Other Side of the Season

by Jenn J. McLeod

  • • •

  Sid had listened, sitting quietly for once and not interrupting until Natalie had finished her story about how she and her mother had lived for the first five years of her life.

  ‘Mum, I can’t believe I’m only learning of this now.’

  ‘The truth is, Sidney, I’ve avoided the subject to protect you. I didn’t know my father, or even who he was, and I barely remember my mother. Whenever I tried recalling her, only one image came to mind. That was the last time I ever saw her, as police snatched me away, screaming. That’s why I don’t dwell on my childhood.’

  ‘That’s awful. But, don’t you see how it makes everything you’ve achieved so much more impressive?’

  ‘Sid, I’ve made some bad choices along the way.’

  ‘From the sound of it, my grandmother made worse ones!’

  ‘Yes, well, if I could go back in time there would be so many things I’d do differently. That’s why I am so adamant about you being sure of your options–all of them. But you don’t need to be scared of being on your own. You’ll always have Jake and me, and your baby will be well loved. I know that as certain as I know your brother will never settle down and have a career and that I’ll be doing his laundry until the day I die.’ Natalie laughed. ‘And if there was a Westinghouse washer in the afterlife, I’m sure he’d find a way to get his dirty clothes to me there as well.’

  Sidney was giggling when she stood up. ‘Mum, don’t even joke about things like that. Besides, I don’t think Little Bump likes me laughing.’ Clutching the bump in her belly, she lurched forward as pain squeezed her uterus.

  ‘Oooh, ow, Mum!’ Sid whispered, staring down at the wet stain between her thighs. ‘What’s happening to me?’

  ‘Keep calm, Sid, it might be your waters breaking.’

  ‘But it’s too soon.’

  ‘Jake?’ Natalie almost screamed the name, competing with the television in his room where he watched with Pearl. ‘I need you to get the car.’

  • • •

  The hospital bed sheets were white, except where stained with her daughter’s blood. Sid was pale, exhausted, terrified. The strap around her belly held the baby monitor in place and the sound of her tiny baby’s consistent heartbeat was at least reassuring.

  ‘You’re fine, Sid. You’re scared because you’re having a baby. I understand that fear. I do. I was terrified.’

  ‘I can’t imagine anything terrifying you, Mum.’

  ‘Why would you say that? I’ve had to become strong, Sid. I wasn’t always, and it’s meant doing things I’m not proud of, but I’d do them again in a heartbeat because they were for us. I’d do anything for my family. For you. I love you, Sidney. I’ve always loved you.’

  ‘If I ever disappointed you, Mum, I’m sorry.’

  ‘Oh, Sid, Sid, you don’t disappoint me. You never could and you certainly never have.’

  ‘When I was young, the way you would look at me . . . I saw such sadness in your eyes. I thought I saw–’

  ‘Love.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You saw my love for you, Sidney, and when you’re through this we’ll talk some more. But let’s wait till I have you home.’

  Sid tried shaking her head. ‘With you? Mum, I–’

  ‘Don’t panic.’ Nat recognised the expression. ‘It’ll be at my place just to begin with so I can help out. Of course, the choice will be yours. You’ll make your own decisions for your family. I promise not to be one of those suffocating mothers.’

  ‘I’m not rejecting your help. It’s only the thought of going back there, to Brushstrokes.’

  ‘There you go, we’re already agreeing. When I was in Melbourne, Tasha talked me into selling up. I was considering it anyway. She’s since suggested a broker and has made it her personal mission to find the very best in the business. Of course, I told Tash I’ll have you and Little Bump to think about now.’

  ‘You did?’

  ‘Yes, so maybe you’d like to think about where you might want to live. She’s hoping I’ll move to Melbourne, but Melbourne is too cold. So is the Blue Mountains as I’m getting older, but I plan to head back as soon as you’re out of here and start packing.’

  ‘Mum, where you live is up to you. Wherever that is, we can stay with you for a while, but Little Bump and I need to find a home and, can you believe, I’m actually falling in love with the idea of life in the country.’

  ‘You won’t stay in Sydney?’

  ‘My work will let me live anywhere, as long as I can establish enough contacts. Better here and working from home than a job in the city with Little Bump in child care.’

  ‘Here? In Coffs Harbour?’

  ‘Or Watercolour Cove. Why not? I have the feeling Jake won’t be going anywhere fast. Little Bump and I can visit Grandma in the city and Grandma can come to us. It’ll be like a holiday.’

  ‘Stop with the Grandma thing. I sound like a little old lady.’

  Mother and daughter laughed, until another pain sliced through Sidney.

  ‘I’ll get the nurse for you. Something to help make you more comfortable. Then I’d better get back to the waiting room and fill Jake in on your progress.’ Natalie made to leave, then stopped. She turned back and took her daughter’s hand. ‘You will stay with me until you find your feet, won’t you?’ Natalie didn’t stop long enough for Sid to answer. ‘I’ll take care of you and we’ll talk and I’ll even answer all those blasted questions you’ve got whirling around your head as we speak.’

  ‘How do you know what’s in my head right now?’

  ‘Because I know you, Sid. I’m your mother and a mother knows everything.’

  ‘Okay, then maybe you can tell me everything will be okay, because I think I’m about to have my baby–right now!’

  52

  Pacific Coast Base Hospital, 2015

  ‘You kids are certainly making sure I see plenty of this hospital.’ Natalie fell into a waiting room chair.

  ‘Can I get you something to drink, Mrs Hill?’

  ‘Oh, Pearl, please. I’m feeling old enough at this point in time. I’m sure I told you to call me Natalie.’

  ‘Grandmothers are old,’ Jake piped up.

  ‘And Nanna Natalies are eternally youthful,’ Pearl offered, casting Nat a smile of solidarity. ‘Name your poison.’

  ‘A lemonade would be lovely.’

  ‘Do you like her, Mum?’ Jake asked, once Pearl was out of earshot.

  ‘I do.’

  ‘Me too,’ her son grinned. ‘So, how’s Sid really doing?’

  Jake’s eager enquiry made Natalie smile. ‘She did a wonderful job in difficult circumstances, Jake. Part of the baby’s placenta came away. They called it a placental abruption. That’s what caused the bleeding.’

  ‘And that’s why they cut her open?’

  ‘With the placenta detached from the wall of the uterus, the risk of starving the baby of oxygen meant there was no choice but to deliver her by Caesarean. But Sid will be fine. So will Little Bump.’

  ‘Phew! Please tell me the kid looks like Sid.’

  Natalie smiled. ‘She does, Jake. She’s beautiful and she’s perfect. Sid was able to hold her and bond, although too briefly. While she did, I counted all ten toes and fingers. But she’s so fragile, coming far too soon. The Caesarean was best for both the baby and Sid. Your sister’s scared, but she’s determined.’

  ‘She’s Sid! What else would she be?’ Jake joked. ‘When can I see Little Bump?’

  ‘Right now Grace requires special care.’

  ‘Grace?’

  ‘Sid’s named her after Grace Cossington Smith.’

  ‘Who? Is she another long-lost relative, like our grandfather?’

  ‘She’s an artist who happens to have pioneered modernist painting in Australia.’

  ‘Hey, Mum, maybe you can stick to the need-to-know details next time. A yes or no would’ve been fine.’

  ‘Will do, Jake. For now your sister needs rest. They’re keepi
ng a close eye on her. Nothing for us to do except get a good night’s sleep ourselves and be back here bright and early. She’ll need our support. How about you get the car? I want to let Sid know we’re leaving.’

  • • •

  ‘Sid, honey, are you awake?’

  Her daughter looked so small and pale, her skin almost grey. There were tubes attached to drips and catheters, and monitors beeped relentlessly. Blood from bags dripped into her veins, and an intensive care nurse watched the monitors from the corner of the room.

  Through parched and pale lips, Sid uttered the name, ‘Grace?’

  Natalie stroked her daughter’s forehead, wiping the hair away from her eyes. ‘She’s fine and getting more beautiful by the minute.’

  ‘Can I see her again?’

  ‘In time, darling. The doctors are keen for you to rest. A good night’s sleep will see you stronger and Grace too. You’ll be needing all your strength.’

  ‘I know, I know,’ Sid mumbled, fighting to stay alert. ‘I don’t have a husband to help me.’

  ‘No, you don’t, but you have me. And you have Jake. And the way that boy is headed I think you’re right about us having Pearl around for a while.’

  Sid managed a small smile. ‘Poor Pearl. I didn’t warn her about Jake being the family clown.’

  ‘Well, I dare say there’s your godparent problem solved.’

  ‘Ha!’ Sid half-laughed, half-coughed, her pain palpable. ‘If anything will force me to get better, the thought of seeing Jake changing a baby nappy will do it.’

  ‘You’re getting well for Grace. She needs you to rest and get strong again.’

  ‘Besides, you’re my problem solved, Mum.’

  ‘Me? I think that is a discussion for another time.’

  ‘No, Mum, you’re not changing the subject. I need you to promise me. You have to look after Grace if anything happens.’

  ‘I told you already–nothing is going to happen. I could tell you the hardest part is over, but that’s not true. The really hard part is the next eighteen or more years. You wait and see! But if it will help you rest easy now, of course I’ll take care of Grace–and you, for as long as you need me. And I hope you need me for a very long time. Family is forever and ours just got bigger by one.’

  ‘Mum?’

  ‘Yes, darling.’

  ‘Am I doing the wrong thing by taking Damien at his word? I’m not interested in making us a family, but I can’t help wonder that if he was to see the baby he might change his mind about his involvement in her life. I don’t want to make the wrong decision.’

  ‘Believe me, darling Sidney, you’ll make mistakes during your lifetime. Heaven knows I did.’

  As weak as she was, her daughter’s face managed to show her surprise. ‘Never thought I’d hear those words from your lips.’

  ‘Well, get used to hearing things that may surprise you.’ Natalie collected her coat and bag from the chair, preparing to leave. ‘For now, get some sleep.’

  ‘I want to talk more than you know. Love you, Mum,’ Sid told her as Natalie leaned down and planted a kiss on her daughter’s forehead.

  ‘I love you, too, Sidney. Thank you for being my wonderful, wilful, sagacious daughter who doesn’t take no for an answer. You have no idea what you’ve brought to my life.’

  ‘Really?’ Sid’s sleepy eyes widened a tad. ‘Wow, what did I do to deserve that? Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor?’

  ‘Did I forget to include cheeky?’ Nat squeezed her daughter’s hand. ‘When you’re well enough, we’ll talk some more. There are things I should’ve told you before. Now sleep!’

  53

  Watercolour Cove, 2015

  A knock on the door startled Natalie where she lounged on the sofa beside her love-struck son. Pearl had called by the villa earlier, bringing fish and chips for three, but the exhausted trio had hardly eaten a thing. Even Jake seemed too preoccupied about his sister to bother with food and Natalie couldn’t wait to see Sidney laughing when she heard that.

  Pearl was a delightful country girl and a vast improvement on the others Jake had managed to bring home to his mother over the years. So totally infatuated with each other, they’d taken ten minutes to say goodbye a short time ago. Within minutes they were texting each other, Jake chuckling at her replies.

  The sound of the small brass bell at the door jingled. Still favouring his sore leg, Jake limped hurriedly to answer it, no doubt hoping it was Pearl on the other side.

  ‘Ahh, g’day.’ Her son sounded confused, not sure what to do next with his boss standing in the doorway.

  ‘How you doing, Jake? On the mend? Sorry I haven’t been down to check on your progress.’

  ‘Yeah, good, mate. I’m sweet. Back on deck whenever you want me. If you’re here to see Pearl, she left a little while ago.’

  ‘I caught up with Pearl just now. She told me about your sister.’

  ‘David, I was going to call.’ Natalie looked across at her son, still holding the door. ‘Jake, honey, perhaps you might take a walk?’

  ‘Actually, Natalie,’ David said, ‘I was going to suggest you and I do the breakwall.’

  ‘The . . . Oh, yes, right. That’ll keep me awake. Let me grab my phone and a coat and I can fill you in on how Sidney’s doing. Jake . . . ?’ Natalie saw her son’s squinty expression as he tapped out another message on his phone. ‘If you hear anything at all, call my mobile.’

  • • •

  ‘Thank you for dropping by,’ Nat said. ‘I don’t think I’ll be sleeping at all, and visiting hours seem a long wait.’

  ‘Pearl called by and filled me in. Things seemed a bit touch and go for a while?’

  ‘She’ll be fine. Sid is the strongest girl I know.’

  ‘She takes after her mother.’

  Natalie pulled her coat tighter around her chest, clasping it closed with a fist. ‘The breakwall’s changed,’ was all she said.

  ‘Hasn’t everything?’ David returned. ‘Do you remember I once taught you about the rule of reflection? How everything has one, just like there’s another side to every story.’

  ‘And if an object leans to the left, its reflection will also lean to the left. I remember, of course,’ Natalie said. ‘What are you trying to say, David?’

  ‘I need to know the other side of your story, Tilly. I’m sorry, I can’t stop using that name.’

  ‘So much has happened in my life that I feel such a very long way away from that young girl,’ Natalie said. ‘What’s most important is not the story of my life, David. Someone else has a story you need to hear and I’m the only one left to tell.’

  ‘Are you talking about Matthew?’

  ‘No. What I’ve learned from you these past few days is that even after all our years together I didn’t know the real Matthew. He and I were never really a family. He was a good father, but we were too different.’

  ‘I know what you mean. He and I might have been siblings, but we were nothing alike. To him I was a spoilt, pain-in-the-butt younger brother. Never thought he’d leave Greenhill, though.’

  ‘David, there’s so much you should know. Not about Matthew, but about your dad and Albie.’

  ‘And you can tell me?’ He sounded surprised.

  Natalie came to a stop, as if the thought of walking and talking was suddenly too taxing. ‘I can do better. I can show you.’ She fished the mobile phone from the pocket of her coat. ‘Right here. Right now.’ Before I change my mind. ‘Can we sit first, though? I feel another dizzy spell may be on the cards.’

  ‘Over here.’ He stopped at a park bench beside one of the dozen light bollards that illuminated the breakwall at night.

  Natalie waited for David to position himself first, although unsure whether sitting was even possible for her in such a heightened state of agitation. She instead rocked back and forth on her heels and wrapped her coat so firmly there was no choice but for the truth to squeeze out of her.

  ‘Albie left two letters behind. Be
ar with me if I skip some of the details for now. I need to get this out in one go.’

  ‘And I need you to sit before you fall down. Come on.’ David patted the wooden planks beside him and Natalie submitted. ‘Two letters, you were saying?’

  ‘Yes. One was a brief To Anyone Who Cares type note. The other one he wrote to me, hoping I’d find it. The unslept-in bed and the two notes were the first thing I noticed after opening the guestroom door.’

  ‘You found him?’

  Natalie focused on the bright light of the nearby bollard, hoping to burn the image of Albie away. She nodded, breathing in deep. ‘I’ll never forget the moment I realised the man was Albie. To think he’d been so troubled and right there, in my house.’ Natalie shivered, not from the cold but from the memory, knowing she had contributed to his despair. ‘We make choices. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, David. Running off with Matthew was wrong. Denying Rose a grandchild was selfish. While I couldn’t stay on the plantation, I should have been stronger and had faith in my ability to live alone, even raise a baby on my own if I had to and not make a mess of things like my mother. Sid is proof a daughter doesn’t have to take after her mother. That girl’s never done anything wrong by anyone.’

  ‘You’ve raised Sidney to be strong,’ David said. ‘She’s lovely. You should be very proud.’

  ‘I am. But I’ll be more proud when I can fix things.’

  ‘What does that mean, exactly?’

  ‘I started the other night by telling her the truth about my mother, and I felt better having said it aloud. I can only hope the whole truth, once told, will make our connection even stronger. The thought of losing her, the thought of not having either of my children in my life, would . . .’

  ‘Why stop mid-sentence?’

  Natalie scoffed. ‘Because, David, that sounded so hypocritical. Keeping you from your daughter was bad enough. What I did to Rose by taking her son away . . .’

  ‘Some things can’t be undone, Tilly. They just are. We overcome and we find ways around the grief and the disappointment.’

  ‘Or we try to fix the fixable when the opportunity arises.’