Talk Nerdy to Me

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  "Talk about hot buns!" Denise said as she polished off a Cock Ring. "If those women really wanted to make money, they'd hire Manny, wearing those tight jeans of his, to walk around the shop offering samples on a tray."

  Eve smiled. "Cute Idea. They should name the bakery Hot Buns."

  Denise turned to her, her eyes wide. "Exactly! That's exactly what they should call it. Brilliant idea, Eve! I'll tell Manny about it. He and I agreed that the bakery should franchise, and he said he'd like a piece of the action." Denise fanned herself. "When he said that, I almost had an orgasm."

  Eve was still savoring the fact that Denise had called her brilliant. "So aren't you glad we made the trip?"

  "You know it, girl. Manny and I, we, umm, are getting together for dinner tonight. To talk about his investment strategy."

  "Really?" Eve saw all kinds of advantages to that program. If Denise left, then she and Charlie could be alone.

  Denise glanced sideways at Eve. "Unless that's a problem."

  "No! No problem at all. I'm sure Manny is eager to make use of your… expertise."

  "Oh, God, Eve, he's such & stud. I don't know if I can handle him."

  Eve was shocked that Denise would admit that she was feeling vulnerable about anything. "You'll be fine."

  "I don't have anything to wear."

  Eve thought quickly. "I can fix you up. I have a soft red sweater with a low-cut V-neck. It would go with those slacks you have on. And you can borrow a pair of my hooker shoes and some jewelry. We can make this work."

  "Thank you." Denise licked powdered sugar from her fingers. "You know about these things. I never paid attention to clothes."

  "Leave it to me. You'll look really hot." Eve was delighted with the personality change in Denise. She decided not to mention that Manny would be leaving for California next week. Maybe a fling was exactly what Denise needed to feel better about herself.

  And maybe then, she'd forget about sabotaging the hovercraft. Eve didn't want to believe Denise would do such a thing, but if she was the guilty party, a hot romance might be just the thing to sidetrack her efforts.

  They made it back minutes ahead of the repairman, whose name turned out to be Gus. Denise shooed Eve away. "Go design a bumper for that hovermobile," she said. "This is what I do best."

  "Hovercraft." Eve wasn't about to go away. She'd prepared her response to the inevitable reaction when Gus opened the washing machine. So she pretended that she was going into the garage, but instead she lingered in the kitchen.

  Right on schedule, Denise shrieked in horror. "Eve! Come quickl Someone's vandalized your washing machine!"

  Eve hurried down the hall to her bathroom. "My washing machine?" she said, making sure to inject the right amount of surprise and concern. "Why would someone vandalize a washing machine?"

  Gus looked up his Bassett-hound face telegraphing bad news. "In my line of work I see all kinds, but whoever did this is really sick. Personally, I'd say they belong in an Institution."

  "Brace yourself," Denise said. "It's unbelievably disgusting."

  Eve approached and leaned over to look into the washer. The smell of wet newsprint and mildew mingled with the overly sweet smell of cheap chocolate mixed with the soap she'd poured in. The contents of the washer were no longer easily identifiable, and the chocolate had melted and mixed with the water until the entire mess was the color of grayish mud.

  Eve made herself gasp in disbelief. "My God! This is the work of a maniac!"

  Denise sighed. "I have to agree. I can't imagine what kind of person would dream up something this diabolical." She glanced at Gus. "Can this washer be saved?"

  "Hard to say." Gus shook his head. "No telling if this stuff has any corrosive properties. It could have started eating through the basket. By now it could be in the motor. I won't know until I get in there." He squared his shoulders as if preparing for battle. "I should probably call in the HazMat team."

  Eve couldn't have that. She was on the verge of telling him what was in the washer.

  "But I won't." A gleam of anticipation shone in his eyes. "I'm going to handle this myself, ladies. Stand back. I need to get more equipment from my truck."

  Eve and Denise moved aside to let him walk out of the bathroom.

  At the doorway, he tamed back. "I'd advise both of you to clear the area. You might want to vacate the house."

  "I'm willing to risk staying," Eve said. "I have work to do." As if on cue, her kitchen phone rang. She'd been expecting Charlie to call, and she needed to clue him in so he wouldn't reveal his part in the washing machine mess. "Denise, do you feel okay about keeping an eye on the washer?"

  "Sure, but if anything crawls out of there, I'm leaving." "Right." Eve ran for the phone and caught it before the answering machine clicked on. "Hello?" "It's me."

  "Hi, me." Her heart started thumping rapidly. "Where are you?"

  "I'm at the Rack and Bails. Rick and I just finished having lunch. He's in the bathroom, so I grabbed a chance to call and warn you."

  "I have to warn you, too. Let me have the' first round of warning, okay?"

  Charlie laughed. "Go."

  "Denise is convinced some maniac put all that stuff in the washer. I didn't deny it."

  "That's funny."

  "Oh, and she has the hots for Manny. We just got back from the bakery and Manny was there. She thinks he's yummy."

  "Huh. Very interesting. Okay, here's my warning. I told Rick that Eunice might be trying to steal your design. And I... also told him Denise might be sabotaging you."

  "Charlie, I wish you hadn't said that."

  "I think we have to consider the possibility."

  "I just can't." At least not out loud. The suspicion lurked in the back of her mind and she couldn't completely ignore it. "And besides, even if she is the one, I'm betting she's about to abandon her plan."

  "How come?"

  "She and Manny are getting together tonight, supposedly to talk about investments, but Denise is hoping for more than that. I'm going to help her with clothes and jewelry so she looks good. I mean, she always looks good, but tonight she wants to look sexy."

  "Are you sure you want Manny dating your sister?"

  Eve knew what he meant. Manny had been high on her list of suspects. "I've changed my mind about him. He's too nice a guy to break into somebody's house and steal things. He's spending all his free time helping frost cookies for your mom and aunt. That's endearing."

  "Eve, you don't want to suspect anybody. I admire that, but logically the culprit is someone you know, someone who's found out about the hovercraft and either wants to sabotage it or steal the idea."

  Eve sighed. "I suppose."

  "Rick will be out of the bathroom any minute. Before he gets here I need to tell you his bonehead solution is to get friendly with your sister so she'll confess. I tried to talk him out of it, but he—"

  "No way," Eve didn't know whether to laugh or to be outraged. Fortunately she couldn't imagine Rick would succeed with Denise. She'd see right through him.

  "I know it won't work," Charlie said. "But then I thought of one advantage. If he keeps her occupied this afternoon, you and I could be alone to ... um ... work on the hovercraft."

  "Oh." Eve started getting very warm. She could almost feel his lips on hers. "That would be great. I want to get started. And I have some new thoughts I want to run past you."

  "Such as?"

  She'd meant to tell him about the bumper, but somewhere along the way her mind had jumped the track and was now focused on sex. "Lubrication."

  "Mm." His voice grew deeper. "Very important for any moving ... part."

  "Crucial." She figured they had the whole afternoon. They could still work after they'd taken the edge off then-sexual urges. "The lubrication needs to be just right. Too much and there's excess slippage. Too little and the resulting friction can cause problems."

  Charlie cleared his throat. "I think we need to design a few more experiments for the purposes of quality c
ontrol."

  "Definitely." Heat shot through her veins. "We have to work diligently until we get it right. How soon can you be here?"

  "I'm on my way."

  Parking was becoming an issue at Eve's house. Denise's Volvo was sitting next to Eve's Civic. Behind Eve's car was a white van with galloping gus, your cheerful appliance repairman lettered on the side. Charlie parked his bike beside the van and Rick was forced to put the Subaru at the curb in front of the house.

  Rick had wanted to drive over because his plan was to invite Denise out for a cup of coffee. Charlie liked the idea of getting Denise out of the house, but it wouldn't do much good if Galloping Gus spent the afternoon working on the washing machine. Charlie knew the guy—he came into the Rack and Balls once in a while.

  Now that Charlie knew who was working on the washer, he was glad Eve hadn't told Gus who had helped make the mess. That could ruin Charlie's rep as Mr. Magna Cum Laude, SAT whiz, and all-around bright guy. He might not like having his mother brag about him to bakery customers, but he didn't want to become the town joke, either.

  After Charlie climbed off his bike he walked back to have another talk with Rick. "You need to know a few things," he said. "First of all, Eve doesn't think her sister is guilty."

  "That makes sense. It's her sister. But you think she might be guilty, right?"

  "It's possible, but if she is, she's not a hardened criminal or anything."

  "Hey, I didn't think she was!" Rick finger-combed his hair. "Not Eunice, either. I wouldn't be putting the moves on any chick who's dangerous. The really bad ones would as soon chop your dick off as look at you."

  "I wouldn't know about that." Charlie wondered what sort of crazy world Rick lived in out there in L.A. that he'd even think of such things. "But the other point I wanted to make is that if it is Denise, she may give up the whole sabotage deal because now she's interested in Manny."

  "Manny? Manny Flores, my assistant?"

  "Yep. Apparently they met today at the bakery and sparks were flying. They have a date tonight."

  "You don't say." Rick rubbed his chin. "That puts a different slant on things. Is Manny interested in her?"

  "I don't know. They're seeing each other tonight. That's all I can tell you. You could find out from Manny." Aha. This might be a way to sideline Rick's plan. "Yeah, you should probably call him and get that info before you go inside to meet Denise, so you won't muscle in on his territory."

  "Nah. I would do that for you, cuz, but Manny's another story. The way I look at it, I got here first. He can eat my dust."

  "Wait a minute. Rick." Charlie's conscience was pricking him. Being alone with Eve for the afternoon might not be worth it. The fallout from Rick's seduction attempt could be nasty, especially if Denise was innocent of any wrongdoing. "You're not planning to get involved with Denise for real, so I think you should forget this whole scheme of yours."

  "Who says I'm not?"

  "I do! You just spent last night with somebody else!"

  "So?" Rick looked genuinely perplexed.

  Charlie stared at him, unable to comprehend that kind of thinking. "I guess I'm more of a small-town guy than I like to think," he said. "Jumping from one woman to another in less than twelve hours seems ..."

  "Awesome," Rick said. "You should try it sometime, cuz. And don't think this is strictly a guy thing, either. Girls are into it, too. That's the beauty of living in a big city—more choices. I figured Eunice was my only avenue of expression. I didn't count Eve, because I think something's developing between you two."

  Charlie didn't bother to deny it.

  "And now I have a second possibility staring me in the face!" Rick grinned. "I realize I haven't met her yet, but she's Eve sister. She has to be decent looking, unless she was adopted. Jeez, I didn't think of that. She could be adopted. She could be a real troll. You've seen her, right? Tell me the truth, now. Is she really ugly?"

  Charlie grabbed at what seemed to be the only option left to him. "Yes, she's really ugly."

  "She is not." Rick laughed. "You never could he worth a damn. Come on, let's go in."

  As they approached the front door, Gus walked out looking as if he'd come from a funeral parlor. "I couldn't save her," he said.

  Charlie panicked. "Who? Who couldn't you save?"

  "The washer. She's deader than a doornail."

  Air whooshed out of Charlie's lungs. "Damn it, Gus, when you said she, I thought—"

  "Didn't mean to scare you, son." Gus clapped him on the shoulder. "But I think of the machines I repair as my girls." His smile didn't do much to change his gloomy expression. "When you live alone, you can get a little strange."

  Rick gave Charlie a nudge in the ribs. "So, Gus, did your wife pass on? I've been living back in California, so I haven't kept up with ail the news in Middlesex."

  "Five years ago last month," Gus said. "I try to keep busy, but I still miss her. Good thing I have the repair business or I'd go nuts. Well, see you two boys later." Carrying his toolbox, Gus trudged over to his van.

  "See?" Rick said. "Exhibit A. A repairman who is also extremely single."

  Charlie watched Gus stow his gear in the back of the van. "I'm not sure I'd want either my mom or your mom to end up with Gus, if that's what you're leading up to. He would depress the hell out of them."

  "You don't know that. I'm thinking he used to be cheerful. Look, it says right on his van 'Your Cheerful Appliance Repairman.' That lettering looks more than five years old. I'll bet when Gus was getting some, he was a regular Mr. Sunshine."

  Charlie sighed. "No he wasn't. He's looked that way as long as I've known him."

  "Well, okay, then. But he could still fix the machinery at the bakery. That's all I'm saying." Rick punched Eve's doorbell. "Was that the washing machine you were working on last night?"

  "Yeah. I ran into some glitches."

  "Glitches? You?" Rick shook his head. "You must be losing your touch, dude."

  "I have a few things on my mind."

  Eve came to the door wearing a bright yellow sweat suit.

  "And there's one of them," Rick said under his breath.

  Charlie had to agree. He broke out in a grin the minute he saw her standing there. "Hey, Eve."

  "Hey, Charlie." As she let them in, she smiled back, but when her gaze drifted to Rick, her pleasant expression vanished. "I don't want you causing problems for my sister," she said as she closed the door behind them. "Denise is—"

  "Eve, I wondered what you wanted me to do with all of this." Denise appeared from the back of the house, her arms full of Eve's hobby supplies. "Oh, hi, Charlie."

  Charlie could see that Denise had been trying to create some order out of the chaos in Eve's house. He wished that he trusted her more with Eve's stuff. Because he didn't, it made him uneasy that she was poking through Eve's possessions.

  Nevertheless, he had no absolute proof that Denise was untrustworthy, and he needed to be polite. "Hi, Denise. I'd like you to meet my cousin Rick Bannister."

  "Ah, Rick. I've heard so much about you."

  Charlie shot a glance at Eve, who merely shrugged and looked innocent.

  "All good, I hope," Rick said.

  "Let's say it was all interesting."

  "I'd rather be interesting than boring." Rick took off his jacket and hung it on one of the pegs beside the front door. "You look like you could use some help with that." Before Denise could reply, he'd scooped everything out of her arms. "Where does it go?"

  'That's the point." Denise looked at Eve. "I don't know what you want me to do with everything, but we have to put it somewhere so we can get the washer out."

  Eve blinked. "We're taking the washer out?"

  "I called a scrap metal place. They'll be out to pick it up first thing in the morning."

  "Oh." Eve gazed at the pile Rick was now holding. "I'll get some garbage bags. We can give it all to the Salvation Army. I have some things under my bed that can go, too."

  "Great." Denise started t
oward the kitchen. "I'll call for a pickup ASAP."

  "Not necessary," Rick said. "Or at least we used to have a drop-off place by the post office. Charlie, is it still there?"

  "It's still there." Charlie was impressed. When Rick needed to be weird to match up with Eunice, he showed his twisted side. But for organized Denise, he was ready with practical suggestions. No wonder Rick had such success with women. He could be whatever they needed.

  "Then once we have this together," Rick said, "Denise and I can load it into the Subaru and take it down there." He smiled at Denise. "Sound good?"

  Denise gave him an assessing look. "I'll also need some help getting the washing machine out to the driveway."

  "I'm your guy."

  "Rick and I can handle that," Charlie said. The death of the washer was partly his fault. The least he could do was help get the carcass outside.

  "Nope." Rick shook his head. "Denise and I can take care of it. You and Eve have things to do in the garage. All we need is a few garbage bags, and we'll be all set."

  "I'll get them," Eve said.

  By the time Charlie had taken off his jacket and chaps, Eve was back with a box of black trash bags.

  She handed them to Denise. "I've shoved a bunch of other hobby projects under my bed. You can get rid of all of them. From now on, I'm focusing on my inventions."

  Denise nodded. "Okay. Rick, come with me."

  Charlie watched them go down the hall and into Eve's bedroom. "What did you tell your sister about Rick?"

  "That he was the kind of guy who prided himself on being able to get any woman he met into bed in a matter of hours." Eve turned to him. "The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that his whole double-agent deal is an excuse to try and seduce two women in one day."

  Charlie nodded. "Probably."

  'That said, if he tells you anything you think I should know, please pass it on."

  "I will." He looked into her eyes and saw a gleam of determination that hadn't been there before. "Sounds like you're not going to let anyone or anything stand in the way of completing this project."

  "That's right." She hooked a finger into the open collar of his shirt. "And I want my chief consultant on the job." Backing toward the kitchen, she pulled him forward with just a feather touch.