The Men of Ramshire

by Diane Lennox

  But now…

  Leander sighed and hugged his knees to his chest. Was it wrong of him to want to know what it felt like? Okay, he knew it wasn’t wrong, but a part of him felt guilty for wanting to know the sensation of being held so longingly, the way Simon held Alexei, without really caring who would be giving it to him.

  … Gods was he horny?

  Leander groaned and covered his face. Yes, he was one of those who very rarely thought about sexual things and liked to think themselves above such carnal matters. It just seemed like a waste of time and energy, especially when he wasn’t interested in anyone in particular. He didn’t even like to give into fantasies while in the shower because it usually just made him feel gross afterwards.

  So why was he getting all worked up now? He supposed the answer was pretty obvious, but it was a little weird to admit to himself that his brother’s love life was making him think about his own, or perhaps more accurately, his lack thereof.

  He sighed and tilted his head back to rest on the back of the couch. He’d never been this bothered by something like this and he really didn’t know what to do. There was a restless energy in him that needed some sort of outlet and he had a gut feeling that it wasn’t just going to magically disappear this time.

  But how was he going to make it go away? He certainly wasn’t going to hook up with someone. Gods, he’d never even kissed anyone! That plan was completely out of the question. He also couldn’t watch pornography on his computer because he was so not comfortable with telling Simon to get out of their room for a bit. The implications of asking him that would be very obvious and Leander didn’t think he could handle the awkwardness that would occur afterwards. He also didn’t want to just go take care of it in the shower because one, it made him feel gross after and two, he didn’t think it would actually satisfy this restless feeling. So what in the hells could he do?

  The Ruby Room.

  The answer was obvious, but still pretty damned awkward considering his whole family would end up knowing he was there and there was really only one reason to be there. There were other erotic dance clubs around the city, but the Ruby Room was by far the best and the safest one for him to go to.

  But should he really be that embarrassed? It wasn’t as if the rest of his family weren’t sexual creatures. He knew his father had one night stands, he knew Amos and Jamie were sexually active and that Jamie still danced frequently at the Ruby Room despite also being the manager, and he now knew that Simon and Alexei were definitely physical with each other. So why couldn’t Leander explore that side of himself too in his own way?

  “Bugger it,” Leander muttered and got up off the couch and made his way upstairs. He needed to let out of some of this energy before it really made him irritated and grumpy.

  “I’m going to the Ruby Room,” Leander announced as he entered his and Simon’s bedroom.

  Simon’s head whipped around to look at Leander. “You’re what?” He asked from his seat at his desk.

  “I’m going to the Ruby Room,” Leander said again and went to his own desk to collect his small shoulder bag. He was trying desperately not to blush, but he knew he was failing spectacularly.

  “Why?” Simon asked.

  “Why do you think?” Leander snapped back at him, refusing to look at his twin.

  “I really don’t know,” Simon replied, sounding a little wounded.

  Leander frowned. This was why he had to go. It wasn’t fair of him to be grumpy with Simon, at least not entirely. He knew some of his sour mood still had to do with the fact that his brother wouldn’t damned well give him the physical attention he wanted, but the rest of it wasn’t his brother’s fault.

  “Because I want to watch men dance,” Leander admitted, his face absolutely burning with embarrassment now.

  There was silence from the other end of the room.

  “Just say something!” Leander exclaimed, still glaring down at the floor. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Simon. Did he think him disgusting now? Was he disappointed?

  “Leander, are you alright?” Simon asked, his tone gentle and concerned. “You’re worrying me.”

  “Why? Because I’m actually showing an interest in something sexual?” Leander snapped again, his hands clenching around the strap of his shoulder bag.

  He could hear Simon get up and move closer to him. “Is that all this is? You’re just… pent up?”

  Leander’s chin started to tremble. Gods damn it, why was he getting so emotional?

  “Leander, talk to me.”

  “Why won’t you hug me?” Leander blurted out and finally looked up at Simon who was standing only a few feet away from him.

  Simon’s eyes widened. “What?”

  “You hug and touch Alexei so easily! Why not me? I’m your brother! Why does he get to have what I can’t?” Leander nearly shouted and rubbed at his eyes that were threatening to fill with tears.

  “Because I feel weird showing my affection for you that way.”

  Leander blinked, not expecting such a blunt and rather calm response.

  “It feels incestuous to me and it makes me uncomfortable,” Simon continued on. “I don’t mind it when we’re not feeling well because then it seems natural to comfort each other, but to just hug you or hold your hand for no reason besides the desire to do so makes me feel uneasy. I know that’s not how you mean it, but I can’t help how I feel about it. I’m sorry, Leander. I wish I didn’t feel that way because I know it upsets you and I absolutely hate upsetting you, but I can’t change how I feel about this as much as I want to.”

  “Why haven’t you ever told me this?” Leander asked, still surprised that Simon was actually explaining himself for once.

  “Because I feel horrible about it and you’ve never directly asked like this before,” Simon said then looked at Leander with a pained expression. “I want to be able to give you anything and everything you want, but this is one thing that I just can’t. I’m sorry, Leander.”

  Leander shook his head. “No, I’m sorry,” he said, feeling horrible himself now. “I know it bothers you so I do my best to hold back, but I’ve always felt so bitter about it. I thought perhaps there was something wrong with me, that maybe I disgusted you or something.”

  “Gods, no,” Simon said, shaking his head. “Not at all, Leander. As I said, when we’re comforting each other I really don’t mind hugging you or holding your hand, in fact it makes me feel considerably better, so it’s not that you disgust me. I promise you.”

  Leander tilted his head. “I wonder why you feel so strongly about it though. Incest, I mean.”

  “Because anything that could possibly tear apart my family frightens me in ways I can’t describe.”

  All the anger and tension left Leander’s body and was replaced instead with a tender ache. “I wish I would have known all this sooner, Simon, I hate that I felt any sort of bitterness towards you now.”

  Simon shook his head. “I deserve the bitterness.”

  “No, you don’t, not with that sort of reasoning. I promise from now on I will be more sympathetic towards you feelings,” Leander said, giving his brother a little smile.

  Simon bowed his head. “I’m sorry you have to be sympathetic at all.”

  “Fears aren’t always logical, Simon, you can’t help what frightens you. I mean, on some level I do think it’s silly that you think us hugging will mean you’re being incestuous and that you’ll lose your family over it, but at the same time I can see why that scenario would terrify you. Also, I can’t exactly say much considering the idea of going into a store by myself makes me so nervous I feel sick. My fears are even more ridiculous than yours,” Leander teased with a little smile.

  Simon smiled a little in return. “You’re too good to me, Leander.”

  “Likewise,” Leander said, his smile growing for a moment before it faded. He did feel far better now that he had this talk with Simon, but it didn’t exactly help with his other problem.

  “Wha
t is it?” Simon asked.

  “Um, if I said I still wanted to go to the Ruby Room, would you be disappointed in me?” Leander asked.

  “No, just surprised,” Simon replied. “And I feel better now that you’ve talked to me about what I think was really bothering you.”

  Leander nodded a little, his cheeks heating up once more. “So you’re sure it’s okay if I go?”

  “It’s not my place to tell you if it’s okay or not.”

  “Damn it, Simon, I don’t like the idea of you looking down on me.”

  “It would be rather hypocritical of me to look down on you,” Simon replied.

  Leander’s eyes widened. “You’ve been to the Ruby Room before?”

  “No, but I did get a little private show of my own from Alexei.”

  “Oh my gods,” Leander exclaimed, blushing very hotly now. “I’m not sure if I needed to know that.”

  Simon chuckled a little. “If you go you’ll be seeing far, far more than what I saw of Alexei, but the point is I don’t blame you for wanting to see attractive men show themselves off for you. I’m just surprised since you’ve never spoken of this desire before.”

  “And you know why that is,” Leander said, trying not to sound mean about it, but they’d been over the reason recently.

  “I do. But to address your concerns, I won’t look down on you and I won’t be disappointed. You go do what you need to do. Just… be safe, alright? Don’t go off with any strange men.”

  “Oh gods, no,” Leander said, shaking his head. “I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to watch an entire show. It may be too much for me.”

  “You can look away if you need to,” Simon said. “Don’t force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable with. And tell Jamie that you’re there, he’ll look after you.”

  Leander nodded. “Thank you, Simon, for um, not making me feel bad about this.”

  “You have nothing to feel bad about,” Simon replied. “Now go before it gets too late, we still have school tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” Leander said, smiling at his brother before rushing out of the room and downstairs to put on his boots and coat. It was a little silly, but having Simon’s approval always made Leander feel better about his decisions.

  Of course, that wasn’t to say that Leander felt good about going off to an erotic dance club, he just didn’t feel terrible anymore. He knew he was probably going in way too deep and was likely to feel embarrassed and overwhelmed, but he had to do something to make this restless feeling go away. And he knew this feeling had to be bad considering he was willing to go out alone to deal with it.

  The tram ride downtown wasn’t long, and luckily it was a route Leander already knew fairly well, but it didn’t stop his anxiety from going up quite a few notches being surrounded by strangers without any sort of escort. So needless to say he was eager to get off and head towards the large, shining Opulence sign a few blocks away from his stop. A part of him wondered how he was surviving this insane excursion at all, but he supposed it helped that he knew exactly where he was going and that once he was in the Ruby Room it was unlikely anyone was going to bother him. The focus would be on the dancers, not him, and if he got scared his older brothers weren’t going to be far away.

  He entered the casino, showed his ID at the front, then slowed to a near stop as he made his way inside for the first time. The name “Opulence” definitely suited the space. The tall, vaulted ceilings were immaculately painted with scenes from the tales of their gods and countless glittering chandeliers were hung all around. The floors were covered in marble tiles that were placed to make swirling mosaic patterns and the massive tree log pillars were all finished in a dark stain coating. Even the security guards fit in, looking like handsome statues as they stood perched along the raised ledges along the outside walls in their perfectly tailored black suits.

  Except as beautiful as it all was, it was overwhelming. The large space, the amount of people, the constant dinging and buzzing of gambling machines mixing in with all the laughter and cheerful chatter. Gods, why had he rushed out of the house alone? What in the hells was he thinking?

  He stepped backwards and accidentally bumped into an older gentleman who chuckled and smiled kindly before continuing on into the casino.

  Leander froze, now too scared to move in case he ran into someone a second time. What was he supposed to do?

  “Leander?”

  Leander turned to his right and stared up at the face of his saviour, recognizing him immediately. It was his older brother, Amos, looking very handsome in his black suit and his dark hair slicked back.

  “What are you doing here?” Amos asked, his usually stoic face taking on a hint of concern and fondness.

  “I wanted to go to the Ruby Room,” Leander admitted softly, and while Simon’s opinion meant the most to him, he still wasn’t eager to have his older brother look down on him either.

  Amos cocked an eyebrow. “Did you need to see Jamie?”

  Leander shook his head. “No, I wanted to see the dancers.”

  Amos just blinked at him for a moment. “Alright. You should have told us you were coming.”

  “I’m sorry,” Leander said, biting at his lip. “And I’m sorry I’m disturbing you at work.”

  “You’re not disturbing me. I’m working right now by assisting a patron who looks lost.”

  Leander let out a soft giggle. “I suppose I am a little lost.”

  “Come, I will escort you to the Ruby Room and we’ll tell Jamie you’re here. I will also ask Benjamin to keep an eye on you,” Amos said and offered an arm to Leander.

  Leander smiled and took his older brother’s arm. “Thank you, Amos.”

  “You don’t need to thank me. I’m your older brother, and while I know you usually have Simon to protect you and I trust him to do that duty, I am glad of the opportunity to do it myself tonight.”

  It was ridiculous, but Leander nearly felt like swooning over his older brother. He could see why Jamie fell for him. Amos was a simple man and likely didn’t even realize just how charming he was being just by being his loyal, caring self.

  They walked together along the winding main hallway and Leander found himself leaning up against Amos, who didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

  “This is the Ruby Room,” Amos said, stopping in front of a pair of ornate looking red doors with two more security guards standing right in front of them. “We must wait though for the performance to finish. The guards will open the doors for us when its time.”

  Leander nodded and simply stood next to his brother, ignoring the few other men loitering around as they waited as well.

  A few minutes later he could hear applause and cheering from inside and a moment later the two guards stepped aside and pulled open the doors, allowing Amos and himself to go through.

  Inside was far more elegant than Leander had imagined the place to be. The walls were all painted a dark red with beautiful, bold paintings hung up everywhere and the floors were all a stylishly worn dark wood. There were all sorts of chairs, armchairs, and couches around, all of them covered in black leather that looked very clean and well kept. There were a couple chandeliers above them, but most of the dim lighting came from the torch-like lights around the walls of the room. All in all it was a very classy, but cozy atmosphere, and Leander had a feeling he was going to be alright there.

  Amos took them to the back of the room and to a wooden door guarded by another very beefy looking security guard.

  “We’re here to see Jamie,” Amos said to the man.

  “Who’s this?” The man asked gruffly, looking to Leander.

  “Our little brother,” Amos replied.

  The man nodded. “One second,” he said and looked to another guard not far from them, nodded again, then went through the door alone. As promised he returned not even a minute later and held the door open for them. “Go on in.”

  Amos led Leander inside and down the winding hallway which he now realize
d was probably connected to the backstage area. There were tall lockers on one side, an office on the other, and he had a feeling the next door over was probably the changing rooms.

  They headed towards the open office door and found Jamie inside sitting at his desk.

  “Amos! Leander!” Jamie cried happily and flew out of his chair to come greet them. “I almost didn’t believe Jeremy when he said you guys were here!”

  “Jeremy would not lie,” Amos said bluntly and let go of Leander so he could hug his husband and give him a quick kiss. “Leander would like to watch the dancing this evening and I wanted you to know he was here. Could you ask Benjamin to keep a close eye on him?”

  “Of course!” Jamie said then looked to Leander with a fond smile. “I had no idea you were interested in watching, you’ve never said anything before.”

  “It was an impulsive decision,” Leander admitted. “I hope it’s alright.”

  “Of course it is! Um, I’ll also make sure to tell Morgan to leave you alone. He loves making shy, young men like you squirm,” Jamie said with a roll of his eyes.

  “Thank you,” Leander said. He certainly didn’t want to be the object of Morgan’s attentions, not with everything Jamie had told them about the man. Great dancer – not so great personality.

  “It’s no problem at all,” Jamie said then bounced about before giving Amos another little kiss. “I love getting surprise visits!”

  “I’m glad,” Amos said, returning the kiss and looking at Jamie with open, earnest fondness. “I’ll see you after work.”