Out of Chances

by Shona Husk

  ‘Daniel.’ Her face crumpled as though he’d just suggested something much more appalling.

  ‘I’m serious. When I get a new girlfriend it’s going to be hell awkward with Lisa sitting there.’

  ‘Please don’t swear. Lisa is friends with Lauren. She’s been coming around for years, it would be rude to stop inviting her.’

  ‘It’s insulting to me. No, hurtful every time I look at her …’ He drew in a breath then looked his mother in the eye. ‘Did you know she was pregnant?’

  His mother stepped back. ‘What? When?’

  ‘Did she tell you what she did?’

  His mother frowned. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  Which meant the baby was a lie or that Lisa didn’t want anyone to know. Either way it was about time his family saw her true colours.

  ‘I’ll tell everyone over dinner because you all deserve to know. I should’ve told you sooner but I …’ But he was afraid of looking like a dickhead. He was there already so what did it matter. He had nothing to lose.

  He took the beers and the dish of potatoes through. He sent his sisters out to help with the rest. He stared at Lisa as he rolled the beer cap between his fingers. He needed to get the words right. He’d only get one shot. He had to open up the wound once more and let the poison out. Then he could heal. It would truly be over.

  When everyone was seated and the food had been served and people were sticking the fork into their mouths with their first bite of what he knew would be delicious melt-in-your-mouth beef, he spoke.

  ‘I want to thank you for your support over the last six months.’ He was being sarcastic, but he kept his tone sincere. ‘They have been incredibly tough. But it’s true what they say. The loss of a baby really can destroy a relationship.’

  It was as if all air had been removed from the room. There was no sound. Lisa turned white. He hoped she choked.

  ‘Plenty of musicians have families, I never thought my decision to remain in the band would cause Lisa to terminate.’ He looked down at his untouched food. Saying it hurt, but not as much as holding it in had. ‘I’ve really struggled to deal with it.’

  That was no lie. Keeping her secret had been killing him. He glanced up and exhaled. He was glad it was no longer a secret.

  His parents looked at Lisa. Everyone looked at her. Including him.

  Wriggle out of that one.

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, are you drunk?’ She smiled and glanced around, her eyes a little too wide and her lips a little too stiff.

  ‘Shall I refresh your memory?’ He pulled out his phone. He’d kept all the messages, even though he’d wanted to erase her from his phone and life.

  She kicked him under the table. He tucked his legs under his chair. Now who was being childish?

  ‘That’s a horrible thing to say about Lisa,’ Lauren piped up.

  ‘It was a horrible thing that she did.’ His voice was surprisingly level. ‘She tried to use my baby as blackmail. Threatening to terminate if I didn’t quit the band.’

  ‘So why didn’t you quit and do the right thing?’ his father said. That was what Dan had expected him to say.

  ‘As I said, I can be a father and a musician, but I don’t want to be in the same room as someone who is so cold-blooded. That’s why I ask next time there is a family dinner she isn’t invited.’ Point made. He would cut her from his life like the cancer she was.

  ‘You want to bring your Kalgoorlie floozy? I looked her up online.’ Lisa snapped.

  ‘Stalking my new girlfriend, are you?’ Oh shit, the words were out before he had a chance to check them. He hadn’t meant to say that Indigo was his girlfriend, she wasn’t. What they were doing was low pressure and fun. Isn’t that what dating was supposed to be while you figured each other out? They hadn’t shared their weird yet, the thing that could scare the prospective partner away. His was all gathered around the dining table.

  Conversation erupted around the table. Who was she? How did they meet? Lisa couldn’t have done that! Why didn’t you say you were pregnant? We would’ve helped you.

  Dan ate a couple of mouthfuls of food and let the noise die down. The beef was awesome and he intended to go back for more.

  Lisa looked as though she wanted to kill him. ‘You will do anything for attention.’

  She was still denying everything and trying to make him take the fall. He was well past playing nicely. ‘And you will do anything to get money off my father.’

  ‘That’s enough. You’ll upset your mother. We all want what’s best for you. Playing rock star isn’t it. We’ve had this conversation before. When you come to your senses let me know.’ He said nothing about the baby. Had he known? Was this all old news to him?

  Dan glanced at his mother. She was looking rather pinched.

  His mother turned to Lisa. ‘Is it true?’

  ‘Of course not.’ Lisa placed her hand over her heart. ‘I could never do that.’

  She looked so convincing. His head hurt trying to work out what was the lie. He’d grieved for the loss. Spend so many hours wondering what to do before deciding. He’d come so close to quitting. Closer than anyone here, or in the band, knew.

  ‘So the text messages were lies to get me to quit? What would you have done if I had? Would you have faked a miscarriage? Tell me, Lisa, although now I’m not sure if I can believe anything you say.’ He finished his beer and shook his head. ‘Which is it, Lisa? Did you lie to me about the baby, or lie to my mother’s face?’

  Either option was bad. He wished he’d confronted her in front of everyone months ago, but back then he hadn’t been able to even face being in the same room as her. It was all unforgiveable.

  ‘I …’ she glanced around looking for support. Her gaze landed on his father for just a second. Then she straightened her back and looked at him. ‘You wouldn’t listen to anything I said. I had to get your attention.’

  ‘No. Whatever the reason and whatever the truth, it will be a cold day in hell before I ever sit down under the same roof as you.’ He stood, picked up his plate and walked out of the dining room.

  He ate the rest of his meal standing in the kitchen to make the point. He could hear talking, but not the words. He didn’t care. He did. He rubbed his face as his eyes stung. The people who were supposed to care about him didn’t give a fuck. They cared more about Lisa. That much was clear.

  ‘Why didn’t you say something?’ his mother rubbed his back.

  ‘Because you all love her more than me. Because I didn’t even know how to say it without people thinking I was a tool for not dropping everything to be by her side.’

  ‘You can’t put the band first forever. You need a career.’

  ‘I have one.’ No one had any idea, did they? They all thought he was playing around. ‘I don’t see why I have to pick one or the other.’

  ‘Lisa loves you and couldn’t deal with the separation.’

  ‘Then that is her issue.’ He sighed and lowered his voice. ‘I don’t think she’s loved me for a while.’ She’d been in love with the idea, but not the reality. Or in love with the money that was being dangled in front of her.

  ‘Give her another chance.’

  Dan pulled away. ‘Are you kidding me? After what she put me through?’

  ‘She made a mistake.’

  ‘No, I did in not breaking up with her sooner.’ And in coming here. ‘I’m going. I can’t sit there and make nice with her.’ Lisa was a snake no matter what the truth was.

  ‘Let me pack you up some leftovers.’

  ‘Nope. I don’t need handouts. I’ll stop by … don’t know when.’

  ‘What about your new girlfriend?’

  ‘What about her?’

  ‘Do we get to meet her?’

  ‘I’m not sure I want to put her though this.’ Would his father crawl under Indigo’s skin and take her over too? It was like he was living in his own private horror movie. They’d all come out of the dining room
echoing whatever his father thought in a moment. Fleshy puppets all mouthing the same thing. He shuddered, suddenly cold.

  ‘You’re overreacting.’ She put her hand on his arm. ‘We want to see you happy.’

  He almost believed her. He swallowed. She wasn’t lying, but she didn’t know what made him happy.

  ‘I know, Mum.’ That was his lie for the evening. ‘I’m going to go.’

  ‘Should you be driving?’ Lisa’s face was cold as she watched him.

  ‘What, you want to drive me home and climb into my bed again?’ He couldn’t shake free of her. What did he need to say to make her go away?

  ‘Daniel,’ his mother chided.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Lisa said. ‘Let’s get together, we can talk. We haven’t done that. Not properly.’

  ‘There is nothing left to say and nothing you can do.’ He pulled his keys and walked past her. ‘Thanks for dinner, Mum.’ It’s been a real pleasure, as always.

  Once he was sitting in his car, he did briefly wonder as he started it if he should be driving. How many beers in how long? Was it four in an hour and a half or five? Had they been full or mid-strength? He didn’t know.

  He’d be fine. He didn’t feel drunk. He was too angry too feel anything else. Angry that she still wouldn’t tell the truth. That she still thought they could make it work for the money. He didn’t want his father’s money. He knew those strings would never get cut.

  As much as he hated counting every cent, at least he didn’t have to answer to anyone. They were his dollars and he’d earned them with his own sweat and tears.

  Being angry was better than hurting so he held onto it. Better to think that he’d dodged a bullet and seen her true colours in time than thinking about anything else. He pulled out of the driveway and left the tree-lined streets. The flash suburb gave way to the less affluent ones. The street trees thinning and vanishing and the houses becoming smaller.

  Twenty minutes from home.

  He turned up the radio.

  The roads were pretty empty. He smiled. He wanted to call up Indigo, spend the night with her and put everything else behind him.

  Red and blue flashed in his rear-view mirror.

  Fuck. He checked his speed. That was fine. He had to pullover, so he did. He also grabbed a piece of gum from the pack in the centre consol. He was almost out of gum.

  He wound down his window and waited. Sweat formed and trickled down his spine.

  I’m fine. This will be over in a minute.

  I am over the limit.

  Fuck.

  Refuse and go to the station for a blood test.

  Shit no. That will just drag it on.

  The cop took his time as he ran his torchlight over the car. It was ten years old, but in very good condition. Tyres. Were his tyres okay or were they bald?

  ‘Evening, sir. Did you see that stop sign?’

  He had … should he lie? Probably not. Take the hit for the stop sign and the cop would go away. ‘Yes.’

  ‘You didn’t stop.’

  There had been no one coming. It had been a rolling stop, not a complete stop. Something he did all the time, that everyone did if the road was clear. He knew better than to argue with cops. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Where have you been?’

  ‘Family dinner … it was on my mind.’ It was a weak excuse and he knew it.

  ‘Can I see your licence and registration papers?’

  ‘Sure.’ Dan tugged his wallet out of his jeans pocket. His fingers were slippery and refusing to cooperate. He pulled his licence out after two goes. Dread was now churning in his gut. The rego papers were in in the glove box. It was the receipt of payment. The state government had gotten rid of the rego stickers several years before.

  He handed that to the cop as well.

  Several long seconds later, the cop looked at him and handed back the paperwork. ‘Have you been drinking tonight?’

  ‘A couple of beers with my dad.’

  He wished he’d only had a couple. Lisa being there had thrown him, and all the happy he’d found had vanished faster than rain in the desert. Soaked up, leaving nothing but the vast emptiness and a few bleached skeletons.

  ‘I’m going to need to do a breath test.’

  Well, he couldn’t exactly say no or drive off at top speed. Which meant that he was now staring down the barrel of a royal fuck-up of epic proportions he was never going to be able to get out of.

  He wanted to start the car and floor it, but wannabe rock star leads police on a chase through the northern suburbs was a headline he didn’t want attached to his name. While the cop got his breathalyser, Dan spat out the gum and scrubbed his hand over his face.

  He followed the instructions of the cop, knowing that this time fate was going to screw him without lube.

  Well over .05 … much closer to .1

  That was worse than he’d expected.

  ‘I’m going to have to ask you to park the car and accompany me to the station.’

  Dan nodded. And glanced around the street. Guess he was leaving his car kerbside for the night. How was he going to collect it?

  He couldn’t put the pieces together right now. So he parked and locked the car and got into the police car. It wasn’t his first. However, he’d been a kid the last time. There was unfortunately already a file with his name on it.

  Getting arrested for DUI, how very clichéd. But he wasn’t under arrest yet. He knew he shouldn’t say much. It would be a cold day in hell before he called his father for help. He closed his eyes for the duration of the trip. His stomach tight and the beef now rolling in the beer like a listing ship. Was he going to be sick?

  That would be the ultimate humiliation. He breathed deeply.

  How much would the fine be? Whatever it was he couldn’t afford it.

  At the station he had to repeat the test. Like it would’ve changed much.

  They sat him down and explained that he was being charged with driving under the influence. That he would have to go to court and when sentenced he would lose his licence for six months.

  Dan nodded. ‘Wait, that means I can drive until the court case?’

  The cop looked at him. ‘Yes, but if you get caught again tonight …’

  It was going to get a whole lot worse. He nodded. He got that.

  Then that was it, he could leave. It was almost anticlimactic. He’d been expecting to spend the night in jail or something. Walking out and taking a breath of the cool night air was a relief, but he was expecting someone to say it was a mistake and to call him back.

  What now?

  He had to get home.

  He didn’t have the money for a taxi. How late was it and who was going to give him the least grief?

  It was a very short list. Ripley didn’t have a car, and he was probably dancing his ass off. Ed would be annoyed at the impending DUI charge—no, he couldn’t deal with that right now. Mike … Mike would collect him then probably take him to his house where Gemma would have a go and they’d call up Ed. Nope.

  Indigo.

  Too much to ask of her?

  The other option was to find a bench and wait for a bus. That was about as appealing as calling Lisa or his parents.

  Indigo it was.

  Indigo’s phone buzzed in her back pocket. She ignored it. The bar was busy—but at least her sister and her friends had left to find a nightclub. That they were staying with her for a full week, and not a few days as Indigo had agreed to, was really pushing her hospitality.

  They were going out every night. And while Indigo had joined them a couple of times, she didn’t want to go out every night. And certainly couldn’t keep up with their drinking.

  Her phone buzzed again.

  This time she stepped back from the bar and wiped her hands to check. If something happened to her sister she wouldn’t be able to live with herself.

  Dan. Need 2 tlk

  She smiled but knew there would be no escaping until her shift was over. The idea of he
ading around to his place after work was far too appealing.

  Can’t talk, working until 12

  OK

  She put her phone back in her pocket and hoped the next hour went fast. Really fast.

  It didn’t, of course, because she was thinking of all the things she wanted to do with him when she finished. She was very tempted to go straight to his place without calling … but there was the small chance that he’d done himself and gone to sleep instead of waiting.

  As she walked out and headed toward her car she called him. If he didn’t answer she’d go home and do herself.

  He picked up on the first ring.

  ‘What’s up?’ She knew exactly what was up.

  He was quiet for a couple of seconds. ‘This is going to sound bad.’

  ‘Oh good.’ She grinned and started up her car.

  ‘Not the fun kind of bad.’ His voice sounded different, like all the life had been sucked out.

  ‘Oh … do I want to know?’ This was not a booty call. He sounded worried, not excited to be talking to her.

  There was a pause. She was beginning to think she didn’t want to know. She wasn’t sure she wanted to be involved with whatever was going on.

  ‘Can you pick me up and then I’ll explain?’

  ‘Where?’ She was not driving to the ass end of Perth to get him.

  ‘I’m almost at the Fremantle train station.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll be there waiting … going to your place after, I’m guessing?’

  ‘Yeah.’ He sighed. ‘That would be good.’

  Right. What the hell was going on? He’d been going to a family dinner tonight. He hadn’t been thrilled about it. Now she wasn’t thrilled either. She wasn’t his taxi service … or his girlfriend.

  She parked near the train station exit; not many people were coming out and she spotted him straightaway. She wound down her window and called him over. He got in and closed his eyes, not moving to even put his seatbelt on. She didn’t start driving.

  How bad had his evening been?

  His family couldn’t be as bad as hers.

  Dan drew in a breath. ‘You know when you think things are going to go to shit, but you think you’re being paranoid, but then it happens and you kick yourself for not listening to your gut?’