The Child They Didn't Expect

by Yvonne Lindsay

  He’d already called his dad the moment phone use had been permitted after landing. Thankfully his mother was steadily improving. She was as comfortable as could be expected after coronary bypass surgery, and his dad hoped she’d be home within the next couple of days.

  Guilt for leaving town in the first place had battered him during the entire trip, especially once he’d belatedly received the news about his mother’s condition. When his father called, Ronin had been stuck in Hanoi—bound by the strictures of the contract he’d agreed to with his client and bound to solve the issues that had arisen, as swiftly as possible. Besides, as his father had pointed out to him, his mother was receiving excellent care and making steady progress with her recovery. Him being there, or not, would make no difference at this stage.

  And then there was Ali. She’d been singlehandedly taking care of Joshua for them. A role that was way above and beyond anything he could have anticipated or expected. He’d heard the weariness in her voice when he’d managed to speak with her before boarding in Hanoi more than seventeen hours ago. She’d assured him that Joshua was fine, and that a home care nurse had visited in a follow-up from the hospital, but there’d been a note of strain in her voice that worried him.

  His dad had been out to the house a couple of times to help where he could, and he’d assured Ronin that Ali was coping well. Still, nothing would convince him that everything was all right until he could see it for himself.

  The drive home from the airport took forever, but Ronin felt himself relaxing in increments as he headed out of the built-up zones and toward Whitford. He called Ali from the car when he was about twenty minutes from the house.

  “Hello, Marshall residence,” her voice replied, so very correctly.

  “It’s me,” he said with a smile. “Is there anything you need me to pick up on the way through?”

  As much as he didn’t want to stop en route, he realized she’d been pretty much housebound in a place that wasn’t her own home from the day he’d left.

  “No, it’s okay. Deb brought some things out to me and I’ve had groceries delivered.”

  Just come home. The message wasn’t spoken, but it was there in the underlying tone of her voice. A tone that said, while she was coping, she really wasn’t happy about the situation at all.

  “Okay, I’ll be there soon.”

  “I’ll see you then.”

  He disconnected, but not before he heard her faint sigh over the car speakers. He thought again about the mammoth undertaking she’d accepted when she’d agreed to stay on at the house with his nephew. He had only intended her responsibilities to last a couple of hours, and yet they had stretched out into four, nearly five, days. He owed her—big time. He pressed his foot down a little more firmly on the accelerator, more eager than ever to cover the final miles to his home.

  He’d always prided himself on his personal attention to a job and yet, in this most important role he’d ever agreed to take on, he’d been horribly remiss. Something had to change, and it needed to change right now. He’d also always prided himself on succession planning at work, on training up his second and third in charge to be able to step into the breach when necessary. But what good was succession planning if you didn’t pass on responsibility to someone else when you needed to? When he’d agreed to take on the responsibility of his nephew’s guardianship he hadn’t thought beyond the immediate issues, but it was clear now that he hadn’t considered every contingency. Things were going to be very different from now on. It would be an adjustment, but he’d figure out how to make it work—he was good at that.

  Ali was in the front entrance as he drove his car up the drive. He felt that familiar sense of heat and desire pulling at him the moment he identified her standing there. Dressed in form-fitting jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt, she was certainly turned out more casually than he’d become used to seeing her, although she was no less attractive for it. Not even bothering to put his car in the garage, he parked and got out, walking straight over to her. His cases—hell, everything else—could wait.

  He shortened the distance between them with long strides, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms the moment she was within reach. She was paler than usual, her eyes were more shadowed and her high cheekbones appeared more prominent. Had she lost weight?

  “Ali, I can’t begin to thank you—” he started.

  “There’s no need for thanks. Joshie needed someone to care for him and I was here. That’s all there is to it.”

  Despite her reassurance, he could hear the note of strain in her voice. Clearly it hadn’t been easy. Was there something wrong with the baby? Had he been unwell?

  “Joshua? How is he?”

  “He’s doing great. I think the home care nurse was a bit surprised to find me caring for him, but I seem to have passed with full marks.”

  “I wouldn’t have expected you to do anything less,” he said, forcing a smile to his lips. If there was one thing among the many things he’d noticed about Alison Carter, it was that she was competent and capable. “Is he upstairs?”

  They headed through the front door, and then Ronin turned toward the staircase.

  “No, I have him downstairs. I ordered a second bassinet for down here so I could keep working while I watched him. I hope you don’t mind, but I commandeered the kitchen dining table as a makeshift office and popped Joshua in the living room next door during the day.”

  A pang of guilt struck him. He’d been so absorbed in doing what was right for his own business that he’d barely given any consideration to hers. The debt he owed her kept mounting.

  “Of course I don’t mind. I’m deeply grateful to you for stepping in when my family needed you most.” When I needed you most, he added silently.

  “I’m glad I could help.”

  She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Eyes that were underscored by the purplish bruises of weariness and strain. He was sorely tempted to reach out and touch her, as if he could gently wipe away those traces of darkness. But his touch couldn’t magically heal whatever hurt she carried with her—if she’d even accept his touch in the first place, he growled silently as he curled his hand into a fist in his pocket.

  “It’s been tough?” he asked.

  Her lips pulled into a tight smile. “A little,” she admitted. “But he’s a beautiful baby. In fact I think he’s quite stolen my heart.”

  “Yeah, he seems to have that effect on people. I’ve been looking forward to seeing him again.”

  A cry from inside the house made them both turn their heads.

  Ali gave a short laugh. “And it sounds like he’s heard your arrival and wants to see you, too.”

  They went through from the foyer and down the hall toward the family room as the baby’s cries became more insistent. Ronin hesitated when he saw the bassinet over by the French doors.

  “He’s ready for a feed. Would you like to do it?” she asked.

  “Sure,” he said, still a little unsure about the precious bundle squirming and squalling in his bassinet.

  Ali looked up at him. “You didn’t feed him in the hospital?”

  Ronin shook his head. “Mum did that, whenever our hospital visits coincided with mealtimes. Guess I’ve gotta learn sometime. Should I wash my hands first?”

  Ali pointed over to the kitchen sink, where she’d obviously put a bottle of antiseptic hand wash. “You can do it there while I change his diaper.”

  She moved over to the baby and, seemingly unaffected by his cries, lifted him from his bassinet onto a folding change table she’d set up nearby. She was just fastening the sides on Joshua’s clean diaper when he returned.

  “I guess I’d better get some experience in that too, huh?” he said dubiously.

  Ali cracked a smile. “You certainly will, but I’ve let you off the hook with this o
ne.”

  “Thanks. So, feeding him. Do I sit down?”

  “I usually sit over there,” Ali said, gesturing to an easy chair set in the corner by the doors.

  “Come on,” Ali urged him. “Pick him up while I warm his bottle.”

  Pick him up? Ronin forced his feet in the direction of the change table, but he came to an abrupt halt when he saw the demanding red face above the blue-and-white striped onesie that encased his nephew.

  “Don’t be frightened,” Ali said softly. “You handled him before at the hospital, right?”

  “Kind of,” Ronin said, suddenly feeling underprepared, a sensation he had never enjoyed. He’d thought he was ready for this, but it seemed that it was one thing to have the nurses lay Joshua in his arms, and quite another to pick him up himself.

  “Here,” Ali said, leaning over the change table and deftly scooping the squalling infant up. She handed him to Ronin. “Hold him against you, like this.” She guided one of his hands to the back of Joshua’s head and the other to his bottom. “There. You’re a natural.”

  Her words were reassuring, especially with Joshua’s cries suddenly ceasing and his little face burrowing against the fine cotton of Ronin’s shirtfront. Ali moved away from him to the kitchen, where she washed her hands, efficiently warmed some formula and then brought the small bottle over to Ronin.

  “He can still be a bit fussy over the bottle, but just persevere and he’ll get the message.”

  Fussy? What did she mean by that? Didn’t babies just drink? He soon found out that just because Joshua was hungry, it didn’t mean he was entirely happy to actually have to work at being fed.

  “He’s a bit of a rascal, but he’s better now than he has been,” Ali said from her vantage point beside him.

  There was a wealth of things unsaid in her words. Again Ronin felt that pang of guilt over the burden he had left her to shoulder alone. He got a solid hint of what she meant as the baby took his own good time to latch on to the bottle. He found himself caught by Joshua’s stare as he finally drank. He’d had nothing to do with babies before Joshie’s birth. It had all seemed to be a great idea when CeeCee and R.J. had talked about his duties as uncle, but the reality of now being wholly responsible for this tiny life came crashing down onto him like a tidal wave.

  It all rested on his shoulders now. Everything. Caring for this little person wasn’t something he could chart on a spreadsheet. He couldn’t draw up a diagram for satisfying all the baby’s needs, nor could he calculate every possible risk. He would have to bear the load alone, a situation his usual methods would do nothing to resolve. Caring for Joshua would be a trial by fire—for both of them. It was pretty daunting.

  He looked up from the little person in his arms to see Ali moving about the family room, gathering up her things and putting away her papers and the laptop computer she’d set up on the table.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “Packing up and getting ready to go home.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re back now, that’s why.”

  An unfamiliar sensation rippled through him. She was leaving him? With the baby? Alone?

  “There’s no need for you to rush off.”

  She paused in the middle of sliding her laptop into a vibrant pink leather case. “I thought you’d prefer to have some time alone with Joshua. Get to know one another a little better.”

  “Ali, I haven’t the slightest idea what to do with this baby. Please stay. At least until the nannies start on Monday. I’ll make it worth your while.” He added the last as a final incentive in the hope it might sway her.

  * * *

  Ali felt her chest constrict. He had no idea what he was asking her to do. Over the past few days she’d been forced to face so many of her hopes and dreams that had always been tied up in having a baby of her own to love and care for. She’d thought she’d moved past those dreams when she learned they could never come true, but the longing was still there. It had been distressing to attempt to hold herself aloof from Joshua, and in the end, and to what she suspected would be her eternal cost, she’d crumbled, giving him her heart despite her best intentions to protect herself. She already fiercely loved this baby, who she’d known from the start she wouldn’t be able to keep.

  She’d looked forward to Ronin’s return so she could leave—for selfish reasons, she admitted. Her job was done, she affirmed quietly, and now it was time to go. She needed to distance herself from them both. She could never be part of their family, and it was better to abandon the illusion now before she risked being hurt even more.

  It had crucified her when her own husband, a man she’d loved since she was sixteen years old, fell out of love with her when they found she was the reason they couldn’t have a baby of their own. Yes, they’d built the foundation of their future on their plans to have a family, and yes, it had been her fault that they couldn’t have children of their own. But she had thought he loved her more than he loved his plans for their picture-perfect life together. She’d been wrong.

  Himself a late surprise to older parents, as well as an only child, Richard had always joked about creating their own dynasty. When she’d suggested adoption he’d been strangely reluctant. When he’d come home one day and said he was leaving her to be with someone else, that he loved that someone else, it had shocked her to her core. She had still loved him, still wanted to make their marriage work. Thousands—hundreds of thousands—of couples were childless, either by choice or chance, and still lived long and happy lives together.

  But he hadn’t been prepared to give up his chance to have a family. It had devastated her. She wouldn’t, no, couldn’t put herself in the path of that freight train again. It had been hard enough to fight out of the misery and eventually put herself back together after Richard had left her. She doubted she’d find the strength to do it again.

  That made it all the more important to protect herself now. To shore up the walls she needed around her heart before she lost herself to Ronin and Joshua completely.

  Ronin sat there, holding the baby and looking at her. Obviously expecting an answer.

  “It’s not about the money,” she said.

  He kept looking at her with an expression in his eyes that she struggled to define. It was almost a challenge and yet there was a plea reflected there as well. Ali struggled for the right words to turn him down.

  “Look,” she sighed, “I can’t work as effectively from here as I do in my office, and I really can’t leave Deb managing all on her own for the rest of this week. It’s not fair to her or to the rest of Best for Baby’s clientele. I’ve already spent far too much time away from my office.”

  “I understand,” he said. “But if I could arrange some assistance for Deb in the office, and take on some of Joshua’s care myself to free you up a bit more during the day to work as you have been doing, would you reconsider?”

  She watched him with the baby and realized that the bottle was now empty, and Joshua was still sucking furiously at it.

  “You’ll have to take the bottle from his mouth. He’s just sucking air now.”

  Ronin tried to pull the bottle from the baby’s mouth, but now Joshua was latched on he wasn’t letting go. Ronin cast her a helpless look.

  “Here,” she said, moving to his side. “Slide the tip of your little finger into the corner of his mouth to break the suction. Then you’ll need to burp him.”

  She took the bottle from Ronin. Turning to grab a soft towel from the stack folded on the table beside the chair, she lay it on his shoulder.

  “Now, lift him to your shoulder and rub his back. He’s okay with a firm touch. It’ll help him bring up the wind.”

  Ronin did everything she said, and his expression when Joshua belched was a picture. Despite her desire to flee this man and child and the way the
y reminded her of all of her deficiencies, she still felt compelled to do as he asked—to stay.

  “You really have no idea, do you?” she asked, her voice soft.

  “None whatsoever. Mum was going to be in charge of helping me until the nannies started, but...” He shrugged helplessly, jiggling his tiny charge on his shoulder. The baby let out another burp.

  Ali was torn. Ronin hadn’t asked for this responsibility to land in his lap. All his plans had gone awry when his mother had collapsed. Even Neil, his father, had been fingers and thumbs with the baby the few times he’d come out to give Ali a hand.

  This was going to destroy her, she just knew it. Every day she would fall more deeply in love with the baby, and, she recognized, very likely with Ronin, too—no matter how hard she fought it. She’d be setting herself up for hurt and failure when the time inevitably came to leave them behind—two things she’d already had more than her fair share of.

  Logically, she knew, her job here was done, and she needed to run and run fast to avoid the pain that surely lingered on the horizon. She didn’t want to fall in love again. It hurt too much. But, against her better judgment, the words formed in her mouth.

  “Fine. I’ll stay.”

  Eight

  Ronin rose with the baby in his arms and came toward her. Her first instinct was to fend them off. This was not what she’d anticipated when she’d taken on this job with him—not by any means.

  She didn’t want to think about how he was everything she’d ever wanted in a man. Strong and capable. The kind of guy who could take charge in any situation and make things happen. An amazing lover.

  No! She slammed the door on that thought. That was a line she couldn’t afford to cross again. If she did, she might as well just throw herself on a railroad track and wait for the next train. The effect would be the same.

  And he came complete with a precious, adorable baby who already had her wrapped around his tiny little fingers. Again her heart tugged hard, but she took a step back, her action making Ronin halt in his tracks. A wary expression passed across his face.