What Happened to Us?

by Faith Hogan

  ‘Your aunt?’ the nurse said on the other end of the line and Carrie had an unfortunate feeling that the woman was wrinkling her nose, judging her for not being by Jane Marchant’s side when she was needed most.

  ‘Yes, that’s right.’

  ‘Well, she’s here on the main ward. She’s been badly bruised and knocked about. At her age, falling is never good and falling down stairs, well, it can be…’ her words tapered off. ‘But, she’s been lucky, no broken bones, although, as you can imagine, she’s very shaken – upset and extremely nervous in herself.’ The nurse lowered her voice then, as if she was about to share some vital confidence, ‘To tell you the truth, she could do with people around her – that would probably mend her quicker than any medication we can give her here.’

  ‘Right, thanks for that,’ Carrie said and she ended the call. She looked across at the man opposite her. ‘She’s in St Teresa’s, just a few streets away. I’ll have to go there now.’ Then she looked down at the little dog. ‘What to do with you? That’s the question.’

  ‘Oh, no. I can see where this is going.’ Luke smiled. ‘I can’t have a dog, not all the time. I travel too much and anyway…’

  ‘Anyway?’

  ‘Well, I’m not a dog person, not really.’

  Carrie didn’t believe him. She figured he was as much a dog person as she was. She’d never been able to keep a dog in the same house as Kevin. He was allergic to everything and dog or cat hairs would have brought him out in a rash.

  ‘Well, anyway, I don’t know how long I’m going to be in Dublin for, I’m really just passing through. I’m staying in the little bed and breakfast, just around the corner – they’re not going to let me keep a dog there.’

  ‘Ah, well, that’s a shame,’ Carrie said and when she met his eyes, she realised that the words could mean any number of things. ‘About having a dog, I mean.’ Then she looked at the dog, ‘It really is a shame, because, I can’t possibly keep him either.’ She shook her head, but of course, she wasn’t going to just throw the poor little thing out.

  ‘I’m sure you can’t. Perhaps it will only be for a night or two. No doubt his owner will come forward soon enough, there’s a good chance that they’re worried sick about him already.’ He held her eye for a moment too long. The grandfather clock that stood in the restaurant chimed loud through the open door.

  Carrie checked her watch and sighed. The old clock was still, after all her tinkering, running almost eight minutes fast.

  Luke got up from the table, moved his cup towards the sink.

  ‘Oh, you don’t have to do that,’ she said needlessly.

  ‘Here,’ he said, digging deep into the wax jacket. ‘Just hold onto Teddy for a day or two,’ he pulled out a card. ‘Here’s my number, if you give him a bed for a few nights, I’m sure we’ll have him back with his family before you know it.’

  Carrie didn’t remember agreeing to take the dog in, but she followed Luke to the door of the restaurant and let him out into the street. She watched him walk towards the corner, checking his watch and pulling out his phone. Carrie smiled, perhaps just a little thankful to have an excuse to hold onto Teddy for a short while. It was funny but, somehow, this little dog made her world feel better than it had in a long time.

  *

  Jane knew it was slightly irrational to look about at all the other old ladies on the ward and feel that she didn’t belong among them. They probably all felt the very same, or at least the ones who still had their wits about them. The nurses were lovely, if harried, but they were still kind.

  ‘Your niece called, I’m sure she’ll be here soon, Janet,’ one of the younger ones promised her softly, as though she was placating a child. Jane didn’t have the stamina to correct either her name or the fact that she didn’t have a niece – she didn’t have a soul in the world to call her own, not for the last fifteen years.

  ‘That’s nice,’ Jane managed to nod, she might have embellished the notion and made a true lie of it, but she had a sense that the nurse wouldn’t remember or notice if she had a visitor or not.

  ‘Better off here,’ said the old lady in the bed next to her. She had a locker overflowing with grapes that threatened to choke her and enough fizzy drinks to put her in danger of full-blown diabetes if she ever got to the end of them. At her back, there was a line of get-well cards, all of them pronouncing her role as granny, mother or friend. Jane felt bereft by comparison. ‘Who wants to be out there with the snow building up at your front door? That’s what I say, here we are, sure you wouldn’t get this service in the Ritz!’

  Jane was just patting down her hair when a familiar face appeared at the foot of her bed. ‘Oh, hello,’ she said rather awkwardly and she could see from the expression on Carrie’s face that she felt every bit as uneasy being here.

  ‘How are you?’ the look of concern in Carrie’s eyes was unmistakable and it managed to create a wave of something warm and unexpected within Jane.

  ‘That your niece?’ asked the matriarch in the next bed.

  ‘That’s right,’ Carrie said, smiling across at the other woman before she took a seat and sat close to Jane. Then she lowered her voice and explained that she’d never have known Jane was here if it wasn’t for some random man in the street.

  ‘I saw him,’ Jane said softly. ‘Last night, he was standing at the restaurant and there was something about him…’

  ‘It seems you made quite the impression on him too,’ Carrie laughed. ‘He was going to drop into the pub today to find out how you were,’ she said. ‘It was an eventful night for all of us,’ Carrie told her about meeting Luke and bringing home Teddy. ‘So, for now at least, I have a house guest, but if you’re interested in some company…’ Carrie smiled kindly and Jane thought there was a new warmth to her when she talked about the little dog. Now, she wondered if Carrie ever knew what it meant to have a partner who really cared about you. She shook the thought away, of course, she did, after all, didn’t she have Kevin.

  ‘That’s nice.’ Jane murmured, but her eyes began to fill with tears. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just… probably shock – you know, last night it was all a bit…’

  ‘It’s okay. You’re going to be fine; everything is going to be all right.’ Carrie moved closer and took her hand. The action seemed so natural that Jane hardly thought about it, but it was nice. Strange to think the last hand she’d held had been Manus’s, his grasp had always been firm and gentle all at once. Whereas, Carrie’s was filled with a concerned warmth – it was comforting, in some unfamiliar way.

  ‘I just…’ How could she say that she didn’t give a damn for the bruises or the scratches, all those pains were nothing compared to the ache of loneliness that filled her every moment and had become like a searing pain that forged through her now. Then she looked at Carrie, a young woman with life ahead of her, she was successful and happy and capable of doing anything she wanted in the world. ‘I suppose, it’s the thought of going back there,’ she whispered when the tears had run out. ‘I lay there, thinking that perhaps no one would come.’ Then, her biggest sadness, on a shuddering empty breath, ‘That there was nobody to come.’

  ‘Hush, now, don’t upset yourself.’ Carrie wrapped her arms around her. She held her like that for an age and Jane didn’t hear the nice nurse come along and pull the curtains about her cubicle or the gentle snores of the woman in the bed next to her. ‘You’re not on your own, not really, not any more than the rest of us.’

  *

  Staying with Valentina wasn’t the same as being at home. Sure, the sex was great, but her flat was small and then there was the question of the other people who came and went at all hours of the day and night.

  Kevin was no longer twenty, even if his girlfriend was – living like a student no longer suited him. Not that it ever had. Back in the day, he chose to stay at home with his mother. Why move into some grotty, germ-infested set, when you could stay in your own bed, with your favourite dinners on the table every night and your che
f’s uniform washed and starched to perfection. It just didn’t make sense to move out.

  ‘Emm, have you thought of moving?’ He was trying to be tactful.

  ‘Why would I move, I can afford theese place? Eetees the best I can get in Dublin.’ She looked perplexed, as though he was suggesting she might downsize.

  ‘Well, that was when you came first, but now, well, you’re settled now, not just a student anymore. You have your little job at the restaurant and…’

  ‘Yeees, and I have a very wealthy boyfriend who might pay my rent, non?’ She raised an eyebrow.

  ‘Well, we’ll see, I mean, it’s early days, isn’t it?’

  ‘Eef you are staying here, they will expect you to pay too,’ she said as she brushed out her long dark hair. God, but even when she brushed her hair, she managed to make it look as though it was some sort of erotic foreplay.

  ‘Right, well, I don’t mind paying my way. I’ll throw fifty in for the electric, will I?’ He pulled a note from his wallet. ‘And here,’ he handed her another fifty, ‘maybe we should treat ourselves to new sheets, so long as we’re here, yeah?’

  She looked at him blankly, and for a moment, he thought she may not ever have gone out to buy sheets before. Who knew what they slept on back in the old country.

  ‘Well, I must be off,’ he kissed the top of her head, lingered for a moment; she really was the best-looking girl he’d ever laid eyes on, never mind actually dated. ‘You take your time coming in tonight. I appreciate all the extra responsibility you took on last night, and I’m sure Carrie will be back to herself this evening.’ Actually, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to think how she was feeling, this was a bolt from the blue. But, Carrie was a trooper, she was the strong one, he’d always said it.

  ‘No problem. I enjoyed eet. You know I love the restaurant as much as you do.’

  ‘Well, last night you proved that you’re good at it anyway,’ Kevin had enjoyed watching her from the safety of the kitchen.

  Simo and Reda were having what Kevin presumed was breakfast on the dirty leather couch as he left the flat. He didn’t ask them what they were eating, but it smelled of yesterday’s fish heavily spiced with cayenne, turmeric and garlic.

  ‘Good morning, lads,’ he said cheerfully, attempting to cover his fear. Valentina had told him they were her cousins. Kevin thought they looked like a different species, never mind actually being related. Still he had a feeling that they were watching him. One wrong move and he’d be put in his place.

  ‘You call this good?’ Simo said, jabbing his thumb towards the window. ‘They are saying on the news that this month there will be one snowstorm after another.’

  ‘Your country stopped for the beast from the east last winter; already it looks worse this year.’ Reda spit his words in Kevin’s direction.

  ‘It’s when July blows in and there’s been no let-up, that’s when we Irish start complaining. ’Kevin said, keeping his smile fastened tight.

  ‘That is why you let everyone and anyone in to your country, no? You are hoping we will all leave Colombia and you will emigrate there for the good weather.’ He guffawed, and Kevin spotted a long tattoo than ran down his neck, it seemed to slither right across his chest.

  Kevin shivered; he was not used to men like Simo and Reda. They came to Ireland to find work, any work. They ended up delivering free newspapers and advertising door to door. They were the kind of men who knew how to take care of themselves; their dark skin bulged with muscles Kevin would never possess. Their eyes moved quickly, their bodies cut lithe sharp movements and when they spoke to each other, they hardly halted for breath. Their English was impressive too. They’d hardly a word between them a few weeks ago and now they said things and Kevin thought he could hear the Liffey in their voices.

  ‘You ever theenk about getting security at your place, Keveen?’ Reda asked slowly, concentrating on each word.

  ‘We have security, when we need it,’ Kevin said automatically. ‘Why?’ It just occurred to him, were they going into the business of racketeering?

  ‘It ees just, we were thinking of starting our own business, something small, something we know more about than…’

  ‘Oh, I see,’ Kevin said, although he wasn’t sure he did. ‘Well, good for you,’ he said and grabbed his coat. He didn’t want to hear about their business plans. He didn’t want to be part of them and he certainly didn’t want to be backing them financially. ‘Well, must be off,’ he said and his voice sounded a pitch too high for the cheerfulness he was aiming at.

  ‘Maybe we tell you about it the next time you call…’

  ‘Of course, of course,’ Kevin said and he fled, carrying his jacket over his arm, even though there was a blizzard blowing through the narrow Dublin backstreets. He had parked his car four streets away, now he cursed under his breath, but better get soaked than have it vandalised or stolen in this dodgy area. Still, Kevin hated this weather, he gripped the railings as he passed by streets, always felt like a ninny, but he hated the notion of the wind catching him off guard. He sighed with relief when eventually he sat into his expensive car.

  He wasn’t due at the restaurant for another hour or two and he had no intention of showing up there until he had to. The last thing he wanted was to run into Carrie. He hated fights, hated any sort of confrontation. Carrie didn’t like them either, he was sure of that. She went out of her way to avoid any fuss. Maybe that was the problem; they were in some ways too alike. There was no passion between them anymore. They made great business partners, no doubting that, The Sea Pear was making them a lot of money. And they could continue to work together, why not? Lots of couples did, surely. He could think of lots of couples like…

  He leaned his head against the window of his car while he waited for the lights to change at the end of a very long, slow-moving snake of traffic. God, but sometimes Dublin was the pits.

  Sonny and Cher? There was a couple he could give as an example. She even went to his funeral, didn’t she? Ike and Tina – he was getting good at this.

  He just had to figure out what they needed to do next in the divvying out of their lives together. There was so much to sort out. So much, that he hadn’t even thought of before they broke the news to Carrie. He knew now, maybe he knew it then, but it was all very fast. True, he was in love with Valentina, but maybe he should have thought through how he wanted things to fall, once they declared their love publicly. He hadn’t even told his mother yet. God, he was dreading that, even more than sorting out everything with Carrie.

  He took the coward’s route and turned his Mercedes towards Dundrum. His sister Penny worked in one of the smarter men’s shops in the shopping centre there.

  ‘Penny,’ for once she answered her mobile on the first ring, ‘I need a favour,’ he shouted into the phone, flicking his indicator to take him out of the city centre.

  ‘I bet you do,’ Penny said. She sounded like she did when he was fourteen and she caught him leaving school early so he wouldn’t have to face up to Bullet Delaney, his biggest tormenter in the school. ‘Mum knows.’

  ‘What? What does Mum know?’ He could feel his blood pressure drop down through the accelerator.

  ‘She knows something is up. Carrie never collected her for mass and she’s been ringing her ever since, and not so much as a dickey bird. That’s not like Carrie.’

  ‘I can’t believe she didn’t collect her.’ He’d seen Carrie’s text, but there hadn’t been a word from his mother, so he convinced himself that maybe Carrie had collected her anyway, this one last time, and the text was an attempt at niggling him.

  ‘So, she’s not down with the bubonic?’ Penny’s voice was calm, no kids in the vicinity. She must be on a break at the shop.

  ‘Emm, no. She’s not sick, exactly,’ he couldn’t believe that Carrie had let his mother down. Just like that. It was as though she meant nothing to her, and after all these years, really.

  ‘Well, is she, or isn’t she?’

  ‘What?’


  ‘Sick, oh, for God’s sake, Kevin, keep up. How’s Carrie?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘How can you not be sure; don’t you live with the woman?’

  ‘Well, not exactly, not anymore.’ The words brought a certain reality into the car, one that he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to face. The world, suddenly, seemed a little scary without Carrie bringing his mother to mass. What else would she renege on?

  ‘Oh, Kevin, she threw you out?’ Penny paused to let this sink in. ‘What did you do?’

  ‘How do you mean, what did I do?’

  ‘Well, for her to throw you out of your own house?’

  ‘I didn’t do anything,’ he knew he sounded indignant, but really the very thoughts of anyone throwing Kevin Mulvey out of anywhere –it was preposterous.

  ‘Well, the rotten old cow. I always said she was a hard piece. Listen to me now, Kevin, you have to go back there. You don’t want her taking the house out from under you. I know you bought when the prices were low, but it’s worth an absolute fortune now. You won’t pick up anywhere for even double what you paid for that place.’

  That was true. ‘Penny, I can’t talk about this now. There’s too much to sort out. I need to get clothes; can you help me?’

  ‘Clothes?’

  ‘Yes, are you turning into a bloody echo? I need socks and underwear, a couple of tops and jeans. Can you choose some clothes for me and I’ll pick them up in half an hour?’

  ‘Of course, but, Kevin…’ Penny stopped talking. She was on commission. As far as Penny was concerned, you couldn’t have too many clothes. She’d kit him out and he’d look well. The prices would be top dollar, but at this stage, Kevin felt like he’d pay anything just to get everything sorted. He couldn’t face going back to the house today.

  Three

  Carrie eyed her stocky frame critically in the mirror. She had washed her hair and attempted to brush it out straight, but of course, as always, it disobediently fell back into a mass of curls. In the end, she pinned it up in a messy bun and pulled a few tendrils free, in case she needed to hide behind them. She had just spent an hour crying about the way things had turned out, so she hoped there were no more tears left. Her shift in the restaurant started in less than forty-five minutes. The last thing she wanted was a replay of the previous evening. She may be an emotional wreck; it didn’t mean that all sense of herself had to be obviously lost.