Low-Skilled Job (Vol. 2): Low-Skilled Job

by Keller, Roger

  “So like, I get all these catalogs,” Heather said. “That’s where some of the swords came from. They’re supposed to be real, like you could fight ancient warriors with them or something.”

  “I hope so,” I said.

  “What about the older ones,” Misty said, looking over the weapon lined walls. “They look real too.”

  “Those are more like, collectible,” Heather said. “I took some as trophies, some are real, and some I killed with. Those stay here, unless it’s like an emergency.”

  Heather threw Misty a backpack full of gear. She caught the full pack like it was a pillow.

  “Cool.” Misty threw the pack over her shoulder. “I’m way stronger now.”

  Heather attached a Spanish Falcata to her belt. It’s bronze handle was engraved with a fish scale pattern. She locked a magazine into her folding stock, Mini-14.

  “Misty,” Heather said, “I’ll have to um, show you how to shoot later. We’ll run out of ammo fast and then it’ll just be blades anyway.”

  Misty nodded then selected a throwing axe from the closet and slipped the handle through her belt. Heather loaded silver tipped bullets into an MP-5 magazine. She moved progressively faster until she had a pile of four dozen mags.

  “We’re not ready for this.” I shook my head and grabbed one of the MP-5s.

  “We never will be,” Heather said. “By the time we get there, like we won’t even have an hour of dark left.”

  “I think we’re already out if time,” I said. “Somebody’s outside.”

  “Yeah, I feel it too,” Misty said.

  Heather looked up from her backpack. “I don’t know them.” She focused on the ceiling. “Probably not friends. Uh, Mike, go kill them while we finish packing.”

  I shrugged my shoulders and headed up the stairs without a word.

  *****

  Everything seemed to come together. I didn’t plan what came next. It sort of felt like I was following some pattern that had already been laid out for me. I weaved around stacks of magazines and VHS tapes to get to the back door. Heather had enough classic vinyl to open up her own record store. A bookcase full of cassette tapes caught my attention for a second. Each tape still had it’s brittle, hard plastic case.

  “Thank God for mp3 players,” I said as I pushed the door open.

  The sky was just turning red as I snuck around the house. I kept going, past the handyman neighbor’s place. His outdoor lights were on. As I passed I realized they were some kind of professional greenhouse lights. I walked past his house to the sidewalk, trying to look like a suburban dad going for an early morning walk.

  Three vampires stood together on the sidewalk in front of Heather’s house. Their pale skin seemed to glow under the streetlights. The two males wore long leather jackets and designer shoes. The female wore a blue trench coat and high heeled boots. She held a Glock by the slide, like it was made of silver.

  “Who the hell is that?” She pointed at me.

  “Just some human, Nina,” the brown haired male said. “We’re here for at least two vampires. Then we can join the others. We got lucky. I’ve heard stories about the master that rules here.”

  “I guess you’re right, Sid,” she said and pointed at me. “He feels all wrong...”

  “Nothing to worry about here.” Sid held his hand up. Each finger was tipped with a short black claw. The air around the three rippled. “Keep right on walking and forget you saw us.”

  I reached into my jacket.

  “I feel nothing, and yet,” Nina said. “Wait, it can’t-”

  The Python went off with a dull bang. The silent vampire doubled over. I don’t remember drawing the gun or pulling the trigger. The silent vampire groaned. Smoke rose from his wound. I cocked the hammer and shot Sid in the chest.

  “What the fuck?” Sid’s glowing eyes bugged out and he grabbed the smoking wound. His mouth dropped open, teeth jutting out.

  Nina ran. Something followed her, moving too fast to make out. It hit Nina from behind. Blood exploded over the suburban street. Nina’s head rolled across the asphalt. I turned to the wounded vampires.

  I grabbed the Buck knife and crouched by Sid. “You guys blew it.”

  “It shouldn’t hurt this bad,” he said, twisting in pain. “Silver? A hunter? We killed all of them. Where the hell do you bastards keep coming from?”

  I poked at the smoking wound with my knife.

  “Motherfucker,” he said. “What you do to me won’t matter. By now the others have beheaded and incinerated your master. They’ll claim this town and you’ll be the one being hunted.”

  “I’m terrified,” I said. “And you know, Lee’s an asshole anyway. I ain’t too worried about him.”

  I sliced into his throat and shut him up permanently. The silent vampire had crawled into the street while I beheaded his friend. I put my boot on his back and pinned him down. He squirmed and almost threw me off before I pulled his head up and started sawing into his neck.

  I looked up from my grisly work to see a pair of dingy, pink Doc Martens.

  “Hey, Misty,” I said.

  “I got one too,” Misty said. Blood dripped from the severed head that she’d mounted on her Gladius. “They would have killed us, you know.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I said.

  Heather appeared at Misty’s side, her Falcata ready. “Ya do, huh?” she said with a wicked smile.

  “Yeah, I do,” I said. “In fact I don’t think we should go anywhere near Lee’s. It’s time to leave and, I don’t know, find someplace new.”

  “Bullshit.” Heather cocked her head and sheathed the Falcata. “I can still sense Lee. I’d know if he was gone. He wants us to come to him later, but I’m not waiting. These guys are punks. You two got three of ‘em, easy. I’ve seen vampires take dozens of those silver rounds and keep fighting. If Lee’s finished when we get there, then we waste the ones he didn’t kill.” Heather rubbed her eyes. “There’s nowhere else to go anyway. I live here and I’m not running. I spent years on the road when I was a kid…”

  I knew she was right. There really was nowhere else to go, for Heather anyway, maybe for me too. I felt sort of proud of the decision to stay, like I was some medieval warrior flying the black flag from the walls of a ruined fortress.

  “We’re running out of night,” Misty said, looking around Heather’s neighborhood.

  “I know,” Heather said. “There’s still just enough time.”

  “Yeah, why not,” I said. “Let’s go help Lee.”

  Heather lifted off the ground and floated over to the Handyman’s front porch. She ignored the burning greenhouse lights and beat on the door.

  “Open up, you fat fuck.” The door cracked under her fist.

  “Leave us alone,” the Handyman said. “We made a deal. We don’t bother you.”

  “Twenty thousand dollars.” Heather shielded her eyes from the greenhouse lights. She growled and closed her right hand into a fist. The lights crackled and burned out one by one.

  The Handyman peeked out of his broken door. “What do you want?”

  Heather reached in and yanked the Handyman out onto the porch. “Clean that mess up.” She pointed at the bodies in the street. “I would, but I got shit to do.”

  The Handyman swallowed hard and said, “thirty, no, fifty thousand.”

  Heather laughed. Her teeth and claws grew. The Handyman groped for his shoulder holster. Heather’s face softened, her teeth retracted so she could speak. “Fine, fifty. Now get to work. I don’t want to come back and find a bunch of cops on my street”

  “No one who lives here would call the police.” He followed Heather out on his lawn and got a better look at the bodies. “They were like you, weren’t they?”

  “Yeah, that’s what happens when you fuck around by my house,” Heather said. “You can use the fire pit in my back yard. Bury the ash, and make sure you don’t breathe it.” Heather pushed him into the street. “Now go.”

  The Handyman st
ood there on the bloody street, dressed in his sweats, t-shirt, and fuzzy slippers. He took out his phone and started making calls.

  *****

  Misty kept checking the time on her phone as we drove out to Lee’s mansion. Heather blew through stoplights without slowing down. I took stock of all my weapons, one MP-5, one Beretta 9mm, the Colt Python and one Buck knife and a lot of ammo. I also had two Medieval style hatchets, since cutting off heads with a hunting knife had turned out to be a real chore.

  The sky burned as we drove into the industrial park.

  “I think my grandfather worked in one of these places,” Misty said as she stared out the window. “He lost two of his fingers there.”

  “Bummer,” Heather said.

  “He got five grand from the factory,” Misty said, “but he still had to keep working.”

  “There it is.” Heather pointed at the old mill, still standing after well over a century. “Lee lives in there. I kind of expected it to be on fire.”

  We pulled up to the truck dock. The rusty steel doors had been blasted inward. Our headlights picked up hundreds of spent shell casings. Heather looked back at me.

  “Can you feel anything,” she said.

  I got out. “There’s still a lot of vampires in there. Some of ‘em feel different than you guys though.”

  “I can’t wait to meet them.” Heather cocked her MP-5.

  *****

  I saw the Spaniard the second I walked into the dock. He was lurking in the corner and reloading his revolvers. His duster was gone. There were half a dozen headless vampires on the floor around him.

  “Cazador,” he said. “You almost missed the fun. You bring the reinforcements, eh.”

  “Yeah.” I swept the MP-5 around the room. The walls were scarred with hundreds of bullet holes. “At least you guys turned off the colored lights.”

  Heather and Misty crept in from two different sides. Misty had her Gladius ready.

  “Heather,” the Spaniard said. “They tried to overrun us, like the Alcazar, except this time I’m with the defenders.”

  “How many, Jorge?” Heather said.

  “Few hundred,” Jorge said, “but not anymore.”

  Misty fast-walked around the dock area. She slowed and weaved as the rising sun sapped her strength.

  “Did they make it to the house?” Heather said.

  “Of course,” Jorge said. “I couldn’t kill them all. Lee ordered me to retreat and defend the big house. They weren’t very well organized. Mostly, they are young,” he pointed at Misty, “like your new apprentice there. They cannot take the sun. Some went into hiding after the attack broke up.”

  “Where’s Lee?” Heather said, her eyes flashing red-orange.

  “The big house,” Jorge said, “he’s wounded.”

  “Come on,” Heather said.

  “I stay here,” Jorge said. “I must guard the door.”

  “Stay alert, Jorge.” Heather patted his shoulder.

  *****

  We walked past decapitated and mutilated vampires on the way across the production floor. The smell of burnt flesh and gasoline hung in the air. Heather turned over one of the bodies with her boot.

  “I knew her,” Heather said, “back when.”

  The mansion was completely dark. It’s front doors had been reduced to splinters. Dozens of vampires lay destroyed on the steps.

  “Wow,” Misty said, “it looks bigger in person.”

  Karla appeared in the doorway. She’d tied her raven hair into a ponytail. Her leather pants and black sweater were splattered with blood. She wore her silver inlaid rapier in a leather sheath and a carried sawed-off pump shotgun.

  “Heather,” she said. “I see Lee finally summoned you.”

  Heather fast-walked up the steps and stood nose to nose with Karla, who took a step back.

  “How is he?” Heather said.

  “Lee will survive.” Karla looked past her, right at me and Misty with her ice blue, wolf eyes. “Your hunter is still alive. Impressive. And you seem to have made a friend.”

  “Ugh, this is kind of a bad time to start shit,” Heather said.

  “True,” Karla said.

  Misty grabbed my arm and steadied herself as we climbed the steps. I tried to avoid stepping on the dead vampires. Whatever they’d been shot with had blown holes the size of soccer balls in their bodies. Most of the dead had been decapitated. The heads had been stacked in a pile four feet high and burned. Blackened, inhuman skulls with open, fanged mouths and empty eye sockets stared back at me.

  “None of them made it into the house, did they?” Heather said as she looked over the bodies that lay heaped around us.

  “No, of course not,” Karla said. “Lee blew the doors up with some kind of hand detonated bomb.”

  “It’s called a claymore,” Heather said. “I didn’t know he had any left.”

  Karla put her hand on Misty’s shoulder. “I’m Karla. No doubt Heather has told you about me.”

  “Huh, uh, yeah.” Misty looked at Heather. “You guys used to hang out, or something.” She looked around and rubbed the grip of her Gladius. “I am really tired. Can we finish this, like soon.”

  “I’m afraid our little war has been called on account of sunlight,” Karla said.

  “Really,” Heather said. “So, they’re all just hiding? They didn’t bring anyone who could function after dawn?”

  “They were mostly children,” Karla looked at Misty, “not literally, but young vampires, like you. No skills, weak-”

  “I’m not weak,” Misty said.

  “No,” Karla stroked Misty’s cheek, “you’re not. I can smell the blood on your blade.”

  *****

  The ballroom looked like a scene from a war movie. Dozens of battle damaged vampires lay everywhere. The unhurt and walking wounded tended to them by giving out blood in crystal glasses. No one seemed to notice me. Both of the vintage M-60s that guarded the doors stood empty. Piles of spent shells and links littered the floor.

  One by one the vampires drifted away, finding places to sleep wherever they could. We passed them as they huddled together under tables and piles of clothes. Lee’s blonde bride waited for us by the stairs. Her leather catsuit was sliced open in places and scorched. She glared at me and clicked the safety on her custom AR-15.

  “Lee summoned him, Kristen,” Karla said.

  Heather pushed past Kristen without a word and shot up the stairs so fast that she seemed to disappear.

  “Best to let it go, my dear,” Karla brushed Kristen’s hair back and kissed her before she passed.

  I helped Misty up the stairs. “How’s it goin’?” I nodded to Kristen as we passed. She sneered and followed us.

  *****

  Lee’s room was filled with looted National Guard equipment. I set Misty down on an empty ammunition crate. She pushed a partially disassembled SAW out of her way and slithered behind the crate to sleep.

  Lee lay on the couch, his hands behind his head, like he was relaxing on some Caribbean vacation. His massive, pale chest was covered with gray bullet holes and claw wounds. Heather knelt by him and smoothed his hair back. Bloody tears stained her face. Kristen smirked and opened her mouth to say something catty. The air around Karla shimmered and she shot Kristen a look that could freeze water.

  Lee sat up. “Hunter, come here.”

  “Looks like nobody won this one,” I said.

  “Bullshit,” Lee said. “I, we, have won a decisive victory. The enemy has lost the best part of their invasion force, while I have only lost, umh.” He pointed at Karla.

  “Thirty-six destroyed, two hundred or more wounded in the crossfire,” Karla said, “but I would expect them to recover.”

  “As will I,” Lee said. “Those fools who are hiding in my property will not. They are trapped in place by the rising sun. I’m sure you know what your duties will be today,”

  I nodded.

  “Finish by nightfall and there’ll be a bonus for you,” Lee s
aid.

  Ideas started to run through my head. None of them made me feel better.

  “How, am I supposed to know which ones to kill?” I said.

  “All of those under my protection have either fled or fallen back to my home,” Lee said. “Only Jorge remains outside, at his post where he prefers to be. Destroy any other vampire you find inside the mill.”

  I swallowed hard. The mill was a huge, decrepit maze. There were literally hundreds of places to hide. The overwhelming feelings of dread and hopelessness faded as quickly as they came. Something seemed to pull me away from Lee’s house. Flashes of a dusty stairwell ran through my head. I knew just where to begin.

  “I guess I’ll get started now,” I said.

  “You can’t wait, can you?” Kristen said as she took her place at Lee’s side.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s what I do, apparently.”

  “Feel free to rest wherever you please,” Lee said, to Heather.

  Kristen growled.

  “Yeah, fuck it,” Heather said. “I’m wasted.”

  Heather kissed Lee’s forehead and staggered over to the pile of ammunition crates. “Good hunting, Mike,” she mumbled as she crawled behind the government issued boxes and joined Misty. Kristen laid her head on Lee’s lap.

  I felt Karla lurking behind me. “You gonna come help me?” I said without looking back.

  Karla didn’t say a word. I turned back. She was wearing a featureless white mask, leather gloves and a black cloak that covered most of her body.

  “Oh, what the fuck are you supposed to be now?” I said.

  “It helps with the sun,” she said.

  Karla followed me, uninvited, as I headed for the door.

  “Don’t fail me,” Lee said.

  Chapter 9

  I couldn’t help but look at the mangled vampires that lay strewn everywhere as I headed out to the production floor. Each one had been destroyed with compulsive thoroughness. Most of the unburnt severed heads and skulls bore a single pistol caliber hole. Karla floated past me, down the front steps, avoiding the carnage. I kept going and tried not to step on anything, undead.

  “Clean-up is going to suck,” I said, “for somebody besides me.”