by K J Taylor
Eight
‘I can’t believe they did that,’ Ambit moaned. ‘I helped track you down and everything, and they put both of us in prison? And I didn’t get Snarl back. And they stole my spear. This is all your fault, Northrop.’
‘Please shut up,’ Northrop moaned.
Ambit lifted his head. ‘I am a man of many talents,’ he said. ‘I can catch a spear in midair from the front – which I did just this afternoon, so you’d better have been paying attention. I can drink anyone under any table in five different parts of the country. I once pleasured three women simultaneously. But I am not good at shutting up. And you’re an arrogant meathead with the common sense of a fly, so you see, we all have our weaknesses. Mine are just far more interesting than yours.’
Northrop didn’t answer that, which was unfortunate as trying to get a rise out of him was all Ambit had for entertainment at the moment.
He occupied himself by looking around the dungeon instead. It was a long, low-ceilinged and dark space, clearly not made with human comfort in mind. The floor was sharp and jagged, and so, for that matter, were the walls and ceiling. The prisoners, all human, sat around the edges of the room with rough steel shackles around their waists chaining them to rings set into the stone. There were three others there with Ambit and Northrop: two women and a small, stocky man.
‘So, what are you in for?’ said Ambit, turning his attention to them instead.
‘Demon food,’ said the small man. ‘There were a lot more people in here when I came, but every day they take someone out, and then they’re never seen again.’
‘How d’you know they got eaten?’ said Ambit.
‘It’s kind of obvious,’ said the small man. ‘Who are you, anyway?’
‘I’m Ambit, and this idiot here, who is absolutely not my friend, is Northrop. And you are?’
‘Deeble,’ said the man.
Ambit gave him a look. ‘Seriously?’
‘Oh, shut up,’ said Deeble. ‘What kind of name is Ambit, anyway?’
‘Mine,’ said Ambit. ‘So, when were you planning to escape?’
Now it was Deeble’s turn to stare at him. ‘Are you mad? Escape? From here?’
‘Why, were you just planning to sit here and let your bones ripen until the demon lord decides you’re ready to eat?’ said Ambit. ‘That’s not much of an ambition if you ask me.’
‘I’ll try and escape when they unchain me,’ said Deeble. ‘Everyone else did that. It won’t work, but I’ll try anyway.’
‘That’s the spirit,’ said Ambit. ‘How did you get here, by the way?’
‘I lived over in Nutwick, near the Fifth Mountain,’ said Deeble. ‘I spent my time training to fight demons, and I used to visit Fifth Mountain territory to attack them there. Then one day they came after me, and when they caught me they brought me here.’
‘That sounds familiar,’ said Ambit. He nudged Northrop. ‘Eh? Sounds like you two should get on like a house on fire. And what about you two?’ he added, looking at the women.
‘I’m from Brackenridge,’ one of them answered. ‘My name’s Whitear. I was a demon fighter too, until they caught me. We all were.’
The second woman looked miserable. ‘I’m Srawn, from Porrigebrook. Whitear and I used to go demon hunting together. But now they’ve got us, it’s all over.’
Ambit put his head on one side. ‘Huh. Four demon hunters all wind up in the same dungeon. What are the odds?’
‘Who are you, then?’ asked Deeble. ‘Were you a demon hunter too?’
‘Fuck no,’ said Ambit. ‘I was just travelling around with my friend Snarl, minding my own business, when this creep here decides to kidnap Snarl and steal my spear. So I came after him.’
‘You chased him into demon country?’ said Whitear.
‘Yeah,’ said Ambit. ‘And I caught my spear in midair, with one hand, by the way. I wish I could’ve watched myself do it. I probably would’ve messed my pants just seeing it.’
Srawn pulled a face. ‘You’re a real charmer. I hope the demons eat you first.’
‘Wouldn’t you like to do it first, sweetie?’ Ambit leered.
‘Don’t listen to him,’ Northrop interrupted. ‘He’s a traitor and a spy for the demons.’
‘Which is why they threw me in this dungeon with you,’ said Ambit. ‘Of course.’
‘It’s part of your cover,’ said Northrop. ‘In fact, I would not be surprised if they let us all escape with you, so you could join up with us and continue to spy on everything we do.’
‘Devious, but you’d never fall for it,’ said Ambit. ‘Being so smart and everything.’
‘Just be quiet,’ Northrop growled. ‘I can reach you from here, you know.’
‘Oh sure, let’s have ourselves an awkward slap fight while we wait for the demons to come and get us,’ said Ambit. ‘That wouldn’t make us look like morons at all. And you can bet some demon would come along just while we were doing it, and – oh, never mind, they’re here now.’
The cell door clanged open, and a human-sized demon came in. He pointed at Ambit. ‘You, human – get up. It’s your turn.’
Ambit stood up, dragging his chains. ‘Great. I’m fed up with this lot already.’
The gaoler came over and unhooked his chain from the wall. ‘Let’s go,’ he said.
Ambit followed him out, pausing to wave. ‘See you later, Northy. Good luck with the escaping, Deeble.’ The demon gaoler pulled him out before he could think of anything witty to say to Srawn or Whitear.
Outside the corridor was just as sharp as the cell’s surface, and just as gloomy. The gaoler’s body was the only real light source. Here, inside the mountain, it was surprisingly cool, but as the demon took Ambit through it the heat started to increase. They went up the corridor and around a corner, and up and on, climbing rough staircases and passing through caves where demons sat and watched the human pass. Demons of all sizes, including some he had never seen before. Squat demons and tall demons, short-legged dwarf demons and limbless snake demons, their steel fangs exposed and wickedly sharp in their lipless mouths. Demons covered in craggy spikes, and demons whose eyes glowed red in the dim light, their forehead gems gleaming in the colours of the rainbow. As Ambit and his gaoler went up, they also moved deeper into the mountain, and the heat grew and grew until sweat started to drip from Ambit’s nose and chin.
Clothes sodden, feeling a little nauseous, he kept quiet for once and let himself be pulled into a huge high-ceilinged cave. Great elongated rock formations hung from the ceiling, lava leaked through cracks in the walls, and the floor was so hot it hurt to stand on. Rock spires lined the way toward a jagged throne, where a giant demon sat waiting.
The gaoler let go of Ambit’s chain, and pointed him forward. ‘Go on, and don’t try to run or you’ll die.’
‘Wouldn’t dream of it,’ said Ambit. He went on alone, gingerly avoiding the trailing end of the chain, which was smoking where the demon had been holding it.
The Lord of the Third Mountain was humanoid in shape, but only vaguely. He had six arms, each one about as big as Ambit’s whole body and considerably thicker, but below the waist things became a little less well-defined. Ambit spent a moment trying to make out the shape of his legs against the throne, and then realised that the demon lord didn’t have any legs. His throne was part of his body, or he was part of his throne, his flesh having melted into the living rock of the mountain.
His head looked like a massive boulder, crowned by nine long many-pointed horns, which made the single, dark-red gemstone set into his forehead look disappointingly small. The eyes were small for the rest of him as well, and they were fixed on Ambit. Below them, the demon lord’s mouth was a gaping chasm. Lava dripped from between smoking, blackened fangs as he leaned down to look at his prisoner.
Ambit stared up at him for a while, and then bowed. ‘Hi,’ he said, ‘nice mountain. I never thought I’d see the inside of one, but I’m very impressed.’
The demon lord watche
d him for a while, and then sat back. ‘You are Ambit?’ He had a voice like a landslide.
‘Yeah, that’s me,’ said Ambit. ‘Do you have a name?’
‘I am Saphron, Lord of the Third Mountain,’ said the demon. ‘Welcome to my domain.’
‘Thanks,’ said Ambit, ‘it’s great. Can’t say I liked the guest room very much, though.’
Saphron stared at him for a long moment. And then he laughed. The noise of it shook the floor. ‘You were right,’ he rumbled. ‘This human has a smart mouth.’ He wasn’t talking to Ambit now, but looking off to his left, and when Ambit followed his gaze he saw the small demon squatting by her lord’s lower left arm.
‘Snarl!’
Snarl stayed where she was, tail flicking. ‘Hi, Ambit. Are you all right?’
‘It’s nothing a week of sleep and a few decent meals wouldn’t fix,’ said Ambit. ‘What about you? That jerk didn’t hurt you, did he?’
‘He carried me around in wet sand for a day and a night,’ Snarl said evenly, ‘and poured more water on my head to make me talk. I want him dead.’
‘Just as well he’s in the dungeon, then,’ said Ambit. ‘Maybe you can ask to have his bones once they’re done with him. But you’re okay now, right?’
‘Yes – my Lord Saphron took good care of me,’ said Snarl.
‘Good,’ said Ambit. ‘I’d have come looking for you, but, well . . .’ he shrugged at the chains.
‘Now,’ Saphron interrupted, ‘your friend Snarl told me about you, Ambit. She says you’re a friend to demons, and that you came all the way here to rescue her.’
‘That’s right, I did,’ said Ambit. ‘I was hoping to beat up Northrop while I was at it. Which I did, by the way, Snarl. Got him a good one right in the happy sacks.’
‘I was going to keep you like the others in my dungeon,’ said Saphron, ‘but Snarl persuaded me to at least talk to you. Now . . . what can you tell me about this?’ He reached behind him, and brought out the spear.
‘Yeah, that’s mine,’ said Ambit. ‘I was hoping to get it back.’
The demon lord’s eyes narrowed. ‘Where did you get it, may I ask?’
‘Stole it,’ said Ambit. ‘From another human, of course. It’s a very good weapon.’
‘This human,’ said the demon lord, ‘did he have a mark on his hand of a silver bellflower?’
‘Yeah,’ said Ambit, deliberately not looking at Snarl, ‘so does Northrop, I noticed.’
Saphron looked at Snarl. ‘So you were telling the truth, little one. You two have seen the Chosen One.’
‘We didn’t know he was the Chosen One,’ Snarl lied smoothly. ‘Ambit just met him and liked the look of his spear, so he got him drunk and stole it from him. Now we’ve seen Northrop, and he looks like another Chosen One. I don’t understand.’
‘No, you wouldn’t,’ said Saphron. ‘Not many people do. Not even all the demon lords know about it. But I do, which is why I have been collecting these humans with the special mark. I have four of them in my dungeon now, and once I have the other four I will send them to our king.’
‘Who are they, then?’ said Snarl. ‘If I can ask.’
‘You may,’ said Saphron. ‘They are the eight companions of the Chosen One. Each one has the mark, in a smaller form to his, and each one carries a weapon made to kill demons. Now, thanks to you, I have five of them.’ He reached behind his throne again, and laid them on the floor in front of Ambit.
Northrop’s sword, a long dagger, a bow and arrows, and a long-handled axe. They were made from the same metal as the spear, but none of them had the gem holders that it did.
‘Fuck me,’ said Ambit. ‘So that lot in the dungeon . . .’
‘All holders of these weapons,’ said Saphron. ‘All meant to band together and slaughter my kind. But now it seems we owe you, Ambit. Thanks to you we now have the sword, and, though we don’t have the Chosen One, we have his spear. Without it, he can never fulfil the prophecy. With luck, he is already dead.’
‘Here’s hoping,’ said Ambit, ‘and you’re welcome.’
A rumbling sound came from deep inside the demon lord’s huge body. ‘But there is still one thing I don’t understand,’ he said, ‘and that is you. Why have you helped us?’
‘Because I’m a bastard who’s only out for himself,’ said Ambit. ‘I don’t want to fight demons, and I don’t want to fight humans either. I just want to go my way and do what I want. I was trying to keep out of trouble when I ran into Northrop.’
‘So you have no interest in driving my kind out of your country?’ said Saphron.
‘Why would I?’ said Ambit. ‘You’re not doing any harm. You only attack humans when they attack you. And this whole heroism thing puts my teeth on edge.’
Saphron laughed again. ‘A good answer. Well, Snarl – I’m satisfied. I will let your friend go free.’
‘Thanks,’ said Ambit, ‘you’re a real friend, Saphron.’ He paused to wipe the sweat off his forehead, which was probably a pointless exercise – more replaced it almost instantly. ‘Can I have my spear back too?’
‘Yes,’ said Saphron.
Ambit started. ‘Really?’
‘Yes. You may have the spear back . . . in return for something.’
‘Oh,’ said Ambit, ‘what’s that, then?’
‘I have thought about this very carefully,’ said Saphron, ‘and I have a plan. You will take the spear and go back to human country. There, you will pose as the Chosen One. You will find the other four companions and their weapons, and bring them to me.’
Ambit’s mouth dropped open. ‘I’ll do what?’
‘If you want to keep this spear, you will,’ said Saphron, ‘and I will only give it to you in return for the rest of the companions. Without it, other humans will not believe you are the Chosen One.’
‘But what about the mark?’ said Ambit. ‘Haven’t got that, have I?’
‘Have it tattooed on your hand,’ said Snarl. ‘Simple.’
‘And then I lead those demon hunters here,’ said Ambit. ‘I don’t know . . .’
‘If you want to avoid war between human and demon, my plan is the best way,’ said Saphron. ‘Do you agree?’
‘What will you do with them once you’ve got them?’ asked Ambit. ‘Eat their bones? Throw them into the mountain’s heart?’
‘Once I have them, I will send them to the king, which is what I have already done with the princess,’ said Saphron. ‘Their weapons will be thrown into the mountain’s heart, where they can never be retrieved. The king will hold them prisoner until an agreement with the humans has been made.’
‘What kind of agreement?’ said Ambit.
‘Peace,’ the demon rumbled.
Ambit rubbed his aching head. ‘Oh. I can’t really see them going for that. But I guess you can give it a shot.’
‘Enough,’ Saphron interrupted. ‘Do you agree to do as I’ve asked? In exchange for your freedom and your weapon?’
‘Snarl, what do you think?’ asked Ambit.
‘I think this is the best way to avoid what you want to avoid,’ she said.
‘Nice wording,’ said Ambit. ‘All right. You’ve got a deal, Saphron.’ He held out a hand. ‘I’d offer to shake on it, but you’ve got six hands and they’re all hot enough to burn mine clean off. So can I just have my spear instead?’
Saphron gently laid the weapon on the floor. ‘Unchain him, gaoler,’ he ordered. ‘This human is our friend.’
‘Yeah, I just hope the rest of you know it,’ said Ambit. ‘Can you put out a message or something and tell them not to try and kill me?’
‘No,’ said Saphron, ‘you would be exposed the moment any demon refused to kill you. As for you, Snarl – go with him and keep watch over him. If any human asks, you are a traitor demon who serves Ambit because he saved your life.’
‘He already has, so it won’t be a hard lie to tell,’ said Snarl.
Ambit held his arms up while the gaoler removed the shackle from around his waist
. ‘You, serving me? That’s rich.’ Once the chains were off him, he crouched and picked up the spear. It was already cool. For an instant, while he held it, an irrational impulse told him to throw the spear at Saphron’s enormous chest. But it was gone a moment later. He held the spear at his side, point down, and bowed.
‘Thanks, big guy. If anyone’s got my pack I wouldn’t mind having that back. And maybe a couple of your friends can escort us out of here?’
‘You will find your pack outside, where you were caught,’ said Saphron. ‘Your escort is waiting. Now go. Find those humans, and bring them to the nearest of the Nine Mountains. My fellow demon lords will know what to do with them.’
Ambit saluted. ‘You got it. Maybe I’ll see you again later. Come on, Snarl.’
Snarl hopped down from her perch, and she and Ambit walked out together.
Outside, they found three familiar figures waiting for them.
‘You again!’ said Ambit. ‘Which one of you hit me in the head? That’s really bad for a human, you know.’
‘Don’t look at me; Coal did that,’ said Horrige. ‘Anyway, we had to bring you here. You were obviously up to something.’
‘I’m always up to something,’ said Ambit. ‘But usually it’s trying to get some girl into bed, or scam free drinks. Well, come on – let’s get out of here, before I change my mind.’
Nine
The three demons led Ambit and Snarl back out of the mountain, and down to where Ambit’s pack was still lying where he’d dropped it.
‘No point in trying to pick it up. Human things burn too easily,’ said Idron.
‘Yeah, thanks for that.’ Ambit picked it up and slung it on his back. ‘Now, let’s get going. I wouldn’t mind getting my feet on grass again.’
Horrige shuddered. ‘You humans are sick in the head.’
‘A few more whacks to the skull and I really will be,’ said Ambit. ‘So go easy next time, all right?’
‘Which way do you want to go?’ asked Coal, ignoring the complaint.
‘Good question.’ Ambit took his pack off again and pulled out his map, which still smelt of cheese. He studied it for a while, with Snarl looking over his shoulder. ‘Right, so where’d they say they were from? We’ve got Daisyfield here, Porrigebrook here, Brackenridge and . . . Nutwick. They’re all over in the west. I reckon we should head east, then – toward Snowapple and Leafdown. So if you can take us out the other side of this patch of demon land, we’ll try there first.’
