Traveling Light

by Thalasinos, Andrea

  Paula was stunned. “But how are you going to get to these places?”

  “It’s only a half-hour drive, Paula. I’ll take your car.”

  “But Ma, all you’ve done for years is drive a few blocks to the grocery store. Highway driving is different.”

  “Marvelline’ll take me; she already promised she would. And Thunder Bay is only an hour away, Paula, closer than the Catskills, for God’s sake. She’s got in-laws up there. They said I could stay with them while I’m working.”

  “Mom—”

  “It’s a huge job, Paula.” Eleni slowly nodded. “The fur trade was a big deal up there. They have lots of work.”

  Paula was stunned. She sat up on the futon to protest, but she didn’t have a coherent reply. “Ma, you can’t stay here.”

  “I’m the mother here,” Eleni said. “You don’t tell me what to do.”

  “You just can’t.”

  “Of course I can—this is America.” Eleni knocked loudly on the table three times. “And a person can do whatever they want.” Her sharp eyes settled on her daughter as she chewed a piece of chicken. “You took a break; now I’m taking one.”

  “Yeah, Ma, but the break is over.”

  “Says who? Roger?” Eleni glared at her. “For you, maybe.”

  Paula looked at the ceiling beams, slowly shaking her head; she couldn’t believe this was happening.

  “But what about your apartment?”

  “What about it? It’s not going anywhere.”

  “All your things.”

  “What things? My furniture? My rent is paid for the whole month. The only thing I want is Thanassis’ painting. And for that I can have Stavraikis take it to one of those ‘U-mail it’ places. He has a key. The rest they can chop it up for firewood for all I care. No one’s gonna steal it—and if they want the furniture, echi o Theos,” she said, and crossed herself. “It’s theirs.”

  “But where would you stay?”

  Rick was listening quietly, slowly eating.

  “You know, Paula,” he interjected. “I sure could use another person here,” he said. “Your mom’s great with the husky and her pups.”

  Paula shot him a look of betrayal.

  “It’ll be at least another eight weeks,” he said, “maybe longer, before I can place them, so why not just let her stay? She’s been an enormous help.”

  Looking at Paula, Eleni nodded in thanks, her eyes shining with Listen to him.

  “She’s great with the smaller birds; you know that,” he said. “She knows how to prepare the food for tube feedings; she’s welcome to stay on in the guesthouse.”

  “But what about Fotis? My car?”

  “Leave them here,” Eleni said. “We’ll take care of Fotis, plus I’ll need your car.”

  “And then what, Mom?” Paula felt herself about to cry. It was embarrassing to be having such a family discussion around Rick.

  Eleni shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know,” Eleni said. “Right now I’m very busy, Paula,” she said as if brushing off a co-worker. “So why don’t we just play it by ear?”

  Sigmund flew up onto the back of the futon and nestled behind Eleni, looking triumphantly over at Paula.

  “Fuck,” Paula whispered. “But what about winter, Mom? It’s supposed to be so harsh.”

  “It’s not winter now.” Eleni glared at her. Paula could feel Rick watching her carefully.

  “But you don’t have a phone or anything.”

  “I’ll put her on my plan,” Rick said. “I’ll get her a phone tomorrow.”

  “But what if you fall in the guesthouse or something?”

  “I’ll look after her,” Rick said, and turned to Eleni. “Eleni, you’re welcome to come stay up at the house with me,” he said. “I’ve got five empty bedrooms.”

  Eleni looked at Paula. No one talked for a few minutes. They could feel the agony of Paula’s confusion.

  “Paula mou.” Eleni moved closer and put her arm around her daughter’s shoulders. Paula wanted to shake it off. “Go back; figure out what it is that you want.”

  Paula stood and brusquely headed out the door. She didn’t want to let Rick see her cry.

  She climbed into the Escape and drove to the IGA, hoping Maggie was still there. It was dinnertime and she’d often go home to fix dinner for Ephraim.

  As Paula parked and walked in, Maggie was just grabbing her purse from under the register, talking to Bobby Ray.

  “Hi, Paula, I was just thinking about you.” She felt Maggie read her distress immediately.

  “You have some time to talk or are you heading home?”

  “Ephraim’s in Duluth on orchard business and I was just gonna give Bobby Ray a ride home, so I’ve got plenty of time. You eat yet?”

  “Uhh, no.”

  “You want to join us, Bobby Ray?”

  “N-no. I’ll wait here, finish stocking the soup aisle. I’ve got to block the cake mix boxes also.”

  “Let’s go get a bite at Marvelline’s,” Maggie suggested to Paula. “Let me check in with Amber before we go.” Business slowed down after 7:00 pm, though they were open nights until 10:00. Paula waited as Maggie spoke to Amber.

  “Bobby Ray, honey?” Maggie called as she walked over and put her hand on his shoulder. The tentativeness of his movements suggested he was heavily medicated. Maggie always kept a mother’s eye on him. “You gonna be okay if I go with Paula to the Oklahoma for a bite to eat?”

  “Hi, Paula.” He waved.

  “Hey, Bobby Ray.” She waved back. “How’s it going?” Tall, thin, mid-twenties, with short light brown hair, his belt always too high up on his hips, Bobby Ray never missed a day’s work.

  “It’s goin’ good,” he said.

  “Now you call me, honey, if things get busy, you promise?” Maggie asked. “You got me on speed dial; you’ve got Marvelline, too, right?”

  “Yeah, I-I-ll be o-okay,” he said. “I promise.”

  “You want me to bring you something?”

  “I-I like their burgers and shakes.”

  “Chocolate?”

  “V-vanilla.”

  “You got it. Be back in about an hour.” She gave Amber a look that said to call if she got overwhelmed.

  * * *

  It was a beautiful but chilly October evening as they crossed the street, walking down toward the Coast Guard station and the Oklahoma Café. The place was full of truckers this time of night and Marvelline was in her glory.

  “And look who’s walking in the door,” she announced over the din of conversation. “And what brings you ladies in tonight?”

  “Dinner,” Maggie said, and tapped Paula’s shoulder. “It’s on me.”

  Marvelline walked over and sat down next to Paula. “Shit, I’m tired. My tootsies are killing me.”

  Paula noticed Marvelline and Maggie were both wearing the same red crystal evil eye earrings.

  “Damn, those earrings look better on you,” Marvelline said.

  “I was just thinking the same about yours,” Maggie said. “Whatcha got for specials?” Maggie looked over the menu.

  “That prime rib sandwich, which Earl over there says is killer.” She pointed toward his table as he lifted the last bite in her honor. She took the pencil out from where it had been tucked behind her ear and set it on the table along with her order book. “I hear the chili is too.”

  “I’ll have the chili,” Paula said.

  “Me too,” Maggie ordered. “Plus a take-out order of burger and a vanilla shake for Bobby Ray.”

  “Well, bless my sweet nephew’s little heart.” Marvelline closed her eyes and smiled. “It’s as good as done. How’s that boy doing?” She leveraged her hands against the table, hoisting herself up as she yawned and shuffled back toward the kitchen to place the order.

  “Bobby Ray’s always fine,” Maggie answered. “Better than the rest of us.” She then turned to Paula. “So what’s going on?”

  Paula began with Roger’s phone call. Halfway through
her rendition of the conversation, Marvelline appeared carrying a tray with three bowls of chili, a pile of packaged saltine crackers, a plate piled with shredded cheddar and three sets of silverware wrapped tightly in white paper napkins. It had the feel of eating dinner in someone’s kitchen.

  “The burger’s cooking. Don’t let me forget his order before you leave,” Marvelline said. “Okay, so go on; I heard half of what you said, and I can probably fill in the rest myself.”

  Paula began to dump the entire story about Roger, the hoarding, the brownstone, the downstairs couch. Marvelline listened politely. Midway, Paula got the sense Marvelline was pretending she’d never heard it before.

  Paula stopped mid-sentence. “So you know.”

  “Well, of course I know everything, darlin’; you think we don’t talk?” Marvelline said. “For starters, I agree, that man is still your husband.”

  “Makes sense to me,” Maggie weighed in.

  “Leave your mom,” Marvelline said, “Fotis and your car while you go back to New York, sort things out.”

  Paula turned to face Maggie. “Just out of curiosity, how did my mother happen to land all this work with fur?”

  “Uhhh—word spreads fast?” Maggie smiled enigmatically. “A person with those skills up here?” Maggie waved her hand. “Summer tourism’s huge up here with that French voyageur stuff.”

  “Don’t you worry none about Eleni,” Marvelline said. “We’ll keep your mama busy and look after her. Okay, so we got the mama thing solved.” She looked up at Paula for confirmation. Paula nodded. “Now on to you. First off, ladies, how’s the food?”

  They both waved as if too euphoric to comment.

  “Here’s the thing with the husband, baby doll. When in doubt, check it out. Unless he’s beating the tar out of you (which in that case I’d say run for the hills and don’t look back), then you need to go back and play this thing out.”

  Maggie was nodding. “Sounds like you still have feelings. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t give it another shot. You’ll always wonder. It’ll haunt you, so go and see. You might be surprised.”

  “But I feel like such a shit,” Paula said, and covered her face with her hand. “Here he’s made all the changes I’ve wanted him to for ten years, and for some reason it’s not good enough. It’s so unfair of me.”

  “Now hold on, doll.” Marvelline held up her hand. “You just said it—you’ve waited ten years. Maybe the man just plain wore you out. It happens.”

  “Or else it’s you who’s changed,” Maggie said in a quiet voice. “And all that stuff that was so important no longer is ’cause it’s not what you want. The timing may be off. Ten years ago you might have jumped at it, but that was ten years ago.”

  “But don’t you think I’m being an unfair shit?”

  “Now quit saying that or we’re gonna have to shoot that bird off your shoulder. Unfair or not, it’s what is,” Marvelline said.

  “I’ve loved him for ten years.”

  “And that don’t mean you won’t love him always,” Marvelline said. “But living with him, being his wife, is different. People change.”

  “But can’t they change together?”

  “Sometimes,” Maggie said.

  Paula looked at her hands.

  “Listen,” Marvelline said. “Some loves can take a hit; some can’t. I tell you, forty years ago when I followed old Arnie up here from Gotebo, good Lord, I knew I had me a tiger by the tail. But what I didn’t expect was for him to take back up with an old flame once we got here. So here I was, didn’t know a soul, and he off and leaves me for a whole month to have a fuckathon with little Ms. Prissy. (Lordy, you should see her now!)” Marvelline stood up and walked to the counter, got three mugs of coffee and set them down on the table.

  “So what happened?” Paula asked as Marvelline opened two creamers from a little cup on the side of the table and dumped each one in.

  “Well, he come back running with his dick tucked between his legs soon enough,” she said. “Sweating like a whore in church, begging me, saying, ‘Thank God I married the right woman.’ I guess there’da been some doubt I wasn’t aware of back in Gotebo when he’d proposed. After that he knew better than to pull that shit again, and that was that. Put the whole matter to rest.”

  “And that was that,” Paula repeated.

  “But mind you, it didn’t go on for ten years.” Marvelline stared with a knowing look at Paula while blowing on a spoonful of chili. “I’da been the hell out of there. Now you look at ole Arnie and he’s one a these old doobers who can’t fit their guts into a booth; I gotta get some of ’em a special chair to sit on the end.”

  They broke out into cackling laughter. Several of the men turned around to look. One of them called, “Hey, what’s so funny, Marvelline?”

  “You don’t wanna know, dearie,” she fired back.

  Paula piled cheese onto the surface of her bowl of chili and mixed it in.

  “You’ve been so deprived of what us women need that maybe your little soul just gave up, darlin’, and turned elsewhere to stay alive,” Marvelline said. “But sitting here speculating’ll only make you nuts. Sounds like you ought to go back, take that boy for a ride again, see where it takes ya.”

  Something had changed. Seeing Theo in the hospital, the moment Fotis looked at her in the shelter, grasping the eagle’s feet that first day in the raptor ICU. Whether that change could fit back into her New York life and her marriage to Roger she couldn’t tell.

  “Besides,” Maggie said, smiling. “We get to keep Eleni a while longer.” Maggie raised her glass of water like it was gin to toast Marvelline. Marvelline nodded. “And trust me,” she said. “Between Grand Portage and Old Fort William, mama’s gonna make a killing.”

  “Just think,” Maggie said. “Maybe Ephraim’ll have Eleni bring old Chester his cookies and dinner mints just to see if the geezer tries to cop a feel.”

  Paula laughed.

  “That’ll be the ‘shot that was heard all over the world.’” Marvelline started laughing. “Feathers and teeth flying all over the place.” Maggie laughed, but Paula sat like a stone.

  “Oh, come on, Paula.” Maggie grabbed her forearm and shook it. “Lighten up for God’s sake—Eleni loves that dog of yours and that precious Loukoumi. She’s cooking Greek food for them and Rick.”

  “And she’s gonna show me how to make that spinach pie thing I can’t pronounce,” Marvelline said. “I’m adding it to the menu.” She looked around at the truckers. “These guys need some vegetables; look at ’em all, probably can’t even shit. Them guts like eleven-month-pregnant stomachs.”

  “You know,” Maggie started, “sometimes when people get old and they think life’s over, but often it has a strange way of coming around again. Maybe that’s what Eleni’s getting here. Let her have it, Paula. Don’t rain on her parade while you’re figuring out which direction yours is heading.”

  “Yeah,” Paula said. “Wow. My mom’s new life. Shit. I’ve created a monster.” Her eyes widened, smiling as she shook her head and looked down at the table. “But Chester?” She glanced over. “Really, Maggie.”

  The three of them cackled so loud, the men from the other tables turned around again. “What’re you ladies laughing at again?”

  “You,” Marvelline said, and made a face. It made them laugh all the more.

  Paula suddenly felt excited about going back to New York. She missed Heavenly and Tony, standing in line for the best Italian food at Eataly.

  “Go back and see him,” Maggie said. “You’ll know.”

  “What if I don’t? What if I’m more confused?”

  “Than that’s your answer,” Marvelline said. “Confusion is an answer.”

  Paula nodded and took a sip of coffee. Nothing felt right. Leaving Grand Marais was torture, but not going back to New York felt wrong, too. As she looked up at both women she knew that each had made up her mind about Roger. Paula could tell. But what she couldn’t tell was whe
ther they were of like mind or not. And neither would say—the way people keep silent when they know that everyone must walk that long road alone.

  CHAPTER 16

  She hadn’t planned on taking a hike when she left the guesthouse; otherwise she’d have worn boots instead of her patent-leather sandals. Tomorrow her flight would depart from Duluth and her chest already hurt from anticipating the separation—it felt as if the bones in her sternum had been bruised.

  For her last day she wanted to take Fotis on a walk, just the two of them. Rick had mentioned that if she followed the small footpath behind the guesthouse it would lead down the steep banks of the ravines onto rocky riverbed. He’d intrigued her with his description of cold springs flanked on either side by red cliffs, gorges and mossy old-growth forests. She’d always been curious as to where the little path went but was usually too tired after work to follow the urge to explore. He’d promised her that following the trail would be like taking a trip back into time through one of the most remote, untouched wilderness wetland areas on the North Shore of Lake Superior.

  Walking down the little path, she waded through ferns tall enough to brush against her chin. Fotis pulled her onto the top of the ridge and she could barely see where it dropped off. She lost her footing and fell to her knees onto the spongy rotting bark of a fallen birch. The ravine fell off so steeply that she grabbed fallen timbers, hoping their dry branches would hold. For a second she gasped, realizing she’d dropped the leash. “Oh my God, my God, Fotis,” she shrieked.

  Fotis wagged his tail from where he stood on the sandbar, the leash draped beside him, the end in a pool of standing water. “Fotis,” she cried. He nimbly dashed up the side of the slope toward her. “Come here,” she coaxed, reaching out to try to grab his leash. He tapped her face with his nose and took off.