Admit You Want Me

by Holloway, Taylor

  “Don’t believe a thing he says,” I told her, shooting a warning glare at Cole. “I’ll go grab our drinks and be right back.”

  By the time I returned, Cole was halfway through the story of how he met Kate. It was always a crowd pleaser.

  “…And she was completely covered in glitter,” he explained. “Head to toe. She looked like an angry disco ball.”

  “Well you did mail a box full of three pounds of glitter to her,” Emma argued. “I’d be pissed off too.” I suspected she’d heard at least parts of this story from Kate’s perspective.

  Cole shook his head defensively. “No! I mailed it to Ward’s home address. I didn’t know he had a sister, or that she’d think it was hers, or that it would accidentally explode on her right before her senior prom.”

  “And she drove for two hours just to yell at you?”

  “I wish. She shows up at three in the morning, this glittery, furious, teenage girl in a prom dress, and before I even know what’s going on, before I’m even awake, she curses me out at the top of her lungs, throws something cold and wet all over me, drops a bottle, and storms off.”

  “Something cold and wet?” Emma asked, disgusted. Apparently, Kate hadn’t told her the whole story. “Do I even want to know?”

  “Probably not, but I’m going to tell you. Did you know that Cabela’s sells genuine, bottled doe urine for hunters? I didn’t know that. But now I know what it smells like to be covered in ice cold deer piss at three am. The fact that she refrigerated it was really a special touch.”

  Emma giggled. “I bet you didn’t mess with Kate ever again.”

  “I lived in fear of her for years.” He looked around as if she might pop out of the crowd and throw animal pee on him again. “But Ward and I bonded over the experience and became friends.”

  Emma shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe Kate would do something like that. I mean it’s obvious that she’s got a temper on her, but that sounds… somewhat extreme.”

  “She was different back then,” I chimed in, handing Emma her drink. I felt obliged to stick up for Kate, since she wasn’t here to defend herself. “Younger, obviously, but also going through a tough time. Our mom was dating this guy she really hated and there was some serious drama at home, she was getting teased in school, I wasn’t around for the first time, it just wasn’t a fun couple of years to be Kate.”

  “Oh,” Emma said, looking more understanding and sympathetic. “Well I’m still going to try and stay on her good side. I don’t want to get the Cole treatment.”

  “You and me both,” I told her, grinning. “Come on, half time’s almost over.”

  “See ya’ round Ward,” Cole said. “Say hey to Kate for me.” A look flashed over him I wasn’t familiar with, but it disappeared a second later. “It was nice to meet you,” he added with a smile to Emma. We shook hands, promised to stay in touch, and I whisked Emma away. It felt good to have her back to myself in our seats. Because I wanted to focus on the game and our experiment, I told myself. Obviously.

  12

  Emma

  We were leaving the stadium after the game when Ward was spotted by what was obviously a gaggle of sorority girls. The girls swarmed around him like piranhas and squealed excitedly while I stood by like an awkward, forgotten seventh wheel. Their voices were shrill, but universally reverent.

  “Oh my god! You’re Ward Williams!”

  “You’re a legend!”

  “Can I take a selfie with you?”

  “You’re so tall.”

  “I can’t believe you’re just, here. Like it’s no big deal. I feel like I’m in a dream.”

  Ward accepted their high-pitched, fawning attention with a bemused patience. I could barely contain my disgust for their antics, but they weren’t sparing any energy on me whatsoever. I might have well been invisible, because I was quickly pushed to the side. Literally. Before long, Ward had been invited to the sorority afterparty, and more or less promised an easy night filled with nubile, worshipping coeds.

  Wow. Just, wow.

  This must be one of those advantages to fame that Ward was talking about earlier in the day. No wonder Ward had developed such an outsized ego. Given the fact that the girls were basically begging him to get drunk and fuck them (possibly to fuck all of them at once by the way they were hugging and hanging on one another, that part was a bit unclear to me), it was a surprise he wasn’t more conceited. I couldn’t imagine what life must have been like on campus for him. And that wasn’t even during his professional career. The idea was mind-boggling.

  Ward shook his head and gently disentangled himself from their posse. He didn’t seem the slightest bit put out not to follow the sorority girls to whatever bacchanal they invited him to, and I must admit that it made me feel damn good that he’d picked me over them. I walked a bit more confidently at his side as we left them behind. For his part, he looked somewhat embarrassed that he’d been swarmed by the sorority girls. I decided I wasn’t ready to tease him about that yet. I wasn’t sure I even could. He’d done nothing but exist and hadn’t encouraged them.

  In the absence of teasing, we found ourselves walking in silence.

  “What?” I asked as we began the short journey back toward my apartment (it was easier to walk than drive, given the location). He’d been staring at me, clearly wanting to say something but holding back.

  “I’m just surprised is all,” he admitted, looking a bit sheepish. “I guess I thought this would all be a lot… harder. That there would be a lot more whining and moaning. That you’d be all stiff and unwilling to learn or give it a chance.”

  “That’s what she said.” I’m not sure what possessed me to channel an eight-year-old boy, but Ward laughed at my dumb joke anyway. I liked the sound of his laugh. It might have been the first real laugh I’d heard from him, and I found myself smiling from ear to ear.

  “Maybe you’re secretly normal after all,” he said, shaking his head and staring at me in what might have been wonder. “You must have just been really sheltered growing up or something.”

  Sheltered? “Why would you think that? Is it just because I didn’t know the sports trivia of the great Ward Williams?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Hardly. The older I get the fewer people recognize me, or at least, the fewer people care. To be honest, I actually don’t like the whole public figure thing anymore. It was fun at first, but now… it’s just a huge pain in the ass more often than not.”

  “I can only imagine.” The number of people that stared at Ward at the game like he was superhuman had been a bit bizarre, and I was only experiencing it secondhand. “It must have advantages though, right?”

  “Oh, for sure. I’m not saying that I don’t reap the benefits. My football career has opened up a ton of doors for me over the years, and it still does. It’s just weird when I got out to buy ice cream in my pajamas at two in the morning and end up signing autographs with a stranger outside of the twenty-four-hour Walmart.”

  I winced in sympathy. Having done that exact thing (minus the autographs, obviously), I could not imagine the inconvenience of social interaction when a half-pint of rocky road was all I wanted.

  “I still want to hear why you think I’m sheltered,” I pushed. I hadn’t forgotten. That accusation required an explanation.

  Ward took a second before he answered me. He looked like he was choosing his words carefully, probably to avoid making me angry. “You’re an innocent person. Clearly, you’re smart and young, but it seems like you’ve spent a lot of your time on your studies and not a lot of time doing anything else.”

  “I work,” I argued. I’d seen some weird shit in the restaurant industry, too. Unfortunately, some of it was literal shit.

  “I know,” Ward said. “You work hard, too. I’ve seen you in action. That’s not what I mean.”

  “You wouldn’t believe the number of masters and doctoral students who get supported by their parents the entire time. A lot of graduate students have n
ever worked a non-academic job in their lives. Some never will. There are a lot of trust funded people in academia.”

  “I’m not trying to be rude,” he said, clearly sensing my unease. “So, don’t take it the wrong way. It’s really sort-of cute that you’re so… you. But your parents, they’re college professors or something, aren’t they? Did you grow up in a small town?”

  I frowned. “No. Well, ok, my dad is a professor, but my mom is actually a librarian. And the town’s not that small. It’s a liberal, university town.”

  “So, I think it’s fair to say that you grew up in a bit of a bubble. Where are you from?”

  I looked down at the sidewalk. “New Haven, Connecticut.” When I glanced up at Ward, he was staring at me like he’d totally figured me out.

  “Yale is in New Haven, isn’t it? Did you go there for your freshman year?”

  I nodded at him. “There’s free tuition for the children of faculty members, and I saved a lot of money by living at home, too. But it’s not like you’re probably thinking. You don’t get special treatment, or easy admissions or anything like that. I earned my way into Yale, and I earned my GPA.”

  Ward shrugged. “I don’t doubt that. But I wouldn’t judge you if it were true that you got special treatment, either. You’re talking to someone who never had a chance at graduating except for athletics. I never read a single book in college. We athletes do get special treatment and easy admissions by the way. Very special. I’m not even sure what I majored in. I think it was Kinesiology? Might have been underwater basket weaving for all I know.”

  “That sounds about right. It was even like that at Yale.” Athletes are treated like gods at universities everywhere. They bring in so much money through ticket sales, I guess it makes sense, even if it isn’t fair to everybody else. I’m sure my disapproval showed on my face, but at least Ward was honest about his academic achievement (or lack thereof).

  “What made you come all the way down to Texas?” Ward asked. “I bet you could have gotten into another Ivy. UT is a good school, but it’s not that good.”

  We’d arrived at a crosswalk. I kicked at the little rocks on the asphalt before I answered his question. “There were two reasons I chose to come here. I wanted to get as far away from Adam as possible, and the University of Texas offered me a free ride for the rest of my undergrad, which is basically unheard of in the humanities. My parents weren’t particularly happy,” I told him, not sure when I decided to stop being sassy and start being honest. “They would have preferred Harvard, naturally.”

  Ward merely nodded and grinned. “My parents would have preferred Harvard, too. But neither me or Kate had a snowball’s chance in hell of being accepted there.” He laughed a bit at the prospect.

  A sudden rumble of thunder made us both look skywards. The fall afternoon had become cloudy during the game, and the first few drops of rain began to fall as the light turned. By the time we hit the opposite side sidewalk, it was coming down in sheets. That’s just how the weather in Texas is sometimes. One minute it’s pleasant, and the next, tornados, flooding, and hail. Luckily for Ward and me, we were just getting rained on, but we didn’t make it two more blocks before we were both dripping wet. My feet were soaked up to the ankles from stepping in puddles.

  “Shit,” Ward cursed, grabbing my hand and pulling me underneath a nearby oak tree. Its leaves weren’t enough to stop the rain, but they helped provide a bit of shelter. “Here, take this.” He took off his jacket and settled it around my shoulders before I could react. “You’re going to get soaked to the bone in just that little dress.”

  “Thank you,” I said, wrapping the jacket around me as tightly as I could. It smelled like Ward: masculine and clean. The cool rain had me wishing I’d worn better shoes, pants, and most importantly, a bra. The thin fabric of the sundress went semi-transparent in the rain and I could see Ward looking and then pointedly not looking at my rock-hard nipples, which were now clearly visible for all the world to see. Public nudity wasn’t really my thing, so having the jacket made me feel much better. “You’re really quite a gentleman when you aren’t being a big jerk.”

  Ward laughed at me, shaking his head in disbelief. “Does that smart mouth of yours get you in trouble a lot up in your ivory tower?”

  “Sometimes,” I admitted as we trotted along through the rain. Ward would probably consider this a quick walk, but I was almost jogging. His legs were much longer than mine and it was a struggle just to keep up. “But usually not. Many academics have very poorly developed social skills. It comes with the territory. The English department is better than most, but that’s not really saying much.”

  We’d reached the end of our odd little non-date and were now just standing awkwardly outside under the shelter of my complex’s roof.

  “Do you want to come upstairs and dry off?” I asked. I must have been seized by some kind of temporary insanity when I made that offer, but once it was out of my mouth, I wasn’t going to retract it. Instead, I felt myself turning bright pink when Ward searched my face for something he was looking for. He must not have found it there, because he shook his head. He smiled.

  “I’ve got to meet Kate for dinner,” he explained. “We always have Sunday dinner together.” It was almost certainly a lie to let me down easy and I felt foolish. I smiled politely at him, and he smiled politely right back at me. The seconds ticked by, becoming awkward.

  “See you tomorrow then,” I told him, suddenly eager to get away from Ward. “Thanks for taking me to the game. It was fun. Really.”

  “See you tomorrow, Emma,” he replied, looking like he didn’t quite believe me that I enjoyed the game. I stripped off the jacket and handed it over, feeling extremely exposed. And not just physically. It was an uncomfortable sensation, like I’d let down my guard in some important way and Ward hadn’t reciprocated. I flew up the stairs and away from him.

  Once I locked the door behind myself, stripped, toweled off, pulled on pajamas and threw myself down on the couch in defeat, my self-doubt and insecurity came back in rush.

  Are you really that eager to roll over and spread your legs for him again, Emma? One afternoon where he doesn’t talk down to you and you’re ready to be another one-night stand for someone you shouldn’t trust? When will you learn your lesson?

  This was exactly the type of behavior that got me into trouble last time. I’d spent three years trying to keep myself from being an easy mark, to avoid the sort of impulsiveness that got me crushed last time, and I’d almost ruined it. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that Ward wasn’t even interested. He probably had a sorority party to get to.

  13

  Emma

  I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening trying to anesthetize myself with trash TV and junk food. But no amount of Bones reruns and empty carbohydrates could banish Ward’s face from my memory, or the thought that he might be three sorority girls into the party by now. I couldn’t seem to get him out of my brain. Eventually, Lily came home and plopped down next to me on the couch. She grabbed a handful of pretzels from the little misery buffet I’d set up and looked at me expectantly.

  “Tell me everything,” She ordered. Between her clipped British accent and her severe, blunt bobbed hair, Lily could be very intimidating sometimes.

  “Huh?” I asked innocently. “What are you talking about?”

  “Bullshit, or as my mum would say, codswallop. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve been acting oddly ever since you started your new job. And today, you took off with a man. You thought that I didn’t notice, but I did. I saw him. And you. Together.” She sounded like she’d just solved the crime of the century and was positively vibrating with excitement.

  Slow down Sherlock.

  “I can go out with men,” I replied noncommittally. “You do it.” Maybe if I made the situation look like no big deal, she’d drop it.

  Lily just grinned at my accusation. “Yes, but I’ve become a boring relationship girl,” she said proudly.
She’d been dating her boyfriend, Ivan, for about six months now. They were disgustingly cute and in love, although since he practically lived here now, I really ought to be charging him rent. “Come on Emma. Let me live vicariously through your exciting, new romance and tell me about your date. Please?”

  “It wasn’t a date,” I protested. “He’s just someone from my work. There’s nothing romantic going on between us. Really.” I didn’t want to tell Lily, who was also in my master’s program, about Ward’s desire to determine if I was ‘normal’. Or our one-night stand.

  “Hmm. Are you sure it wasn’t a date?” She looked at me with an extremely skeptical look on her face. “You’ve been known not to notice when someone is interested in you.”

  Unfortunately, this was true. One of our classmates had confessed his love to me at the department Christmas party last year. Apparently, everyone knew about his crush but me. I’d thought he was just friendly! This time, however, was different.

  “Yeah, I’m sure. It’s totally platonic.”

  Lily still didn’t look convinced. “Is he gay or something?”

  “No. He’s not gay.”

  “Is he a Catholic priest?”

  “Um no. He’s not a priest.” That was just funny. I tried to imagine Ward in the whole priest outfit and couldn’t.

  “And he asked to spend time with you outside of work?” She clearly thought I just didn’t understand the concept of a date. But Lily had a real tendency to oversimplify things.

  “Yeah he did, but—”

  She interrupted me. “Then you’re just plain wrong about what transpired this afternoon. I don’t need any other details. He’s hot, you’re hot. You, my dear, just went on a date.”

  “It really wasn’t a date,” I repeated. Lily was jumping to conclusions. She rolled her eyes at me.