “I was right?” Her face lights up and I shake my head. So fucking cute.

  “You were, and he seems like he is already lost to her.”

  “That’s a good thing, right?” she ask quietly, searching my face.

  “If she is the one for him, then yes, a very good thing.” I palm the back of her head and pull her closer to me. “So you brought me a cinnamon roll?” I change the subject.

  “No, I brought it in here to eat it while you watch.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.” She smiles, looking sexy.

  “I have a better idea.”

  “What’s that?” Her tongue comes out, licking across her lower lip.

  “Save it for later when then kids are in bed and I get you alone.”

  “Why?” she asks breathlessly.

  “You said you brought it in here to eat in front of me, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, you’re going to eat it in front of me later wearing nothing, and anything you drop I’m going to eat using no hands.

  “Oh,” she moans as I lick into her mouth, tasting cinnamon and sugar. And much later that night, I taste cinnamon and sugar from other parts of her body.

  Chapter 13

  Lilly

  “Mommy, this is so heavy!” Ashlyn says. She’s carrying one bag of groceries while I carry ten so I can avoid a second trip out to the car.

  “Just a second, love bug, let me get the door unlocked.” I finagle the bags so I can get my hand up high enough to shove the key into the lock. Once the door is open, Ashlyn walks ahead of me and starts dragging the bag she’s
carrying across the floor into the kitchen. I laugh as I watch everything that was once in the bag fall out as it tears open from being dragged as she walks.

  “Where is Daddy?”

  “He took Jax to see his mommy,” I tell her.

  “Oh,” she says unhappily as I heft the bags up onto the counter. Once I’ve gotten free of the bags I’m carrying, I shake out my arms, trying to get the blood to flow again. “When is Papa Bear going to get here?”

  “We have talked about this ten times today.” I smile. “Remember, I told you he and Grandma will be here in three weeks?”

  “Oh yeah.” She shrugs and starts walking out of the kitchen, leaving the mess of cans she dropped along the way on the floor. “Hey, go pick up all the stuff you dropped please,” I tell her. She goes, but I can hear the slight stomp of her feet. She has had a long day and is tired and cranky. I’m feeling tired and cranky myself. Jules had called early this morning. She told Cash that she had to see Jax today because she was going out of town and wouldn’t be able to see him for a week or so. All I could think was good riddance, our lives were better without her in them. I start putting everything away when I hear the doorbell ring; I don’t know who it could be. No one would show up without calling first. I look through the side window, seeing Officer Dan is on the other side of the door. Once I finally get the door open, I can tell by the look on his face that this isn’t going to be a pleasant visit.

  “Hi, can I help you?” I ask, looking behind him when I see another officer walking up the sidewalk.

  “I’m sorry to do this to you, Lilly, but I’m going to need you to come with me,” he says, and he does look sorry, but that does absolutely nothing to make me feel better.

  “What is this about?” I ask.

  “There has been more evidence brought forward in the case against you.”

  “Am I being arrested?” I question.

  “Yes,” he says, and my stomach drops, and I know I’m going to be sick. I look down when I feel Ashlyn’s hand in mine. I really hate that she is here to see this.

  “Can you go get Mommy’s phone?” I ask her. She looks up at Officer Dan before nodding and walking into the house.

  “Cash isn’t here right now, and I can’t leave until I have someone here to take care of Ashlyn,” I explain, rubbing my hands together.

  “That’s understandable, Lilly. We can wait here until you find someone to come watch her. I also called Tom on my way over and told him what’s going on. I suppose he is going to be showing up soon,” he says, looking concerned.

  “Can you please not handcuff me in front of my daughter? I really don’t want her to get upset. I promise that I will fully cooperate.” I wrap my arms around my waist.

  “We won’t cuff you until it’s absolutely necessary.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  “Here, Mommy,” Ashlyn says, handing me my phone. I pull up Cash’s number; it rings once before he answers.

  “Hey, babe, we just got to the park. What’s up?”

  “Officer Dan is here at the house,” I say, hoping he understands that I need him to come home. I really do not want to have a conversation about this with Ashlyn standing right here.

  “Why is he there at the house?”

  “He needs me to go with him,” I say closing my eyes. “I need you to come get Ashlyn.”

  “Okay, baby, everything is going to be all right. I’m on my way home. I’m going to call my dad.”

  “Okay,” I reply. I want to cry, but I know I can’t in front of Ashlyn. I really do not want her to get upset.

  “Love you, baby, hang in there. I’m on my way now,” he says before hanging up. I pull the phone away from my ear.

  “He is on his way.” I take a step back, opening the door more fully. “Would you like to wait inside?”

  “Yeah, honey. Why don’t you g—”

  “Dan, you know that’s not allowed,” the office behind him says, and Dan turns to look at him.

  “Officer Mitchel, I suggest you stand down,” Dan replies, stepping into the house. He doesn’t wait for the other officer to come in before he shuts the door. I walk into the kitchen, looking around at all the groceries that still need to be put away. My eyes land of Ashlyn, who looks worried, and I hate seeing that look on my baby’s face.

  “Come here, love bug.” Ashlyn comes to me and I pick her up, wrapping myself around her and breathing in her smell. I hate the idea of being away from her, Jax, or Cash for any length of time. Ashlyn doesn’t fight me; she must know something is going on. After a few minutes, I hear a car outside. I stand in the living room watching the front door. As soon as it opens, my stomach drops. It’s not Cash, but his dad.

  “Hey, honey,” he says, and I hold Ashlyn a little tighter. I really don’t want to leave until I’m at least able to see Cash, but I wonder if I will be allowed to wait until he gets here.

  “Hi,” I say.

  “Grandpa!” Ashlyn says and starts to wiggle, trying to get down, and as much as I don’t want to, I set her down and watch as she runs to James.

  “Hey, pretty girl,” he says, swinging her up into his arms. Dan looks at me, and I know he is silently trying to tell me that we need to go.

  “I’m sorry, James, but I need to take Lilly with me.”

  “I know. Can you wait until my boy gets here?” James asks.

  “I really shouldn’t have let her stay as long as I have, but I knew she needed to wait until someone got here to stay with her daughter,” Dan says, looking upset. “I didn’t want to bring the girl with us and get CPS involved.” I feel nauseated by his last words; the thought of Ashlyn being put into the system, even for a short period of time, makes me feel grateful to Dan.

  “I understand,” James says. He looks at me, and I can tell he’s worried. I know that Dan said he called James before this, so I wonder if he knows about what’s going on.

  “I’m very sorry, Lilly, but we’re going to have to go,” Dan says. I walk over to James and Ashlyn; her head is laying against his chest. I want to pull her away from him, but I just can’t do it. I know that I need to put on a brave face for my girl.

  “I’m going with Dan. Can you be a good girl for Daddy until I get back?”

  “Why do you have to go?” she asks, and I take a breath before answering.

  “He just needs to ask me some questions.” I look at Dan, and he looks at Ashlyn and nods. “Can I get some love before I go?” She looks unsure before leaning away from James so I can grab her. Once I get her in my arms, I whisper into her ear, “Love you, love bug. Be good, okay?” She nods and I feel tears start to fill my eyes. I know I need to leave before she has the chance to see me upset. I hand her back to James, who leans close so he can whisper to me that everything will be okay. I grab my bag off the counter and follow Dan out of the house. Once we’re at his squad car, I’m read my rights and placed in the backseat just as Cash pulls up with Jax. I lower my head. I really don’t want Jax to see me like this. I know that my mascara has started to run down my face, and I try as best as I can to wipe the tears away before Jax can see them. Cash comes to my door and squats down in front of me.

  “Baby,” he says, his fingers tilting my face up. “It’s going to be okay. I called the lawyer on the way over here and he said he would meet you there.”

  “Okay,” I tell him, trying to be brave. Something in my gut tells me this isn’t going to be so easily fixed.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I reply, and I can hear Jax begin to shout from off in the distance.

  “We need to go,” Officer Mitchel says, standing behind Cash with his hand on the door. I can tell he is becoming impatient.

  “Just give me a minute,” Cash growls, standing to his full height. “Dad, let Jax come here for a second,” Cash yells, and I hear the pounding of Jax’s feet on the gravel, then he is there, wrapping his arms around my neck.

  “Hey, honey.” I try to smile, but I feel it wobble.
/>   “Why are the police taking you away?” he asks. I pull him away from me so I can see his face.

  “Office Dan needs some help with something and has some questions for me.”

  “When are you coming home? We were supposed to make pizza.”

  “We can make pizza another night.”

  “But…”

  I run my hand over his head, trying my best not to cry. “I have to go.” I see his eyes get wet and my heart breaks. “I want you to take care of your sister until I get back, okay?” He nods, biting the inside of his cheek. I pull him into me and kiss the top of his hair before helping him down from the car.

  “Go wait with Grandpa, little dude. I’ll be there in a second,” Cash tells Jax, who reluctantly walks back up to the front porch where Cash’s dad and Ashlyn are standing with Dan. He resumes his place, crouching down inside the door, his fingers running down the side of my face. I close my eyes. “I will see you in a couple hours, okay?” I nod, but the lump in my throat won’t let me talk. “I love you, baby.” I nod again.

  “We need to go,” Office Mitchel says. I take my eyes off Cash to look at Officer Mitchel. When Cash’s hand slides to the back of my neck, his fingers tangling into my hair, my eyes return to his. “I love you.”

  “Love you too,” I finally speak.

  “Don’t worry, baby. Things will be okay.” He pulls my upper body forward, and as soon as I’m close enough, his mouth opens over mine, and he kisses me so thoroughly I forget where I am. “I’ll see you soon, baby,” he tells me one last time, pressing his forehead against mine.

  “See you soon,” I agree, untangling my hands from his hair. He kisses my forehead before standing. He hesitates before shutting the door. His hand goes to the glass, and mine does the same. He turns to say something to Officer Mitchel before his eyes come back to me. I hate the worried look on his face. He steps away from the squad car and goes over to where his dad is standing. Ashlyn puts her arms out in his direction, and the second he has her, she wraps herself around him, his face going near her ear. I can see his mouth moving, and I watch her nod. Jax has his head back listening to what his dad is saying to his sister. I know he’s upset when his eyes come to me and I see tears in them. I’m so lost in watching my family that I jump when I hear the car door slam closed.