The Long Dark

by Billy Farmer

  It didn’t take long for the first issue to arise. We knew we had to stay near or below seven miles per hour. The problem was the damn speedometer stopped working a few minutes into the trip. It’s not like the Shining was a hot rod or anything near that because it sputtered along to beat all hell. It was disconcerting not being able to see if we were going a safe speed.

  Avery, of course, chimed in, saying, "Because we are not near land, rebounding pressure waves should not be an issue. If we stay in a nominal proximity to the desired speed, then we should not fall through the ice.”

  I think he was talking about the cause of blowouts, but who knows. No clarification was asked for.

  The second and more serious issue was the recent heavy snow had covered the ice road. There’s a good deal of maintenance that goes into keeping an ice road safe. I didn’t know everything there was to know about it, or even a little bit, but I knew that unmaintained ice was bad, and that we had ten or so miles of it to navigate.

  Thanks to the unprecedented amount of snow the Patch and outlying areas had received, Tom thought he could feel when the Shining went too far off course to the left or right because of the banks of plowed snow on either side of the road. Since they were steep and of a decent size, we hoped they would corral on the ice road, like how go-cart tracks keep go-karts from leaving the track.

  We were maybe fifteen minutes into our trip when Avery spoke up. “Has anyone thought about what it might feel like to drown?”

  “Sweet Jesus,” Tish said, surprise raising the pitch of her voice an octave or two. “Really?”

  “It is a serious question,” Avery said, without a hint of inflection that would lead us to believe he was joking. “It is times like this when we should contemplate living and all the travails that coincide with it,” he continued.

  “Tell your idiot to shut up, William,” Titouan cried from the back seat.

  “Oh, hell, ya guys are bein too rough on ol’ boy. He just breakin the ice,” Sam said.

  “You’re as bad as he is. Except you realize what you’re doing,” Tish said.

  Sam feigned being offended.

  A few moments passed, and Avery was back at it. “I am genuinely curious--”

  “It’s been warm lately… You realize we could fall through the ice at any point,” Titouan said. He sighed and then paused before finishing his thought. “The only thing you’re worse at than fixing things is conversation.”

  “Even with the warmer than average temperatures, the ice is thick enough to support the weight of this vehicle. We are safe, Titouan,” Avery said. “Besides, fear should motivate us to explore the unknown, find out about it, and see if that fear is warranted. If I am analyzing what you just said, I think your fear is based on false conclusions derived from ignorance.”

  Titouan began saying something shitty when I interrupted him. “Well, I’m pretty sure fear of falling through the ice is warranted. How about you ease up a bit? I didn’t bring my antacids.”

  “It’s pretty damn obvious nobody wants ta talk about yer serious question, Faux. I’ll talk ‘bout somethin ‘at scared me ta death when I’s a youngin. It ain’t ‘bout fallin through no damn ice, ‘cause I don’t swim and the cold makes my pecker shrivel up, but it’s still a story ‘bout ‘plorin fear. Like you done said, it’s important ta explore yer fears.”

  “Oh, God,” Tom said, sighing.

  “I swear on my Aunt Betsy’s life, God rest her soul, what I’m ‘bout ta say is true. It all started when I’s in the Ozarks with my friends.” He stopped. “Can ya hear me back ’ere, Titouan?”

  “Eat shit,” Titouan barked.

  I turned to Sam and said, “Just get it over with.”

  He cleared his throat before continuing. “I was prolly ‘bout fifteen at the time, I’d guess. Anyways, we lost track of time doing what boys do, and it was nightfall ‘fore we knew it. I got separated from ‘em on the way home, and got plum turned around. As I’s tryin to find my way back home, I wandered on ‘is huge glowin light. It was one of ‘em orb saucer thangs.”

  There was barely enough light in the cab for me to see the look on Tom’s face. From what I could see, it was priceless. It was somewhere between wanting to laugh hysterically and longing for a deep plunge to the bottom of the Chukchi Sea to make it all stop. I personally knew it was going to be a bullshit story because Sam grew up in Eastern Kentucky, and as poor as they were, I doubted he traveled with his friends to the Ozarks or much anywhere outside the holler. That and it was Sam, which was pretty much all that needed to be said.

  “I stopped in my tracks, my butthole puckered so tight I could’ve done squeezed coal into a diamond,” he continued, “nearly fallin ta the ground, I struggled for my balance. The glowin light was on me ‘fore I could run away. The next thang I knowed I was in ‘is big vat of green slime, strugglin ta breath and fightin for my life. I felt like I was gonna die. Then, as I was takin my last breath, this short, big eyed little alien fella waddled in the room, with his short legs and whatnot, and pushed some buttons on a panel thingamajiggy. I was out like a light. When I woke up the next mornin… I’s so happy ta be alive. That is, until I felt ‘is horrible pain in my backside. My butthole hurt somethin awful… the damn aliens must’ve gave me a back-side burner… Ya know, shoed the ol’ brown mare… I could understand if ‘ey wanted to check my eyesight or somethin… but why my butthole? I reckon I’m an alien abductor or whatnot.”

  If I’m completely honest, I couldn’t help but laughing. It was kind of what we all needed, even though, as expected, Titouan wasn’t happy. He made some, let’s just say, stereotypical and geographically-insensitive slurs towards Sam and a certain sister of his. Sam was probably pissed off, but played things as usual, saying, “What, you jealous ‘cause it wasn’t you gettin the diddlin, Tit? I know all ‘bout you fancy pants boys.”

  Avery, on the other hand, was seemingly unaffected. No harm no foul, right?

  “There are cases I have read about where abductees had similar experiences. Of course, those experiences were articulated better and much less crudely than your silly recitation, but they are documented nonetheless. But you know what, I get that you are making fun of me,” Avery said, more let down about the episode not being real than he was mad about Sam making fun of him. “Furthermore, it is alien abductee--”

  A panicked cry came from the back seat. Titouan had screeched something that barley resembled speech. I flicked on my head lamp and quickly scanned the cab before asking what the hell was going on.

  “Outside… I saw something,” he said, this time mostly comprehensible.

  I turned my headlamp off and scanned what little real-estate I could see outside the Shining. I couldn’t see anything that would elicit Titouan’s outburst. I turned back towards him. “What the hell is going on?”

  Titouan sat slumped over in his seat, seemingly so he couldn’t look out the window or someone couldn’t look in. I wasn’t sure. “I don’t know,” he said, his eyes still wide with fear.

  “What the hell do you mean you don’t know?”

  I turned towards Tish. She shook her head, letting me know she didn’t see anything. I then glanced at Avery. His face told a different story. “What did you see, bud?”

  He didn’t reply.

  “Someone tell me what the hell is going on,” I said, losing my temper.

  “I’m not sure, William,” Titouan, said, now calmer, but with a tremble in his voice. “It was a man… I think. He looked different. Like he was sick, maybe.”

  “You’ins is a bunch of loons,” Sam said. I told him to be quiet.

  Avery finally spoke up. “I am not sure what it was. When I heard Titouan yell, I turned to look at him but saw something moving out of my right periphery. I am not sure what it was, or if it was anything. I did not, however, see a person.”

  “Stop the truck, Tom,” I said.

  “What the hell are you doing, William? Don’t stop. You’re not understanding me. He didn’t look righ
t.”

  “Tell me what the hell was wrong with him. We can’t just leave him out there if he’s sick,” I said.

  Titouan paused before speaking. “His eyes looked weird. I don’t know, William. He just didn’t look normal, that’s all.”

  “You think the sonofabitch would look like Cindy Crawford? He’s out in ‘is damn blizzard,” Sam said.

  “Fuck you,” Titouan said.

  “I was just makin my story up, Tit. You don’t have to try to one up me with your--”

  “Stop it, Sam. No time for this.”

  “Just givin him some of his own medicine.”

  “Please, Sam.”

  He grumbled something under his breath.

  I thought I’d ask the sanest person in the cab what he saw. “Tom?”

  “Nothing. I don’t think we should stop, though.”

  “Let’s just get to Barrow,” Tish said.

  I sighed. “Just stop. Maybe he’s our help and he broke down.”

  Tom shook his head but abided. The Shining’s diesel engine sputtered and knocked, nearly dying before coming to a full stop.

  “I’m thinkin if he was help, I’m doubtin he’d come alone, fellas. Somethin’s not right ‘bout ‘is,” Sam said, finally getting the potential seriousness of the situation.

  “Let’s fucking go, okay,” Titouan yelled. “If he’s been out in this, he’s probably near death, anyway.”

  I hesitated for a few moments, thinking about what the hell I should do before finally saying, “I’m going to check outside. We can’t leave whoever it is out here to die.”

  “You’re crazy,” Titouan said.

  I took a step down onto the track. “I’ll be a minute. That’s all.”

  Tish joined Titouan in her desire for me to not go outside. “There are polar bears out there. This is stupid. Please, let’s just go. Besides, Titouan is probably just trying to get back at us for making him come.”

  “Fuck you. I know what I fucking saw, okay.”

  “You’re an asshole, you know that,” Tish yelled over her shoulder.

  “Just shut up you two. I’ll take the gun.” And use it on myself, I thought.

  “It’s a bad idea,” she continued.

  I heard Tom telling Tish everything was going to be alright as I closed the door. If anyone could make her feel better, it would be Tom. They had become almost inseparable since she came to the Patch. Of course, working around the kind of people who worked at the Patch, there were rumors flying about them being more than just friends. I never asked. If Tom had wanted me to know, he would’ve told me. I do know they took leave together on at least two occasions. I heard they were going hunting together. Like I said, I didn’t ask. I approved their leaves.

  I walked around to the rear of the Shining. I opened the rear hatch and grabbed the rifle we kept to protect ourselves from polar bears wondering onto the Patch looking for scraps. I had no clue what kind of rifle it was. I just know it had a scope that didn’t work. The glass had a nasty crack running down the center, and you could barely see through it. “Just aim down the side of the barrel,” Sam told me. “You ain’t goin ta hit nothin, anyways.” I rotated my injured shoulder. That wasn’t going to make things any easier if I had to fire the rifle. Thanks, Avery.

  I walked back to the front of the Shining and told Tom to throw the truck in reverse and follow close behind me just in case shit went down. He yelled out a string of expletives I barely heard over the grinding gears. He apparently couldn’t get it to go in reverse. He wanted to turn around and follow me, but I told him not to. “Keep the piece of crap pointed towards Barrow… and be ready to roll if something happens.”

  “Yeah, we’ll book it out of here,” Tom said.

  Smartass.

  I adjusted my headlamp and began walking towards the way we came. I didn’t see anything, but I swore to God I heard something. The farther I got away from the Shining, the less I could hear the rumble of the diesel and the more attuned I became with my surroundings. There was a flurry of what sounded like snorts very close to where I was standing. I had taken the polar bear educational experience given by one of our safety trainers; I didn’t remember polar bears making sounds like the ones I was hearing. The sniffing noise sounded like the sound some children make when they’ve cried too much. There was a convulsion and then a grasp for air. If it was a polar bear, the bastard was sick.

  I have no remnant of pride to lie and say I wasn't scared, because I was. There was a large part of my copious self who wanted to take off and run towards the Shining. The faint knocking of the diesel engine and the comfort knowing it was still within running distance, kept me sane enough to keep walking away from it, as weird as that sounds. It wasn’t, however, enough to make me yell out to whoever (or whatever) might be out there, which is what I should’ve done but couldn’t. I was well past the outer limits of my gallantry. It was time for me to go. If it were someone who was supposed to check on us, the bastard should’ve followed us, or yelled or something, instead of doing nothing. I wasn’t about to try to track him down, and I didn’t think it was my job to do so. I honored what I considered my duty to check on him. I didn’t see him. I was finished.

  I backed away slowly at first. My senses were in overload. I heard everything but probably nothing. Still, I had an ominous feeling that someone or something was near, maybe even stalking me. Humans have goosebumps for a reason. The vestiges of our primal past were in full effect all up and down my arms, nape of my neck, and legs. Adrenaline coursed through my body and I was in unadulterated fight or flight mode. Since I didn’t have anything obvious to fight, and because it wouldn’t have mattered at that point even if I had, I chose flight – big time. I was running back to the Shining before I even realized it.

  I tried to jump on the tracks, but I missed and knocked the holy hell out of my shin as a result. I dropped my rifle in the snow, and my headlamp was now covering my eyes. “Fuck,” I screamed out in both pain and fear. I was overcome. I felt a hand pulling at my parka, but I didn’t scream… outwardly, anyway. Inside, my neurotransmitters were all up in a tizzy, slinging dopamine like a meth dealer in a trailer park. I turned my head to see who or what had a grip on me. My head turned, but my hood didn’t. All I ended up seeing was its furry lining, and the plastic backing of my lamp. I was trapped in the moment; in a prison created by my own fear. I was flailing my arms like I imagined Titouan did when he didn’t get his thirty presents for Arbor Day.

  “William, what in the hell is a matter with you? Get a grip, son,” Sam said, firmly but not angrily.

  I flipped away my hood, turning my head and hoping I wasn’t imagining the comforting twang of Sam’s voice. It was him. If I hadn’t been so overcome, I would’ve been embarrassed. Tom, now out of the cab with the rifle in his hands, stood watch for my self-imagined foe. Seeing him with the gun helped me regain some of my senses. I got up, dusted myself off, and climbed into the cab of the Shining. My heartbeat was beginning to slow, but my stomach was in knots, not to mention the horrible ache I felt in my shin. I thought I might throw up or pass out or more likely both.

  “What the hell happened back there, William?” Tom asked as he shut the driver's door.

  “I’m tellin you all, everybody done went crazy,” Sam said, as he entered the Shining.

  “I’m not sure. Could have been a polar bear… or nothing. I’m not sure,” I said, still panting. “I think we should get going, though.”

  Tom waited for Sam to get situated between Avery and Tish before taking off.

  If it weren’t for the sound of the engine, and the clunk of the rubber treads on the snow, you could’ve heard a pin drop in the cab for at least the next thirty or so uneventful minutes. Under different circumstances, I would’ve received serious grief over how I handled myself during the search for Titouan’s ghost. Everyone was so lost in their own contemplation that my faux pas didn’t even register.

  I noticed Tom looking at me. “What?”

&nbs
p; “You want to talk about what happened back there?”

  “Not really.”

  “Should we be worried?”

  “I don’t know. I hope I was imagining things.”

  “Your face was whiter than the snow falling out there. You had to have seen something.”

  “More like heard.”

  He stared at me for a second before asking, “Well, what did you hear?”

  I shook my head. “Snorting.”

  “So, it was a polar bear?”

  “Yeah. I bet that’s what it was.”

  “You’re being a dick, William.”

  “Come on, Tom, give him a break,” Tish said.

  “You guys don’t think we should know what the hell is going on?”

  “Seriously, I don’t know what it was. I heard something or thought I did. I got scared and ran away pissing and crying. I’m sorry I scared you guys.”

  He just gave me a blank stare. I’m not sure he believed me, but then I wasn’t sure I believed what I said. I didn’t really have time to reflect on what exactly happened. I knew I heard something, and that I had some weird primal response to it, but I just didn’t know. Everything was a blur.

  Changing the subject, I asked, “How much farther, you think?”

  “Maybe twenty minutes,” Tom said.

  “Good. I’ll be glad to get off this godforsaken ice.”

  “Sorry for being an ass.”

  “It’s all good. I’m sorry for being a pussy.”

  Tom laughed. “You should’ve seen yourself. You looked like The Michelin Man… if he were a little heavier and high on PCP and running from the cops.”

  “Jesus, Tom. Tell me how you really feel.”

  It would’ve been twenty minutes had things gone to plan. We spun a track on a steep section of snow bank. An argument ensued between Titouan and Tom. Titouan told him he was being careless. Tom threatened to Kill Titouan if he said one more word. I was exhausted and had no patience for Titouan’s bullshit. If Titouan had said one more word, I was going to let Tom do whatever the hell he wanted. Luckily for Titouan, he decided to shut up for once.