Renovation

by Alexie Aaron

  “Minnie Mouse, have you seen my monkey wrench?” he asked when he found her in the kitchen with her head on the table.

  She rose up and wiped her tears from her face before she answered, “No, but I’ve seen your joystick.” She looked up at him and winked saucily.

  “Shall we play a game?” he said in his best electronic voice.

  Chapter Five

  Maggie was a happy dog. She had been a shelter pup longing for an owner and a collar when Bacon Man walked into the kennel. With him was a transparent man holding an axe. Normally she would have been a bit wary of the creature, but he smiled at her, and she fell in love. They called him Murphy. She was brought home and presented to a quick-witted female. Maggie figured out quickly that this must be the queen of the hive of men. She would be careful; queen bees had a deadly sting.

  She couldn’t have been more wrong. The smallest of the bunch had a tiny name but a big heart. Mia curled up in the big bed with the Tinkering Man. They were happy people with strange habits. They were gone all night and slept during the day. Several other drones visited the hive. Burt, the chubby man, put on a mask of disapproval most times, but Maggie found out he was filled with love. Maggie could sense love. It was her superpower. The Driving Man they called Mike kept his distance from Maggie, something to do with her hair and his clothes. Murphy took great pleasure in playing jokes on this man. Sometimes he would initiate Maggie into his schemes. She would distract the Driving Man, and Murphy would surprise him. And then there was Audrey or, as Maggie liked to call her, Treat Woman. She always arrived with something for Maggie. She got down to Maggie’s level so Maggie didn’t have to jump up on her.

  Jumping up on people was a bad thing. Bacon Man withheld treats when she did this. His tone was sharp, and Maggie didn’t like the sharp tone - nope, not at all. Today Tinkering Man and Bacon Man were up to something. Maggie sensed it had something to do with her. Earlier, Tinkering Man had taken her collar. He said some soothing words Maggie didn’t understand, but the tone was nice. Bacon Man took off the back door of the house and brought it back a few hours later. Maggie took full advantage of the freedom, going in and out of the house. She ran out, down the steps, turned around and ran back up the steps and into the house. She did this countless times, never tiring of the game.

  The door went back up, but it looked different. The bottom of the door had changed, and there were two lights on the outside. The dark blue one was shining. Tinkering Man looked over the door and patted Bacon Man on the back. “You used Neitz's recommendations on what colors dogs could see.” He next pulled Maggie’s collar out of his pocket and held it near the door. Maggie heard a click, and the yellow light lit up. Tinkering Man put his hand through the bottom of the door. Maggie was astounded. A panel slid up into the door exposing a Maggie-sized space.

  “There, do you see?” Ted asked Maggie who had the tip of her nose just inside the opening. “Here,” he said and attached the collar around Maggie’s neck. He gently pushed her back away from the door, and the panel slid down and the light turned blue. “Cid, it works on this side,” Ted said.

  “Let her go, and see if she can figure it out,” Cid suggested.

  Ted did as he was told and let go of Maggie. She walked up to the door, and the light turned yellow and a loud click was heard. The panel raised, and Maggie walked outside. The panel closed after her.

  “Well, she’s got the exit down. Let’s see how long it takes her to…” Cid stopped talking when he heard the door click, and the panel rose again. Maggie stuck her head in, and looked around before she moved the rest of her body through the door. “Good girl!” he exclaimed. “You are such a smart dog.”

  “Who’s a smart dog?” Mia asked, entering the kitchen from the hall.

  “Maggie is,” Cid said. “She figured out the Dog Gone Doggie Door in record time.”

  Mia walked over and examined the apparatus. “What if she decides to take a nap here? Would the door stay open and let in all the critters?”

  Cid and Ted looked at each other and shrugged.

  Mia looked at Maggie and smiled. “Ah, I have the solution,” she said opening the closet door, exposing the dreaded vacuum. Maggie got to her feet and scurried off.

  “But will she be back?” Cid asked.

  Maggie came trotting back with her ball in her mouth and activated the door and left the house.

  “Problem solved.”

  “But it’s still a problem. Perhaps Dog Gone Doggie Door has a few bugs to work out,” Ted admitted. “We can’t ask the punters to have a vacuum handy.”

  “You can warn them about the possibility. Some dogs may just lay there with the door open to see the outdoors from the comfort of the warm house,” Cid pondered.

  “No, it’s got to be right if we are going to market it at the high price point,” Ted said.

  Mia left the two to discuss the problem. She wanted to change before the team headed over to the Malones. PEEPs had an interesting situation. They had two viable, filmable haunts within an hour’s drive of the hollow and thirty minutes from Chicago, but they couldn’t investigate the two simultaneously. PEEPs didn’t have the staff or materials to do so. Each haunt was discussed in depth, and they finally decided that the Wheaton’s haunt seemed to be troublesome but not life threatening. After calling and talking with John and Mindy to confirm that the haunt hadn’t escalated after the investigative team had left, they came to the conclusion that PEEPs would do a full investigation of their haunt but wouldn’t be able to schedule them in for a week. The Wheatons seemed satisfied with this.

  To say the Malones were ecstatic would be an understatement. Ronald was bursting with excitement over his house being on television. His wife smiled wickedly after hearing the news. She headed out to Neiman’s to purchase a few new outfits. As requested in the contract, the Malones wouldn’t be staying in the house until the investigation had ceased, but they intended to visit often.

  Mike made sure to bring Audrey along with him when he met with the owners to go over the terms of the contract. He was getting a predatory vibe from the missus and didn’t want to be alone with her during any part of the investigation. He also warned the other males that Gail was a problem. Cid blushed, and Burt looked disinterested. Mia promised to break each of the porcelain nails off the woman and feed them to her if she laid a hand on Ted. Mike hoped that the men would heed his advice when it came to being alone with the woman. “Always have the mic on and a camera rolling, something to keep the woman from putting her hands on you.”

  Audrey had requested Mia’s help in researching the two haunts. She felt that the sensitive’s history with construction would help Audrey to narrow down what she needed to look into. She had already asked a few questions about ghostly attachments and was surprised by Mia’s answers. A hammer that was used in a killing could have a spirit attached to it. No, it didn’t matter that it had been used by others. Why? Mia didn’t have a clue. “Ghost hunting may have been going on since the first boo,” Mia explained, “but not many people wrote down their observations. It’s only in the past fifty years that it’s been dealt with scientifically.”

  “Why do you think that they stay?” Audrey asked her seriously.

  “Ask Murphy. Ask the ghosts you come across,” she suggested. “Me, I’m going to wait around for Ted and then head for the great beyond. Ted expects the Starship Enterprise will be involved.”

  “Mia, you seem to think that you’re going to die first. Historically, women live longer than men.”

  “Audrey, I’ve already died twice. I think that my nine lives are down to seven, while Ted’s still got his full packet.”

  “If you hadn’t met Ted…”

  “I was always going to meet Ted, Audrey,” Mia insisted. “He’s my lid.”

  “Pardon?”

  “Every pot has a lid. Surely you’ve heard that before,” Mia said.

  “I have, but I always thought we were the lids,” Audrey argued.

  “You�
��re probably right,” Mia said and wrinkled her face. “My information isn’t well researched. I was under the opinion that, For dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return, was Shakespeare.”

  “Sounds like him,” Audrey commiserated, knowing that Genesis was where one could find that verse.

  “Nope. PP laid me straight on that one.”

  “I take it you’re talking about Cid. Pedantic…”

  “Putz,” Mia finished. “How the hell is he going to attract women if he keeps correcting them?”

  Audrey thought about the physically perfect male with the handsome face and even teeth and said, “Don’t worry, Mia. Most women aren’t that interested in being right at the beginning of a relationship. It’s after the vows they make their stand.”

  “Shame.”

  “Yes, but sometimes it’s only when the honeymoon sets that the love-struck can really see what’s before them.”

  “Very wise. I’m nominating you to the Council of Women after you kick off.”

  “Don’t. My idea of heaven isn’t sitting around with a bunch of women watching the world. I’m going to have me a good old time. I’m going to dance the two-step with your Judge Roumain,” she vowed.

  Mia’s faced showed surprise.

  “What? Do you think I’m going to heaven? Not with my backlog of sins,” Audrey said.

  “I think Father Santos would take exception to that,” Mia said softly.

  “Where do you think he is right now?”

  “I don’t know,” Mia confessed.

  ~

  Ira looked over the stone wall at the valley below him. He recorded everything he saw with his eyes, to dine upon later. Angelo had set him on the wall at Ira’s request. He felt the garden to be too closed in after experiencing flying with Angelo. He needed to feel the sun upon his face and breathe in the crisp mountain air.

  “You’d expect it to be still filled with snow this time of year,” a voice commented from behind him.

  The accented English was familiar to what Ira was used to hearing in school but, yet, more formal. Ira rotated his body around, taking care to hold the oversized robe closed. Before him stood a man about his father’s age. There was a familiarity to his face, and Ira realized he must be Father Santos’s brother.

  “Forgive me if I don’t get up,” Ira said and held out his hand. He opened his mouth to explain, but the understanding look on the man’s face told him it wasn’t necessary. “I’m Ira Levisohn.”

  “Constantino Santos,” the man said, gripping Ira’s hand firmly. “I don’t know if you knew my brother?”

  “I think I met him at a memorial for a friend of mine, Captain William Shelby.”

  “Did he die in Afghanistan, Iraq?”

  “Illinois, Civil War.”

  “Really, and you said he was your friend? How old are you?” Constantino asked.

  “Thirteen. It’s a long story, but I think perhaps that’s why I’m here. To tell you this story, sir,” he clarified.

  “If it is to be a long story, then I think you better call me Teeny.”

  “Only if you call me Inky,” Ira said.

  “I think I can do that, Inky.” Constantino looked around him. “Perhaps we could find a better place for this story. How about by the pond under the tree where there are two benches…”

  “Long way for me to crawl,” Ira said wryly.

  “Would you allow me to carry you? I assure you, I am stronger than I look.”

  “I’m heavier than I look,” warned Ira.

  “Let’s try and see how far we get.” Constantino lifted the boy carefully and carried him slowly over to the bench and set him down. “Now for my reward: tell me about Captain Shelby.”

  “It all started with a maniacal coach named King…”

  Constantino listened to Inky’s tale, not without a little skepticism. He asked questions, and with each answer, his doubts started to leave him. This wasn’t a rehearsed accounting; this indeed had happened to this young man. “To be trapped in another dimension for so long must have been horrible,” he commented.

  “I really had no concept of time. I thought I was having a nightmare. I expected to wake up at any moment.”

  “Your parents, they did not give up on you.”

  “For that, I will always be grateful.”

  “Did this bilocation run in your family?”

  “Not to my knowledge.”

  “Do you practice bilocation?”

  “Mia and my parents don’t want me to,” Ira hedged.

  “You do though. You travel,” Constantino confirmed.

  “A little bit. In that state, you see, I can walk, run and turn into anything I can visualize.”

  “It is dangerous, no?”

  “It is very dangerous, yes,” Ira confirmed. “You see, Teeny, I could get sucked into that other place. Find myself unable to move, perish there.”

  “But still you do it.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “My brother, Paolo, he did exorcisms. They were dangerous. He could have perished, but he did them anyway. You have a lot in common with him.”

  “From what I understand about your brother, you’ve given me a great compliment. How did you get the name Teeny? You have to be six feet and change,” Ira observed.

  “It was my brother. He was much older than I. When our mother told him he was going to have a brother or sister, he envisioned me his size. When I came out a babe, he was quite disgusted. He said to my mother, ‘He’s no Constantino. He’s Constanteeny.’ And so I became Teeny.”

  “I like that.”

  “Your turn.”

  “My turn… Oh! You want to know about my moniker Inky,” Ira qualified. “I’ve always been… well, humility aside, smart. As Mia says, not sorta smart but smart smart. Instead of doing sports, I prefer to read, study and do my homework. My fingers were always blue from the constant note taking with those cheap pens my mother buys. So my friends who put up with my pursuits and still played with me on occasion called me Inky because of my hands. If I could have afforded a computer, perhaps I would have a cool name like Keys.”

  “Mine then would have been Cebolla.”

  “Onion?”

  “Yes, because I love onions. I always smelled of them as a child. But Paolo’s name stuck.” Constantino stood up and waved his hand from his head to his feet. “So I am Teeny.”

  This caused Ira to laugh. Constantino joined in.

  That’s how Angelo found them. It was the rich laughter of the Spaniard combined with the tenor of the American teenager that guided him. It was a good sign.

  “Excuse me, Constantino, I have to get the boy back to his parents. I promised his mother to have him home before the night meal,” he said approaching them.

  “I would not want to get you in trouble with your mother, Inky. It has been a pleasure to meet you. If fortune is favorable, may I call upon you when I am in your country?”

  “I’d like that, Teeny,” Ira said and shook his hand.

  “I think I have had too much sun. I’ll leave you two here. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I have much to think about,” Constantino said, looking from Ira to Angelo. “We will talk later, yes?”

  “Yes, I will return here,” Angelo promised.

  He waited until Constantino had left the rooftop garden before speaking. “Thank you for coming. I don’t know if your story will sway him to give me more time, but I am honored by you opening yourself up to him. Men in my country are very closed-mouthed about their adventures, even more so their feelings.”

  “Is that why you and Mia are at odds?”

  “No, Ira, that is because I violated a trust. A big mistake that I can’t put behind me.”

  “I could talk to Mia. She seems reasonable.”

  “I don’t think it’s Mia as much as it’s me. Sometimes I find us able to work side-by-side. And then I do or say something stupid, and I’m back in the doghouse.”

  “That’s just because you’re tr
ying too hard,” Ira observed.

  “Do you think so?”

  “It’s a guess. You have all this power and can be kind of scary. She probably thinks that you mean her harm, when you are just trying to help.”

  “I wish it were that simple. Speaking of Mia, she has asked me to do something. I don’t know how to bring it up except to just ask you. Would you like to walk again, Ira?”

  “I’m trying. But I was in a state of bilocation far too long. It hurts to push myself,” he admitted.

  “What if it doesn’t have to hurt?”

  “You’re kidding?”

  “Here there are a group of healers that we call Gray Ladies,” he explained. “I could ask them to examine you and give us their opinion on whether or not you can be cured. And if so, they will cure you. I don’t want to mislead you; there is a strong possibility that you can’t be cured. But if you are, then this becomes tricky. You may not share what happened here with your parents or doctors. It has to be between you, me and Mia. You will go home, and gradually you will seem to regain your strength. You will have to lie to your mother. Can you do this?”

  Ira lifted an eyebrow and reminded him, “I’m supposed to be in Chicago right now. She’ll forgive me this lie, I can promise you.”

  “Then permit me to carry you to the place of healing.”

  “I’ll still make it home by dinner time?”

  “Yes, I’ll not get you grounded,” Angelo promised. “Nothing worse than being grounded.”

  “Says the birdman,” Ira added.

  Chapter Six

  “As I told Ronald, I can’t have these ghosts in here. They’re slowing up the contractors. I’ve got the Garden Club Tea scheduled the tenth of July. I want my house back,” Gail Malone said, tapping her ash into the crystal ashtray.

  “Why do I want to give her a long black cigarette holder?” Mia questioned herself as she watched the filming sitting next to Ted in the PEEPs command center.