Neverlost (Melodies and Memories)

by Kodilynn Calhoun

  “No. It’s perfect, Teagan. It might not be the ritz, but who cares? It’s yours. That’s all that matters. Now… I don’t want to be rude, but do you mind if I crash out early? I’m dead on my feet and I don’t know how much longer I’ll keep making sense,” she says with a low laugh.

  “Oh! No, no problem.”

  “I’ll take the couch,” she says. “No biggie. And don’t worry about waking me up—I can sleep through anything.” She grabs the handle of her suitcase and wheels it into the living room, unzipping it and pulling out a pillow and when she does, a little stuffed Garfield plush comes tumbling out with it. She tries to shove him back in before I see it, her face turning beet red, as if I might judge her or something. I smile and she ducks her head. “I kind of can’t leave home without him,” she mumbles under her breath.

  “No problem. I mean it. You can be yourself here and if Garfield makes you feel safe, then sleep with him! Just keep him away from Nika. She might think he’s a chew toy.”

  Dakota giggles and after a moment’s hesitation, she tucks the orange tabby under her arm, climbing onto the couch to fluff up her pillow. “Hey Teagan?” she calls as I flip the lights off and turn to walk away. I pause and our eyes meet and she softens, crumples, like she’s about to cry. “Thank you again. You’re a lifesaver.”

  “Lylas,” I tell her. “Sleep good.”

  She’s out like a light in less than five minutes, snoring like a freight train. I take Nika outside for a walk around the block and then take a long, hot shower and dress in my PJs for the night. Curled up in bed, I call Eli and we talk for an hour or so while Nika snoozes on the carpet beside my bed. Yawning, I tell Eli goodnight and turn off my lamp, bathing the room in darkness. I can still hear Dakota’s snores if I really listen and for a moment the reality of the situation sears through me anew.

  It will all work out, I think, repeating Eli’s words from earlier. Somehow, someway. This isn’t just some coincidence. I really believe that everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t know those reasons yet. She’s supposed to be here. This is all a part of something big, bigger than any of us realize.

  I go to sleep with my arm dangling off the bed, fingers stroking through Nika’s fur with a smile on my face.

  ~*~

  I wake up to a cold, wet nose in my face. I open my eyes to see Nika, sprawled halfway on the bed, pawing at me with one petite foot. Her eyes are bright and her ears are pricked forwards and as I start moving around under the covers, she begins to wiggle with excitement. “You gotta go outside?” I ask and she springboards back and runs to the bedroom door.

  I don’t even take a minute to run a brush through my hair; I clip her leash to her collar and she prances at my side all the way out the door. Right away she does her business behind a bush, very lady like if you ask me, and then she’s content to follow me back inside. I slip past Dakota, still passed out on the couch, Garfield pressed to her chest and I smile. “Shh,” I warn Nika. I don’t wanna wake her up.

  I get dressed in jeans and a loose brown blouse, tie my hair up in a ponytail, and dab on a little lip gloss and call it good. Then, leaving Nika locked in my bedroom so she doesn’t harass Dakota, I grab my keys and drive the block to my landlord’s house. He answers the door on the second knock wearing only his boxers, his long hippie hair all sleep-rumpled.

  “Hey. Am I too early?”

  He blinks at me, dazed for a moment, then seems to realize that he’s answered the door. “What? Oh, no. No. You’re fine. What’s up?”

  “I need to run something past you,” I tell him and without another word, he welcomes me inside. His house lacks an air conditioner and smells of cinnamon potpourri and mothballs, but I follow him anyway.

  “Want a cup’a coffee?” he asks, halfway to the kitchen.

  “No thanks. I gotta get back soon.”

  He pours himself a steaming cup of dark roast and sits down in a hideous paisley armchair. I perch on the edge of the worn blue couch and explain the situation to him—telling him both about Nika and about Dakota staying with me for a few weeks or so—and I’m relieved when he shrugs it off as no big deal.

  “No skin off my back. So long as the dog doesn’t bite anyone and is up to date on shots, she’s welcome. I’m gonna need you to pay a pet deposit with your next rent payment, just to cover expenses if your dog rips up the carpet or anything. You’ll get it back when the lease is over. That cool?”

  “That’s fine,” I tell him.

  “You’re looking better,” he says, motioning to me, his lips quirked up at one corner. “Happier. Things going better for you?”

  I smile. “Yeah. They really are, thank you.”

  “Glad to hear it, sweetheart. You go ahead and do whatever you have planned for the day. Me? It’s too early. I’m gonna go back to bed for another few hours,” he says on a chuckle. “Take care.”

  Feeling lighter than I have in days, I stop by the grocery to pick up ingredients for homemade sub sandwiches. The couch is empty when I walk through the door, but I can hear the shower running as I put the food away. I go back to my bedroom to let Nika out and then attempt to make my bed though I normally don’t bother. The sheets fight me and in the end, it’s a rumpled mess but I don’t care.

  I stare at my guitar, the sleek blue finish calling to my fingers like a siren’s song. Why not? I press the door shut until the latch clicks, then I climb into bed and tug my acoustic into my lap, strumming the strings like they’re a long lost friend.

  Nika looks confused for a moment, as if wondering where that sound is coming from, her head tilting at unbearable angles until I laugh out loud at the bemused expression on her face. “Ohhhh, Nika,” I sing along, making up the words as I go, transitioning back into the happy song that’s been tugging at my mind for days.

  Words come from deep within me—words I should really write down, but I’m so lost in the moment, so lost in the melody that my notebook and pen are miles away. I let my eyes close and feel the music, letting myself be rocked by the echoing sound of my guitar. It’s so rich that I can almost taste it, like ripe blueberries on a hot summer day, and I’m smiling and singing until Nika barks and the moment comes crashing down around me.

  Dakota’s standing in the doorway, her face pink and her mouth an ‘o’ of surprise, and Nika stands between us and huffs again, as if warning me that there’s an intruder in my bedroom. “Niiiika,” I sing-song again, though nerves jump up my throat—how much did Dakota hear? Does it matter?—and Nika pulls away from standing guard to wag her tail. I look up, meet Dakota’s gaze, and offer a smile. “Hey there, sleeping beauty.”

  “I didn’t know you played,” she says, a touch of awe in her voice.

  “A bit.” I shrug, feeling heat rise to my face. “Nothing much.”

  “No. You’re good. You’re really good. You sing like…I don’t know, an angel or something! I only wish I was that good.”

  I tilt my head. “You sing too?”

  Her smile immediately begins to fade, eyes widening as she backtracks. “Not so much.”

  “But you used to?”

  “Yeah. A long time ago. I don’t anymore.” She shrugs her shoulders in a way that warns me to back off or else, like a frightened, cornered dog. Like Nika. So I let it go.

  “You hungry? I bought stuff to make sandwiches.”

  “You’re my savior,” she laughs and this begins our friendship anew, chatting like old friends over ham and turkey subs while Nika begs for scraps with big, hopeful eyes. Yeah, it’s a little awkward at first, but isn’t everything? Plus I can tell that Dakota’s beyond thankful to just be here, and it’s nice, knowing I could be that person for her. Just like Eli was that person for me.

  We spend the rest of the day pigging out on popcorn and watching movies and talking, just learning each other all over again. If this is how all friendships are? I smile and watch Dakota tease Nika with a kernel of popcorn, making her sit before finally relinquishing the salty treat. Nika chomp
s it happily. Then I could get used to this.

  Thirty One

  Teagan

  I bring Dakota along with me to the shelter on Monday and while I fill out the tax forms and such to be officially hired in, she hangs out in the cat room, dangling feather toys for the kittens as they bounce and spring all around her like tiny little tigers. Her smile is bright as she cuddles one of the all black ones in her arms, kissing it on the nose even as it bats at her face.

  “Is she looking to volunteer?” Laura asks me as I sign one last sheet of paperwork, my signature long and scrawled in black ink. “Because you know we could use the help. Summer’s always our hardest season. Always a bunch of pregnant dogs and cats that get dumped here.”

  “She’s not staying here long,” I say. “Just a few weeks are all, but I think she’d love it.” I walk over to the glass and motion for Dakota to join us. She gives all the kittens one last kiss each before shoving back through the doors. The sound of barking dogs can be heard for a moment before the heavy door seals shut again.

  “What’s up?” she asks.

  “Would you be interested in volunteering while you’re here?” I ask her. “You could come in with me on my shifts if you wanted to. You don’t have to—I know this is sort of your only vacation.”

  She blinks, I think a little surprised, then grins. “Oh. That might be fun actually. Tell me more?” she asks and I steer her over to Laura, who’s happy to launch into the specifics. While they talk, I head back into the kennels to say a quick hello to the dogs I’ve come to know and love. I stick my fingers through the chain link fencing, scratching ears and getting slobbery kisses.

  As I walk down the second line of cages, I peer into the kennel that Butchie and Queen usually share, but it’s empty. I feel the first wave of worry, but when I flip the note cards on the door up to see the outcome, I see two “We’ve been adopted!” stickers and chuckle to myself. “Good for you, Butchie-girl,” I murmur. I’m happy she found a home, hopefully a forever family, but at the same time I’m sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye. But that’s just a part of working here, I guess.

  Jose comes trotting down the line with a black lab dragging behind him, young and stubborn. He pulls the dog into his cage and then backs back out swiftly, the leash dangling free as he latches the door. Smooth. The dog gives a sharp bark, then begins to gobble the kibble left in his metal bowl. “Hey there, chica,” he says, flashing me a one-hundred-watt smile. He motions to the empty cage. “You hear the news about Butchie?”

  “I saw she got adopted.”

  “Not just her—the family who adopted her came back the next day and said they couldn’t leave Queen behind, so they took her too. Both girls are in a home with a couple of older kids. I think they’ve found their forever,” he says with a nod. “Good thing, yeah. Those girls, they were special. They’ll be happy together.”

  “I hope so,” I agree.

  When I come back out to the front desk, Dakota has a volunteer shirt draped over her arm and she’s flipping through a flyer. She looks up and waves me over. “Teagan, c’mere for a second! I wanna show you something.”

  She thrusts the bright orange paper into my hands, the bold text talking about the shelter’s annual bake sale. I skim-read the entire pamphlet, then look up at Dakota, a little confused. “Okay? Newsflash: I don’t bake.”

  Her resulting grin is wicked. “But I do. I love to bake, but I never get the chance. I’m always stuck making mac and cheese and brownies from a box. Teagan—look at me—this could be super fun. I could show you what to do. I used to cook with my grandma all the time when I was younger and it’s a blast. And it will benefit the dogs and cats here! Double whammy.”

  She looks so god damn hopeful, like a little kid used to being let down, and I can’t be that person who tells her no.

  Laura pops her nose into the conversation with, “And all proceeds go to the shelter, so we can do a big pet fair and give people discounts on adoption fees. We’ll be helping dogs like Nika find a new home.” Wink wink, nudge nudge. Pull my arm, why don’t you?

  I laugh. “Alright. Why not?” Unlike my tiny cracker-box, Eli’s kitchen is huge and I bet if we told him about the bake sale, he’d be onboard with it. Doesn’t hurt that he’s a sucker for anything sweet. We could always tempt him with seven layer cookie bar recipes, sweet enough to create cavities on the first bite. “Thanks, Laura,” I tell her, handing Dakota back the glaring orange advertisement. Laura salutes me with a cheesy grin.

  On the way to Eli’s, we pick up Nika from my place so she won’t be alone all day. Dakota’s chattering on high speed while looking up different recipes on her cell phone, her excitement palpable enough to make my stomach do jumping jacks. It’s contagious. Nika curls into the space between the dashboard and Dakota’s legs, looking nauseated. I don’t think Dakota realizes that she gets carsick and I hope Nika doesn’t puke in her lap.

  And of course, just as I expected, Eli thinks the bake sale is a great idea. “It’ll be fun. I’ll invite Jake along for the ride. He’s a natural in the kitchen and his mom’s recipes, let me tell you. Hot damn. Do you guys have plans for the night?” Dakota and I exchange a look and I shake my head. Eli is pleased. “Why don’t you guys stay for awhile? I’ll make dinner and we can play video games and just chillax? Jake said he’d stop over after work, if that’s not an issue.”

  “Jake is beartrap, yes?” Dakota asks.

  “Beartrap?” Eli snorts, looking at me. “Is that what you call him?”

  I huff. “Used to. Only until I knew his name. Can you blame me? He would stomp through Infiniti’s and slap his money down on the counter. He conversed mostly in piggish grunts and his glares were sharp enough to pierce metal.”

  Eli’s grinning like a fool. “Yep, that’s Jakers. He can be a bit touchy, especially in the mornings. Caffeine is like fuel to him—without it, he’s running on empty. I think you’ll like him,” he says to Dakota.

  She shrugs. “I like everyone unless they give me a reason not to.”

  “He might give you reasons,” I warn. “But he’s a good guy, deep down. Just be aware. He’s kinda anti-woman.”

  She lifts a pierced eyebrow at this, as if it intrigues her.

  Eli steps in. “Jake has been through some rough stuff in his life. One of those things was a messy breakup that resulted in Jake…well…turning into kind of an asshat around girls. His ex was a piece of work.” He shakes his head. “He took to Teagan pretty well though, so maybe there’s hope for him yet?”

  No such luck. The minute Jake waltzes through the door, his eyes lock on Dakota like heat seeking missiles and his forehead narrows, a strange look on his face even as his lip rises up in a slight sneer. “Who might this be?” he asks breezily, staring at Dakota as if she’s a ghost that’s come back to haunt him. And Dakota, being Dakota, stares back undaunted, chin lifted in defiance and my stomach sinks.

  “Jake, this is my friend Dakota. Dakota, this is Jake Hammond.” Nika then realizes there’s another man in the room and scrambles away, barking like mad for several minutes in ear-piercing tones. I try to talk over the barking. “And this is Nika. Be gentle with her. She doesn’t like guys too much.”

  Jake lifts his chin in the universal man nod, says, “Okay, Teagan,” then goes about ignoring Dakota for the rest of the evening, making our little hangout more tense than any of us really would’ve liked. Eli tries his best to get Jake to open up and laugh, but Jake ends up glued to the Xbox, fingers pressing buttons almost angrily. Dakota rolls her eyes with a snort when he throws the controller and he turns to her. “You gotta problem?”

  “No, but apparently you do,” she snips back.

  “No one informed me that we were having company.”

  “Jake,” Eli warns.

  “Well you didn’t. Sorry if that puts me in a shitty mood.”

  “Don’t worry, I’m not here for good,” Dakota says stoically, standing up and walking out of the living room with her fists clenche
d at her sides.

  Jake turns his head to watch her leave, his scowl deepening, and I point a finger at him. “Thanks for being a dick,” I mutter, going after her. He throws his hands up in the air but I ignore him, frustration building. I find Dakota in the kitchen, sipping at a bottle of water, and approach her slowly. “Hey, you wanna take the dogs for a walk? Get some fresh air?”

  She looks relieved. “That would be awesome.”

  I fetch the leashes and clip them to their matching collars, Nika and Mr. Beefy dancing around like a couple of exuberant puppies. I hand Dakota Beefcake’s black leash and the four of us go out the sliding glass door. “I really am sorry about that,” I tell her when we’ve started down the sidewalk, walking side by side. “He hated me at first too, if it makes you feel any better.”

  “I’ve never felt such…hatred come off a person before. Like, he couldn’t stand the thought of me being in the same room as him. I could feel his anger and it made me feel sick to my stomach. I’m crazy. I know. It just sucks.” She shrugs, her shoulder blades pinching together. “He’s pretty hot, I’ll give him that, but damn. Them issues.”

  “Yeah, but doesn’t everyone have issues of their own? He’s been through the ringer. His dad was an abusive prick, put him in the hospital when he was a kid. His mom’s the only family he has left. The girl he thought would be his forever? She left him at the altar, or at least that’s what Eli told me.”

  She frowns, nibbling on her lower lip. “I feel bad, but Jesus. I didn’t do anything to him.”

  “Just cut him some slack. Try to play nice. He’ll come around eventually.” I wrap one arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a half hug, and she smiles at me. “C’mon, let’s just enjoy this walk and take it moment by moment, yeah?”