by K J Taylor
‘You’re a traitor,’ said the man, ‘and plenty of people in the village want to kill you. But we came up with a better solution. You’re going to rebuild the houses your friends the demons destroyed. You’ll work all day and all night, and if you try and escape you’ll die.’
Ambit was already busily eyeing the long pole standing by the door. ‘Gotcha,’ he said. ‘Can I get started now, then? Sounds like I’ve got a lot of work to get on with.’
‘Yes.’ The man picked up the pole and came over with it. ‘Walk ahead of me, and don’t try any funny business.’
‘Wouldn’t dream of it,’ said Ambit. He obediently went ahead of his guard – as far as the door, anyway. The moment he was there, he shook the ropes off his wrists, and the moment the pole jabbed him in the back he turned, grabbed it, and slammed the end of it into the guard’s stomach. The man stumbled backward with a surprised grunt, and Ambit wrenched the pole out of his hands and whacked him over the head. The man went down, and Ambit helped himself to his knife and moneybag, pausing only long enough to take a deep drink from the nearest barrel before making his exit.
Outside, a couple of people were waiting for him to emerge. Ambit attacked them the moment he was through the pub door, swinging the pole to hit them over the head, and then darting forward to kick them both in the crotch. One of them was a woman, but he kicked her there anyway on general principle.
He had noticed his pack dumped just inside the pub door, and stopped to grab it before he made a break for it. Given the chance, he’d have happily beaten up everyone in the village, but he wasn’t going to risk being caught again, and anyway, he had more important things to do today.
Three more people tried to stop him on his way out of Daisyfield. Ambit left them behind nursing broken limbs and bruised groins, pleased by how durable his new weapon was. It wouldn’t be much use against demons, but it could deal with humans, at least.
After that he had a straight shot across the daisy-spotted meadow, which now had a clear path through it – a huge patch of trampled ground, where the plants had withered and blackened. He followed it through the meadow and then across the fields, until it disappeared into demon country. Once he was well into the barren landscape he stopped to rest, knowing nobody would want to follow him here.
There was no water, so he took out his water bottle and used some of its contents to wash his face. That done, he took a much-needed drink from his hip flask and ate some of the food he’d bought the day before. Someone had stolen his moneybag, but at least they’d left his food. The bastards.
While Ambit ate, he unrolled his map and studied it. He was close to the third of the Nine Mountains, where one of the nine demon lords ruled over this patch of country. The demons who had taken the princess would probably head there and report to their lord, who would take her to the demon king at the first and largest of the Nine Mountains. The king’s mountain was close to the human capital, Lucknow City, and Ambit was damned if he was going there. He’d have to make for the mountain, and hope he caught up with Northrop before then. And he’d have to be very careful not to meet the demon lord, or kill him, or take his gemstone and set it into the spear.
How hard could it be not to do something?
Seven
Ambit travelled quite a long way into demon country without anything interesting happening. He could even see the mountain in the distance before he was finally waylaid by a demon. Luckily, though, this was only a human-sized demon.
‘You again!’ the demon exclaimed. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Hi,’ said Ambit, ‘didn’t I see you back in Daisyfield? You thought I was Northrop.’
‘That’s right,’ said the demon – the female with the long spikes on her shoulders. ‘Sorry about that. Why are you here? Chasing after the princess?’
‘No, I’m chasing Northrop,’ said Ambit. ‘What are you doing here? Weren’t you with the rest of them?’
‘Oh, the army’s broken up now,’ said the demon. ‘The leaders went to the mountain, but the rest of us went home. Why are you chasing Northrop?’
‘He stole my best friend,’ said Ambit, ‘and my spear. I’m on my way to beat the living shit out of him with this stick.’
The demon growled. ‘Northrop back again. I have to warn everyone.’
‘I’ve got a better idea,’ said Ambit. ‘Why don’t we go after him together? I’ll take my stuff back, and you can have Northrop. You can eat his bones for all I care.’
The demon limped closer to stare at him. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Yeah,’ said Ambit. ‘I am, for once. He’s an arsehole.’
‘And I’m a demon,’ said the demon. ‘Doesn’t that bother you?’
‘Not really,’ said Ambit. ‘My best friend is a demon, and Northrop’s got her tied up in a sack of wet sand, probably trying to force her to talk. He might even kill her if she doesn’t.’
The demon bared her teeth. ‘That scum. Which demon’s your friend, anyway?’
‘Her name’s Snarl,’ said Ambit. ‘She’s a little demon – you know, a four-legged one.’
‘Oh,’ said the demon, ‘I remember her. She met us on our way into Daisyfield and told us the princess was there and that we should take her prisoner.’
Ambit froze. ‘She said what?’
‘We were after Northrop, but Snarl pointed out the princess was a better target,’ said the demon. ‘We can use her as a hostage. Our king wants to negotiate with the human king.’
‘Oh,’ said Ambit, ‘I guess that makes sense. Not my problem, though. I just want Snarl back. Will you help me or not?’
The demon thought it over, then shrugged. ‘All right. It bugs me that we didn’t get Northrop, and if he’s headed for the mountain . . . well, they’ll probably get him, but if any demon is going to eat that man’s bones, I’d like it to be me.’
‘Just promise not to eat mine,’ said Ambit.
‘We’ll catch Northrop and then renegotiate,’ said the demon. ‘My name’s Horrige, by the way.’
‘And I’m Ambit. Let’s go, Horrige.’
The demon limped ahead of Ambit. ‘So, why are you friends with one of us, anyway? I thought your kind didn’t like demons.’
‘I was a kid when we made friends,’ said Ambit. ‘You know what kids are like. “My best friend’s a demon, isn’t that, like, so cool?”’
Horrige gave him a puzzled look. ‘What?’
‘Never mind,’ said Ambit. ‘Let’s just get her out of there.’
‘I can’t believe you want to go to the Third Mountain,’ said Horrige. ‘You do know it’s crawling with demons, right?’
‘Uh, duh?’ said Ambit. ‘What else should I expect it to be crawling with – butterflies?’
‘And now you don’t have your shiny spear anymore,’ said the demon. ‘You couldn’t kill anything with that stick.’
‘I know. That’s why I’m hoping to find Northrop before I have to fight anyone,’ said Ambit.
‘You didn’t want to fight in Daisyfield either,’ said Horrige. ‘Why is that?’
‘I’m not interested in fighting anyone,’ said Ambit. ‘I only do it if I have to.’
‘You’re a very odd human, aren’t you?’ said Horrige. ‘You’re the only one I’ve ever spoken to, though.’
‘Most of ’em are pretty boring,’ said Ambit. ‘I’ve talked to a few demons. The ones who don’t try to eat my bones aren’t so bad.’
‘The king ordered us not to raid human lands for bones,’ said Horrige. ‘We have permission to eat the bones of humans who come to us, but we’re not supposed to leave demon country without direct orders. Most of us don’t want to, either.’
‘Really?’ said Ambit. ‘Why’s that?’
‘Are you mad?’ said Horrige. ‘Human country is full of horrible green muck, and ugly trees, and it smells foul.’
‘No, I mean why aren’t you allowed to leave?’ said Ambit.
‘Because the king doesn’t want to give the human
s an excuse to attack us,’ said Horrige. ‘They already come bothering us – scum like that murderer, Northrop. We don’t want to make it worse.’
‘Huh,’ said Ambit. ‘Who’d have thought?’
‘If we can get the princess to our king, then maybe your king will listen to him at last,’ Horrige added. ‘I’m not holding out any hope, though. Humans are stupid.’
‘I’ve met some pretty stupid demons in my time as well,’ said Ambit.
Horrige growled at him. ‘Watch it with the smart remarks, human. I’m hungry.’
‘Gotcha,’ said Ambit.
As they came closer to the Third Mountain, Ambit started to see things he’d never seen in demon country before. Of course, he’d been in demon lands before, but he’d stayed close to the borders, and had never gone this close to any of the mountains. The Third Mountain had become a great lump on the horizon, and he started to see new things: not just empty, bare rock plains, but rock formations that looked like more than random shapes made by cooling lava.
They had clearly been made by cooling lava, and they weren’t random. Something, or someone, had shaped the liquid rock into hummocks and spires, hollowing them out into what looked a lot like . . . well, buildings. Buildings of all shapes and sizes, many of them with demons squatting in their open doorways, who stared in astonishment at the human casually strolling into their city.
‘I live around here,’ said Horrige. ‘You’d better get ready to meet my neighbours.’
Sure enough, it didn’t take long for the demons around them to stop staring and start interfering. A big, bulky specimen emerged from his home and stomped over to stand in Ambit’s way.
‘What’s this?’ he rumbled, looking at Horrige. ‘Bringing home some fresh bones?’
‘Believe it or not, he came to me,’ said Horrige. ‘Did you see another human come this way before, Coal?’
‘Heard something about it,’ said Coal. ‘He snuck through in the night and went onward to the mountain. What’s this one doing here, then?’
‘This is Ambit,’ said Horrige. ‘He’s after the other human. I thought he could help me catch him. Why don’t you come too? We could get our claws on that other human, and maybe we can eat this one’s bones as well when we’re done with him.’
‘Who is this other human, then?’ said Coal, turning to Ambit now. ‘Why’re you after him?’
Ambit had been distracted by the sight of a nearby demon soaking in a lava pool with a blissful expression on her face. ‘Er, what?’ he said. ‘Oh, er, the other human’s name is Northrop, and he’s stolen my weapon and kidnapped my friend Snarl. Who is a demon, by the way.’
‘You, friends with a demon?’ said Coal.
‘That’s right,’ said Ambit. ‘Want to help me rescue her? You can have a try for my bones once we’re done.’
Coal shrugged. ‘Sounds better than digging for emeralds all day. All right, I’m coming. I’ve got to see how this plays out.’
‘Well, what d’you know,’ Ambit grinned as they left together. ‘I got a band of companions, after all.’
The three of them travelled on through the demon settlement, attracting plenty of curious stares. Along the way other demons stopped them to ask questions, and another one of Horrige’s friends, a human-sized demon called Idron, decided to join up with them. Ambit didn’t argue, but it left him wondering just how this situation was going to play out. Either he’d wind up glad of the help, or he’d wind up being dismembered and eaten. He’d never had to trust any demon other than Snarl, and if she was here she’d probably be telling him what a terrible idea this was. Still, as Horrige had pointed out, it wasn’t as if he could have fought them off. He would just have to hope that he’d get his spear back in time if he ever did need to fight them off. Then it would just be a question of somehow getting out of demon country again, but, oh well – he’d double-cross that bridge when he got to it.
In the meantime, all of them were amazed by how far Northrop had managed to get. The Third Mountain grew bigger and bigger in front of them, and they passed through another demon settlement – the last one before the mountain itself, Idron said. Along the way they met plenty of demons who said they’d seen Northrop and found the remains of quite a few he’d killed, their bodies already melting and crumbling to become part of the landscape. The hero had left it too late, though; the princess had been taken to the mountain a good while before he arrived on the scene. If he wanted to rescue her he’d have to go into the mountain itself, and Ambit was more than ready to believe he’d be dense enough to try it.
‘And that,’ he said in an undertone, ‘is why I decided not to be a hero, seeing as I have too much brain.’
‘I really don’t see what you’re expecting to find here,’ Horrige said as they approached the foot of the mountain. ‘If he’s gone that way, he’s already dead.’
Ambit slowed down. ‘You could have a point. And they’d have set Snarl free if they got him, right?’
‘Of course,’ said Idron. ‘We’d never leave another demon like that.’
‘All right, but what about my spear?’
‘Probably melted by now,’ said Coal.
‘Damn.’ Ambit’s hands itched. ‘I really like that spear.’
‘I can see that,’ said Horrige. ‘So what are you going to do now?’
All three demons were looking at him with interest. At this point, it seemed they’d kept following him partly out of sheer curiosity.
Ambit looked ahead to where the mountain reared up – impossibly huge. It was black and craggy, its top sending an endless column of black and grey smoke into the sky, which also had red tones. Every now and then, a few spurts of lava leapt out of the mountain’s open mouth. From there, according to legend, the first demons had crawled into the world.
‘I’m not leaving without Snarl,’ Ambit said eventually, ‘or my spear. But I’d really prefer – oh, for fuck’s sake.’
Ahead, at the foot of the mountain, someone was running toward them. It was still a good distance away, but Ambit could already tell it was Northrop. As he ran, Northrop lifted something long and shiny. Ambit’s spear.
The three demons backed off. ‘Is that him?’ said Horrige.
‘Yeah,’ said Ambit, ‘and I think he’s about to do something heroic, damn him.’
Northrop was now close enough for Ambit to see he’d lost his pack. He’d also lost Snarl. There was no sign of the demon anywhere. However, the sword was in his left hand, and the spear in his right, and as he came close enough he bellowed something and threw it straight at Idron.
Ambit dropped the pole, ran forward and leapt. In midair, an inch away from Idron’s face, he caught the spear just behind the point. He landed in a crouch, sprang upright, and waved the weapon in the air. ‘Fuck yes!’ he yelled. ‘Did anybody see that?’ He turned to the demons. ‘C’mon, tell me you saw that.’ When they didn’t reply immediately, he said; ‘That was the coolest thing I ever did in my life. That’s the kind of thing you tell your grandimps about. “I remember when I was young, an incredibly handsome human caught a spear in midair, right before it got my friend in the face.” Right?’
Horrige quickly stepped aside. ‘Your friend Northrop is still coming, you idiot.’
‘Big sodding deal,’ Ambit said testily as he turned around. ‘You ruined the moment.’
Northrop stopped, sword raised. He looked the worse for wear; there were burn marks on his forehead and down one arm, and his clothes were singed, but his face was full of fury. ‘You!’ he roared. ‘You scum! How did you get away?’
‘Easily,’ said Ambit. ‘Where’s Snarl?’
‘I don’t know, and I don’t care either,’ said Northrop. His chest was heaving. ‘This is between you and me now. Help me get into that mountain, or I’ll kill you right here and now.’
Ambit glanced at the three demons. ‘D’you want me to deal with him for you? I’d be more than happy.’
‘I’m not going anywhere near that sword,’ sa
id Horrige.
‘Wimp,’ said Ambit. ‘Fine. You wait here and watch the master at work.’
He shrugged off his pack and kicked it aside, and lunged in an attack.
Northrop swung the sword at him, but Ambit dodged it and swung the spear in return, hitting the hero in the side with the shaft. He instantly pulled it back, and one of the barbs at the back of the spearhead caught in Northrop’s shirt and threw him off-balance. Northrop recovered fast, though. He brought the sword down on the spear-shaft, and a deafening clang of metal made the three demons cringe. Ambit felt the impact ripple up his arms and rattle his teeth, and staggered back, dizzy.
Luckily it had had the same effect on Northrop. He stepped back too, putting his free hand to his head and groaning.
Ambit couldn’t quite see straight yet, but he ignored this and darted in anyway, thrusting the spear half blindly at the other human. He had been aiming for Northrop’s hip, but got him in the thigh instead. It still did the trick. The spearhead ripped through the hero’s flesh, and he roared and came at Ambit again. This time his sword hit Ambit in the upper arm, leaving a deep slash. Ambit dropped his spear in shock, but he used his now free hands to grab Northrop by the shoulders. He pulled him forward, hard, and brought his knee up in the same moment. An instant later Northrop had fallen over and curled up, whimpering.
Ambit snatched up the spear, and grabbed the sword as well. He stuffed that into his belt and pressed the spear-point into Northrop’s neck. ‘Now who’s the clever one, you little prick?’ he wheezed.
Northrop rolled over and looked up at him. ‘Not . . . you . . . traitor,’ he gasped back.
‘Are you fucking kidding?’ said Ambit. ‘I chased you down and got my spear back by catching it in mid-freaking-air. You had me locked up and now look where you are. Personally, at this point I’d say I’d won and you’re the idiot.’
‘Still . . . not as stupid as you,’ said Northrop.
‘Oh yeah?’ Ambit said, and then collapsed as a massive stony fist hit him in the back of the head.
‘All right,’ he said some time later, chained up in a dungeon alongside Northrop and several other prisoners. ‘Maybe this time I was just a bit stupid.’
