Neverlost (Melodies and Memories)

by Kodilynn Calhoun

  His tongue swirls in a circle around my clit, throbbing for him as he flicks it with the tip of his tongue. His lips caress my folds, suckling and tugging and I feel his fingers slide deep into me. I clench around the digits with a gasp, lightning sparking across my nerves. I can feel myself dripping but he laps it up, drinking me in even as my thighs shake on either side of his head. My head lolls back, my eyes open but unseeing. Only feeling. Reveling.

  One of his hands cups my ass as his tongue and fingers spear and spread and curl and work their magic until I’m crying out—a shockwave rolling through me, my muscles contracting and clenching as pleasure and passion slams into me like a freight train. I can’t breathe, but oh god, it’s in a good way. My entire body begins to tingle, a light sensation that burns brighter between my thighs, and when the tremors finally subside, I’m left limp like a puddle on the bed. “Eli…”

  “I’m here,” he says, climbing up beside me, his skin hot against my bare flesh and he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. I tilt my head even with tears in my eyes, and when he kisses me, I taste myself, soft and sweet on his lips. My pulse jumps. “I’ll always be here. I promise you.” We lay like that for awhile, wrapped in each other as my heartbeat slows its rapid descent.

  The world isn’t ending. I’m okay. The thought hits me, sends me reeling, and I grin. I’m alive. In fact, I’ve never felt more alive in my life.

  I sit up, feeling a fierce determination growing inside of me. “I want to touch you,” I tell him and my heart takes off again, racing like fox being chased by the hound. Eli’s eyes widen as he rolls onto his back, but I don’t need to see the bulge in his jeans to know that he wants me. He’s always wanted me… I’ve always been the one that ran away.

  “Teagan.” My name is gentle on his lips, but I’m not backing down. I want to do this—to prove to myself that I can, that I’m not ruined, and it’s spurred on by the fact that Eli won’t get mad if I can’t go through with it. My gaze meets his and I see the way the corners of his lips tilt up. Steeling myself, I unsnap his jeans and drag them down, my breasts swaying with the effort. I pull off his shoes and remove his pants, my gaze locked on his cock, jutting proud and already erect. I swallow hard and climb back onto the bed, placing myself between his legs. I’m shaking now.

  Then I reach out and touch it. The skin of his cock is velvet soft and I run my fingers over the ridges of muscle and the lines of thick veining running down his length. My second hand comes up to join the first as I wrap both hands around his girth, feeling the heft of his weight, feeling the way he twitches beneath my palms. Licking my lips, I begin to stroke him slowly, both hands having a firm grasp. Eli breathes out a sharp breath and leans back as my hands pick up speed, my heart matching the rhythm I set.

  He’s nothing like my father. He’s thick and proud and when I touch him, he is complete putty in my hands, where as my father had to be in control, had to be on top of me, suffocating me. Dominating me. Eli’s hips roll up off the bed and I quicken my strokes, thumb teasing across the pre-cum beading at the slit, smoothing his skin down in a slow drag.

  “God, Teagan,” he hisses. My heart skips as I lean down and gently lick the crown of his cock and he about comes up off the bed. I laugh out loud, the sound bubbling out of me, and I’m wet all over again. My pussy clenches with the need to be sated. I’m turning myself on…and I know what I need to do. For me. For both of us.

  I crawl up his body, kissing his abdomen and his chest as I straddle him, reaching beneath me to grasp his cock. I don’t have a condom and I don’t want to use one and I can see the alarm in Eli’s eyes as my gaze meets his. “I’m on the pill,” I say as I guide his thickness into me. I’m already wet so he slides in easily as I slowly impale myself on his cock. A cry escapes my throat as I sink further and further down, Eli filling me to the brim and stretching me past the point of no return until our pelvic bones touch. The pain is only discomfort compared to the buzz in my skull.

  “God…” I clench my muscles around him, squeezing him. His hands fall to cup my hips and as I lift up, he slides back out. He gasps something as I ride back down, giving my own hips a roll, reveling in how I feel, how full I am, how deep he is…and I’m not panicked. I am having sex with Eli, with the boy from the coffeeshop, with the boy that I love, and I’m not freaking out or crying or screaming.

  I’m in control this time and all I can focus on is the sensations zinging through my body, my nerves singing at the top of their lungs as I ride Eli’s cock, our movements blending in sync as the speed picks up and the friction of him against me… It’s utter bliss, a heat wave of passion and emotion.

  I snap and come undone around him, body shaking and twitching as pleasure rips through me anew and as I climax, Eli thrusts up into me one last time and comes as well and our bodies practically melt together to form one being. I sag against his chest. His strong arms wrap around me, holding me there as we pant, sweat dripping down between my breasts and my thighs are sticky, but I don’t even care. I did it…

  I don’t even know that I’m crying until Eli makes a sound and cradles me closer. “Are you okay?” he asks, voice rich with compassion and I shake my head as the tears spill down my cheeks to spatter onto his chest. “Teagan. Talk to me.”

  “I love you, damn it,” I say with a teary smile. “I’m okay.” Then, to prove my point, I kiss him with everything that I have, with everything that I am.

  Twenty Eight

  Elias

  Part of me—a big part of me—is afraid that now that Teagan gave all of herself to me, that in exchange for the beautiful thing that we made, she’ll skirt away from me. Put her shields back up, be guarded and wary once again. I lay there in the aftermath, wide awake even as she purrs softly in her sleep, her warmth pressed up against my side, and worry.

  It’s stupid, I know, but after what happened to her in the past? What if she thinks I rushed her? Forced her, in some way? God, I can’t stand the thought of losing her. I’m emotionally invested in this beautiful girl with her rainy-day eyes, like she’s grown roots through my skin to my very bones, tying me with her for eternity. For the next hour, my mind is filled with worries and fears that have no use other than to breed unease in my heart.

  Evening paints the windows dark little by little and I know I need to get back home. Mr. Beefy might have a steel bladder but I hate leaving him alone for so long. A dog needs his pack and I haven’t been home as much as I usually am. I slowly pull my buzzing arm out from beneath Teagan, trying not to wake her, but her eyes flutter open and the way she gazes up at me, cloudy-eyed with such a sweet expression on her face, it makes my heart do double time. “Hey,” I murmur, sitting up in bed.

  “You gotta leave?” she asks.

  “I gotta let Mr. Beefy outside and feed him dinner.” My stomach takes the time to let out a low growl and she giggles. “And feed myself as well.” I look at her, drinking in the sight of her, all sleep-rumpled hair and doe eyed with her milk and honey skin. “You wanna come with? You could stay the night. We can pick up take-out or something for dinner?”

  Here it is—she’s naked, I’m naked, the big moment is over. If she’s going to freak out over what we did it’s going to be now. My chest clenches tight as I gauge her reaction to the very millifraction of an expression. But instead of fear, she looks…happy. Soft. Peaceful even, and her smile is radiant, like she’s battled one of her biggest demons and won, and now she’s brandishing that courage like a suit of armor.

  She glances down at her state of clotheslessness and a laugh bubbles out of her throat. “You wanna shower first?” she asks me, eyebrow quirked, a slight trace of seduction in her voice and my throat grows dry.

  “Is that an invitation?” I shoot back.

  “Do you want it to be?” Her gaze meets mine, fierce yet free of all inhibitions.

  “God, I love you.”

  “Get your ass in there…”

  We spend too long in the shower, of course. I send a mental
apology to Mr. Beefy, whose bladder is probably about to burst, but we take the time to explore each other under the hot spray, lips and tongues and hands, and she shatters around me once more, her plaintive cries like music to my ears, and I know I’ll never get enough of Teagan Blakely.

  Sated, we dry off and get dressed and, turning off all the lights except the one over the kitchen sink, we go to my truck parked in the alley out back and head back towards my place. We make a pit stop at the local Las Tequilas and order enough food to feed a small army—or at least enough to last us both dinner and lunch tomorrow—and the mood is light, buoyant, and I’m filled with joy just hearing her laughter.

  “Hey. Here’s the keys,” I say, tucking them into her palm. Her fingers close around the cool metal instinctively. “Go ahead and let Mr. Beefy out and I’ll grab the food and set the table?”

  “Deal,” she sing-songs and I watch her go, watch the way her hips sashay with each step, admiring the shape of her ass in those skinny jeans. I wait until she disappears inside, a warm glow lighting up the windows as she makes her way through the house. I grab both bags of Mexican food with one hand and the two liter of root beer that’s been rolling around under the back seat for a few days with the other, and follow her inside.

  She’s bent over, making a big deal out of Beefcake when I walk through the door. “Aren’t you just the good boy? Are you a good boy? Oh yes you are!” she coos, halfway to baby talk, and Mr. Beefy’s entire body seems to vibrate, his tail rocket powered as it wags back and forth. He bounces up off the ground, yipping like a puppy, but never once jumps up on her. He’s just so excited he can’t keep it in.

  Besides Jake, I’d say Teagan’s officially one of my dog’s all time favorite people—and by the look on Teagan’s face, I’d feel safe saying he’s one of her favorite four-leggers.

  I set the table with forks and paper plates, grab the salsa out of the fridge, the chips out of the cupboard, and arrange everything on the table. It’s nothing fancy, but it doesn’t need to be. We’re together and that’s the only thing that matters. The smell of enchiladas and gooey cheese is amazing, wafting up from the Styrofoam take out containers. “Dinner!” I call and both Teagan and Mr. Beefy come running.

  Mr. Beefy takes his place at Teagan’s side, his chin on her thigh, chocolate milk eyes watching her every move, but Teagan’s a pro at ignoring his begging. “Sometimes you just can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” she says around a smile when I try to call him away. He doesn’t move. He’s glued to her leg, tail swishing across the hardwood floor. “He’s not hurting anything.”

  “Because he knows you slip him food.”

  “Who, me?” She feigns a wide-eyed innocence, but I know better.

  “Yeah, you.” I stab my fork into her piece, tearing the corner off even as she squeals and jabs at me with her own silverware. I grin like a maniac and pop the bite into my mouth. “Yum. Thinking maybe I need another bite.”

  “You have your own!”

  “Stop feeding the dog and I’ll stop stealing your food!”

  “Ass,” she spits, but she can’t cover her smile.

  She still slips Mr. Beefy a chip drenched in nacho cheese when she thinks I’m not looking. I don’t call her out on it because I don’t really care, I just like teasing her, and Mr. Beefy would thank me, I’m sure. His waistline probably doesn’t need it, but oh well. What is love, right?

  As we clear the table, the two of us moving in perfect sync, I bring up something that’s been on my mind for the past few days. “So I’m going on a road trip in a few weeks.” Her head pops up and I know she’s all ears. “Gonna head back and visit the parents and I was wondering if you’d wanna come along with? I really want them to meet you, T.”

  Her lips curve downwards. “I don’t know…”

  “It won’t just be us—Jake’s coming. We’re gonna stop by and see his mom too. She’s like a second mom to me; I know you’ll love her and she’ll adore you. I promise you that. Please? I wouldn’t even ask if it didn’t mean a lot to me.”

  “What if they hate me?” She sounds suddenly so small and I stop what I’m doing, drop the washcloth to the table, and take her hands in mine. I look deep into her eyes and see the fear, the insecurity lurking there. She’s afraid of not being accepted. Why? Because my family has money and hers doesn’t? Money doesn’t make happiness. Money means so very little…

  “I don’t care what they think. It doesn’t matter, but I want them to at least meet the beautiful girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Her eyes grow wide and my voice is solemn when I say, “It’s true,” and she glomps me in a hug so fierce that I fear for my life. “They’re going to love you.”

  “I thought you didn’t care?” She winks.

  I spin her around in a circle. “Touche. Shall we see what’s on TV?”

  We spend the rest of the night vegging out to a sappy romantic comedy marathon, but between you and me? It’s not half bad.

  ~*~

  None of the jobs she’s applied to have called her back; seems no one’s hiring lately and I can tell it’s stressing her out. She wants to make money—I get that, it’s human instinct to provide for yourself—but what’s more is I think she’s going stir crazy.

  We go out and do things several nights a week, alternating between her place and mine, but she has no other outlets for her energy. I have Jake and the band. I have the recording sessions twice a week (which are going awesomely, by the way). What Teagan needs is friend time, but since Dakota is thousands of miles away, that’s not going to happen. So she needs the next best thing—the opportunity to make new ones.

  “You ever thought of volunteering somewhere?” I ask one day, out of pure curiosity.

  She contemplates it for a moment, shrugging her slender shoulders. “Like, work with old people or kids or something? I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but I’m not the most patient person on the planet. I don’t think it’d work out.”

  “So don’t work with people? The animal shelter’s always putting out flyers, looking for volunteers, and you love Mr. Beefy. Maybe until you can land a job, you should put your time in hanging out with animals in need. Just a thought.”

  It’s a risk, of course. Spend time with the animals and get attached, only to have that dog be put down—or end up bringing it home—but I think she’d benefit from the unconditional love of cats and dogs with no place to call their own.

  “I guess I never thought about that.”

  “Worst comes to worst, we go and get the grand tour and you decide it’s not for you? No skin off anyone’s back that way.”

  And that’s how we end up at the Leighton Pointe Animal Shelter, walking down the aisles of kennels hand in hand as strays of every shape, size, and color bark and shriek around us, serenading our tour of the facility. Teagan just takes it all in, speaking in dulcet tones to the dogs all begging for attention, earning a smile out of the lady giving us the tour.

  We get a look at the chain link dog runs out back and the bathing and grooming area. The cat room is much quieter, tiny mews and meows coming from the felines behind their stainless steel prison bars. Toys and scratching posts fill the room between two lines of cages and a tiny black and white kitten practically climbs Teagan’s leg for a little love. She cuddles the kitten in her arms like she might a baby, glowing as the baby began to rattle off a purr of happiness.

  Hook, line, and sinker.

  “Are you guys looking for volunteers?” Teagan asks we wind back to the front desk and the woman goes from quiet and informative to bubbly and energetic with the click of a pen, eager to bring new blood into the shelter. Teagan’s eyes glitter like sapphires as she fills out a couple forms and gets a schedule of the shelter’s operating hours. She even gets an official t-shirt to wear during her shifts and as we make our way out, there’s a new bounce in her step.

  We walk past the ‘puppy room’ as they call it on the way out to the truck and I can’t help but stop and look in
. Three black bundles of curly-cue fur bounce up at me, their claws skittering against the glass, their brown eyes so full of energy and light and love and my heart melts a little bit. God, I’m such a softie. “Aw, look at them.”

  “I know, right? I want to just go in there and cuddle them,” Teagan agrees.

  The woman that took us through the tour pops her head around the corner, a wonderfully wicked smile on her face that makes her look like a whacked out, happy-go-lucky Grinch. “You wanna go in and see them? They aren’t ready to adopt out just yet, but they could use the socialization.” She winks at me, as if she can tell I’m the one with the heart made of mush. I look at Teagan and she grins back at me.

  “We’d love to.” We spend another hour sitting on the floor with the pups as they bounce and dance and wiggle and play, climbing into our arms to lick our faces with puppy skunk breath, their tiny tails wagging so fast that they’re almost invisible, just little blurry motors on their rear ends. “They’re so cute,” I say, scooping one of the boys into my arms and giving him a squeeze even as he tries to bite my nose.

  Teagan gives me a knowing look. “Wipe that love-struck look off your face, Elias. You can’t get another dog—Mr. Beefy would get super jealous!”

  “But…the cute…” I say, holding out my puppy to her.

  She laughs and kisses the pup on the nose, then leans in and plants a kiss on my cheek. “No means no, Mr. Softheart. Good thing you’re not the one coming to volunteer, huh? You’d walk out with a different dog every week!”

  Somehow, I don’t doubt she’s right.

  Twenty Nine

  Teagan