With the Last Goodbye

by Len Webster

  She cried harder, her tears staining the old blue shirt he’d thrown on after his shower. “She’s my mother, Max. When people walked out on me, she was the only one who stayed. She doesn’t deserve this.”

  Max didn’t know what to say.

  He had no idea how he could further comfort her.

  One could only say so much in this situation.

  It was a situation he hated her being in.

  So Max rocked her long after her cries became soft hums and her tears came to an end until finally, sleep overcame her.

  It was after ten p.m. when Josie’s phone rang and startled her awake. Max had been on the leather armchair watching over her as he read through the papers she’d brought him. He assumed she had little sleep in the past five days. So when she did fall asleep in his arms, Max gently laid her down on the couch and fetched a blanket to drape over her. Then he spent the next four hours reading through the form and analysing each sentence and the wording.

  He didn’t want to miss anything.

  This wasn’t a business contract.

  This was consent to end a woman’s suffering.

  Specifically, the woman who had welcomed the love of his life to the world.

  He had to make sure that nothing in the form could hurt Josephine’s mother in any way.

  And when Max had finished going through the form, he was confident that Josie wouldn’t be signing anything she didn’t want to. She was signing consent to have her mother’s life support switched off by supervised medical staff, and it would not be turned off without Josie and Dr Frederickson’s presence.

  “God,” Josie groaned as she sat up, eyes still closed as she pulled her phone from her back pocket. She answered the call and pressed her phone to her ear. “Stella?”

  Max watched as she flinched.

  “It’s ten o’clock?” Then she rubbed her left eye and let out another groan. “No. I just lost track of time.”

  Her eyes slowly opened and found him.

  She neither smiled nor frowned as she pulled the blanket off her. She swung her legs over the couch so that her feet pressed flat on the carpet.

  Josie sighed. “No, I’m not at the hospital … Yes, I am … No, I haven’t … Stella, trust me, I’m fine, and I haven’t had sex with Max.” Then her nostrils flared. “Okay. Goodbye, Stella.”

  “You haven’t had sex with me?” he asked, trying to hide the amusement in his voice.

  “Technically, I lied. But she doesn’t know that I’ve already had sex with you. And I’m fairly certain she was asking about the hours since she left the hospital,” Josie explained.

  Visions of her on top of him.

  Beneath him.

  Against her shower wall made appearances in his mind, reminding him of how honest and pure he had it with her.

  That had been on Saturday.

  Only five days ago … yet it seemed like years ago.

  But Max knew it wasn’t the time.

  He hoped someday he could appreciate and treasure her body once more.

  However, he desperately needed to hear her tell him she loved him so much more.

  “Did you sleep well?” he asked, changing the subject of their intimacy in order to stop the memories from haunting him.

  Josie combed her long brunette hair with her fingers. “Actually, I did. The other nights, I fall asleep for a second and then my body jerks me awake like a punishment. As if I shouldn’t find peace in sleep when my mother is unconscious and suffering.”

  “You haven’t slept at all?” he asked, concerned for her well-being.

  “Max, I’ve had the worst five days of my life. Only tequila made me numb for a night… Well, that was until I fell asleep in your arms.” Then she shook her head and got up off the couch. She bent down and picked up the blanket and proceeded to fold it.

  “Drop the blanket, Josephine,” he instructed as he got off the armchair.

  She stopped her movements, and her eyes found his. They were wide with swirls of different shades of blue and emotions. Max walked around the coffee table until he reached her and took the blanket from her and let it fall to the ground.

  Then he grasped her hand and led her away from the lounge room.

  Josie didn’t refuse.

  Her feet kept up with him as he went down a dark hallway to the other side of his apartment. Max fought with his brain over his actions. He knew he didn’t deserve her hand in his. And he definitely knew he shouldn’t be opening his bedroom door and leading her inside, closing the door behind them.

  Josie gasped. He looked at her to find her taking in the city lights. “This view is amazing,” she whispered in awe.

  His view, the one of her face brightened by the city lights, was even more amazing.

  “Come here,” he said in a soft voice as he tugged her towards his king-size bed. His old bed was replaced with an upholstered headboard bed after he had ended it with his ex-fling, Sarah Collins. He wanted no reminders of her, and his bed was the first thing to go.

  On his new bed, he wanted Josie’s perfume to stain the sheets that covered it.

  Wanted to smell her days after she left him.

  “Sit down, Josephine,” he instructed as they reached the foot of the bed.

  Josie didn’t take her eyes off him as she lowered herself onto the mattress. Then Max got on his knees and removed one of her black sandals. He heard her sharp inhale as he removed the other, his thumb tracing circles around her ankle. When he set her foot back down, Max glanced up to see the desire and confusion in her eyes.

  “We shouldn’t,” she breathed.

  He nodded. “I know.”

  Then Josie pushed off the bed, and he stood to join her. Her eyes didn’t leave his as she grasped the hem of his shirt. She took a short breath, and it echoed in his room, serenading them.

  Max swallowed hard as he raised his arms up and allowed her to take off his shirt. The moment she dropped it on the ground, she pressed her palm over his heart, and he felt it beat hard at her touch.

  “It’s yours,” he stated. “My heart’s yours.”

  Josie nodded and then moved her hands to his and guided them to the hem of her shirt. And without hesitation, he peeled the clothing up and over her head, letting it join his on the floor.

  She stood before him in a simple black lace bra. She grasped his hand and pressed it over the swells of her breasts, and he felt her quick heartbeat against his palm.

  “It was yours,” she revealed. “My heart still needs you, Maxwell. But I need time.”

  Max trailed his hand down her breast, skimmed her stomach until it reached the top of her jeans. He dug his fingers into the front of her jeans and pulled her against him. Her gasp at the contact of their bodies had him dizzy and his blood rushing south.

  He was tempted.

  So tempted to show her how much he loved her.

  Needed to show her how much he adored every inch of her.

  Josie got on her toes and pressed her lips to his neck.

  Once.

  Twice.

  Three times did her mouth press kisses on his skin.

  “I need time, Max.”

  He pulled away and nodded as his free hand reached for her jeans. His fingers brushed the button, and he held his breath as he unsnapped them. Josie hummed as her hands softly made their way down his hard chest. Max unzipped her jeans and slowly bent down, dragging her pants down with him until they pooled around her ankles.

  Josie kicked them off, latched onto his wrists, and brought him back to his feet.

  She was a sight in her black lace bra and underwear as city lights reflected on her.

  Before he could even tell her how beautiful she was, Josie’s thumbs slipped into his trackies, and she guided his pants down, leaving him in just his underwear. Max knew that she saw the bludge in his boxer briefs. It was hard to miss, but she said nothing as she stood there and watched him step out of his pants. Max reached around her and pulled the blanket away, clearing space
in the middle of the bed.

  When he stood straight, Josie wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her almost naked body to his. Then she dipped her head and pressed her soft lips to his collarbone.

  His need for her burned as hot as their skin pressed against each other.

  God, he wanted nothing more.

  But he hadn’t earned her.

  He didn’t deserve her.

  Her emotions were all over the place.

  And his good intentions were put to the test.

  Max bent his knees and his hands cupped her thighs, then he lifted her off the ground. Josie’s gasp only made him shudder. He stood there a moment and relished the feel of her against him. She squeezed her arms around his neck as if it were permission for more.

  He looked her in the eye and pressed a chaste kiss to her nose.

  Her lips, he couldn’t taste.

  Not yet.

  Her heart wasn’t his just yet.

  And her mind fought against the idea of him for good reasons.

  It was about her right now.

  “Sleep, Josephine,” he whispered, and her eyes widened.

  “Just sleep?” she asked softly.

  Max nodded. “Just sleep with me.”

  A small smile touched her lips. “I want to just sleep with you, too.”

  And that was all the permission he needed as he climbed on his knees and gently laid her in the middle of his bed.

  The vision before him was euphoria.

  It was heaven and bliss.

  Josie with her hair sprawled across his pillows was all he ever wanted to see.

  Max grasped the end of the blanket and covered them as he laid next to her. When the covers cocooned them, he turned his body and pulled her closer to him. Josie turned her head to look at him as his arm gently settled on her bare stomach.

  The smell of her citrus shampoo engulfed his senses.

  At this moment, he wanted to be stuck in forever.

  Max knew sleep wouldn’t come to him for some time.

  So he kept his eyes locked on hers.

  After what felt like forever, Josie turned onto her side and pressed her palm on his shoulder, pushing him onto his back. The swift and flawless move had him breathless as Josie threw her leg between his and moulded her body to the side of his, her arm draped over his stomach. Then she let out a soft sigh as her ear pressed against his chest.

  “Max,” she said in a tiny voice.

  He wrapped his arms around her, keeping her against him.

  They were in a bubble that shielded them from reality.

  Hopefully, he made her forget for one night.

  Just one night so she could sleep.

  “Sleep, Josephine. Just sleep with me,” he murmured as his eyes fell closed, and he felt her body relax against his.

  Tonight, her heart was his as he found contentment in his arms.

  Soon, he’d be deserving of her.

  For now, he just wanted her to sleep peacefully.

  “I love you,” he said as his body relaxed and he drifted away.

  The bright sun reached her eyelids and caused her to groan, fighting to keep sleep’s spell over her. Arms tightened around her, and she let out a hum at the feel of his embrace.

  Josie wasn’t stupid.

  She knew where she was.

  And what had happened last night.

  She didn’t have sex with Max.

  Josie was almost aching with the need to have him touch her.

  But each time she looked into his eyes, she knew he wouldn’t let them go that far.

  No matter how much she wanted him.

  Josie was on the brink of begging. She just needed to feel anything other than the constant ache and pain in her chest. She needed to feel the intimacy and pleasure he once gave her. To see if it was still there. But she knew she didn’t need to have sex with Max to know that she still, without a doubt, loved him stupidly. The desire was purely to rid her of the constant pain she felt.

  “Josephine,” Max whispered.

  She let out another hum.

  His palm brushed up and down her arm. “Did you sleep well?”

  His question had her slowly opening her eyes, inwardly groaning at how bright it was this morning. Then she saw it. The view of the city and the water from his large floor-to-ceiling windows was amazing in the daylight. It was evident that Max’s career as a lawyer was one of luxury. His apartment must have cost him a fortune. However, he never acted as if he had money. He never threw his profession obnoxiously in people’s faces.

  Max was kind, and loyal, and everything she loved.

  Until he showed her otherwise … and his goodbye had been so brutal to her heart and her ability to trust.

  “Josephine?”

  Her mind did it again.

  It wandered.

  From the good.

  To the bad.

  To the wonderful.

  And finally, to the heartbreaking.

  Refusing to let the past tarnish last night, Josie moved her head slightly so that her chin could rest on his chest, allowing her to look at him.

  God, Maxwell Sheridan in the morning was a pure sight.

  His light brown eyes softened. And his lazy, just woken smile tore down her defences. This man. The man who held her. The man who undressed her slowly and carried her to his bed. The man who let her sleep. The man who broke her heart and returned to slowly make amends to it.

  This man she loved.

  And he had made one mistake.

  One mistake to her father’s countless others.

  One mistake that had left her devastated.

  One mistake they had to discuss.

  “I slept well, thank you,” she said as she pushed off his chest and sat on his bed. “Max, I think we should talk.”

  Max sat up, his lips pressed tightly together as the blanket fell and rested on his lap. Her eyes focused on his face, desperately tempted to follow the blanket’s path to his lower region. But she didn’t want to confuse him with her needy desire.

  “Okay,” Max said and then threaded his fingers through his hair, combing the sleep away.

  Josie took a deep breath, hating that right now her near nakedness made her feel vulnerable. But that was just it. She was almost naked and about to give this man her vulnerability once more. She was giving him a chance to relieve the ache she felt at his departure and their separation.

  “I need to know …”

  “Yes?”

  Don’t stutter.

  You need to know.

  Pushing back her insecurities and summoning some strength, she asked, “Did you sleep with her?”

  Max went rigid as his face paled. His jaw dropped as disbelief flashed in his eyes. Then he shook his head. “No. God, no! Is that what kept you up at night?”

  Josie blinked back tears that threatened to defame her. Honesty was going to strip her bare. “Yes,” she confessed in a tiny voice.

  Max reached out, grasped her arm, and pulled her to his chest. One hand settled on her back and the other cupped the back of her head, holding her to him tightly as her tears made an unwanted appearance.

  “No, Josephine. I didn’t. I couldn’t. I would never want her. I would never want anyone over you …” He pressed a kiss into her hair. “I was going to leave with her so I could make up for what I did to Noel and Alex. I wasn’t leaving for her. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I wasn’t. I knew that the moment I reached your apartment. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  Her arms wrapped around his torso as she held him. At that moment, she knew her heart had conceded defeat to this man long ago. “I only had tequila to make it stop. To make myself stop thinking of her touching you … of you touching her … I needed the thoughts to stop. I needed it to end. I couldn’t stop thinking about you bringing her pleasure … her bringing you pleasure. I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop imagining you telling her you love her as you made love to her—”

  “Just you,” Max
promised. “I love you, Josephine. I never wanted anyone else after that moment on the bridge with you. I love you even if you don’t believe me.”

  “I believe you, Max,” she said into his chest as her hands moved across his back, to his sides until they pressed on his hard abs and she pulled back. She looked him in the eye and repeated, “I believe you.”

  A small smile tugged on his lips as his hands came up to cup her face. He looked at her as if he found parts of her face he hadn’t yet memorised. “Am I still your …?”

  She knew what he wanted to say.

  She knew he wanted confirmation that he was.

  But Josie didn’t have the strength to give him his heart’s desires.

  Not verbally.

  Josie pressed her lips together, reached up and pulled his hands away from her face. Then she moved one knee over his lap and her arms around his neck, straddling him.

  She felt him against her core.

  Hard.

  He wanted her.

  She was sure he could feel her want for him through the lace material of her underwear. But so much was left unsaid. So much more important things than them right now.

  Max’s palms latched onto her hips as his chest heaved.

  It would be so simple to rock her hips.

  Find relief in their movements against each other.

  But it wasn’t right.

  Like last night, she just wanted to feel anything but pain.

  And she promised herself that she’d never use Max for her selfish gains. And an orgasm from his touch was unfair to him if she was reluctant to give him her love once again.

  Be fair to him, Josie.

  Be fair to him the way he was never fair to you.

  “When I offer my heart to someone, I don’t expect it back. It’s theirs forever.” She pressed her breasts against his chest and inched her lips closer to his. “I’ve only ever offered my heart to you, Max.”

  Max’s fingers dug into her hips as he inhaled sharply at her confession. “But?”

  “You’re expecting a ‘but’?”

  He nodded as his eyes drifted to her lips. “I deserve one.”

  She understood Max a lot better than she thought.

  And he was punishing himself for hurting her.