Out of Chances

by Shona Husk

  ‘And you didn’t care.’

  ‘I cared but I wasn’t going to come scuttling home like a whipped dog. Thank God I didn’t because everything I thought we had was a lie. If it was about the money, why not tell me the truth?’

  ‘Would you have come home?’

  ‘No. But you could’ve saved me a whole lot of hurt. I grieved the loss of a baby that never even existed.’ He looked at her. His parents hadn’t liked her at first … she didn’t come from a good family. His father had called her a gold-digger. However she’d said and done all the right things, and his father had found a way to control her. No wonder his father now liked her.

  ‘And what about me? What am I supposed to do?’

  ‘The same as everyone else; work and find a way to make ends meet.’ Which is exactly what he was having to do. He’d never realised how hard it had been for Ed, Gemma and Mike. While he’d had the stipend, they’d had nothing but what they’d earned the hard way.

  ‘You are cutting your nose off to spite your face.’

  He shrugged; maybe he was, but it was a small price to pay for freedom. ‘You have done more than enough damage to my life.’

  ‘Dan.’ Her voice took on that hopeless tone that he’d once found endearing, as though she couldn’t live without him.

  Now he found it terrifying. He could barely run his own life. He didn’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s. He stared at her without flinching.

  She blinked and frowned as though confused that nothing was working. ‘Is there nothing I can say or do?’

  She reached for him and he pulled back.

  ‘Nothing. Now get out of my doorway and my life. If you’re smart you’ll get out of my family too. Find someone else to sink your claws into.’

  Lisa considered him for a moment. ‘I don’t think you have a girlfriend. Isn’t that gay friend of yours back in town?’

  His stomach flipped.

  ‘I bet those rumours about you and Gemma were all a smokescreen and you’re as gay as she is.’ Her lips curved in a grin.

  He kept his face immobile while his stomach did more than just flip. ‘I slept with you.’ Something he regretted ever doing. ‘That would technically make me bi.’

  Lisa didn’t smile. ‘I know you don’t care about what people think … but Gemma might. That’s not public information.’

  He was going to throw up. ‘Whatever you do, leave Gemma out of it.’

  ‘Or what?’

  He shook his head. ‘You really are a toxic bitch, aren’t you? You should come with a warning label.’

  She shrugged. ‘I’m just doing what I need to do.’

  ‘Don’t do this, Lisa.’

  ‘Move in for twelve months.’

  ‘And the band?’

  ‘They can find a replacement. Music is a fine hobby.’ Apparently not as profitable as blackmail. ‘I’ll give you a few days to have a think.’ Lisa stepped back. ‘See you round, Dan.’

  Chapter 12

  Dan needed to get his car and he needed to warn Gemma about Lisa’s next plot to make him miserable. It had seemed like a good idea to do both at the same time, but now he was stuck in her car and he’d had to confess what had happened.

  Gemma would go and tell Ed. This time, though, he didn’t care if she did. At least he wouldn’t have to. He was dreading that already and he hadn’t even lost his licence yet. That loomed ahead like a large storm rolling in over the ocean.

  ‘Did I tell you what an idiot you are?’

  ‘Yes, twice but not in those words.’ The first two times had involved more cursing. ‘I know it was dumb, but I thought I was okay.’

  No, he’d questioned himself when he’d got in the car. But he’d justified it with things like the roads are pretty empty and he didn’t have that far to go. If he’d spent any more time at his parents’ he’d have ended up getting totally legless and that would’ve been worse. Lisa would’ve pounced and he’d have been defenceless … spineless. He’d stood up to her this morning and now Gemma has part of the mess. It just kept spreading, poisoning everything.

  Lisa thought Gemma was his weakness. In a way she was right. Gemma was his friend. At least he hoped she was … she may not be after this. This might be the final blow.

  ‘I need to talk about Lisa.’ He didn’t even want to be mentioning her name, but it had to be done.

  She glanced at him. ‘What’s she done this time?’

  ‘It’s what she is threatening.’

  ‘You’ve got to stop worrying about her. Put her behind you. Find someone new.’

  That was easier said than done. ‘She’s gunning for me, Gem.’ There was so much more going on than their failed relationship.

  ‘That’s not new, but I am surprised that you’re telling me. Aren’t you worried I’ll tell the others?’

  He winced. He deserved that. It wasn’t as though they’d spoken much since she blabbed about the non-existent baby. ‘I’m trusting your judgement.’ His wasn’t working very well at the moment. ‘But that doesn’t mean I’m not still burned you told them without giving me the chance to do it myself. You should have said something. I would have done it.’

  She nodded. ‘I didn’t think you’d listen. I’m sorry.’

  Dan relaxed a little. He probably wouldn’t have listened. ‘I’m sorry too. I overreacted.’ He drew in a breath, well aware that while she’d told their band mates the details about him and Lisa, he’d told the enemy about Gem being gay. His sin was definitely worse.

  ‘My family was trying to implicate you in the break-up … I told them it was never going to happen because you don’t like guys. Mum must have told Lisa.’

  Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. ‘And now Lisa is doing what with that knowledge?’

  ‘She is threatening to out me.’

  Gemma laughed. ‘You?’

  ‘And you by default. Those rumours about us dating were a smokescreen, apparently.’

  She stopped laughing. ‘That’s bullshit. What does she hope to achieve?’

  ‘She wants me to move back in for a year. My father said he’d pay her uni debt and give us a house deposit if she got me to quit.’

  ‘So not just move in, but quit on top of all of that?’ She shook her head. ‘Then, in a year’s time, what would you do?’

  ‘Be dead.’ He closed his eyes. ‘I’d hate my life. You guys would’ve moved on and replaced me … my father would’ve won.’

  ‘That would suck.’

  Gemma knew what she was talking about. Her family had never supported her dreams either and her father was a bully, much like his. It was why they had always been close—they understood the battles each faced. Gemma had won hers. He was still fighting. It felt as though he’d been fighting forever. He was tired.

  ‘You aren’t thinking about it, are you?’ She mistook his silence as resignation.

  ‘No …’ But he had no money, an impending court appearance and the woman he had been seeing had brushed him off. He’d texted her to apologise for being an idiot. Even though he’d learned more about her, the end result had been more distance. She’d told him flat out she didn’t do relationships.

  He did. He wanted more than what she was offering. If he texted her again he’d be looking desperate. He had to wait for her to call him. It was killing him. Maybe he should see if she wanted to come out on Tuesday with him and Ripley and whoever else Ripley ended up inviting. It was a good excuse to text her again and she’d have to answer.

  ‘It’s not just me. I know you aren’t ready for this.’ If he caved in now and did what Lisa wanted, that would be it. He’d never be free and he’d have nothing to live for.

  She sighed. ‘I will survive. It would have come out eventually … I just hope that it doesn’t blow up in all of our faces.’

  ‘Most people shouldn’t care.’ He tried to sound more hopeful than he felt. However, he knew how cruel people could be. He’d see the way Ripley had struggled and been treated at school. But
that had been kids—boys trying to be tough and picking on those they thought were weaker. He glanced at Gemma; they both knew some adults never outgrew that stage.

  ‘And the ones that do, we don’t care about.’ She gave a fist pump.

  He didn’t feel the same enthusiasm. ‘Do we have enough fans to be picky?’

  She was quiet for a moment. ‘I guess we’re going to find out because you aren’t quitting. You can’t.’

  They both knew that he could.

  ‘Just think of all the tormented songs you’ll be able to get out of this.’ She smiled hopefully.

  ‘Nope.’ He was never doing that again. ‘I would prefer to never mention her again.’ He saw his car up the street and still with its tyres on. ‘Thank you for driving me to my car.’

  ‘Thanks for the heads-up. I’ll have a chat to Kirsten and see how she feels.’

  Dan nodded. Ed’s sister had only been dating Gemma for a few months; she may not be ready for this. A small part of him hoped Lisa wouldn’t do it … but the rest of him knew she had her eyes firmly on his father’s wallet.

  There had been a freeze in their friendship since Indigo had refused to go out with Maddy and be the sure thing. Which had meant that seeing her at work had been more than a little awkward.

  Today, though, Maddy was all smiles. ‘Did you want to come out this weekend?’

  Usually she’d say yes, but her sister would be gone and she’d have the flat to herself. It would be bliss even though she’d probably be spending the weekend cleaning. Yay.

  However she didn’t want to say no outright, not again. ‘I dunno, to do what?’

  ‘Dinner, movies …’

  ‘Is this another attempt to set me up?’ She really didn’t need that right now. Dan had texted her twice. The first time to apologise, he knew what he’d done was stupid. She was glad that he’d accepted that. The second time to see if she wanted to go out tomorrow.

  Who went out on a Tuesday night?

  He did, apparently.

  She’d said no. They weren’t dating and she wasn’t going clubbing. However, now she was thinking that her one word text might have been a bit harsh. She still wanted to see him. At least, she thought she did, but he was in the middle of a mess and she didn’t want to be part of it. That was mean. If she liked him then she should be willing to be there for the bad as well as the good and there was good. Lots of good.

  This was why she didn’t like relationships. They were messy.

  Give it a few days, then call him on Thursday to see if he wants a hook-up.

  She had to play it cool and keep control. Keep a safe zone between them. But she knew she was holding fire every time she was with him. Each time she saw him she was closer to getting burned.

  ‘Oh come on, you’ll like him. You can’t keep serial dating forever.’ Maddy had a drink of water.

  Indigo didn’t see why not, but that argument never got anywhere with Maddy. She liked to see everyone all paired up and Indigo was an anomaly.

  ‘I’m kind of seeing someone.’ It wasn’t a total lie as she was kind of seeing Dan. It was no longer a one-night fling to scratch an itch and jump into a rock star’s bed. It had been several weeks of seeing him on and off. That was almost the longest she’d ever seen anyone.

  ‘You’re lying.’ Maddy crossed her arms

  Indigo shook her head. ‘Nope … I picked him up a few weeks ago and we’ve had several sleepovers.’ She was about to add that he’d taken her to the ballet as a VIP, but she didn’t want to share that night. It was too special. Like a glass Christmas tree ornament that was only brought out once a year. She didn’t want it to get tarnished or broken. Even if she never saw him again, he had left an impact on her life and there would be a crater that no one would ever be able to fill.

  ‘Why didn’t you say anything? We can all get together. It will be fun!’

  Like sticking pins in her eyes. ‘I don’t think we’re ready for that. It’s a low pressure kind of thing.’

  Maddy frowned. ‘He’s using you for sex? Is he married?’

  ‘No … I would never be that woman. Never.’ The idea was horrifying. She was sure the women her father saw on the side knew full well he was a cheating dog but they didn’t care. She hated them for being available and making it easy.

  ‘Does he have a name, are there pictures?’ Maddy pressed.

  ‘Do you think I’m making him up?’

  ‘Honestly? Yes.’

  Indigo checked her watch. ‘I have a class to teach.’

  But the idea was already there … it would be nice to go out with Dan again and prove Maddy wrong. What was she thinking? She was rebound girl while he recovered from his horrid ex. He was using her for sex … he’d rung her when he’d needed help.

  Because he’d been done for DUI.

  He was turning out to be like the guys she’d known back home. Drinking and fun and as long as they were getting what they wanted. The moment that stopped they were moving on. He didn’t care about her.

  He’d invited her out tomorrow.

  She could’ve said yes. It was so tempting to text him and say she’d changed her mind and she would like to see him. When she was with him everything was fine, but as soon as she was out of his bed, all the doubts flooded back.

  She didn’t know what she was doing anymore. Was Maddy right? In ten years’ time she’d be desperate and alone?

  As much as she didn’t want to be alone, she didn’t want to be with someone just so she didn’t have to be by herself.

  Maybe this was where what she had with Dan ended. Had she already made that decision by not staying over after his DUI? It didn’t feel over. She didn’t know what it was anymore, only that she wasn’t ready to meet his friends. That would imply that she was ready to up the stakes and she wasn’t.

  He’d have fun without her … although hopefully not that much fun.

  Chapter 13

  Despite what Gemma had said, Dan was worried. Going out with Ripley probably wasn’t a wise move if Lisa was looking to make trouble. But he wasn’t going to cancel—it was hard enough to catch up with Ripley as it was. And he really wanted a big night out so he could forget about Lisa and Indigo.

  He hadn’t expected that to crash and burn so fast.

  It was as though she didn’t want to know him. She’d got what she wanted and moved on because he was an idiot. He wished he hadn’t called her and he’d just walked home, then she wouldn’t be brushing him off.

  Whatever, he didn’t need anyone, he would get by.

  Ripley handed him a roll of fifty-dollar notes when they met at the hotel bar in Perth. ‘Think of it as repayment.’

  Dan was very relieved to see that Ripley was on his own. He really couldn’t have handled a group of exuberant dancers, or ex-high school buddies, tonight.

  ‘I never kept track.’ Dan had funded a lot of their escapades because he had the money. His family always had the money. Dan shoved the notes into his wallet. He hadn’t driven. One run-in with the cops was enough. He’d been careless, but he wasn’t stupid.

  ‘Neither did I, but I did resent it at times. Kind of a weird resentment-gratitude thing.’

  ‘Yeah, I’m feeling it.’ And Dan wasn’t sure that he liked it. ‘So where are we going?’

  ‘Northbridge for food and dancing.’

  ‘No gay bar.’ It would be just his luck to be seen. Since when did he care? It had never bothered him before. He was becoming paranoid and that wasn’t him. Lisa was still whispering in his ear and he didn’t like it at all. He needed to break that chain.

  ‘Dude … I’m single,’ Ripley pleaded, hands in prayer.

  ‘So am I.’

  ‘What happened to the pretty redhead?’

  Then Dan had to tell the whole story. All of it. ‘I’m pretty sure I’m now living in some hellish soap opera that would be funny if it weren’t real.’

  ‘Nah. If it was a soap opera Lisa would be having an affair with your father and you secretl
y would be gay and you’d wake up in my bed.’

  Dan stared at Ripley then shook his head. ‘Okay, you really do need to get laid if you are looking at me like that.’

  ‘Oh, please. I can do better,’ he said with a smile.

  ‘Now you’re kicking me while I’m down? Remind me why I’m your friend?’

  ‘Because I will always haul your ass out of the fire and you would do the same for me. You don’t fuck your friends unless you want to lose them.’ Ripley finished his light beer. ‘I got an email from Nate … unofficially he likes your work.’ Ripley grinned and put his arm around Dan’s shoulders. ‘Now let’s go and waste my money and find some other desperate and lonely people to screw.’

  The tension that had been squeezing him for the last couple of days eased a fraction. Selling some songs was exactly the kind of good news that he needed—not that it had happened yet. ‘Food first.’

  ‘Yes … I hadn’t forgotten.’

  Ripley totally had. He could get very sidetracked, although he called it focused. Trouble was Dan knew exactly what that was like.

  After eating a pile of cheap noodles and washing them down with more beer, they ended up in a club that was playing noise that passed for music, more beat than melody and even less lyrics. Not Dan’s thing at all. Even if he was well on the way to passing out. He’d drunk too much over the last four hours. He knew it for sure this time.

  And he was going to regret it come morning. However, tonight he just wanted to put everything else aside. He’d deal with tomorrow tomorrow.

  Ripley had mastered the art of looking like he was drinking and getting drunk without actually doing anything. And he was fun. Dancing with anyone who wanted him. Did any of the women realise or did they just like the fact that he was tall and moved well? Dan finished his water—he could drink a swimming pool and it wouldn’t stop the hangover from arriving—and moved back onto the floor and into the gaggle of people that had formed around Ripley.

  Some things didn’t change; the man was still a magnet. Going out with him meant having fun without being in the spotlight. That suited Dan fine.