Hidden Desire
Page 21
She’s here.
I spot the back of her beautiful straight hair first, then my eyes drop to her hand, which is joined with that of a smug-faced boy in a pair of khakis and a polo shirt. Pulling my car into the first available slot, I park and get out. Now my heart joins the race, the beats gathering speed with every step closer I take to her and Brandon and the two couples they’re chatting with.
Stopping in front of the group, I speak to get her attention. The others—especially the two other girls—are already staring at me.
“Laney.”
“Culley?” Her voice is pitched high with surprise. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”
“I need to speak with you. Would you mind taking a ride with me?”
She doesn’t answer at first, probably too shocked by my sudden appearance to respond. Finally she says, “Okay,” at the same time Brandon says, “I don’t think so, buddy.”
“I wasn’t talking to you,” I growl.
“Who is this, Laney?” Brandon demands.
“Um... he’s someone I met in—”
“Culley Rune,” I say, extending a hand along with a cocky grin certain to elicit fury. “You may have seen me on the cover of the latest GQ magazine. Or caught my Polo cologne ads on TV.”
The girls in the group gasp and then face each other, giggling with excitement. “I knew it was him!” one of them says to the other.
“I don't care what kind of gay magazines you’ve been in,” Brandon counters. “She’s not going anywhere with you.”
“Brandon.” Laney reaches out to touch his beefy arm. “It’s okay. Let me talk to him a minute. We’ll stay right here.”
His eyes narrow in fury, and his skin is the color of a ripe tomato, but he grinds his teeth together and says nothing.
Laney reaches out, waiting for me to take her hand. My own hand trembling, I usher her away toward the back of the restaurant’s outdoor patio while Brandon and his group stare a crater through us both.
When we’re out of earshot of the others, I stop walking. Laney immediately drops my hand, feeling for the warm brick of the Sonic’s exterior wall beside her and leaning into it.
“Why are you here, Culley? What do you want?”
Her tone isn’t exactly encouraging. She sounds suspicious and angry—which I understand completely.
“I want you to break up with that guy. I spoke to your brother’s friend Asher. He’s told me about Brandon. How could you get back together with him after what he did to you?”
She throws her shoulders back, and her chest goes out. That little stubborn chin I love so much rises high in the air. “It’s none of your business. Why would you even care?”
I exhale in a frustrated gust. “The guy’s all wrong for you. It’s obvious.”
“Oh really? Well, who would be better for me then? Who’s even going to have me?”
“What a stupid question. Anyone would be thrilled to have you.”
“Anyone? You’re wrong. I can think of someone right now who had his chance and turned it down in favor of just another blonde groupie.”
“For your information, Nicole and I did not spend the night together. I left the gala and went home to bed. Alone. How did you know she was blonde?”
“Lucky guess,” she snaps. “If you’ve come all the way from California to try to get me to break up with the only guy who's ever really wanted me, you’re wasting your time. Brandon is there for me, and he’s really sorry about the way things ended before. People make mistakes.”
“He’s not the upstanding, loyal, good guy you think he is. In fact, even I would do a better job of looking out for you than he will.”
Laney goes very still. Her expression serious. “What are you saying?”
Now that my mouth has blurted it out, my mind is scrambling to catch up. “Well... I’ve told you about my true nature. It comes with an... extended lifespan. Immortality actually. I think if you’ll look at it logically you have to agree I’m the best person to look out for you and protect you for a lifetime.”
“Because of logic,” she says.
“Yes.”
“And that’s it.”
“It makes perfect sense,” I say, quite proud of my convincing tone of voice and confident delivery.
She stands silent, fists clenched for a solid minute. Then she turns and starts to walk off.
My hand darts out to wrap around her arm. “Wait. Where are you going?”
Laney whirls back around to face me. “Go home, Culley. Just... go.”
“Be reasonable—”
“No. I don’t want to be reasonable. I don’t want to be protected and taken care of. I already have too many people who try to protect me and take care of me. That’s what I ran away from. What I need is someone who loves me—not like a child, or a friend, or a charity case. I want to be loved passionately. And you don’t believe in love.”
I let out an exasperated laugh. “Oh, and I suppose you have passionate ‘love’ with that musclebound dimwit?”
She yanks her arm from my grasp. “Yes. Brandon has told me he loves me, which is more than I can say for some people. You can’t even say the word with a straight face.”
“Declarations of love mean nothing. Anyone can say that. It’s what people do that matters.”
“And what about you? What did you do? You sent me away, you acted like you cared then immediately hooked up with another girl. You hurt me, Culley.” She shakes her head. “How do I know you won’t change your mind again or get bored and want some variety, like that girl at the gala?”
Emotion rises up inside me like an over-boiling saucepan. “You think I can’t commit? Tell you what—get in my car with me right now,” I challenge. “We’ll go to a hotel room—or your room—or... a deserted spot at the end of the bypass if you prefer and seal this thing—forever. I get only one shot at bonding. I’ll show you commitment that’ll make your head spin.”
I can see I’ve gotten through to her. Either that or she’s imagining the logistics of bonding in the back of a rented Jeep. She stands for a minute more, warring emotions playing out across her face.
“It’s not enough.” A tear spills over her eyelid and streams down her face. Another matches it on the opposite side. Laney lifts both hands and swipes at her cheeks. “Why did you have to come find me? I was fine before you showed up here. I’m better off without you. Better off with someone I’ve known my whole life, someone I’m sure of, someone I can at least have some peace with.”
I glance over at Brandon, who’s staring a wide hole through me. “So, you’ll give him another chance, but not me?”
“He can’t hurt me the way you can,” she says.
“I can give you more than he can,” I spit out in desperation. “Travel. A posh place to live—with ocean breezes in every room if you want it. Cars, clothes, jewels. Name it. It’s yours.”
“Do you really think I want any of that? You know what I want. I want the real you. The money is not you. The good looks aren’t you. I want what’s inside.” She reaches out and presses a tiny palm to my chest. “Your heart. But you can’t give me that. Or you won’t.”
My fingers wrap around her wrist, trying to hold her there forever. “Laney,” I force out through clenched teeth. This girl is killing me.
“I dreamed about you last night,” she whispers. “I felt like you were right there with me in my room. I thought it was too good to be true.” She waits a long beat. “Guess I was right.”
Tearing her hand from mine, she whirls away and heads back toward her friends. Brandon rushes to her side, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and glaring back over his own shoulder at me.
Don’t bother, buddy. Your loathing for me can’t even come close to my own.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Something to Live For
I can’t believe I’ll never see her again. My mind literally won’t accept it. I guess that will come eventually. After about fifty years or so.
Back in Altum, Asher gives me a hopeful raised-eyebrow look when I walk into the saol water processing room. I shake my head. Don’t ask.
He nods and bends back to the task he’s working on with Hakon and Wickthorne.
My father’s healer glances up. “Ah, Culley. Good news. Wickthorne has come up with a powdered iron solution that should be effective and inconspicuous to add to the new S batches during production. Now we just have to get it to the factories and start the process.”
Asher speaks up. “Lad says he’s heard back from some of the other leaders in the clans near the facilities. They can strike as early as next week.”
“That is good news,” I say, trying to muster some enthusiasm. I do want the plan to work, and I will play my part. If we succeed, life will go on as usual for the human race. I’m just not sure what to do with the rest of my life.
Asher gets up and walks over to me, holding out a small bottle.
“What’s this?”
“Iron supplements—very low level. You should begin taking them as soon as possible. They’ll help build your immunity to iron poisoning, but it could take some time. Until then, you and my father will have to wear gloves and be very careful around the new S batches.”
I nod. “Thanks. You’re becoming quite the healer. Planning to go to medical school?”
“I’m not sure. I’m interested in it, but I’d have to be careful using my healing glamour on humans.”
“Why?”
Hakon answers for his son. “It’s very powerful—capable of healing nearly anything. It would raise suspicion and perhaps expose our kind to public scrutiny if humans were suddenly healed from ‘incurable’ diseases. And there could be side effects for them. I’m not sure.”
“I see.” I turn and head for the door. “Well, I’ll leave you geniuses to take care of this end of things. I’m going to—wait a minute.” I whirl back around to face the healer trio, my heart nearly leaping out of my chest. “When you say your glamour can heal anything... does that include... blindness?”
Hakon and Wickthorne look at each other and shrug simultaneously. “I don’t know. I’ve never encountered that one before,” Hakon answers. “I suppose it’s possible as long as the person wasn’t born blind.”
Not waiting to hear any more, I stride across the room and grab Hakon’s arm along with Asher’s. “Come on. I need a favor from you.”
* * *
The three of us speed down the dark highway from Ryann’s family land to Laney’s house in town, blowing past the few other cars out on the road and grossly violating the MPH limitations spelled out on the county road signs.
It’s not fast enough for me. My eagerness to reach Laney grows with each mile closer we get to Deep River. She has made her decision. But there is still something I can give her, and I can hardly wait. It’s not what she’s asked for from me, but I figure restoring her eyesight will be an unforgettable parting gift. At least I’ll know whenever she watches a sunset or the waves rolling onto a sandy white beach, or her favorite movies, she won’t be able to help but think of me.
“Do you think you’ll move to Deep River when all this is over? To be with Laney? Or is it too uncomfortable to be so near the Light Court?” Asher asks.
I correct his wrong assumption. “Oh, I’m not going to be with Laney. I’ll give her this gift and then leave her alone.”
He twists at the waist and turns the whole top half of his body to face me in the car, staring me down as I drive. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Not at all. I’m still wrong for her. She can do better than the likes of me.”
I’m acutely aware of Hakon riding quietly in the back seat. He knows what I mean. He made a similar decision decades ago to protect the human girl he loved.
“She can do better?” Asher asks incredulously. “Tell me something—who’s better? Who’s going to love her more than you? Huh? Who’ll do as good a job protecting her, providing for her? And who’s to say she’ll even move on? She might miss you and long for you her entire life. Did you ever consider maybe you’re better suited than most humans to take care of her—because of your immortality? Will you stop loving her when she’s old?”
I don’t answer his question. I don’t believe in everlasting love.
Do I?
I am breaking every speed limit ever created to get to a girl who’s told me in no uncertain terms she wants nothing more to do with me. It doesn’t matter what she says to me or what she might do. I want to help her anyway. I want to take care of her, to be with her, just to look at her one more time.
Will you stop loving her when she’s old? Asher’s words grip my heart like a vise. I do love Laney. And nothing will ever change that—not age, not time, not distance. But I can’t get past the haunting memories of all the wrong I’ve done.
“I’m not good enough for her, mate. She’s too fine and precious for me.”
“Well, if that’s true, then she’s also too fine and precious to belong to some asshat like Brandon. Or to go through life alone—which is probably what’s going to happen once he gets through using her and dumps her again. You think she’s gonna bounce back from that easily?”
He grips my shoulder with a large hand. “I know you regret things you’ve done. Don't we all? But at least give her a chance to forgive you. Let her make the decision about whether you’re good enough for her. As it stands right now, she thinks Brandon is the best she can hope for.”
Finally Hakon breaks his silence. “Culley—I know what you’re thinking. I have been there myself. But now I realize all the years I’ve spent apart from Jenna and Asher were a foolish waste of precious time. The time did not change anything, it didn’t dull the pain of unfulfilled desire, didn’t stop me from longing for her every single day. Forever is a long time to spend wanting something you’ll never have. When all this is over and we’ve ended the S Scourge, I plan to go to her and beg her to forgive me for all the lost years. And there’s another thing I have to say. I’ve been watching you. If I may be so bold, you have changed. I’ve seen it these past few weeks. I didn’t know the reason before, or whether it was genuine or not, but I’ve seen a lot of good in you recently, a lot of reason to hope for the future of our people.”
My hands grip the steering wheel until I imagine smoke coming from the leather cover. My heart is trapped in a similar vise. Hakon has longed for the girl he left behind all this time, remaining alone, loving her still.
Will she forgive him? Could Laney ever forgive me for the wrongs I’ve done to her family—to the whole human race? Maybe Hakon is right. Maybe I have changed. Is it enough to be worthy of Laney? No—but then, no one on this earth is.
Asher is correct about one thing—no one will ever love her as much as I do. And maybe... just maybe someday I will actually be worthy of her. It’s something to shoot for. Something to live for. My foot presses harder on the gas pedal. The rest of my life is waiting for me at the end of this road.
We park down the street so the passing headlights won’t draw attention to the car, get out, and walk to her dark, quiet house then up along the line of pine trees as I did last night.
“We’re going to get shot,” Asher warns. “Or eaten by some big ass guard dog.”
“There’s no guard dog,” I reassure him in a whisper. “I... checked out the place last night.”
When we reach the house, Hakon turns to me. “What now?”
“Now I climb,” I say with a nod toward the covered porch. “That’s her room, right up there. You two wait here until I explain to her what’s going on. ”
Asher throws a sardonic glance over at me. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist going to see her last night.”
“Just warm up that glamour, half-breed.�
� I give him a good-natured shove, and he punches my shoulder in return. We smile at each other in the dark.
Hakon isn’t nearly as amused. “I’m about a hundred years too old for this.”
But he obeys my instructions and waits below with Asher as I climb to the porch roof and through Laney’s window. As I near her bed, a floorboard creaks, and Laney wakes with a start.
“Who’s there?” she demands.
“It’s me,” I say, sitting on the edge of the bed and placing a hand on her back to calm her. “Don’t be afraid. We’re not going to hurt you.”
She sits up straight, the covers falling to her waist, revealing a pair of adorable ice cream cone covered pajamas. “We?”
“Your brother’s friend Asher is with me,” I explain. “Right outside. With his father—his Elven father.”
Her jaw drops open.
“They’re both healers,” I explain.
Now that she's fully awake, Laney seems perturbed. “What are you doing in here, Culley? If my daddy finds you here, he’ll kill you.”
“Hmm... maybe I should go sway your parents first.”
“What?” she asks, sounding alarmed.
“No, we’ll deal with them if it becomes necessary. This shouldn’t take long.”
“What shouldn’t take long? Culley, what is going on? Tell me right this minute before I scream.”
I take both her hands in mine. “I’ve thought of something I can give you—something that you will want from me.”
She lets out an exasperated breath. “I’ve already told you that you don't have to give me anything. I love you because of who you are, not because of what you can do for me.”
A shiver goes through me at her words.
“All I want from you is your honesty... and your love,” she continues. “If you can’t give me that, then please go and take whatever gift you’ve brought with you.”