With the Last Goodbye

by Len Webster

  It hurt her to leave her mother today to go back to university.

  But she couldn’t let her lecturers and tutors know.

  Her phone vibrating in her pocket had her moving to the left of the hallway and pulling it out. She glanced at the screen and sighed when she noticed it was from Stella. Her best friend knew she’d rather text than talk over the phone for fear her voice would break and Stella would hear Josie’s real pain. Sliding her thumb across the screen, she unlocked her phone, ignored Max’s messages, and opened the one from her best friend.

  Stella: I called the agency. Won’t be taking any CRT jobs for a week so I can be with you and Em. I’m at the hospital now. West is gonna stop by later after work. If you need time to polish off your assignment, go! Don’t feel guilty, Josie. Your mother would understand. She’s in good hands. I’m telling her embarrassing stories about you.

  Tears blurred her vision as that nagging pain hit her in the chest. She bit her lip to hold back her tears. She knew Stella was trying to cheer her up, and she appreciated it. Josie glanced up from her phone to see students, lecturers, and tutors go about their lives so easily and freely. They had no idea how much she struggled to breathe and walk without guilt. That she was capable of such basic human functions while her mother couldn’t.

  It’s life, she reminded herself.

  Some people got cancer.

  Some people scraped their knees after a fall.

  Some people said fuck at least fifteen times a day.

  And some people had their hearts torn out in one agonising and unforgettable moment.

  And for Josie …

  She wasn’t the person who got cancer; she was the one who had to watch her loved one suffer at the hands of it.

  She wasn’t the person who had scraped her knee; her entire belief was shattered after her fall at the hands of life.

  She was the person who had said fuck at least fifteen times this morning.

  And she was the person Max left behind at that very moment he destroyed her belief in him.

  Her love for him was still there.

  Still wanted to glow and grow.

  But her pride and her brain had other ideas.

  She would shut down that love.

  She had to.

  Sucking in a deep breath through her nostrils, Josie made her way towards the faculty desk and replied to Stella’s text.

  Josie: You don’t have to take time off work, Stella. I’m just going to drop off my assignment now. I’ll see you at the hospital soon.

  Stella: No, Josie. I HAD to take time off. I told you this; you’re my family. I’ll see you soon.

  Josie tucked her phone into the back pocket of her dark blue jeans, turned the corner, and approached the assignment drop-off chutes. She searched the many slots until she found the sign that said MLL334: Evidence.

  When she found her unit’s chute, she stepped closer to it and glanced down at her assignment. Josie knew it wasn’t her best work. She knew it was enough to pass, but she was sure that her average would drop. But as she pushed the paper into the slot, she didn’t care.

  She didn’t care about the grade.

  She didn’t care about law school.

  She didn’t care about anyone or anything other than her mother.

  Her heart whispered she was lying, that she cared about Max, but she refused to allow those whispers to persuade her. She would forget Maxwell Sheridan. Forget how he made her feel. Forget how much better he made her life—even if it was only temporary.

  Josie would forget him. And as her paper landed on the bottom of the chute, she was determined.

  “Josie?”

  She spun around to find her legal practice and ethics tutor with a tight smile on his face. “Hey, Jason. How are you?”

  Jason pulled the hem of his shirt down. He was dressed a lot more casual than usual. “I’m good.”

  “That’s great.” She took a step to her left to walk around him so she could leave the law building and get to the hospital.

  “Josie,” Jason said in a firm and serious voice that had her stilling.

  “Yes?”

  “Why did you lie to me?”

  Josie faced her tutor properly, dumbfounded by his question. “Excuse me?”

  Jason sighed and shoved his hand into his pocket. “I asked around, Josie. I asked all my connections at the top four firms. You haven’t applied for any positions. I even had them check, and sure enough, they had no idea who you were.”

  “Oh,” she breathed. Her lie was now known to her favourite tutor.

  “Why did you say you had interviews?”

  She shrugged. It was the only thing she could do. Not without telling him that her entire world had imploded. That she was a scattered mess trying to become whole. “It was easier than you and every single one of my tutors knowing that I haven’t applied for placements.”

  “Why haven’t you?”

  “I …” She paused and bit the inside of her cheek, deciding to be somewhat honest. “I got distracted this semester.”

  “I thought as much,” her tutor said as he pulled his hand from his pocket. “I pulled a few strings. My old mentor was intrigued when I told him about you. He was able to move things around and is willing to interview you for a placement at his firm.”

  Josie’s jaw dropped. “What? Why would you do that?”

  Jason’s lips curved into a smile. “Because you’re the only student who hasn’t begged to get an interview with him through me.” Then he handed her a card. “And because I truly believe you deserve a placement with the best.”

  Glancing down at the card, her lungs ceased to intake breaths as her heart shrivelled up. “Gordon … Sheridan?”

  “You honestly didn’t know that Gordon Sheridan was my mentor?” He sounded pleasantly amused.

  “No,” she answered breathlessly. “I can’t—”

  “My top student deserves an interview at the number one law firm in the state. I don’t expect to see you in class tomorrow, Josie. If I see you, I will fail you for your lack of class participation. Your average will slip, and I know how hard you’ve worked for it to be where it is. You deserve this interview.”

  “But … but …”

  He shook his head with a smirk on his face. “I choose one student each year. And this year, I choose you.”

  He chose me.

  Someone chose me.

  Her eyes stung.

  She was completely shocked and moved by Jason’s gesture.

  “Thank you, Jason,” she said in a small voice, thankful for this one lifeline.

  “Just ace the interview, Josie.” He nodded and then left her.

  Josie’s eyes fell to the card.

  Gordon Sheridan.

  Out of all the firms in the state, his firm was the one she had always dreamed of working at.

  Too bad she had already fallen in love and slept with Gordon Sheridan’s son.

  Too bad this dream wouldn’t be one she achieved.

  But she would go to the interview.

  For Jason.

  It was almost two p.m. when Josie walked through the door and found her best friend sitting by her mother’s bedside.

  “Hey,” Stella said, setting the newspaper down on the table.

  Josie let out a breath and made her way to her mother. Upon reaching her, Josie ignored the respiratory tube in her mouth and kissed her unconscious mother’s forehead. “Hi, Mamma.” Then she pulled away and set her car keys on the bedside table. “How is she?” she asked Stella as she faced her.

  Stella’s lips made a fine line. “Still the same.”

  No better.

  No worse.

  The same.

  Josie nodded. “Has Dr Frederickson been to visit?”

  “Yeah, he came by after lunch. The nurse did some exercise thing with your mother. Stretched and bent her arms and knees. I asked why she was doing it, and she said it was to make her comfortable and to avoid bedsores.”

  �
�Dr Frederickson did say they’d have to do that.” Josie made her way towards Stella’s chair and sat on the arm, staring at the machines that kept her mother breathing. “You don’t have to stay, Stella.”

  Stella grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “I know, but I will. I love Em, too, Josie.”

  “I know you do.”

  “So how was uni? Did you get your assignment in on time?”

  Josie glanced down at her best friend, appreciating her conversation topic choices. “I did. Also …”

  “Yeah?” Hope swirled in Stella’s green eyes. Josie knew what she wanted to hear, but any talk of reconciling with Max would not happen.

  “My tutor convinced his old mentor to interview me for a placement.”

  Excitement reached Stella’s eyes. “That’s great, Josie! I knew you would get an interview …” Her smile quickly faded. “What’s that face for? Why aren’t you excited?”

  Josie pressed her lips together. She gave herself a second to collect all the scattered feelings in her chest she had for Max and placed them in a box that would remain closed. “His mentor is Gordon Sheridan.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah,” she said in a tiny voice. “The interview is with Max’s father.”

  They fell silent for a long moment.

  The sound of her mother’s breathing and heartbeat filled the room.

  Then, after some time, Stella said, “Josie …”

  Josie took in her best friend’s nervous smile. “Yeah?”

  “Max stopped by our apartment this morning asking to see you,” she revealed.

  She pulled her hand away from Stella’s and got off the arm of the chair. A tightening sensation consumed her chest as she turned and faced her. “You didn’t …?”

  “No. I wouldn’t dare. I told him never to stop by our apartment again.”

  “Thanks,” she whispered appreciatively.

  A sad smile touched Stella’s lips. She had closed her eyes for a moment before she opened them. “He leaves for Boston on Wednesday morning.”

  Josie winced.

  Wednesday.

  She knew he was leaving.

  But knowing the date caused the cracks in her heart to stretch and deepen.

  She was in love with him.

  No matter how much she tried to deny it, she knew the truth.

  But she couldn’t allow herself to fall in love with the lies.

  That he had chosen her.

  That he wanted her.

  That she was the love he always wanted.

  It was all lies.

  Brought to light when it all ended.

  “Okay,” she whispered, not knowing what else she could say about Max’s impending departure.

  Stella got out of the seat and set her hands on Josie’s shoulders. “He wants to see you before he goes,” she informed.

  Josie succumbed to tears so quickly that she winced at the feel of them dragging themselves down her cheeks. She shook her head. “I can’t.”

  “I know, Josie. But I think you might come to regret it someday.”

  “Why?”

  “If you don’t give yourself closure. You don’t get the goodbye he owes you.”

  It was so hard for her to breathe.

  The idea of seeing him made her heart soar and plummet to the ground.

  Burning.

  It hit concrete with an explosion.

  He had caused her too much pain to deserve a goodbye.

  He chose Andrea.

  Josie swallowed hard at the thought, knowing her selfish choice. “I can’t see him and watch him fly off with her. I don’t deserve to see that, Stella. I deserve a lot of bad things, but I don’t deserve that. No matter what I’ve done in my life, I don’t deserve to have my heart witness that.”

  Stella’s hands left her, and suddenly, her arms were around Josie as Stella pulled her into a tight embrace. “He told me you’re his La Vie En Rose,” Stella whispered, causing Josie to sob on her best friend’s shoulder.

  And Maxwell Sheridan would always be hers.

  Unfortunately, like with every song, it had an ending.

  The final chords played.

  The music faded to silence.

  Josie’s finger on the repeat button on her heart had been lifted.

  “La Vie en Rose” had played for the very last time.

  I hurt someone for you.

  Five words.

  He told Andrea those five words this morning.

  He didn’t have to elaborate.

  Max knew she understood.

  He had hurt Josephine for Andrea.

  And the regret in his chest outweighed anything he had ever felt in his entire life.

  “Max?” Andrea waved her hand in front of him. “Everything okay?”

  He blinked at her several times then nodded. “Sorry, just thinking about the client meetings I have tomorrow. What were you saying?”

  “I said that I sat at Federation Square for a while. It’s incredible to just sit on those steps and watch people walk to and from Flinders Street Station. It was nice to sit and forget everything for a while,” she said as she picked up her cup of coffee and took a long sip. She closed her eyes and took in the flavour. “And the coffee here is amazing!”

  Max chuckled. She wasn’t wrong about Melbourne coffee. The family-owned café they sat at was one of his favourites. It wasn’t a far walk from his office, and the establishment always had a cosy atmosphere. When he messaged Andrea to discuss his upcoming role in Boston, she had suggested coffee. The first place he thought of meeting her at was the Little Bakery on Little Collins Street, but he couldn’t do that to Josephine.

  It would rub salt into her wounds.

  And he couldn’t.

  He wouldn’t hurt her further.

  Max reached into his suit jacket pocket and pulled out his phone.

  As expected, he found that she had not replied to his messages or calls.

  He deserved it.

  But he was leaving for Boston in less than two days. He had to see her. He needed one last proper goodbye.

  One last chance to make her understand why he wasn’t following his heart.

  The heart that led to her.

  “So have you seen Noel since you got here?”

  Andrea opened her eyes and set her cup down. “No,” she answered in a small voice. “I’ve called him, and we’ve talked. He’s excited that you’re coming to Boston. I told him that we were meeting for coffee to discuss working together. But as much as I wanted to talk to him further, he seemed so … reserved. Then he had to go. He had lunch with his father-in-law.”

  Max heard it.

  The love in her voice for Nolan Parker.

  It used to infuriate him.

  Now, he understood.

  She had always loved Noel and not him.

  Never me.

  She never loved me.

  She might care for him.

  Maybe even miss him.

  But she couldn’t love him the way she loved Noel.

  Just as he would always love Josephine.

  “Noel’s the reason Clara and her father patched up their relationship,” Max revealed.

  Andrea’s lips pressed into a tight line. “Of course, he is.”

  Suddenly, Max’s phone vibrated in his hand.

  Hope coursed through him as he glanced down at his screen.

  Then that hope faded into the same nothingness he had felt for almost two days.

  It wasn’t Josie.

  Noel: Hey, Max! We’re having a dinner at Stevie and Julian’s place. Clara’s cooking. Come over tonight.

  Max: Yeah, I’ll be there.

  Noel: See you then.

  Max locked his phone and returned it to his pocket.

  Maybe …

  Just maybe Clara will invite Josie.

  “Mi casa es su casa,” Julian Moors said as he welcomed Max into the apartment.

  Max chuckled, shaking his head as he stepped inside. “I
thought you were learning French not Spanish.”

  Julian frowned as he pulled out his phone. “I thought I was speaking French.”

  “You said that your home is my home in Spanish. Everyone knows that’s Spanish,” Max teased.

  “Stephanie is the worst tutor in the world,” Julian complained as he led Max away from the front door and into the open living area of the apartment.

  “Max is here,” Julian announced once they reached the kitchen. “I’m gonna go find Blondie and sort out this lost in translation stuff. Be right back.”

  “Hey, Max,” Clara greeted once Julian had left, and she set the knife down. “How are you?”

  “I’m good. Do you need a hand?” he offered.

  Clara smiled, her light brown eyes shimmering, and then shook her head. “Noel was helping me, but his boss called. So I hear you’re coming to Boston.”

  “What?” Allison Moors breathed.

  Max turned around to find his best friend’s wife with a shocked expression on her face. “You’re going to Boston? Since when?”

  He hesitated, hating that the moment the truth left his mouth, it would be real. “Since Saturday night.”

  Ally’s blue eyes widened. “But why?”

  “You wouldn’t understand, Ally,” Max said, hoping she got the hint from his clipped tone to drop it. Clara didn’t know about him and Josie. If she did, she wouldn’t have had that smile on her face when she mentioned Boston.

  “You’re right, I don’t,” she muttered.

  “Have I missed something?” Clara asked behind him.

  Max silently pleaded for Ally to say no. She looked up at him with her big hazel eyes, and he saw the disappointment flare in them. “Nothing,” Ally lied. “I’ll just miss having Max around.” Then Ally closed the distance and stood next to him. She pressed her hand on his arm and squeezed it reassuringly. “Clara, is Josie coming tonight?”

  Josie.

  His heart raced at her name.

  Please.

  Please, please, please, it begged.

  He glanced over at Noel’s wife who had a concerned expression on her face. Then she picked up her phone from next to her and shook her head. “She hasn’t texted me back. I know she had an assignment due today and another one coming up. She might be too busy with uni.”