Our First Embrace

by Judy Lynn Hubbard

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Victor. This is your home. I’m the one who should be thanking both of you for letting me share part of your lives.”

  “Boy, do I like you,” Victor said. “If my brother messes things up, remember that I’m available.”

  “He’s not going to mess anything up.” Nicole laughed, pressing closer to Alexander’s side, which she noted was somewhat rigid.

  “Good night, Vic,” Alex interrupted.

  “Don’t be jealous, bro. Just be smart and don’t let Nicole go,” Victor advised, leaving trailing laughter at his brother’s deep sigh.

  Nicole turned to stare at Alexander’s troubled expression. Without saying a word, he walked into the study and she followed him, sitting beside him on the sofa.

  “What’s wrong, Alexander?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Victor’s talking about us being together long-term and my coming along on your ski trip bothered you, didn’t it?”

  “No, of course not.” He stood and walked over to the bar. “How about a nightcap?”

  “No, thank you.” She walked over to him. “You’re upset. Talk to me.”

  “Nicole.” He turned from the bar. “I’m not upset.”

  “Yes, you are.” She refused to be sidetracked. “All the talk tonight about the future upset you. Is it because you don’t think we have one together?”

  Bingo! He wanted to believe they did, but he didn’t.

  “I like to live in the present,” he slowly admitted. “Is there anything wrong with that?”

  “No, but you have to plan ahead sometimes.”

  “Why?” His innocent question elicited a smile from her.

  “Because that’s what human beings do—constantly make plans—most of which they never keep. You and Victor schedule a ski trip every year.”

  “Victor does. I just go along to keep him from nagging me.” He shrugged. “Planning is overhyped.”

  “So you and I never get to make any personal arrangements?” She frowned. “We just live day by day. Is that what you’re saying?”

  “Nicole, we’ve got our hands full preparing for our yearly show. Let’s concentrate on that,” he suggested. He prayed she would drop this because he didn’t want to fight with her, and that seemed to be where this was heading.

  “Okay.” She surprised him by agreeing. “But...”

  “Oh, there’s a but.”

  “Yes, there is.” She smiled slightly. “When the show’s over, we sit down and talk about us—our future.”

  He stared at her for a long while before agreeing. “Okay.”

  “Okay,” she echoed. Then she kissed him, and after a few seconds he kissed her back. “Now let’s go to bed.”

  “Yeah, let’s,” he agreed, taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom.

  * * *

  The weeks flew by until it was the end of July. It was hard to believe that in a few weeks the fall fashion show would mark the end of Nicole’s six months in Paris, though neither of them discussed her leaving—that is, not until a staff meeting when Alexander took Nicole and everyone else by surprise.

  “As you all know, the big fall show is only a few weeks away. I want to thank everyone for their hard work, though it’s not over yet.” He smiled as groans echoed through the room. “It will be worth it. I do believe this will be one of our best shows ever.”

  “You’re right about that, boss,” Monique chimed in.

  “This show is going to be extremely special for two reasons. One, it’s our first joint endeavor with another house, and second, it marks the end of Nicole’s six months with us. We’ve been very lucky to have her, but after the show, she’ll be transferring to our New York office.”

  Nicole’s mouth dropped open at his words, and he avoided looking at her.

  “I thought you hadn’t decided if you were going back to New York just yet,” Monique whispered in her ear.

  “I hadn’t,” she woodenly replied, eyes willing Alexander’s to look at her. He eventually did, and the cold look in his eyes sent shivers down her spine. “But I guess I am.”

  Nicole didn’t know what was said for the remainder of the meeting. It was torture having to sit there and act as if everything was fine when she was dying inside. Finally, it was over, and she remained in her seat while everyone filed out.

  “Am I such a burden that you can’t wait to be rid of me?” she angrily hissed once she and Alexander were alone.

  “Nicole.” He sighed. “It’s not like that.”

  “No?” Unable to sit down, she jumped up and walked around to the other of the table where he now also stood. “What is it like?”

  “You’re going to be transferring to the New York office. That was your plan when you came here.”

  “Plans change, Alexander.” She paused and admitted, “You changed my plans.”

  “What we’ve had has been good. It’s been great, but we both know you’re going to be leaving Paris soon, and we need to prepare for that.”

  “What if I don’t want to leave Alexander’s Paris office—or you?”

  “You’re going to, sooner or later.”

  “What’s the matter with you?” She raked angry eyes over him. “Why are you acting like this?”

  “I told you I was no good at relationships,” Alex said, disquieted by the hurt he saw in her eyes, veiled by anger.

  “Alexander, you are relationship material,” she softly promised. “We’ve been in a relationship for months, and it’s been great. You know it has. Because you were once hurt by a stupid woman, you think all women are out to do the same thing, but we’re not—and I’m definitely not.”

  “Nicole—”

  “How do you feel about me, Alexander?” She gave him one last chance to save her and, more important, himself.

  “I care about you,” he said.

  “You care about me?” He shook his head as she echoed his words. “Alexander, you care about being to work on time, about having food on your table and clothes on your back. How do you feel about me?”

  “You’re important... I don’t...” He paused and raked fingers through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “I want you to say what’s in your heart, but you won’t do it, will you?”

  “Why can’t we just keep things the way they are and enjoy the time we have left?”

  “Why do you insist on limiting us?” Her eyes begged for understanding.

  “Because that’s the way it is.” His unsatisfactory response appalled her.

  “I’d better get back to work.”

  He grabbed her arm, fingers tightening when she tried to pull away. “Nicole, let’s not—”

  “Take your hand off me, Alexander.” Her voice was soft but serious.

  He stared at her for a few tense seconds before doing as she asked. She left and forced herself to show no emotion as she returned to her station. She’d make it through this miserable day if it killed her.

  * * *

  Alexander sat back down and cradled his head in his hands. He wanted to call Nicole back and tell her what she wanted and deserved to hear—that he loved being with her—but after the show she’d be gone. He had to keep reminding himself of that. What he had just done was for the best.

  Why, then, did he feel so miserable?

  Chapter 16

  Alex stared out the bedroom window into the night as he held an untouched glass of bourbon. Alcohol couldn’t dull the ache encompassing his heart. It was 3:00 a.m., and he hadn’t been able to sleep at all. A hundred times he started to call Nicole, but what would he say?

  The doorbell rang, and he wanted to ignore it, but after the insistent ringing he relented. Who the hell was at his door at this
hour? Maybe it was Victor stopping by after a night on the town, as he was known to do occasionally.

  “All right, I’m coming!” He stalked from his bedroom in bare feet and bare chest, wearing only black pajama bottoms, and opened the door.

  “Nicole.” He was shocked.

  “May I come in?”

  “Of course.” He stepped aside and she entered, removing her jean jacket and tossing it over a nearby chair.

  “I know this is an indecent hour to visit, but I couldn’t sleep.”

  “I couldn’t either.” He ushered her into the living room.

  “I am so angry with you,” she softly confessed when they were seated on the sofa.

  “I know, and I deserve it.” He fought against touching her, not certain how she would react if he did. “I’m a mess, Nicole. You deserve better.”

  “Maybe I think you’re the best.” She paused, allowing her soft words to sink in. “Did you ever think of that?”

  “How could you?”

  “Because you are.” She softly touched his cheek. “Open up to me. Tell me why you’re trying so hard to push me away. I don’t think this is about Nina, is it?”

  He sighed. “No.”

  “Was there someone else?” She squeezed his hand. “Tell me what you’re feeling. Talk to me, please.”

  He was silent, thinking. Finally he turned to face her again and sat down beside her.

  “My parents were married for thirty-five years. Ten of them were happy. Ten out of thirty-five.” He shook his head in disgust. “I guess they were in love once, but their marriage soured quickly, and that—along with my own failed relationship—is all the proof I need that love doesn’t last.”

  “My parents have been together for thirty-nine happy years, so I’m here to tell you true love does last. Alexander, the past shapes us. There’s no way around that, but we don’t have to let it define us.”

  “How can I not? Victor and I lived through years of our parents deliberately doing everything they could to hurt each other. We watched their marriage disintegrate into a loveless, hateful nightmare. Thank God we had tutors and nannies, or I don’t know what would have become of us.” He paused before continuing, as if a dam had burst within him. “Neither would grant the other a divorce. They lived to make each other’s lives miserable. They had countless affairs and didn’t care how it affected me and Victor. I vowed I would do better than they did, but I got involved with Nina—a disastrous encounter that almost ruined my reputation and destroyed my company. So it turns out I was just as pathetic at maintaining a healthy relationship as they were. I promised myself I wasn’t going to let anyone in ever again.”

  “Alexander...” At his name on her lips, his eyes grew tender.

  “Then I met you.”

  “And you felt vulnerable all over again.”

  “Yeah, and I don’t like it.”

  “Given your history, I understand.”

  He was shocked at her statement. “Do you?”

  “Of course I do. It’s hard for you to trust because you don’t have any positive examples to go by. God, given the childhood you described, I can’t blame you for feeling that way.”

  She never did what he expected. He didn’t think he would ever have a civil conversation with her again after their fight today.

  “You’re special, Nicole. I shouldn’t have announced to the office that you were leaving without talking to you first. I was just—”

  “Just trying to protect yourself from the inevitable.”

  “Yes.”

  “One thing you can count on, Alexander.” She cupped his cheek in her palm. “If and when I’m ready to say goodbye to you, I’ll say it to your face. All right?”

  He smiled. “All right.”

  “I love you, Alexander. You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know how I feel so that maybe you’ll believe me when I say I’m not walking away from you.” She stared deeply into his conflicted eyes. “You have to decide what you want.”

  Part of him was happy by her admission, and another was saddened. Love didn’t last; that he knew firsthand.

  “I want you,” he finally admitted. He didn’t believe they had a future together, but he did want her.

  “Here I am.” She opened her arms wide, and he pulled her close. “Believe in us, Alexander,” she pleaded.

  “I want to.”

  “I’ll help you,” she promised. “We’re meant to be,” she whispered in his ear. “Happily ever after does exist. You’ll see.”

  He held her close, glad she couldn’t see his worried expression. He wanted to believe her, wanted to think they would last, but happy endings didn’t seem to exist for him—and he doubted they ever would.

  * * *

  The big night of Alexander’s fall fashion show was finally upon them. Nicole and Monique were putting the finishing touches on their makeup when their doorbell rang. They met each other in the hallway, and Nicole opened the door to admit Victor.

  “Victor, hi.” Nicole gave him a hug. “Where’s Alexander? Parking the car?”

  “No.” Victor rolled his eyes in disgust. “He’s still at the office working on some secret project.”

  “The show starts in an hour and a half. We’re going to be late!”

  “I tried to tell him that.” Victor shook his head and sighed. “Why don’t you go to the office and pry him away?”

  “Me?” Nicole pointed to herself. “If you couldn’t do it, I can’t.”

  “Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?” He appreciatively eyed the red chiffon halter dress that flowed as she walked. Her back was completely bare, as were her shoulders and arms. The bodice was geometrically cut, showing peeks of brown skin. The long skirt stopped just above her ankles, leading to red strappy high-heeled shoes. Her hair was arranged in soft curls with bangs and wispy strands flirting with her eyes. “One look at you and he’ll forget all about work.”

  “Thank you.”

  “He keeps a tux in the office because he’s always working,” Victor said. “Go and get him, or the evening will be a disaster.”

  “Okay, I’ll give it a try.” Nicole grabbed her matching wrap and evening bag and walked out.

  * * *

  About twenty minutes later, Nicole entered Alexander’s office and found him bent over his desk working, as Victor has foretold. She shook her head, smiled and walked in.

  Without looking up he said, “Dammit Vic, I told you I’ll be one...” His voice trailed off when he glanced up and saw Nicole. “Wow.”

  “You approve?” Nicole twirled around slowly to give him the full effect before walking over to sit on his lap.

  “And how...” Appreciative eyes roamed over her, along with just as appreciative hands.

  “I thought you were going to stand me up.” She sighed as his lips settled in the crook of her neck.

  “I’m sorry, I was just engrossed.”

  She glanced at his designs. “These are wonderful. Are they for a new collection?”

  “Yep. Inspiration just hit me a day ago. You’re the only one who’s seen them.”

  “I can’t wait to see the final versions.” Nicole thumbed through the sketches as Alexander’s lips traversed her shoulders and back until she turned and encircled his neck with her arms. “I know it’s hard to break the artistic flow, but we’ve got to get going.”

  He glanced regretfully at his designs. She knew that look and the feelings behind it well; she’d had them often enough herself.

  “They will be here in the morning,” she promised, caressing his cheek. “How many times have you told me that?”

  “I know, but—”

  “No buts.” She shook her head, and he sighed in resignation. “Tonight we play, and tomorrow we work.�
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  “Okay.” They both stood, and he pulled her into his arms and kissed her thoroughly. As usual when they touched, desire erupted. When she felt his hands working on the side zip of her dress, she pushed out of his arms.

  “Uh-uh.”

  “Why not?” He purposefully approached her with decadent desire written in his eyes, which she found almost impossible to resist.

  She held up a hand to ward him off. “Because we have a fashion show to attend.”

  “Let’s blow it off.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms.

  “You’re one of the hosts,” she said, avoiding his lips, which landed on her cheek. “You can’t forget about it.”

  He sighed against her ear. “I hate parties.”

  “We’ll have one of our own later,” she promised.

  He raised his head and smiled expectantly. “Yeah?”

  “Definitely.” She kissed his lips softly. “But first, go and get changed into your tux.”

  “Okay.” He took a key out of his pocket and handed it to her. “Will you lock the designs away for me in the center drawer?”

  “Will do.” She gathered his designs. “Hurry up. We don’t want to be late.” She smiled at his pained expression and locked his designs in his desk as he requested.

  * * *

  Alexander and Nicole made it to the fashion show right on time, and it went off without a hitch. They were mingling at the after-party when Nicole felt him visibly tense. She glanced at him, but he was staring straight ahead, jaw clenched in displeasure.

  “Alexander, what’s wrong?” He didn’t answer her. She followed his gaze and encountered a tall, model-like brunette, who was staring right back at Alexander. Instinctively, Nicole knew she must be Nina Laurent. She grabbed a flute of champagne from a passing waiter and began walking toward them.

  “Hello, Alex. It’s been a long time.” Nina smiled. At his continued silence she asked, “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your date?”

  “No.” Alex barked the syllable and turned to leave, but Nina touched his arm, which he immediately snatched away.

  She smiled and extended a hand in Nicole’s direction. “I’m Nina Laurent, Alex’s ex-designer—among other things.”