With the Last Goodbye

by Len Webster

  “I’m sure,” he confirmed and then all his friends got out of their chairs.

  One by one, they embraced him and wished him well.

  When he hugged Julian, the youngest Moors brother had whispered that Orchid would miss him and he’d be sure to send pictures so he wouldn’t get lonely. Whereas Rob, the rowing world champ, said he’d keep an eye on Josie when he stopped by to pick up Ally from the bakery. Max had thanked Rob and appreciated him doing that for him. The moment he had finished hugging Noel, his best friend had told him that he was grateful to him for helping out in Boston and that he’d see him at work soon. It didn’t feel right hearing that Max would be in the States working with Noel, but he pushed away the doubt and nodded.

  He had quickly hugged Clara, Stevie, and Ally before he waved goodbye and wheeled his small suitcase away from their table and out of PJ O’Brien’s Irish pub at Melbourne Airport. The walk to security had taken several minutes as he weaved through the groups of people lined up at McDonald’s and the surrounding cafés. His phone vibrated in his hand, and he somehow juggled everything to unlock it and read his latest message.

  Dad: Be safe in Boston, Maxwell. Your mother and I will miss you. Come home soon.

  Although Max appreciated his father’s message, it wasn’t the message he had hoped for.

  Using one hand, he managed to type a reply.

  Max: Thanks, Dad. I’ll message you both when I get there. I will FaceTime when I can. I love you both. Tell Katie that I’ll see her when I get home and that I hope she isn’t mad at me forever. I promise my stay is only temporary.

  When Max reached security, he spun around and took in the terminal. He saw so many faces, but none he prayed he’d see.

  Max stood there. He had a few minutes to spare before he had to go through security.

  So he waited.

  And waited.

  Five minutes passed.

  Then ten.

  And he knew he couldn’t wait anymore.

  Any longer and he’d miss his flight.

  Heartbroken, he spun around, pulled the handle of his suitcase, and headed towards security. When he had almost made it to the guard, Max lifted the hand that held his passport and boarding pass, ready to hand them over.

  Then he heard it.

  Heard her.

  “Max!”

  For a split second, his entire body halted at the sound of his name on her lips. His heart soared in his chest, and his lungs finally took in that first breath of fresh air since he walked away from her outside her apartment. Max slowly spun around, afraid to discover he might have imagined her voice calling out for him. When he completed his turn, that air in his lungs was pushed right out at the sight of her.

  Josephine Faulkner stood before him with flushed cheeks and glassy blue eyes. Her long brunette hair spiralled perfectly down her chest. She wore tight blue skinny jeans and a long-sleeve white top. But what got his attention was the heartbreak in her eyes, and that small smile on her face was one he knew she forced.

  Max wanted to drop his things and run to her.

  Hug her and promise he’d come back and never hurt her again.

  But the way Josie stared at him, he knew he had to wait for her.

  So Max took several steps, dragging his suitcase with him as he closed the distance between them.

  “Josephine,” he breathed.

  It sounded so right to him.

  Her name.

  The way his heart clenched at the sight of her.

  She was so right for him.

  “You’re here.”

  She nodded. “I am.”

  She sounded so broken that it ripped his heart out of his chest.

  It was so painful not to see that sparkle and love in her eyes directed towards him.

  “Josephine, I’m—”

  The shaking of her head had him shutting his mouth. Then she inhaled a shallow breath and said, “You said everything you needed to on Sunday. You told Stella to let me know you were leaving today. I was gonna let you go …”

  No.

  She clenched her eyes tightly closed for a moment. When she opened them, he saw her agony clear in those once bright blues. “I told her I couldn’t watch you leave. Because then everything I thought you were would be a complete lie. I thought you were the one person who wouldn’t let me down, but I was wrong—” Josie paused to wipe the tears that had fallen down her face away. Her lips pressed into a strained smile. “I was so wrong about you. So I was gonna let you go and forget you because I deserve so much more than what you gave me.”

  “Josephine,” he whispered as he reached out and cupped her wet cheek. He had expected her to pull away, but she didn’t.

  She let him touch her.

  “You gave me every opportunity to fall in love with you,” she said in a small voice. “And I did.”

  “I love you,” he confessed.

  And she nodded. “I know, and that’s why I have to say goodbye.”

  He shook his head. “No, Josephine. We don’t have to say goodbye.”

  She let out a short laugh. “We do, Max. Because some people don’t get goodbye. And I will have a lot of regrets in my life, but I can’t let never saying goodbye to you be one of them.” Josie reached up, wrapped her fingers around his wrist, and pulled his palm from her cheek. She glanced down at his hand and pressed her lips tightly together.

  “Please don’t do this, Josephine,” he pleaded.

  “You were never mine to have, Max,” she said, lifting her chin to look at him. “You were never mine to keep. Your fingers were never mine to feel caressing my skin. Your lips were never mine to touch. And your heart, Max … your heart was never mine to love.” The sight of the tears in her eyes was torture, absolute torture to be on the receiving end of. Then she removed her hand from his wrist and cupped his face.

  “I love you. Please believe me.”

  Josie got on her toes and pressed her lips to his left cheek. When she pulled away, her sweet lips made a small, tight smile. “You deserve the love you’ve always wanted.”

  You.

  I want you.

  Then she pulled away and took a step back. “Goodbye, Maxwell Sheridan. Thank you for being the better thing in my life for as long as you were. I hope Boston has your Lorelai Gilmore waiting for you.”

  And before he was even able to tell her that he would return to her, Josie spun around and quickly put space between them until he lost her in a crowd of people.

  She had left.

  She had given him a goodbye.

  A goodbye he thoroughly deserved.

  A goodbye that wouldn’t be one of her regrets.

  But as he stood outside airport security, he felt the regret simmer in his chest, and his eyes stung at the sight of her gone.

  After Max passed through security and made his way through Melbourne Airport’s duty-free shopping, he arrived at his gate. He had found a free seat by the large windows that overlooked the plane he’d soon be boarding. Normally, this would be the time he would unwind.

  But as he sat at the departure gate, he couldn’t.

  He couldn’t find peace in him.

  Max only found regret as it licked his wounds and stung him.

  It was as if he couldn’t breathe.

  Setting his passport and boarding pass on his lap, Max grasped his phone and unlocked it. He ignored his missed calls and messages and opened his photo album—needing their memories to comfort him.

  Then it sunk in.

  He didn’t have photos of him and Josie together.

  She had them.

  Those photos they had taken together at the Australian Ballet rehearsal were all on her phone.

  She had proof of their love.

  Nothing.

  I have nothing.

  Max clenched his jaw at the thought.

  No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget the way she looked at him outside security.

  Couldn’t forget the way her tears burned his
chest.

  Couldn’t forget that mix of hate, betrayal, and love in her once bright blues.

  “You deserve the love you’ve always wanted.”

  That was what she said before she told him goodbye.

  The love I’ve always wanted.

  The love I’ve never deserved.

  Not after he tore out her heart and said he had to leave with another.

  The love he wanted was Josie’s.

  He wanted her.

  No one else.

  It had been no one else from the moment he stood on that bridge with her.

  It was always her from the moment she asked him if he was okay.

  “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Qantas flight ninety-three in partnership with American Airlines to Boston, Massachusetts, will be ready to board in a few moments,” the lady behind the Qantas counter paged, but Max ignored the rest of the announcement.

  Instead, he opened the messages on his phone and scrolled to the ones before Andrea had walked back into his life.

  The messages where Josie had texted him her I love yous.

  Suddenly, all he could think about was Josie outside security.

  She came to the airport for him.

  His last request, she gave.

  And he saw and felt her love and pain.

  “I hope Boston has your Lorelai Gilmore waiting for you.”

  His heart stopped as realisation flowed through his veins.

  He had been so stupid.

  I don’t want Lorelai Gilmore when I had Josephine Faulkner.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, Qantas flight ninety-three to Boston, Massachusetts, is now ready for boarding. Please have your passports open and your boarding passes ready,” the attendant paged.

  Max collected his passport and boarding pass from his lap and stood. He grasped the handle of his carry-on, tilted it, and then pulled on it as he made his way towards the business class boarding line.

  Josie leant against the wall opposite to her mother’s ICU room. She hadn’t moved from against the wall in the twenty minutes since she arrived at the hospital. When she left Max at the airport, she rushed out of the terminal and hailed the closest taxi, returning to the Royal Melbourne Hospital.

  During that taxi ride back into the city, she cried, and the taxi driver had asked if she was okay. Josie had nodded as she wiped her tears away. She was sure he must have thought she was crazy, but she couldn’t help it. Josie had planned to be tough and strong and show Max that she didn’t need him. But seeing him, waiting and looking for her, had her calling out his name. For a single moment, she had thought about turning around and going back to the hospital, but seeing him search for her was all it took to coerce her heart.

  Josie couldn’t let him leave without a goodbye.

  She was so close to breaking and telling him that she loved him.

  But he didn’t deserve those words.

  And she didn’t deserve him obliterating her hopes further along the line. So she said goodbye and wished him well.

  Inside, she was breaking.

  Inside, she screamed for him to see sense and choose her.

  That Andrea or any other woman couldn’t love him as honestly as she did.

  Sighing, Josie knew her wallowing had to end.

  Max was gone.

  He was on a plane en route to Boston to be with Andrea.

  And Josie, well, she had enough on her plate to forget him.

  Pushing off the wall, Josie took two steps until she was face to face with the door that led to her mother. She gulped down air, set her hand on the handle, and then twisted it. She slowly pushed the door open to find Stella sitting on the chair, staring at Josie’s mother.

  “Hey,” Stella whispered and stood from the chair.

  Josie entered the room and closed the door behind her. When she faced her best friend, Stella blinked several times as her smile faded. Then she crossed the room and wrapped her arms tightly around Josie.

  “I’m sorry, Josie.”

  “It’s okay,” she lied.

  It wasn’t okay.

  But she would find a way to cope and make it okay.

  Maybe not today.

  But someday.

  Josie untangled her arms from around Stella and smiled at her. Although, she hated knowing that she and Max were over before they had even begun, she got closure. She had the goodbye she would be stripped of from her mother.

  “Stella, is it okay if you could give me a minute alone with my mother?”

  Her best friend nodded. “Of course. I’ve gotta call West back.”

  “Thanks,” Josie said. Stella left the room and closed the door, leaving her alone with her mother.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  Four.

  Five.

  Five small steps were all it took for Josie to reach her mother’s bed. Josie set her hands on her mother’s. She squeezed them in hopes that her mother knew she wasn’t alone. That even though she was on life support, Josie still loved her and would always love her.

  Josie’s eyes scanned the various machines that breathed for her mother. Four days ago, her mother had been admitted, and she hadn’t gotten any better. Her mother’s cancer was terminal. Her lungs had collapsed, and Dr Frederickson had told her yesterday that more of her organs would shut down as the cancer continued to spread.

  She knew her mother was weak.

  She had fought for so long and so hard.

  Closing her eyes, she knew the choice she had to make. It would be selfish of Josie to keep her on life support in hopes of her mother waking and telling her she loved her one last time.

  It was about what was best for Emily Faulkner.

  And as Josie opened her eyes, she knew exactly what her mother needed.

  “I said goodbye to Max earlier,” she said as her thumb brushed across her mother’s cold skin. “It hurt. I didn’t think I could love someone like I love him. Truth be told, Mamma, I didn’t ever want to know what this felt like. The first man I ever loved, and it ended just like that. Because I knew I wouldn’t be enough to make him stay. Just like I wasn’t the daughter Dad always needed. And just like I wish I was the strong woman you always believed me to be.”

  Beep.

  Beep.

  Beep.

  It was all Josie got in return.

  And she knew that it was all she would ever get.

  “But I was strong enough to face him and say goodbye. And I can move on with my life without regrets because I know that later in life I’ll always wonder why I didn’t tell him goodbye. Why I let my pride block my heart from closure. But I did it. I got the goodbye I never wanted.” Josie couldn’t hold back the tears she cried. It only upset her further that she couldn’t stop them. “And you, Mamma, deserve the best goodbye.”

  Removing one hand from her mother’s, Josie reached behind her and pulled her phone out from her back pocket.

  Beep.

  Beep.

  Beep.

  Beep.

  Beep.

  Her mother’s heartbeat filled the room as Josie unlocked her phone. Her pride would not win. Her disappointment would not flourish and stop her. Her heart’s pain would not dictate a change of mind.

  Because it wasn’t about Josie.

  It was about her mother.

  And the desire to give her mother everything she ever deserved fuelled the courage as she opened her contacts and scrolled through until she found his name.

  Ambassador for abandonment.

  Josie stared at his name for a long moment, then peeked up at her mother.

  Her mother deserved a goodbye from her ex-husband.

  Josie pressed the call button, exhaled heavily, and ignored her thumping heart as she held her phone to her ear. She heard the international dial tone before the regular rings echoed.

  She wouldn’t hold her breath.

  She knew her call would either be ignored or picked up by her father’s assistant. He never pi
cked up any of her other calls.

  Josie stared at her mother as the phone continued to ring. She knew it was about four in the morning in Berlin, and her chances of him answering were slim. But this time, she’d leave her father a message and hope that for once he’d put her before his career and his family.

  It would be the first and last time she’d beg him to come back to Melbourne.

  If he didn’t, then she knew she wouldn’t just lose her mother, she would lose her father indefinitely.

  Josie would never want contact with him ever again.

  He would be dead to her.

  And she would want nothing from him or his family.

  Just as Josie was about to hang up, her call was answered with a groggy, “Hello?”

  It was her father.

  Josie was speechless.

  Tears welled at the thought that this could be the breakthrough for their relationship.

  “Josephine?” She heard the terror in Jeff Faulkner’s voice. “Josephine, are you there?”

  Josie licked her lips as she blinked those tears away. “Dad?”

  There was rustling of bed sheets and then footsteps. “Josephine, what’s wrong?”

  “I’m-I’m …” she sobbed. Then Josie took in short breaths in hopes of extinguishing the heat in her chest.

  “Sweetheart, talk to me,” he pleaded.

  Sweetheart.

  He hadn’t called her that since she was eight.

  “Dad, I need you.”

  “I’m right here,” he assured.

  Josie pulled away from her mother and covered her eyes with her hand. “It’s … terminal … I don’t …” Her sobs became louder. “I need you here … P-please, Dad.”

  Her father fell silent.

  And then she heard him close a drawer loudly. “I’m taking the next flight out. I’ll be there soon, Josephine,” he promised.

  And for the first time in fourteen years, Josie actually believed that her father would come through with a promise.

  Max stood outside her apartment door and took a deep breath. The ride from the airport to her place had him nervous and sweating bullets. He had no idea what he was going to say. Max knew he should have called, but he couldn’t say it over the phone.

  It was a face-to-face kind of confrontation.